Dracula's Dog (1977)
2/10
A real Dog of a film...
17 June 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Zoltan, Hound of Dracula starts in Romanian as the local there seems to be blowing holes in the ground for no apparent reason, while doing this seemingly random act of environmental vandalism they unearth an ancient tomb belonging to the Dracula's. They post a soldier there to guard the tomb until a further more detailed examination can be made, that night one of the coffins open & the soldier is stupid enough to remove a wooden stake from whatever it is embedded in & before he know's it a Vampire Dog named Zoltan has returned to life & bit his throat out. Zoltan then pulls the stake out of his master's remains, his name is Veidt Smith (Reggie Nalder) & is servant to Dracula who is long since dead. Feeling unwanted & lonely Veidt travels to California to find Michael Drake (Michael Pataki) who is the last living blood relative of Dracula, using the vicious Zoltan he plans to turn Drake into a Vampire like his ancestor & serve him for all eternity...

Originally released as Dracula's Dog this American & Italian co-production was produced & directed by Albert Band, this Dog of a film really should be taken away & put down humanely as it's absolutely terrible & I had a hard time getting to the end. Everything about this lousy film is terrible, I had heard of the film before but thought it would be better. I don't know why but I always imagined it to be a period Gothic horror film featuring Dracula himself set in Transylvania in a big stone castle like Hammer Studios were making at their peak but I was wrong, I was very wrong as Zoltan, Hound of Dracula features Vampire Dog's & is set in some woods near Los Angeles. The idea of a Vampire biting another person & turning them into a Vampire is standard horror film stuff but a Vampire Dog that bites other Dog's turning them into Vampires is just weird & is as ridiculous & absurd as it sounds. It's hard to keep a straight face during the majority of Zoltan, Hound of Dracula with it's terrible attempts at tension & scares along with the barest of stories that drags on & on, throw into that a funny & utterly predictable twist ending (I kept saying out loud 'What about the puppy! What about the puppy!') in which a cute little puppy is meant to be scary as it has plastic fangs & glowing eyes. The character's are awful especially Drake who believes everything Inspectoir Branco tells him about Dracula & Vampires without questioning it, from bit part campers to Drake's wife & kids who disappear totally from the film about two thirds of the way through to Veidt Smith whose only motivation is to be a servant to Dracula. Hasn't this guy heard that slavery has been abolished? Why can't he just be his own man? Why can't he just enjoy his life with Zoltan his Vampire Dog? Why can't he & Zoltan just settle down somewhere in Romania & live happily ever after with some dignity & self respect? Why does he want to be a slave to Dracula? He may be evil but he has human rights too you know. I mean would Dracula even pay him a decent wage for his services? I doubt it. The guy's not much of a conversationalist either, I don't think he says anything to anyone during the whole film except Zoltan who he can talk to telepathically, seriously & Zoltan understands every word he telepathically says. At just over 80 odd minutes long Zoltan, Hound of Dracula drags & is very boring with not much going on. Also, has anyone else noticed that Michael Drake is constantly referred to as the last blood ancestor of Dracula yet he has two children of his own?

Another big problem with Zoltan, Hound of Dracula is how seriously it takes itself with no attempt to ham things up a big & deliver on it's absurd title & premise. All we want is to be entertained & have a bit of fun while watching a film & Zoltan, Hound of Dracula fails miserably at this basic requirement. The direction is stiff & at times laughable, the Dog's on show are obviously tame & well trained so the attack scenes often look more like the Dog's are trying to play with people rather than rip them to shreds. Constant scenes of docile looking Dog's walking around with plastic fangs & glowing eye's is as silly as it gets. There's not much gore, a guy has his neck bitten, a few Dog's are staked through the heart & a camper is bitten by Zoltan but little else. Director Albert Band later went on to form the likes of Empire Pictures & Fullmoon Productions with his son Charles Band.

Filmed on what must have been a low budget the effects, music & production values are all average at best, isn't it unusual how the Romanian army all speak perfect English & with Americn accents? The acting is not great, Oscar winner José Ferrer is slumming it while Michael Pataki looks likes he's there for the money & nothing else. Pataki also starred in the much, much better Vampire film Grave of the Vampire (1974) several years prior.

Zoltan, Hound of Dracula is terrible, it really is & I found it pretty hard to make it to the end. It's a complete Dog of a film that sure be put down, it would be a mercy killing. Not recommended apart from the hilarious Vampire puppy at the end which is genuinely quite funny.
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