Change Your Image
lor_
Served as Chairman, New York Film Critics Circle: 1993/94.
Favorite interviews were with: Michael Douglas, Sophia Loren, DeForest Kelley, Joan Chen, Joe Henderson, Ismail Merchant, Klaus Kinski, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, Spike Lee, Malcolm McDowell, Zoe Lund, Melvin Van Peebles, Ultra Violet, Wolfgang Petersen, Claudia Cardinale, Serge Silberman, Margarethe von Trotta, Alec Guinness, Leonard Nimoy, Susan George, Joseph Losey, Gale Anne Hurd, Dennis Hopper, Peter Greenaway, Katt Shea, Ken Russell, Maggie Greenwald, Jim Jarmusch, Peter Brook, Jurgen Prochnow, Andy Warhol, Judy Davis, Chuck Vincent, Fred Zinnemann, Wim Wenders, Max Von Sydow, Michael Moore, Terry Gilliam, Rita Jenrette, Karen Lynn Gorney, Bruce Beresford, Jack Thompson, Russ Meyer, Sam Raimi, Abel Ferrara, John Sayles, William Greaves, Nino Manfredi, Lee Van Cleef, Michael Cuscuna, Bille August, Jewel Shepard, Andy Sidaris, Michel Deville, Claude Sautet, Claude Lelouch, Alfonso Arau, Alan Parker, Reinhard Hauff, Traci Lords, Jim Jarmusch, Martha Coolidge, Candida Royalle, Giuseppe Tornatore, Edward James Olmos, Paul Hogan, John Mackenzie, Peter Hyams, Jennifer Beals,, Adrian Lyne, Samuel Fuller, Dario Argento, James Toback, Lasse Hallstrom, Fred Williamson, Gabriel Axel, Joe Bastianich, Aaron Sanchez, Danny Meyer, Steve Hanson, Matthew Kenney, Douglas Rodriguez, Simon Oren, Stanley Donen, Lindsay Anderson, Helena Bonham Carter, Edward Pressman, Harold Becker, Larry Cohen, James Ivory, Jack O'Connell, Michael Phillips, Kevin McClory, Jackie Mason, Joan O'Brien, Stanley Donen, Joseph B. Vasquez, Don Bluth, William Lustig, Al Goldstein, Simon Wincer, Valeria Cavalli, Dave Fishelson, Lizzie Borden, Roberta Findlay, Rob Cohen, Doris Wishman, Robert Tapert, Bruce Campbell, Bill Cosby, Pasquale Squitieri, Menahem Golan, Yoram Globus, Tim Kincaid, Joel M. Reed, Gregory Dark, T.L. Lankford, Fred Olen Ray, Victoria Paige Meyerink, Lawrence D. Foldes, Rick Marx & Ted V. Mikels
Reviews
Some Toys Are Just for Adults (2024)
Stepmommy Dearest
Adult Time put three compatible "Mommy's Girl" episodes together on this VOD, all of them written by Penicio Del Toro and edited by Peachy Gonzalez.
In the title scene, Serene Siren and her cute little stepdaughter Demi Hawks come home after a day out shopping together, and Demi models some outfits they've bought for her. But one package has a surprise in it: a sex toy that Siren purchased for her own use.
Demi can't make heads or tales out of it, so Serene sits her down for a little overdue sex education talk. As she describes how the vibrator is used to stimulate a woman's clit and G spot, the kid is just confused, so a demonstration is in order. Quickly this escalates to full-blown lesbina sex, and before long Demi is exhibiting seasoned prowess in satisfying herself as well as her stepmom.
These actresses make a solid team, with petite Hawks continuing to grow her following as one of the more talented and convincing porn performers who just happen to look underage (yeah, right).
Jennifer White adds to her successful resume as a top MILF with this sympatico pairing with Scarlett Alexis as her stepdaughter in "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes".
She sees a strap-on dildo in the background of a photo her kid has posted on-line, and reprimands Scarlett. It turns out that Jennifer has never been exposed to the device, so she's amenable when her daughter suggests she try it out.
It's a simple but quite hot scene, making up in execution what it lacks in originality. The role-reversal of having the youngster more experienced at sex than her stepmother is what really gives the scene its effectiveness.
In "Sync or Swim", Slimthick Vic and Nicole Doshi are in their bikinis out by the pool, spending time together to please Nicole's dad, who wants his daughter to get adjusted to his new wife.
The women are a bit uncomfortable with this, but soon express their mutual admiration for each other. It doesn't tackle long for Nicole to seduce her stepmom and each is quite pleased with the orgasmic results.
Only one thing to remember: Don't tell daddy!
She's Coming with Me! (2024)
Sapphic threesomes hit the spot
From Girlsway comes an Adult Time VOD of recent material, worth a peek.
In the title scene, XWife Karen and Whitney Wright play roommates who argue about which one is entitled to move in with their mutual lover Bella Rolland in a farfetched but okay segment.
The problem is exacerbated by Bella having lied, telling each woman that she's the chosen lover. Confrontation is defused by Bella having 3-way Sapphic sex for the duration of the vignette, and a somewhat unsatisfactory solution to the dilemma.
All three contrasting performers are convincing in the sack together, despite the flimsy story material.
Whitney Wright and Bella Rolland return in "The Unexpected Unicorn".
Producer Bree Mills took time from her busy schedule to write the screenplay for this Girlsway segment, and it adds a "message" to the usual up-with-lesbian sex content.
At age 32, Whitney Wright is utterly convincing in an approximately teenage role, playing a girl whose boyfriend has just thrown her out of their home, angered no end by her rhapsodizing about lesbian fantasies in her diary. Left with no place to go, she has invaded the cabana at a lesbian couple's house, which used to be owned by a girlfriend of hers.
The women, Kenzie Taylor and Bella Rolland sympathize with the youngster and are happy to give her a place to stay for the night. When Whitney thanks Bella with an impromptu kiss, the situation becomes more personal, especially as Whitney admits that her fantasies included dreaming of having a lesbian 3-some. No surprise -soon the vignette delivers a hot threesome.
Previously released in March 2024 on a VOD titled "They Love Roleplay", the scene "Pervy Professors" gives college professors a bad name, but of course it's just porn, and not to be taken seriously.
Two profs Cherry Kiss and Sophia Locke are a married couple, and both of them agree that student Gal RItchie is hot. They decide to share her sexually when she stops in after class to hand in an assignment.
The resulting lesbian threesome is staged quite artificially, constantly stressing changing positions for the benefit of the horny viewer. Like nearly all "sex in the classroom" content it looks quite uncomfortable, hardly romantic. Ritchie is a lovely newcomer with a lilting British accent and it's treat to see Cherry in American porn roles after such fine work in Europe.
Mommy's Girl: Sync or Swim (2024)
Heavy-duty bonding
Blonde Slimthick Vic and young Asian beauty Nicole Doshi are in their bikinis out by the pool, spending time together to please Nicole's dad, who wants his daughter to get adjusted to his new wife.
The women are a bit uncomfortable with this highly artificial situation, but soon express their mutual admiration for each other. It doesn't take long for Nicole to switch from a kid complaining about how cold the water is in the pool, to pulling a 180-degree turn and successfully seducing her stepmom. Each femme is quite pleased with the orgasmic results.
Only one thing to remember: Don't tell daddy!
Mommy's Girl: Some Toys Are Just for Adults (2024)
Fast learner
Serene Siren and her cute little stepdaughter Demi Hawks come home after a day out shopping together, and Demi models some outfits they've bought for her. But one package has a surprise in it: a sex toy that Siren purchased for her own use.
Demi can't make heads or tales out of it, so Serene sits her down for a little overdue sex education talk. As she describes how the vibrator is used to stimulate a woman's clit and G spot, the kid is just confused, so a demonstration is in order. Quickly this escalates to full-blown lesbian sex, and before long Demi is exhibiting seasoned prowess in satisfying herself as well as her stepmom.
These actresses make a solid team, with petite Hawks continuing to grow her following as one of the more talented and convincing porn performers who just happen to look underage (yeah, right).
Girlsway Originals: She's Coming with Me! (2024)
Solomon and the baby?
Xwife Karen (love that weird stage name for the tattooed actress) and Whitney Wright play roommates who argue about which one is entitled to move in with their mutual lover Bella Rolland in a far-fetched but okay segment.
The problem is exacerbated by Bella having lied, telling each woman that she's the chosen lover. Confrontation is defused by Bella having 3-way Sapphic sex for the duration of the vignette, and a somewhat unsatisfactory solution to the dilemma, as written by Midnight and directed by Stella Smut.
All three contrasting performers are convincing in the sack together, despite the flimsy story material.
Girlsway Originals: The Unexpected Unicorn (2023)
A Bree-penned 3-way
Producer Bree Mills took time from her busy schedule to write the screenplay for this Girlsway segment, and it adds a "message" to the usual up-with-lesbian sex content.
At age 32, Whitney Wright is utterly convincing in an approximately teenage role, playing a girl whose boyfriend has just thrown her out of their home, angered no end by her rhapsodizing about lesbian fantasies in her diary. Left with no place to go, she has invaded the cabana at a lesbian couple's house, which used to be owned by a girlfriend of hers.
The women, Kenzie Taylor and Bella Rolland sympathize with the youngster and are happy to give her a place to stay for the night. When Whitney thanks Bella with an impromptu kiss, the situation becomes more personal, especially as Whitney admits that her fantasies included dreaming of having a lesbian 3-some. No surprise -soon the vignette delivers a hot threesome.
The Hot Wives Volume 6 (2024)
Psychologically speaking
Quasarman delves into the so-called hotwifing phenomenon in this entertaining if a bit wide-eyed Sweet Sinner feature. It's not all that convincing about motivations, but takes an upbeat approach.
Freya Parker (who also narrates) and Derrick Pierce decide to make some extra money by turning their house into a vacation rental via airbnb. Shawn Alff is a customer who informs them about the Housewifing community -his friends who all get off on lending their wives to other men to have sex, and enjoy the whole thing vicariously. Both Derrick and Freya are a bit taken aback, but rest assured that by the end of the 4-part feature they have been completely won over by the concept.
Mike Quasar's screenplay tries to explain the point of it all, with lots of sex on the couch occurrng. Shawn likes to be active, cradling his busty wife Natash Nice as she is enthusiastically humped by Lucas Frost in sort of an outre scene from "The Handmaid's Tale". The other husbands don't act as voyeurs, while both Freya and Derrick enjoy peeking at their guests in action before trying out the sport personally. Best scene is Derrick humping a very sexy Haley Reed -she's quite tall and also wearing braces here.
Wholesome (2024)
Playful
Newcomer Melody Mynx has an irresistible, natural quality that comes through in this MissaX vignette, toying with her horny stepson Robby Echo (a/k/a Apples). For serious, sustained teasing, this scene is the cat's meow.
A cutesy touch has them playing word games to try and distract each other from the main event, as both players are anxious to have sex with each other while daddy's away. Temporarily staving off the inevitable proves to be quite arousing for the viewer, less a plot contrivance than a believable situation.
It's a welcome introduction to an authentic new MILF on the block, reteamed with Robby here.
Illegal (1932)
What a finish!
My favorite year for movies is 1932, with consistently high quality from the major studios and so many classics (including my all-time favorite comedy "This Is the Night". What a treasure to find this Warner Brothers film made in England, an unsung little gem.
Isobel Elsom stars as a very sympathetic mother figure, her success and decline mirroring the wonderful formula of so many WB movies o the time, especially Edgar G. Robinson vehicles. The supporting performances are first-rate, especially Margot Grahame as the "bad daughter", belting out several songs wonderfully with direct-sound recording, Ivor Barnard perfect as the always loyal platonic friend throughout Isobel's travails, and a bit overshadowed, Moira Lynd as the good daughter.
The movie really packs a wallop in its final reel, as fate moves its huge hand and the plot twists are piled on fast and furiously by director Wiliam McGann -breathlessly leading to at least three exciting climaxes in succession. Like the famous 1929 talkie from Paramount of "The Letter" starring Jeanne Eagels, "Illegal" ends at a peak moment, no denouement or corny coda included - my favorite way to finish a movie!
The Phantom of the Cabaret (1989)
Setting the stage
The first half of this quality porn-parody shot in Paris is not as good as the conclusion on a separate VHS tape, as much time is spent setting up the story, planting clues for eventual plot revelations, and of course packing in the sex scenes.
Directed by Henri Pachard, it's an intriguing stories of expatriates living in Paris, all hanging out at Rick's bar, where girls dance to provide cabaret entertainment. Jamie Gillis the masked Phantom living upstairs in a garret above the bar, and working there as janitor.
Randy Spears is an American writer who is using the characters he meets there to write a story, providing lots of backstories as the narrator. Most of the cast plays unpleasant (and oversexed) characters, with the backbiting and jealousy among them making for dramatics.
Sharon Kane play a socialite who symbolizes the decadence of this group, while Rick Savage, the bar owner is mean to a couple of lovers who are his cabaret dancers (Bionca and French actress Caroline Laurie). A nice girl waitress from Chicago, played by Keisha, falls for Randy.
The mood is kept serious, except for a silly element of musical cues from the stage musical on the soundtrack to announce the presence of The Phantom, who likes to peep.
Overall, a well-made Adult movie, for which Part II is highly recommended.
Talk Dirty to Me One More Time (1985)
To the point
Anthony Spinelli takes a simple, effective approach to a porn drama in this well-performed feature. The title is largely irrelevant.
Harry Reems is a doctor married to Colleen Brennan, but he's depressed, feeling inadequate. He just can't satisfy her sexual urges, and resents her suggesting maybe he should visit another doctor to see what's wrong with his own potency. Opening scene of them f*cking and then bitterly bickering establishes Harry as an unsympathetic character.
He decides on a solution, which in recent years has been christened "hotwifing". One day he's in his car and sees John Leslie in the distance, chatting with lovely young Nikki Charm in a park. He's obviously trying out pick-up lines on her (too far away to hear any) and succeeds. We see the results as he bangs her, but oddly there is no dialogue, no "talking dirty".
Next day Reems starts a conversation with John and convinces the skieptical stranger that he wants him to service his wife sexually. Leslie obliges and Colleen is quite happy. Then John has a brunette beauty (Brittany Stryker) visit them and have sex with him, followed by Colleen humping Brittany. Soon our heroine is back home f*cking husband Reems, happily ever after.
Perhaps a bit cynical, the feature does manage to maintain a serious mood while presenting its fanciful approach to a real-life problem.
The Phantom of the Cabaret II (1989)
A major Euro production by Ron (a/k/a Henri)
Ron Sullivan, a/k/a Henri Pachard, brought a troupe of American pornt stars to Europe to make many VHS features for producer Dino Ferrara, and this is the best one I've seen so far. It was shot back to back (featuring the same cast) with another 2-parter titled "Diaries of Fire and Ice", both projects released b VCA Pictures, and worthy of rediscovery.
After an effective recap of Part I, this "Phantom" completes its excellent Raven Touchstone screenplay with narration by Randy Spears, who plays an American writer who has traveled to Paris and is writing a magazine article (for publication back in the States) about the fascinating characters he has met and interviewed at Rick's Bar.
Central figure is of course The Phantom, played quite subtly by Jamie Gillis for maximum pathos, actually a violinist from Chicago named Christopher Bradley, who was scarred years ago by acid while in prison. Now he works as a janitor at Rick's, but lives in the attic and haunts the place at night, wearing his trademark mask and cape as The Phantom.
Raven and director Ron Sullivan bring perverse and kinky elements to this oft-told tale, and add quite a bit to the myth -all carefully patterned to serve the needs of an Adult movie. The female characters include two memorable evil dommes: Bionca, a dancer at the cabaret at Rick's who dominates the Phantom, with Jamie utterly convincing as her pitiful, humiliated sub: she delights in calling him "Leatherface"! Equally mean-spirited is Sharon Kane, who dominates Rick (Rick Savage, in his usual unsympathetic, snarling egotist role). On the bright side is Keisha, immensely empathetic (given an opportunity to show some real acting skills here, when not humping) as a waitress who falls in love with both Spears and the Phantom. Touchstone's script weaves in the intriguing revelation that she's actually Gillis's daughter, and when they make love together neither of them realize it's incest (and while Rick and later Spear both know the truth, neither father nor daughter ever find out). That's a highly effective twist on the incest theme -no longer possible in porn storytelling now that only step-relatives are permitted to get it on per current censorship.
Elements of foot fetichism, BDSM and humiliation permeate this feature, all told by writer Spears, and the overriding issues of American expatriates and the desire to return home to the USA are well-developed, even managing a bittersweet happy ending. It's a shame that mainstream success (and meaningful opportunities) were denied to Adult filmmakers, as this video makes clear that Henri Pachard/Ron Sullivan could have tackled adapting the works of Henry Miller to the screen, which other than Rip Torn and Ellen Burstyn in "Tropic of Cancer" and the Danish film of "Quiet Days in Clichy", both released in 1970, Miller's important novels have yet to be filmed.
The Private Secretary (1935)
Horton in the spotlight
It was a special treat for me to discover this forgotten British comedy from the 1930s (which was unreleased in America), as it presents a still-funny but quite different approach to humor (highly theatrical) than we've become used to. Above all, it's an opportunity to see Edward Everett Horton thrust to center stage rather than his reliably effective supporting roles.
Stealing the show is larger than life Oscar Ashe, a "big" performer in more ways than one. He's cast as the rich uncle of nominal leading man Barry MacKay, and when he crashes onto the screen, a man of constant bluster and nearly double-talk fast delivery of nonsensical dialogue it's amazing. I instantly thought of Jack E. Leonard, the great insult comedian so popular in the 1950s and 1960s who I saw countless times on TV talk shows of the era, but who is all but forgotten (or even reviled) now after Don Rickles, Jackie Cannon and others took over his particular brand of humor.
Horton's physical comedy and unique bumbling persona are the movie's point and while of course including dated elements he holds up well as such a talented performer. Alastair Sim, with a wild hairdo, is priceless in a small but totally imitable bit as a spiritualist in the final reel.
Transfixed: You Wanted to See Me, Coach? (2024)
Peg of my heart
Brittney Kade plays the school football coach in this all-sex Transfixed episode, calling in star quarterback Michael DelRay for a private meeting.
They discuss a recent game their team won, but soon Mike wants to know: why have you called me here. The answer is simple: she wants sex with the strapping young man. Cue the XXX action, after barely two minutes of the show have elapsed.
The surprise here is that almost immediately, Britt is the domme and Mike is the sub, with him deep-throating her and then Coach Kade humping him in his ass. For the rest of the show Mike takes over for more standard TS content, ending with Britt taking a facial.
For director Jim Powers, it's just another day at the (porno) office.
Naked City: To Dream Without Sleep (1961)
Lois can't save this one
Padded out with insipid comic relief and plenty of mean-spirited content, this misguided episode would have worked better in the series' original 1/2 hour format. As it stands, we get to see the talented Lois Nettleton emote and nothing else worth watching.
She plays a lonely Manhattanite, on a date with a creep she met through Mildred's Escort Service. He's been scamming her all along, a married man, and when a chance encounter in a restaurant reveals his true identity, Lois freaks out and tries to escape, accidentally stabbing him with a knife in the restaurant's kitchen when he gets violent with her.
The rest of the hour show consists of slow-witted police work, poorly written comic relief, distraught monologues by poor Lois, leading to an emotional climax when she tries to apologize and give money to the creep's wife, resulting in the wife (played by Gerry Jedd) freaking out and overacting horribly in the violent confrontation. I shouldn't speak ill of Gerry -like me she was from Cleveland, and sadly died a year after this telecast from a stroke while performing on stage in New York.
Finale has Burke saving Lois from suicide in an extremely hokey rooftop scene, the location shooting plus Lois''s fine acting once again unable to overcome the lousy script.
Deep & Wet (1986)
Lousy spy movie by Lasse Braun
Made in New Jersey, Lasse Braun's "Deep & Wet" signals with that dumb, generic title that we're in for gonzo crap, not a real movie this time. It takes place entirely at a house that is a nest of spies, trying to look serious but about as inept as those one might encounter in a Bowery Boys or Abbott & Costello film.
What passes for a plot is portrayed at the beginning of the show, when spy Kirstara Barrington takes cute Ali Moore aside in the house and convinces her to hide stolen microfilm (which KB is planning to hand over to the Russians) in Ali's pussy, wrapped inside of a condom. We watch her do this, and the rest of the movie is just a succession of sex scenes, with some improvised dialogue.
Exception is a particularly oddball scene featuring British porn actress Paula Meadows trying to tutor overage student Rod Retta. This conversation has nothing to do with the movie but is divertingly silly, as Rod complains that dirty words aren't in the dictionary, with teacher Paula responding on the Anglo-Saxon original derivation of these swear words. It's highly educational, not really funny like a classic George Carlin routine but somewhat amusing. Rod requests a demonstration, so she has sex with him.
The spy versus spy action is ridiculous, with mature talent having sex instead of strictly young starlets, as Charlie Latour is especially proficient. Scene structure in the final edition is quite poor, with an early segment of all-American spy played by Joey Silvera angrily having sex with Kristara after searching her, finally finishing about 40 minutes later when he discards her and grabs voyeuse Ali Moore and humps her.
Ending of the movie is insulting and sloppy, as after his money shot, Joey finds the condom hidden in Ali's pussy and doesn't examine it, not finding the so-important microfilm. It's an in-your-face pointing out to the audience that this was just a movie about sex, its "story" of zero interest.
Climax!: Strange Sanctuary (1957)
Phony, sentimental Western
Despite the trappings of violence and Live TV immediacy, "Strange Sanctuary" is an old-hat story, not credible at all. Ellis Kadison adds the novelty of nuns at a convent to the formula, but falls back on the Black and White simplicity of the genre's fake-morality.
Michael Rennie plays an Irish bank robber, partnered with Cesar Romero -impressive casting but both in stock roles. They face a typical lynch mob (in Westerns sanitized by a hatred for outlaws, rather than any real-life racism), Noah Beery Junior as the by-the-book sheriff who tries single-handedly to uphold the law and oppose vigilantism, and Osa Massen, solid as the nun in charge of the convent who essentially offers the outlaws temporary sanctuary.
Plot twists are unconvincing all the way, leading to a particularly hokey ending. The only bright spot is a beautiful young Rita Moreno as a girl raised at the convent who falls for Romero, not romantically but out of sympathy. Her role is not stereotyped but still (like the rest of the cast) one-dimensional. It's interesting that series host Bill Lundigan thanks 20th Century-Fox for permission to feature her, under the movie studio's contract at the time, and even gets a plug in for their current nun-themed release: "Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison".
Goin' Down (1985)
Downstairs, Downstairs
A rather dumb sex farce, "Goin' Down" by Damon Christian features director Christian as an effeminate interior decorator named Mr. Taste who likes to bawl out the servants at his mansion. He also wears a floor-length fur coat, quite an affectation for a California setting.
The excuse for a script has him leaving for the airport, with the servants left behind taking the opportunity for non-stop f*cking. In the cast, Candye Kane sticks out literally as the plump cook who has messy sex (covered with food on her body) in the kitchen with visitor Tony Martino. MaidJacqueline Lorrians humps the chauffeur (Dan T. Mann) and butler (Peter North). Jessica Wylde is oddly cast as the pool cleaner, easily seduced by Mr. Taste's anorexic niece Summer Rose. At one point, Paul Thomas suddenly shows up as fire & brimstone preacher who has sloppy seconds with Summer Rose, still outside by the pool. He decries the inhabitants of Sodom while having anal sex with Summer.
Movie. At least in the version I watched, is very poorly edited, trying for a farcical mood especially during the final reels of bedroom hoping. Given the one-dimensional characters and pointless, non-stop sex it plays as gonzo despite the "story" trappings.
Babylon Pink 3 (1988)
Terrific XXX rom-com
Writer-director Henri Pachard made a wonderful little porn movie, notable for the fine performances by its all-star ensemble cast, and its very amusing vulgar dialogue. It unfolds on screen like a dirty off-Broadway play, only with explicit sex.
Ona Zee plays a shrink who fantasizes about sex with her patients, of both sexes. The patients, including top-billed Shanna McCullough, Nikki Knights and Robert Bullock, interact with the other characters and the result could almost constitute a mainstream movie -except that the sex wouldn't pack the same punch just simulated.
The talent is on their best behavior, notably Joey Silvera and Jerry Butler as hard hats who cheat on their wives. The silliness and overacting that permeates hundreds of Joey and Jerry performances is absent here -clearly Pachard kept them on short leashes.
Ona Zee is terrific as a shrink who definitely needs a shrink, while Bullock demonstrates his range, being a monstrous male chauvinist when pouring out his true feelings on Ona's office couch, but an appealing and shy guy hanging out at the "Geary Club" bar where Shanna works as bartender and Sharon Kane is a barfly fixture.
This is a feel-good Adult Video, easily lost in the shuffle of so many thousands of VHS releases, but worth discovering.
Push My Buttons (2024)
The Devil goes oops!
Adult Time's recent frisky use of its content continues with this Devil's Film DVD, which provides four Oopsie! Vignettes without warning or promotion. It does provide Old School DVD fans easy access to web scenes without having to subscribe. However, sloppiness manages to omit listing one of the stars, Avey Jane, on the packaging.
Izzy Wilde stars in two vignettes. A high energy trio of actresses brings the title scene to life, though as usual, the all-sex format has trouble sustaining interest for 35 minutes.
It's the currently overdone "Stuck" school of porn, best evidenced in many a scene from competing label Brazzers. The action gets going, in slapstick-styled pantomime, with busty Summer Hart getting stuck in the elevator doors of an office building, with TS superstar Izzy Wilde pounding her pussy from behind inside the elevator while security guard Kasey Kei fills Summer's mouth with her cock from the outside.
The trio go at it nonstop and their spirit is infectious. The two trans meet one cis female is the most popular one for an "Oopsie!" romp and though director Stella Smut is definitely stuck in a rut this cast makes it work on a gonzo level.
"The Milk Maid" seems like a remake of another Adult Time release: the year-old futanari animation by Agent Redgirl titled "Milky Moo Farms". It starts off cute but quickly runs itself into the ground.
TS stars Izzy Wilde and Eva Maxim are styled as "cows", being milked by BBW milkmaid Avery Jane, with very fake milking of their breasts and dicks. They're positioned on tables like a "tricky massage" scene, making for access to their dicks through glory holes in each table.
The resulting threesome is boring, with anal sex achieved via a dildu used manually by Jane as well as mechanical dildo-machines. There's no affection or chemistry established and the scene runs short (but still feels long), finished 10 minutes earlier than usual in the series. Another bad sign is that the series let three weeks elapse rather than the normal two between new vignettes this time.
"Club Swinger" is extremely poor, right from the mandatory silent-movie opening pantomime in which co-director Michael Vegas himself, bearing one of his silliest hairdos yet tries to act with the ladies, to the dull lesbian threesome action. It's not erotic, just mechanical sex footage culminating in a totally fake creampie shot.
Movies today suffer from pretentiousness and over-story boarding -filmmakers taking themselves way too seriously. Here is the opposite extreme - pornographers who don't give a damn.
In "Leaking Fluids", I was disappointed with what the "Oopsie!" team did with this promising cast: 3 ladies with big butts, 2 with dicks and one named Tommy King whose featured asset, with emphasis on the first syllable, goes to waste. Director Stella Smut is definitely an underachiever.
Proof is that this is shorter than most "Oopsie!" vignettes, but drags on and on due to sameness, lack of camera movement (or cutting between angles). Set-up scene is in an auto body shop (very fake looking, shot in the studio rather than a real storefront location), where TS stars Foxxy and Eva Maxim are busy at work. Tommy shows up and her big butt immediately attracts a dick, and before you know it they're having a threesome, no questions asked.
Tommy seems to be giving a non-stop blowjob for the rest of the show, very boring, and director Stella, against all odds, never has a twerking shot of Tommy, And also, believe it or not, there is no anal sex, just a few seconds of rimming. The TS gals look bored whomping away on Tommy, and they probably are, since there's nothing sensual or erotic about the show. It's as if the concept "seduction" doesn't exist, with sex reduced by Stella and her cast to strictly "wham bam" status.
Elvis Slept Here (1992)
Intentionally poor
Taking a page out of the Troma Team playbook, "Elvis Slept Here" has the always-awful porn team of Scotty Fox and Cash Markman perpetrating a terrible movie on purpose. Note that Troma's owners started out as pornographers (their couple of XXX movies were far better than their subsequent mainstream-ish trash), before successfully exploiting the "so bad it's good" myth for fun and profit.
"Elvis" is an hour long, plus a 4-minute padded and fake end credits sequence: the names are silly and the professions have nothing to do with the movie, e.g., Animal Trainer and Helicopter Pilot. It's not even original: I had just seen the identical fake end credits on the video "L. A. Rear" made the same year and even crummier than this one.
The actors recite their lines in a monotone, dumb filler with Elvis song titles moronically integrated -how stupid can you get? The five sex scenes are mechanical and boring, mostly ending with a cum shot on the ass. Randy Spears plays the bored (and boring) tabloid reporter who adopts sort of a Jack Nicholson imitation vocal cadence. It's spoofing the National Enquirer/Star empire recently in the headlines thanks to the Trump Trial in NYC.
Jonathan Morgan is the only cast member who tries to imitate Elvis, wearing a lousy black wig and adopting a lousy Southern accent. Meekah co-stars as a fellow reporter competing with Spears to get a scoop or lose her job. -she has two sex scenes yet she's omitted from the screen credits.
Censored (1997)
Whimsical fantasy
Director Michael Zen and writer Raven Touchstone teamed up to create this winning, fun fable about the creative process, providing fine roles for Vivid contract stars Dyanna Lauren and Jenteal. Not typical porn by any means, its obscurity three decades later is unfortunate.
Dyanna is struggling against a tight deadline to write her article about the sexuality of famous fictional characters, while her husband Steven St. Croix, lazily sunbathing outside at their pool, simply wants sex. Their relationship becomes strained.
Out of nowhere, Jenteal appears nude on Dyanna's desk -she's Lady Godiva come to help Lauren overcome her writer's block. She fills in the "true" story of these fictional personages, beginning by informing Dyanna that while Julie expired, Romeo did not die in Shakespeare's play. Suddenly Romeo appears, played by T. T. Boy (oddball casting!), humping Jenteal -mighty distracting to Dyanna who just wants to work.
That's just the beginning of strange flights of fancy, great fun to watch. In short succession, St. Croix with a Halloween-type mask is the Big Bad Wolf humping Ruby as a sexy adult version of Red Riding Hood; Jon Dough as Peeping Tom has sex with Jenteal's Godiva; attractive Raven Mcall is Helen of Troy, seducing and influencing Michae Hurt as Casanova; and Stephanie Swift popping up as Cleopatra for an inventive lesbian 3-way with Jenteal and Lauren (Vivid superstars to the max).
You can't call this rewriting history as it's dealing with fiction, but Raven and Michael have a great deal of fun. If it went over the target audience's head, so be it.
Lene's Best Friends (1997)
A failed rom-com
Toni English's screenplay for Vivid Video is simple: a story of roommates who will finally hook up (very predictably after 10 years of being "best friends"). In the label's rosters of top stars, perhaps Stephanie Swift or Melissa Hill could breathe life into the lead role, but not Lene.
That's because what's required is not a bombshell but an attractive woman who blossoms. Lene is very pretty but very, very fake looking -both her face and body. That's okay in porn for a sex scene, but her character is never believable.
VInce Voyeur as her buddy since high school tries hard, maybe too hard. Potentially funny situations don't come off unfortunately. An example of this is when he goes on a date with a pretty coworker played by Julie Rage and she shows up looking too sexy, and then takes him to a peepshow location to watch live sex from behind glass: Ian Daniels humping Black beauty Monique. Of course the two of them have sex afterward, but it's strictly mechanical.
Later, a routine comedy scene is botched, when Lene wakes hearing loud noises downstairs. She calls the police and heads down to confront the intruder carrying a baseball bat, but of course it's drunken Vince.
Worst acting performance is by Jon Dough, playing the friendly cop who shows up. Lene soon goes out with him, but the breakup is immediately after sex when she discovers he's done a thorough background investigation on her before they went out together! Dough recites his lines in a monotone and exudes zero appeal, treating the assignment like a sex-only gig.
Group Therapy (1992)
Couples therapy plus an orgy
Not one of Teri Diver's better scripts, this nearly all-sex feature delivers the goods without becoming involving. Tom Elliot, who usually co-directs Teri's screenplays, is instead cast as a sex therapist who gives couples advice, including inviting them to his Friday Night Group Therapy session, which culminates the movie with an orgy.
Nearly all the couples have a member, either sex, who is sex obsessed, so obviously the group-sex solves much of the conflict they're suffering. None of the sex scenes are very interesting, with Nina Hartley as Tom's nurse doing the best job. Several big-tit actresses like Leanna Foxxx and Dominique Simone are in the cast to satisfy that sexual component.
Video I watched seemed complete and ran 89 minutes long, not the unlikely 130 listed by some sources.
Hell Hole (1996)
What's up, Stacy?
Actor-director Jonathan Morgan is listed only as "J. M." in this lousy Zane Entertainment release, a gonzo vehicle for Stacy Valentine. It would be a head-scratcher if I actually expected a story, let alone an intelligible one.
Instead we have four group sex vignettes, three of which star Stacy. In between, she wanders around through corridors aimlessly, perhaps in captivity. So we presumably are viewing erotic fantasies, all of which involve anal sex and various double penetrations.
In one segment Stacy has fun with Nena Cherry before the studs take over, and the final segment stars Roxanne Hall instead, willing to go a bit farther than Stacy did sexually.