3/10
Lame Porno, even weaker Horror film
28 March 2007
As a serious horror fan, I get that certain marketing ploys are used to sell movies, especially the really bad ones. So I wouldn't call it naiveté that I assumed this was softcore horror ripping off Cannibal / Zombi / Jungle Holocaust. Unfortunately, I was completely wrong as this is very hardcore. I should have realized that when I saw the odd "No actual or identifiable minor was used" warning. Notice the identifiable part as though he is daring us to catch him? A group of scientists, half of whom are pretty women in bikinis, are led by a sea captain with a penchant for 69ing on the beach, in search for a mutated native killing villagers. Due to a nuclear bomb detonated on a supposedly evacuated island, the radiation turned this last man into a rapist/ killer.

Writer/ actor George Eastman is the only one trying here and succeeds in keeping his clothes on. The sex scenes are whacked out. Women walk around nude exuding a strange overconfidence and one even asks for rape when her husband turns her down. Well, two chicks slapping each other naturally turns into a lesbo scene because women are horndogs. I saw the chick toss another chicks salad and finger herself.

If there is anything you should know about this film, it is that. Because the rest of this insane movie is just the same. Oh, who am I kidding? There is a ton more to tell here. Like the white "Duchess" that pays for 2 black guys to tag team her in a parlor. Or the "Duchess" taking off her top to use as a bandage when the captain cuts himself. When he refuses her advances, she starts crying. So being the good gentleman he is, he reluctantly lets her pleasure him in front of the other crew members. I was honestly waiting for the pizza guy to show up and the "Duchess" to ask if there is any other way to pay him.

And all of this happens before they depart for the island to conduct their research. Wait, I thought this was a zombie flick? But the zombie doesn't enter until the 73min mark, but by that time everyone else has been "entered" plenty. I found myself hitting fast forward a few scenes…or several. This is my first splatter porn flick and I don't think it does that subgenre any justice. I guess it is the woman in me talking when I say that I would like more plot and less sweaty, slobbering, hairy sex. Funny thing is this could have worked as a decent horror film as the idea of atomic bombing mutating a bitter man and killing his family, was a good one. Even Eastman's character shakes his head and walks away from a couple copulating. It makes me wonder if it was the character or the writer himself that was disgusted.

I don't feel like going into the sound or film quality because you should have already guessed it was bad. This production was shot back to back with 3 other movies including Erotic Nights of the Living Dead, which sports most of the same cast. Eastman has said this was done because everyone wanted a vacation and a paycheck. Nevermind, I feel like talking about the sound suddenly. The sound was weird during the sex scenes because while the cast is speaking Italian, it seems as though they recorded English voiceovers and played that over their dialogue. So while 2 people are boning, I can clearly hear someone in the background say, "No! Yes! Wonderful! Wait!" There was a slightly amusing Italian score that couldn't save this movie. The SFX were minimal at best and consisted of some blood in only a few scenes. And I would like to point out that there were no violent rape scenes as the bright warning label said on the DVD cover (ahem, another marketing ploy), so no fear there. Only fear the bad movie.

Presented in Widescreen 1.85:1 aspect ratio. I watched the Region 1 Not Rated version running at 113min released in 2005 by Exploitation Digital. There is apparently a XXX version by Alfa Digital, which is the same running time, so I doubt anything is different. Prices vary, but you shouldn't pay more than $25.00 for a copy. Or as I would recommend, pay nothing and pretend it doesn't exist.

Favorite Quote: Shipmate, "Civilians are bad luck. Women are bad luck. They're scientists too? They must really be monsters." DVD Extras: Original trailer with hardcore shots & kills to make it look more interesting than it is, Trailers for SS Hell Camp, Emmanuelle, & ENOTLD, and a very informative interview with Eastman.

Bottom Line: Lame porno, but even weaker as a horror film. Either get real porn or watch real horror.

Rating: 3/10 by Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com
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