---MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS---
What can I say? From the moment it was advertised that "Popstar/actress Holly Valance...", I knew it was desperate for some ratings.
This will NOT satisfy action/martial arts fans, and it will NOT satisfy DOA fans. So what has Corey Yuen tried to achieve? Absolutely nothing.
The DOA characters are bland and generic (How did Yuen screw up the source material?!). The actors can't act. Their story arcs (or lack thereof) do not help the audience sympathize with them.
Holly Valance acts as the sexy cat thief Christie. It hurts that the whole time she tries to act like that. Devon Aoki as Kasumi was a complete miscast. Sarah Carter as Helena didn't stand out, but she didn't completely lose face in this mess. Ayane is nothing more than a reason for a cat fight between her and Kasumi. Ryu Hayabusa was played out to be Kasumi's love interest rather than a masterful ninja: any game enthusiast would wonder how Yuen could butcher one of the most beloved video game characters of all time.
The "added" characters are uninspired. Weatherby is annoying, and unfunny (the only reasons I remember his name. Oh yeah, and the fact that he kept telling everyone who called him "Wallaby". Was that funny?). You can see that the man is TRYING to act. Max, as Christie's partner in crime, does nothing to enhance the plot; he adds 3 minutes to the 86 minute movie by allowing Christie to sleep with him. The main antagonist and the final fight is almost laughable.
The only saving character is Jaime Pressley as Tina Armstrong. Although not in the busty proportions of "game" Tina, it's almost forgiven as she makes the character her own, and has a genuinely funny relationship with her father, Bass. One of the only reasons to watch this movie.
The plot is completely horrible. Generic and predictable, it would have looked better back in the 1980's. One expects it to revolve around the actual tournament, or focus on a specific character's story (seen in the game). What I got was some lame conspiracy, and as Tina rightly puts it in the trailer "They're a bunch of pervs".
The soundtrack is unoriginal. It's a bunch of licensed music, probably because the music composer gave up on this movie. Funnily enough, DOA rightly plays the song 'Scandalous'.
The martial arts/fighting is as fake as it can get. Wires can be 'seen' without actually being visible, and Yuen's decision to do 'Matrix' shots is a double edged sword. Good because it's apparent "Popstar" Valance can't fight, bad because the audience has had enough of slow motion sequences. All characters apparently do the same type of martial arts. One comes to wonder how the non-ninja characters fight fluidly with a sword against 20 trained professionals. Utter rubbish.
Attention to detail is obviously something the crew thought unnecessary. The characters are from different ethnicities. A few even come from Japan. Yet they can all speak perfect English. WITH American ACCENTS. From the first line, the audience roared with laughter at this very poor mistake.
---DOA fans--- Dear Yuen and co, why pay homage to DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball when you can't even pay homage to DOA properly? Christie works in a team? Hayate is the ultimate fighter? Hayabusa acts like a ninja wannabe? Helena is American? How did Jan Lee get defeated so easily? What about Lei Fang? Yes she is in it, but not as a beautiful oriental schoolgirl. She has a cameo but anyone would realize the woman portraying her is some 40 year old dressed up like a schoolgirl. Hideous.
Essentially, a movie not worthy of your time, unless you're REALLY REALLY bored. Miss. Pressley saves this stinker from scoring a one.
2/10
What can I say? From the moment it was advertised that "Popstar/actress Holly Valance...", I knew it was desperate for some ratings.
This will NOT satisfy action/martial arts fans, and it will NOT satisfy DOA fans. So what has Corey Yuen tried to achieve? Absolutely nothing.
The DOA characters are bland and generic (How did Yuen screw up the source material?!). The actors can't act. Their story arcs (or lack thereof) do not help the audience sympathize with them.
Holly Valance acts as the sexy cat thief Christie. It hurts that the whole time she tries to act like that. Devon Aoki as Kasumi was a complete miscast. Sarah Carter as Helena didn't stand out, but she didn't completely lose face in this mess. Ayane is nothing more than a reason for a cat fight between her and Kasumi. Ryu Hayabusa was played out to be Kasumi's love interest rather than a masterful ninja: any game enthusiast would wonder how Yuen could butcher one of the most beloved video game characters of all time.
The "added" characters are uninspired. Weatherby is annoying, and unfunny (the only reasons I remember his name. Oh yeah, and the fact that he kept telling everyone who called him "Wallaby". Was that funny?). You can see that the man is TRYING to act. Max, as Christie's partner in crime, does nothing to enhance the plot; he adds 3 minutes to the 86 minute movie by allowing Christie to sleep with him. The main antagonist and the final fight is almost laughable.
The only saving character is Jaime Pressley as Tina Armstrong. Although not in the busty proportions of "game" Tina, it's almost forgiven as she makes the character her own, and has a genuinely funny relationship with her father, Bass. One of the only reasons to watch this movie.
The plot is completely horrible. Generic and predictable, it would have looked better back in the 1980's. One expects it to revolve around the actual tournament, or focus on a specific character's story (seen in the game). What I got was some lame conspiracy, and as Tina rightly puts it in the trailer "They're a bunch of pervs".
The soundtrack is unoriginal. It's a bunch of licensed music, probably because the music composer gave up on this movie. Funnily enough, DOA rightly plays the song 'Scandalous'.
The martial arts/fighting is as fake as it can get. Wires can be 'seen' without actually being visible, and Yuen's decision to do 'Matrix' shots is a double edged sword. Good because it's apparent "Popstar" Valance can't fight, bad because the audience has had enough of slow motion sequences. All characters apparently do the same type of martial arts. One comes to wonder how the non-ninja characters fight fluidly with a sword against 20 trained professionals. Utter rubbish.
Attention to detail is obviously something the crew thought unnecessary. The characters are from different ethnicities. A few even come from Japan. Yet they can all speak perfect English. WITH American ACCENTS. From the first line, the audience roared with laughter at this very poor mistake.
---DOA fans--- Dear Yuen and co, why pay homage to DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball when you can't even pay homage to DOA properly? Christie works in a team? Hayate is the ultimate fighter? Hayabusa acts like a ninja wannabe? Helena is American? How did Jan Lee get defeated so easily? What about Lei Fang? Yes she is in it, but not as a beautiful oriental schoolgirl. She has a cameo but anyone would realize the woman portraying her is some 40 year old dressed up like a schoolgirl. Hideous.
Essentially, a movie not worthy of your time, unless you're REALLY REALLY bored. Miss. Pressley saves this stinker from scoring a one.
2/10