4/10
"Confessions" is like a stale 90-minute sitcom
20 February 2004
Coming off an extremely successful performance in the summer hit Freaky Friday, Lindsay Lohan does her best to save the flat and unimpressive script of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.

Lohan stars as Lola, a teenage Manhattan girl whose dream is to become a famous actress. However, when she moves to a suburban New Jersey town she realizes that her chances of being famous are pretty much zero.

Competing for popularity in her new school with Carla (Megan Fox), she stumbles through life in an almost-klutzy yet largely unfunny way.

The entire movie is like a 90-minute sitcom -- it packs a few laughs but there is never a genuinely funny scene. The humour is based on clumsiness and stupidity rather than wit. In other words, it's comprised of people making fools out of themselves.

There is also a huge gap between the beginning and the end of the movie. There are so many happenings in between it's easy to lose track of the whole point of the film.

Also, many of the characters exist simply for the sake of existing. For example, the roles of Andrew, Lola's father and twin sisters don't serve a lot of purpose to the actual story. It wouldn't hurt if one or more of those characters were cut from the story, to save us some time and grief. Their roles are so tiny they're not really worth mentioning at all.

The ending is pretty cliche-ish as well. Like a lot of Disney movies, it preaches friendship, change for the better, love, etc. However, Confessions does a pretty bad job of it. It's pretty obvious that these are the lessons the movie is supposed to teach; they make it so obvious there is no explanation needed. An explanation IS added, however, in an attempt to simplify things further. But all this does is to add more unnecessary time to the overall product.

Confessions does have some positive points though. The music isn't too bad, even though they may have overused the "Uh-Oh" song by putting it in three different scenes. The acting in general by Lindsay Lohan and her co-stars is extremely good, but it's not enough to save this stinker.

BOTTOM LINE: 1.5 stars out of 4
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