1/10
Carry on well past your sell-by date
17 January 2010
Warning: Spoilers
When Sid James died in 1976, you'd think Peter Rogers and Gerald Thomas would have had the sense to let the 'Carry on' series die with him. He had become, over the years, the 'boss' of that marvellous gang of comics, and to try and pretend it was going to be the same without him was sheer folly. They also had the departure of scriptwriter Talbot Rothwell to deal with. Dave Freeman's script for 'Carry On Behind' was okay, but calling on David Pursall and Jack Seddon ( writers of M.G.M's delightful 'Miss Marple' series, starring Margaret Rutherford ) to expand an unmade episode of A.T.V.'s 'Carry On Laughing' into a film screenplay was clearly a mistake - neither had a feel for innuendo-based comedy.

The film is set in somewhere in England in 1940. Captain S.Melly ( Kenneth Connor ) is appointed new Commanding Officer of an experimental mixed sexes' anti-aircraft base. He arrives to find a guard wearing lipstick, and female underwear in full view on clothes lines. The combined unit of men and women include 'Sergeant Len Ready' ( Patrick Mower ), 'Gunner Shorthouse' ( Melvyn Hayes ), 'Sergeant Tilly Willing' ( Judy Geeson ), and 'Private Alice Easy' ( Diane Langton ), and their names are the funniest jokes in the film. The men and women of the unit are less interested in the war than in getting into bed with one another - as often as possible.

Melly's attempts to impose discipline make him unpopular, and the target of a series of rather nasty practical jokes, such as falling repeatedly in cow dung, having his uniform fall to pieces during a march, and his soap changed so that he turns blue when he next tries to shower. With a name like 'S. Melly', you can guess what the unit have decided to rechristen him. Connor is one of the best 'Carry on' performers, yet this leaden script gives him absolutely nothing funny to say or do. Windsor Davies' 'Sergeant-Major 'Tiger' Bloomer' is a poor carbon-copy of his 'B.S.M. Williams' from the B.B.C. sitcom 'It Ain't 'Alf Hot, Mum'. Seeing T.V. tough-guy Patrick Mower try to be a chirpy Corkney in the mold of Jim Dale is about as funny as watching open-heart surgery. Poor Judy Geeson! Wasted in a role that Wendy Richard could have done so much better. 'Carry on' veterans Jack Douglas, Peter Butterworth, Joan Sims, and Julian Holloway likewise fall flat in weakly scripted roles.

This feels less like a 'Carry on', and more like one of those dreadful Ned Sherrin & Terry Glinwood 'Up Pompeii!' spin-offs such as 'Up The Front' and 'Up The Chastity Belt'. In fact the former ( set in The Great War ) is a comic masterpiece by comparison.

'England' opened to hostile reviews and poor box office takings. Though an attempt was made to broaden its appeal by removing the female nudity and some of the more suggestive gags, it proved in vain. Time had moved on. Audiences wanted Mel Brooks, Woody Allen, the 'Monty Python' team ( John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd were about to burst on the scene in 'National Lampoon's Animal House' ), and not what was left of the 'Carry on' gang augmented by strange faces. Mind you, even Sid, Hattie, Kenneth and Charlie would have had a job making this script funny. The nadir is when Melly swallows cascara to remove a tunic button from his digestive system. It takes effect, he starts farting uncontrollably, and as he runs to the W.C., the film suddenly speeds-up, like a Benny Hill sketch. 'Carry on' fans' surely covered their eyes in embarrassment at this point.

The Imperial War Museum is thanked in the credits for the 'loan of the gun'. Pity it was not also thanked for its restraint in not complaining about this dismal film.
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