Review of Haven

Haven (I) (2004)
1/10
Too much nose candy went into this picture
23 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
The director somehow forgot to TELL A STORY, and he overlooked to DEVELOP CHARACTERS. Incredibly, the action got all mixed up in the editing suite and no one was straight enough to sort it out. That's my guess. What else happens when a bunch of stoned young men get together to make a movie on Grand Cayman? The leading lady was set up to have turned sixteen that very day, when Orlando Mister-Twickenham Bloom pops over to make love with her. Trouble is, she looks about twenty-five. Bloom gets acid thrown in his face by her charming brother, and oh-so-luckily his face is wrinkled up, but both his eyes survive perfectly! The movie started like an international James-Bond-type suspenser, but later turned into a lackadaisical picaresque tale about an ordinary boat-polisher and his burning passion. Yawn. Couldn't be bothered to find out what happened, there was no end for it to happen in.
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