Cursed, huh? Well, that appropriately describes what a lot of moviegoers did when the final credits started to roll. This has to be one of the most irrelevant, insignificant movies to come along in quite a while. There's not a single thing I can recommend about this movie. Not a single thing. It offers absolutely nothing new or original to the werewolf genre. Why even bother? The acting is bad, the special effects are unimpressive, I couldn't have cared less about any of the characters or their relationships... seriously, is there a less appealing screen couple than Pacey from Dawson's Creek and Christina Ricci? Wooo, look at Pacey! He's got a neatly trimmed beard! He's all grown up now! Whatever. All he did was spit out some cheesy lines about how Ricci, who he'd been dating for all of two months, was the one for him and he really wanted to make it work and BLAH BLAH BLAH! WHO CARES?!?!?!?! I just wanted to punch the guy in the face. Repeatedly. Until my knuckles bled. I couldn't care less if I never see this guy in another movie ever again.
If you're gonna have characters that I couldn't be less interested in, then please try to have a somewhat interesting story with a few good scares. Oh, you couldn't do that for this movie? Well, believe me, I could tell. The scariest thing about Cursed is Christina Ricci's bulbous forehead. Were those CGI werewolves actually supposed to be scary? Heck, if that's what werewolves were really like, then I'd have pretty good chances if I had to go up against one.
And was it completely impossible to have a semblance of a story? You call those plot twists? Folks, no one over the age of 5 will be surprised at who the main werewolf is. The story is so non-existent that it gives me a headache trying to figure out why. Did Kevin Williamson even try when writing this script? It's as if he asked himself, "How can I make this as clichéd as possible," and then ran with it. In case you forgot, Craven and Williamson teamed up on Scream, which was a very original, clever, and entertaining movie. What in the world has happened since then? How were these two movies written by the same guy? If nothing else, you've gotta at least love the irony in the fact that Cursed is exactly the kind of teen horror movie that Scream poked fun at.
It's pretty sad that Corey Feldman couldn't even keep his name attached to this film (his scenes were cut), but it's even sadder that this movie would've actually been better by having Feldman in it. Ouch. I think that's the true hallmark of a movie's failure. If someone tells you, "Man, you should've kept Feldman's scenes in there, it would've helped," then you need to do some serious soul searching before attempting another movie.
Cursed tries to take a Scream approach and not take itself too seriously, but man, that doesn't mean it had to be a complete joke. I admit that I laughed a few times, but most of the time I was laughing it was because what I was witnessing was just so stupid. Let me ask you something - if you're in the bathroom, and you friend is in the stall making weird noises, and you think he or she is sick, do you go OPEN THE STALL DOOR???? NO! Nobody does that! You may ask if the person's all right, but you don't put your ear to the stall and then open it unless you're just a freak. Sigh.
The most genuinely funny thing in the movie is Scott Baio's cameo as Scott Baio. The running joke is that he's supposed to be the third guest on The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn behind Ashton Kutcher and Carrot Top. But even this is pretty sad since Kilborn's been gone from the show for a few months now. Way to stay on top of things, guys! Looks like somebody has his finger directly on the pulse of today's pop culture! I can't think of a single person to recommend this to. Not even the biggest werewolf movie fan. But I can recommend they change the tagline. Here's my suggestion: A Werewolf Movie That Really Bites. There, I just wrote something more clever than anything found in the script of Cursed, and I wasn't given a $40 million budget to do it.
THE GIST You've been warned, so if you pay money to see Cursed then you've got nobody to blame but yourself. I tried to tell you. Cursed is nothing but a bad made-for-the-WB movie, and I can say without flinching or smirking that Michael Paré's Bad Moon is a better werewolf movie than this toilet log. If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know, then there's nothing else I can say.
Rating: 2 (out 5)
If you're gonna have characters that I couldn't be less interested in, then please try to have a somewhat interesting story with a few good scares. Oh, you couldn't do that for this movie? Well, believe me, I could tell. The scariest thing about Cursed is Christina Ricci's bulbous forehead. Were those CGI werewolves actually supposed to be scary? Heck, if that's what werewolves were really like, then I'd have pretty good chances if I had to go up against one.
And was it completely impossible to have a semblance of a story? You call those plot twists? Folks, no one over the age of 5 will be surprised at who the main werewolf is. The story is so non-existent that it gives me a headache trying to figure out why. Did Kevin Williamson even try when writing this script? It's as if he asked himself, "How can I make this as clichéd as possible," and then ran with it. In case you forgot, Craven and Williamson teamed up on Scream, which was a very original, clever, and entertaining movie. What in the world has happened since then? How were these two movies written by the same guy? If nothing else, you've gotta at least love the irony in the fact that Cursed is exactly the kind of teen horror movie that Scream poked fun at.
It's pretty sad that Corey Feldman couldn't even keep his name attached to this film (his scenes were cut), but it's even sadder that this movie would've actually been better by having Feldman in it. Ouch. I think that's the true hallmark of a movie's failure. If someone tells you, "Man, you should've kept Feldman's scenes in there, it would've helped," then you need to do some serious soul searching before attempting another movie.
Cursed tries to take a Scream approach and not take itself too seriously, but man, that doesn't mean it had to be a complete joke. I admit that I laughed a few times, but most of the time I was laughing it was because what I was witnessing was just so stupid. Let me ask you something - if you're in the bathroom, and you friend is in the stall making weird noises, and you think he or she is sick, do you go OPEN THE STALL DOOR???? NO! Nobody does that! You may ask if the person's all right, but you don't put your ear to the stall and then open it unless you're just a freak. Sigh.
The most genuinely funny thing in the movie is Scott Baio's cameo as Scott Baio. The running joke is that he's supposed to be the third guest on The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn behind Ashton Kutcher and Carrot Top. But even this is pretty sad since Kilborn's been gone from the show for a few months now. Way to stay on top of things, guys! Looks like somebody has his finger directly on the pulse of today's pop culture! I can't think of a single person to recommend this to. Not even the biggest werewolf movie fan. But I can recommend they change the tagline. Here's my suggestion: A Werewolf Movie That Really Bites. There, I just wrote something more clever than anything found in the script of Cursed, and I wasn't given a $40 million budget to do it.
THE GIST You've been warned, so if you pay money to see Cursed then you've got nobody to blame but yourself. I tried to tell you. Cursed is nothing but a bad made-for-the-WB movie, and I can say without flinching or smirking that Michael Paré's Bad Moon is a better werewolf movie than this toilet log. If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know, then there's nothing else I can say.
Rating: 2 (out 5)