1/10
Dire, dire, dire!
8 December 2004
What was Marc Singer thinking? Was he truly that desperate for work, or was this just a fulfillment of some contractual obligation? Either way, he should be deeply ashamed of appearing in this turkey. The original Beastmaster was a wonderful film with a great deal of originality but the sequels have progressively deteriorated into farce.

I can't begin to tell you how bad this movie is. Memorable moments include Dar's Lion buddy, who clearly is too old to do his own stuntwork anymore (Old=not likely to attack the actors) so they employ a lioness to do the scenes where he gets caught in a net. Lion with a mane becomes lioness without one. Hmmm...that's not noticeable at all...no sir!

Suffice to say it's only saving grace is the finale where Dar (Singer) fights some demon lord. Why is this bit the best? Is it action packed? Is it full of great special effects? No. It's the best because it's just so farcical you'll be in stitches with laughter throughout it. The creature is a cross between a teenage mutant turtle and the Papa Dinosaur from the "Dinosaurs" TV series. Comical doesn't even begin to describe how this "evil" demon looks. It has all the menace of a Jim Henson muppet.

Ads if that weren't enough we are also treated to an early performance from Casper van Dien as some supposed king. Yep, that's believable....not. In fact, of all the cast, the only ones who even looked comfortable with their roles were Marc Singer and David Warner (yes, he's the bad guy - no surprise there). The rest were a mixture of woefully bad acting and miscasting.

One other thing of interest. Marc Singer now actually looks like he has spent a lifetime wandering the wilderness with nothing more than a loincloth to protect him from the elements. So that much was realistic.

SUMMARY: Watch it, grit your teeth, then laugh at the dumb finale.
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