Evil Things (2009)
1/10
Boring Things
14 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is an exercise in tedium and boredom. For most of it, absolutely nothing happens and given that this is yet another piece of alleged found footage garbage, you know that this is going to be another close encounter of the shaky kind.

5 friends decide to spend some time away at a remote house somewhere in the country and they end up disappearing. Early on in the movie, there's some kind of weird run in with a van as they travel along and straight away you know that this is going to be the antagonist throughout the coming ordeal.

For a great deal of the movie it's just 5 idiots talking about nothing. At one point they decide to go for a long walk into the woods and lose track of where they are and end up hopelessly lost. As night falls they begin to hear strange noises and it becomes a rehash of the Blair Witch as they run around in circles trying to get away from a "noise". They eventually make it back to the house all shaken up and it's around this time that they hear a "thump" at the front door and on investigation they discover a package which turns out to be a VHS tape. On viewing this they discover that they are the victims of a stalker and that they have been filmed since they left the city and have even been filmed asleep in their beds, so it's clear that whomever this van driver is, they clearly have the upper hand.

All the action takes place in the last 10 minutes, so if you feel you need to watch this piece of clap-trap, watch the first 5 minutes and then fast-forward to the end and you'll miss nothing at all as you'll still know everything that went on. Everything in-between can be burned and it won't be missed. There is the obligatory FBI notice at the start and end, so we get a feel that this is supposed to be a real missing persons case. The more movies like this I see, it's hard not to think of the U.S as a country full of whack jobs, and it sends a message to just not travel anywhere to the countryside.

This is pure drivel and completely derivative, plain and simple. There are no great acts of filming here, no real scares and it's completely devoid of any horror. Give it a miss and re-watch any other found footage movie.
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