The Hearse (1980)
1/10
A Hearse Is A Hearse, Of Course, Of Course
3 April 2011
Warning: Spoilers
This one is only remarkable for its dreadfulness. I recorded it because of Joseph Cotten's performance, but even this wonderful Hollywood actor couldn't rescue this stinker. I sort of believed the hearse more. What was with all the screaming of the lead actress? There was no one to hear in the big house she lived in alone.

The spooky chauffeur wasn't spooky. Suddenly without any explanation Tom was driving the hearse, how did that make sense? Who didn't figure out that Tom was Robert? Who was repairing the doors inside the house if it wasn't Paul? Guess Paul's dad was right to want him to stay away, huh?

There was never any explanation for the hatred of the townspeople for the heroine. What's up with that? It's understandable that they hated the Satan-worshiping aunt (it wasn't her fault, she was under a spell), but the house then passed to the mother before the niece received possession. Did Joseph Cotten's character poison their minds against an innocent woman?

This film is neither scary nor frightening. Unfortunately it's not entertaining, either, unless you enjoy bad acting, boring scripts and lame plots. For the most part it was only annoying until the end finally arrived. I've been more afraid this week of the escaped Egyptian cobra in the Bronx zoo, and I'm in Florida. I had hoped for more from this one.
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