The notorious Uwe Bolls' latest 'film' has now arrived. And the world would have been a whole lot better off if it hadn't even been made. Like his previous 'film' House of the Dead, this new pile of inane nonsense is a mishmash of lightning fast editing, bad effects and a plot not worth a dime.
Christian Slater plays a detective that has spent his life investigating the paranormal and mysterious. But the biggest mystery that remains unsolved, unfortunately it's not what Slater is doing in this garbage in the first place, but a deep dark secret connected to his own childhood. Alongside him are Tara Reid as the potential love interest (though both seem more bored than in love when on screen together) and Stephen Dorf as the captain of a paranormal police unit.
If you're confused, then good. That's what I felt about thirty minutes in to this 'film'. Events occur without any real explanations as to why they happen, people show up in places with no hints as to why or how they're there. But apparently Boll has decided that the audience doesn't care about details like that. They're here for the violence and monsters!
If only this could be considered a creature flick, or even a no-brainer violence film like Seagals better films in the 80's. But, alas, the film fails to deliver even sub-par scares or thrills. Action scenes are riddled with bad editing, horrendous and out of place heavy metal and very badly animated cgi monsters. It seems that 25 million dollars (the films budget) isn't enough to make even decent action sequences. Which is surprising, considering Peter Jackson filmed both Braindead and Bad Taste with a third of this 'films' budget, and it looked a whole lot better!
You've probably noticed that I speak of Alone in the Dark as a 'film'. This is for the simple reason that I don't find anything in this that allows it to qualify as one. There is no entertainment factor, there aren't any thrills nor any signs of a plot. It seems that Boll has only gotten his hands on a semi-famous thriller game franchise and has used it to create a z-class snoozer of a mess.
If only directing would require a license, then it one could hope that one day someone would take Bolls license away and never allow him to work again. At least not in pictures. Because if this and Alone in the Dark are anything to go by (and to me they're enough) Boll hasn't got any talent, but more ego than the entire population of his homeland of Germany combined, and we haven't seen the last of movies like AITD. Which is a frightening thought.
Christian Slater plays a detective that has spent his life investigating the paranormal and mysterious. But the biggest mystery that remains unsolved, unfortunately it's not what Slater is doing in this garbage in the first place, but a deep dark secret connected to his own childhood. Alongside him are Tara Reid as the potential love interest (though both seem more bored than in love when on screen together) and Stephen Dorf as the captain of a paranormal police unit.
If you're confused, then good. That's what I felt about thirty minutes in to this 'film'. Events occur without any real explanations as to why they happen, people show up in places with no hints as to why or how they're there. But apparently Boll has decided that the audience doesn't care about details like that. They're here for the violence and monsters!
If only this could be considered a creature flick, or even a no-brainer violence film like Seagals better films in the 80's. But, alas, the film fails to deliver even sub-par scares or thrills. Action scenes are riddled with bad editing, horrendous and out of place heavy metal and very badly animated cgi monsters. It seems that 25 million dollars (the films budget) isn't enough to make even decent action sequences. Which is surprising, considering Peter Jackson filmed both Braindead and Bad Taste with a third of this 'films' budget, and it looked a whole lot better!
You've probably noticed that I speak of Alone in the Dark as a 'film'. This is for the simple reason that I don't find anything in this that allows it to qualify as one. There is no entertainment factor, there aren't any thrills nor any signs of a plot. It seems that Boll has only gotten his hands on a semi-famous thriller game franchise and has used it to create a z-class snoozer of a mess.
If only directing would require a license, then it one could hope that one day someone would take Bolls license away and never allow him to work again. At least not in pictures. Because if this and Alone in the Dark are anything to go by (and to me they're enough) Boll hasn't got any talent, but more ego than the entire population of his homeland of Germany combined, and we haven't seen the last of movies like AITD. Which is a frightening thought.