1/10
Disastrous horror parody, painfully unfunny and thoroughly tiresome throughout.
25 January 2013
Holy Mary Mother Of God, horror parodies can be really bad when not handled properly (see Transylvania 6,500, Saturday The 14th and Haunted Honeymoon for further reference)… and this obscure little British entry is one of the worst of the lot. Tiresome beyond belief, the makers somehow managed to persuade some talented stars to lend their faces to this garbage. Vincent Price, for example, as a 700 year old cult leader who swears a lot; Kenny Everett as a paranormal investigator who was formerly a brilliant surgeon in Germany until he accidentally dropped his monocle into a patient's insides during an operation; Pamela Stephenson as a lisping scientist who ends up getting the best sex of her life from a randy poltergeist; and Graham Stark as a blind man who inadvertently destroys everything in his path wherever he goes. On paper it sounds almost funny, but in reality sadly it never gets that far… in fact, this pitiful film is buried irretrievably several feet below rock bottom.

Following the massacre of 18 people at a creepy country manor, a number of scientists visit the house in question several years later to investigate high levels of radioactivity at the site. Here they experience numerous supernatural goings-on as they try to find out what's going on. Meanwhile, a number of local villagers led by a700 year old cultist (Vincent Price) march upon the house and attempt to 'cleanse' it of the unwelcome outsiders.

The plot itself doesn't hang together for a second and there's little point wasting another word trying to describe it. Instead, the film unfolds like a series of randomly connected comedy skits, sometimes poking fun at other horror films as they go. Everett hacks down a door with an axe, a la Jack Nicholson, in order to tell the girl inside that it's dinner time. Whilst walking through a dingy tunnel, one woman looks up and screams "Bat!" – a moment later a cricket bat falls down and clonks someone on the head. At one point Everett stops midway through a meal, clutches at his stomach while an alien life-form rises up inside him, then burps and excuses himself. That's the general level of humour throughout, with lots of infantile toilet humour thrown in for good measure. The film is extremely tedious and barely raises a single smile during its entire running time. Most depressing of all is the absolute waste of horror icon Price, in a role that simply has to be seen to be disbelieved. The kindest summary I can come up with is that Bloodbath At The House Of Death is about as funny as a serial rapist. Avoid.
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