(1) We, the undersigned, intend to turn our back on cinematic history. Our works will have nothing in common with the masterpieces of the past; they will, however, be ideally suited to the inward-looking, unadventurous spirit of the late twentieth century.
(2) We shall indulge in as little creation as possible. No original music, no costume design, no art direction, no sets, no sound effects, and no images (with a caveat we'll get to in a moment) that weren't already lying around Denmark, so to speak, waiting for someone to come along and pick them up.
(3) Of course, we still intend to employ actors; we don't intend to restrict ourselves to using only those PEOPLE who were all ready lying around on location. Nor do we intend to make documentaries. Almost every single image will therefore be artificial, in the very sense we disavow, after all.
(4) We intend to make it impossible for ourselves to be as good as the best of our competition, while still running the risk of being as bad as everyone else.
(5) When we have strong story (like the one we used in "Mifune's Last Song", for instance), its merits shall be made apparent by shackling it to our ineffective, theory-driven technique, to let people know that our story is so good we can afford to sabotage it a little. The squandering of good material that results may even be heartbreaking.
(6) Conversely, our pseudo-realist technique should paper over any weaknesses in the story without removing them. If the script calls for unmotivated violence we can jiggle the camera a bit in the hopes that no-one will notice. In general our hand-held camera work will either drive people nuts, or be crafted so as to simulate the effect of a tripod, without, of course, actually buying a tripod.
(7) Our films shall all be contemporary - as we all know, being contemporary is in itself a virtue - and as unmagical, in every sense of the word, as possible, even when the subject matter cries out for a more romantic treatment.
(8) We will not credit the director. Everyone will find out who the director is anyway, but for obscure reasons we feel it important that they not find out from us.
(9) We shall display a certificate of ideological purity before all of our works.
(10) These ridiculous restrictions will certainly hone our skills as film-makers, should we ever get around to abandoning them and making movies freely again. In the meantime we may be able to persuade people to watch our academic training exercises. Why not? These days one can get away with anything.
(2) We shall indulge in as little creation as possible. No original music, no costume design, no art direction, no sets, no sound effects, and no images (with a caveat we'll get to in a moment) that weren't already lying around Denmark, so to speak, waiting for someone to come along and pick them up.
(3) Of course, we still intend to employ actors; we don't intend to restrict ourselves to using only those PEOPLE who were all ready lying around on location. Nor do we intend to make documentaries. Almost every single image will therefore be artificial, in the very sense we disavow, after all.
(4) We intend to make it impossible for ourselves to be as good as the best of our competition, while still running the risk of being as bad as everyone else.
(5) When we have strong story (like the one we used in "Mifune's Last Song", for instance), its merits shall be made apparent by shackling it to our ineffective, theory-driven technique, to let people know that our story is so good we can afford to sabotage it a little. The squandering of good material that results may even be heartbreaking.
(6) Conversely, our pseudo-realist technique should paper over any weaknesses in the story without removing them. If the script calls for unmotivated violence we can jiggle the camera a bit in the hopes that no-one will notice. In general our hand-held camera work will either drive people nuts, or be crafted so as to simulate the effect of a tripod, without, of course, actually buying a tripod.
(7) Our films shall all be contemporary - as we all know, being contemporary is in itself a virtue - and as unmagical, in every sense of the word, as possible, even when the subject matter cries out for a more romantic treatment.
(8) We will not credit the director. Everyone will find out who the director is anyway, but for obscure reasons we feel it important that they not find out from us.
(9) We shall display a certificate of ideological purity before all of our works.
(10) These ridiculous restrictions will certainly hone our skills as film-makers, should we ever get around to abandoning them and making movies freely again. In the meantime we may be able to persuade people to watch our academic training exercises. Why not? These days one can get away with anything.