Woodyanders Review of Bulletproof

Bulletproof (1987)

If you don't like this film, then you must be a butt-horn

[8/10 · 20 January 2014]

Boy, one hardly knows where to start with this choice chunk of 80's action trash. For starters, we have the one and only Gary Busey in gloriously gonzo form as Frank "Bulletproof" McBain, a sardonic and seemingly indestructible L.A. cop and ex-CIA agent fond of using the word "butt-horn" who keeps every last bullet he's been shot with in a jar. Then there's veteran villain Henry Silva sliming it up with customary reptilian gusto as the ruthless Col. Kartiff. The lovely Darlanne Fluegel supplies plenty of spunk and sass as McBain's feisty former squeeze Capt. Devon Shepard. The ineptly staged action set pieces include a car chase involving an ice cream truck and a grenade being used in the single most ludicrous escape sequence in the annals of 80's schlock cinema. McBain hits one man in the groin with an ashtray. Naturally, we've got cheesy flashbacks and even cheesier one-liners ("Bird season's over, butt-horn!"). Lots of stuff gets blown up real good. The luscious Lydie Denier displays some delectable bare skin. The stellar cast of familiar faces rates as the yummy cherry on an already tasty craptastic cake: L.Q. Jones, R.G. Armstrong, Thalmus Rasulala, Mills Watson, Big Bill Smith (grumbling in Russian), Luke Askew, Rene Enriquez, Lincoln Kilpatrick, Juan Fernandez, and even Danny Trejo in a small role. A total tacky hoot.