"2012: The U.S. economy collapses. Unemployment hits a record high. Crime spirals out of control. Private corporations now run correctional facilities for profit." Yes, the clumsy, incompetent reign of B.O. is over and things aren't looking good. You can say all you want about the movie, but it's prophetic.
Never give up on your dreams. Joan Allen has all but given up on the ambition of starring in an even more idiotic movie than Oliver Stone's fantasy/biopic "Nixon", but she has finally done it. She has pulled it off, and now serves as an inspiration to us all. The message is simple: no matter how low your standards are, never quit on making them even lower. Where there is hope there is a future. Where there is hope, there is always the possibility of getting worse and worse as the years go by. I've got tears in my eyes as I write this. I am moved.
There are so many other things to learn from a retarded action film such as DR:
1. I've learned that a "tenth-generation triad" can have an MIT degree. Why a triad member would want one is beyond me, but I implicitly trust this movie's judgment.
2. I've learned that hip-hop "music" still remains the best soundtrack to accompany any movie that lacks intelligence, and in which things get broken at a rapid pace.
3. I've learned that Jason Statham has tried to make a more moronic action flick than "Transporter 2" - and failed. He has learned that even a Roger Corman film cannot compete with the infinite imbecility of a Luc Besson production.
4. I've learned that in the year 2012, prisons are run by ugly, middle-aged women with plastically altered mugs that only have one facial expression: the snide grin.
5. I've learned that in order to "pump up viewer ratings" of a reality car-race show it's best to include a monster train-truck vehicle that will kill off all the participants. I don't know how that should please the viewers but I have nothing but the highest regard for this movie's logic. I trust they know what they were doing. Implicitly.
6. I've learned that when you're a gay black prisoner and you drive a car very fast while planning to escape jail, it's best to light a cigarette. This will NOT distract you in any way as you go 150 miles per hour.
7. I've learned that prison wardens in the year 2012 let their most dangerous inmates get inside racing cars - each armed like a Death Star - but then get totally surprised when these criminals try to escape.
8. I've learned that criminals in the year 2012 need Jason Statham to tell them that they can escape with these racing cars armed to the teeth.
9. I've learned from Jason Statham's elegant exit from a speeding car that large muscles act as a reliable safety cushion when jumping out of a 100 m/h car.
10. I've learned that after all the 100s of hours spent in Acting School, Joan Allen still hasn't learned that playing a villain does not mean smirking 100% of the time.
11. I've learned that some action films have characterization that is on par with the "Teletubbies".
Whenever a movie starts off with a muscely tough guy going home to his wife and baby, you can expect: 1) the wife to be killed off within minutes, and 2) the child to be kidnapped and act as motivation for the hero's adventure. This movie's predictability level is right up there with "Saw 2". I almost fell like a mini-Nostradamus watching this turd of a film. Is anyone out there retarded enough not to smell the "major plot twist" miles away? Yes, Statham had been set up from the very start by Allen to race for her reality show. There are blind bats in the caves of Mozambique that have never seen a movie in their life, but smelt the stench of this amazing surprise twist.
After 30 minutes of stupid dialogue the action finally starts - and it's mostly dull. Your average bumping-of-cars-into-one-another drudgery. Nothing excites me more than the 23,483rd movie with car chases in it. "Escape From New York" meets "Mad Max 2" meets the writer's tiny brain.
Allen: "In this prison we get the worst of the worst". Did she mean actors? Oh, criminals... Like the nerdy, chubby Lester. What's he in for? Terrorizing people with spam email? A hardened criminal indeed.
"Death Race 2000" was almost as retarded, but at least it had that grainy 70s feel. What does DR 2008 have, apart from a prophetic prologue?
P.S. I thought about it a bit, and changed my mind. "Nixon" is much dumber than DR. I got so carried away by the sheer cretinousness of this movie that I almost forgot how laughable "Nixon" was...
Never give up on your dreams. Joan Allen has all but given up on the ambition of starring in an even more idiotic movie than Oliver Stone's fantasy/biopic "Nixon", but she has finally done it. She has pulled it off, and now serves as an inspiration to us all. The message is simple: no matter how low your standards are, never quit on making them even lower. Where there is hope there is a future. Where there is hope, there is always the possibility of getting worse and worse as the years go by. I've got tears in my eyes as I write this. I am moved.
There are so many other things to learn from a retarded action film such as DR:
1. I've learned that a "tenth-generation triad" can have an MIT degree. Why a triad member would want one is beyond me, but I implicitly trust this movie's judgment.
2. I've learned that hip-hop "music" still remains the best soundtrack to accompany any movie that lacks intelligence, and in which things get broken at a rapid pace.
3. I've learned that Jason Statham has tried to make a more moronic action flick than "Transporter 2" - and failed. He has learned that even a Roger Corman film cannot compete with the infinite imbecility of a Luc Besson production.
4. I've learned that in the year 2012, prisons are run by ugly, middle-aged women with plastically altered mugs that only have one facial expression: the snide grin.
5. I've learned that in order to "pump up viewer ratings" of a reality car-race show it's best to include a monster train-truck vehicle that will kill off all the participants. I don't know how that should please the viewers but I have nothing but the highest regard for this movie's logic. I trust they know what they were doing. Implicitly.
6. I've learned that when you're a gay black prisoner and you drive a car very fast while planning to escape jail, it's best to light a cigarette. This will NOT distract you in any way as you go 150 miles per hour.
7. I've learned that prison wardens in the year 2012 let their most dangerous inmates get inside racing cars - each armed like a Death Star - but then get totally surprised when these criminals try to escape.
8. I've learned that criminals in the year 2012 need Jason Statham to tell them that they can escape with these racing cars armed to the teeth.
9. I've learned from Jason Statham's elegant exit from a speeding car that large muscles act as a reliable safety cushion when jumping out of a 100 m/h car.
10. I've learned that after all the 100s of hours spent in Acting School, Joan Allen still hasn't learned that playing a villain does not mean smirking 100% of the time.
11. I've learned that some action films have characterization that is on par with the "Teletubbies".
Whenever a movie starts off with a muscely tough guy going home to his wife and baby, you can expect: 1) the wife to be killed off within minutes, and 2) the child to be kidnapped and act as motivation for the hero's adventure. This movie's predictability level is right up there with "Saw 2". I almost fell like a mini-Nostradamus watching this turd of a film. Is anyone out there retarded enough not to smell the "major plot twist" miles away? Yes, Statham had been set up from the very start by Allen to race for her reality show. There are blind bats in the caves of Mozambique that have never seen a movie in their life, but smelt the stench of this amazing surprise twist.
After 30 minutes of stupid dialogue the action finally starts - and it's mostly dull. Your average bumping-of-cars-into-one-another drudgery. Nothing excites me more than the 23,483rd movie with car chases in it. "Escape From New York" meets "Mad Max 2" meets the writer's tiny brain.
Allen: "In this prison we get the worst of the worst". Did she mean actors? Oh, criminals... Like the nerdy, chubby Lester. What's he in for? Terrorizing people with spam email? A hardened criminal indeed.
"Death Race 2000" was almost as retarded, but at least it had that grainy 70s feel. What does DR 2008 have, apart from a prophetic prologue?
P.S. I thought about it a bit, and changed my mind. "Nixon" is much dumber than DR. I got so carried away by the sheer cretinousness of this movie that I almost forgot how laughable "Nixon" was...