carlgarethnorton Reviews

Pearl (2022)

Usually I'd say ignore the fake reviews

[6/10 · 20 January 2024]

But this time I'll tell you to avoid the low scores, if you fancy mindless horror that we're all so desensitised from, then fine, have a moan and cry about this film because its not that.

I'm one of those people who hate over hyped pretentious cr@p but this was a slow burn with moments of horror, good acting by Mia Goth, and I think the low scores are unfair on this movie.

It's not amazing but it's definitely enjoyable and worth a watch, I'm glad it wasn't an over the top gore fest because those movies are so boring and dumb, not to mention that they are generic and the people would complain still anyhow.

Film 5.7/10.

Loudermilk: Hit Me Baby One More Time (2020) Season 3, Episode 4

The 10/10 fake reviews are hilarious

[1/10 · 6 January 2024]

As someone pointed out, this episode is so out of character, I've been binge watching the show for the first time and this episode almost put me off from finishing the series

And the 10/10 reviews know how garbage it is by making claims like "it'll upset the neaderthals" ....no, it'll just repel people from watching shows like this because people are tired of the victim mentalitied, white bad, man bad, 1 billion genders and lgbtq been rammed down our throats every 5 seconds.

Disappointing episode and I hope the series redeems itself because for the most part, it's been very enjoyable to watch.

Thanksgiving (I) (2023)

I made it to the end

[4/10 · 25 December 2023]

It had some moments that took it from a 3/10 to a 4/10

The movie itself could have been so much better but the acting was wooden and the lead actress just didn't hit it.

This might have been a decent film in the late 90s, but ultimately to many things dragged it down

Bad decisions by the characters Bad acting Unrealistic behaviour

Not a spoiler as it shows the story in the trailer, but in no way would a parent let their child go out with friends and attend parties whilst they are the target of a killer capable of sadistic things.

And again, the lead character isn't likeable, she treats her boyfriend like he's a 2nd option.

The concept is good. It just hits a high at the start and declines.

Dark Harvest (2023)

2000s nostalgia

[6/10 · 19 October 2023]

This wasn't the greatest horror I've ever seen but it definitely felt like a 2000s horror and not the generic s**** for 'modern audiences'

I thought this was going to be a 2-3 stsr movie going into it, it had its flaws but I was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed the ride

The acting was a bit cheesy at times and the story is a little all over the place, what you're left with is a chaotic b movie horror thriller. I'd definitely recommend giving it a watch if you fancy a turn your mind off kind of film.

It's let down by some of the story (reactions to events in the movie mostly) however, I think I'm expecting to much realism for this kind of film.

Felt like Husk vs Michael. Myers.

The Nun II (2023)

4/10

[4/10 · 5 October 2023]

If you live alone, have nightmares after watching scary movies or feel the anxiety due to the suspense built up in a film....have no fear, you'll sleep easy.

4/10, it was better than the first one which I gave a 3/10 due to the scenery & taissa farmiga who is just gorgeous but doesn't quote have the acting chops of her sister.

The story is basic, the jump scares are predictable and you never feel any real suspense, you know the children aren't gonna be harmed so the scenes with them felt pointless and flat.

They didn't show as much of the nun this time but it was still to much, I'm baffled how this has even rated over a 5.

The Boogeyman (I) (2023)

Darkness Falls 2023

[4/10 · 2 September 2023]

This wasn't awful, but it's very forgettable, it started off well but just ended up as a b rate mess.

Thr lead actress was good as was the you g girl, its a shame the writing wasn't on par.

A lot of frustratingly bad decisions and just outright questionable actions really let this movie down.

It could have been so much better, It felt like I was watching Darkness Falls 2023, but darkness Falls was actually quite spooky, maybe we are so desensitised that these kind of films aren't appreciated.

In the first act the antagonist was able to replicate voices and by the end it was a ghoulish shriek..... (not a spoiler) kind of how the film went, interesting to generic.

4/10 is been kind, by the last act I just wanted it to end.

Cunk on Earth (2022)

Its good

[7/10 · 22 June 2023]

I love Diane Morgan, she plays naive characters and innocent but daft people really amazing.

The Cunk on earth is a good spoof, although I do have a critism, it does feel abit forced at times to be to silly, like the concept is funny, she is funny, but sometimes the funny becomes a little tedious, she could have gotten away with a borat'esque show because she's relatively unknown. And looks like a regular person, because she csn pull off these characters so well people would think they're real.

Anyhow, the show is good, a nice bit of comical relief and as I said, I love seeing Diane Morgan on screen because her presence is so normal and real.

Monsters (2010)

Romance

[7/10 · 8 June 2023]

This film is more about the tension between the lead actors, a lot of reviews called it boring but I felt it was more suspenseful, I enjoyed it personally.

I did expect to see more but I think Scoot Mcnairy did very well, I know this film is 13 years old (I wrote this in 2023) but could have easily been made today, had it had a little more of the sci fi themes and a sprinkle of horror, it could have been one for the ages, still, solid drama set in a sci fi world, better than a lot of films that come out today

6.3/10 because I was intrigued throughout, it lost points for an unsatisfying finish. Had bags of potential.

South Park: The Worldwide Privacy Tour (2023) Season 26, Episode 2

Better

[6/10 · 23 February 2023]

It's an improvement on episodes over the last few seasons, dark humour has sorely been missed.

Ripping on Harry and meghan was funny, nothing spectacular or original, but after 26 series, its going to be difficult to achieve that

Wasn't bad, wasn't amazing, this seasons opening 2 episodes have been alright so far, hopefully they continue. I hope we get to see some classic Cartmen, up to his schemes and pure ignorance of everything and anything around him.

Would be great to see some classic characters maybe, or some really 'out there' episodes which are stupidly clever, it's been abit flat in that retrospect but still better than most adult animated shows, and still the goat.

Halloween Ends (2022)

Halloween ends....thank god

[4/10 · 16 October 2022]

Terrible.

I went into this anticipating it to be bad, but better than the last mess of a film which was more of a comedy.

So I didn't have high expectations, the whole story was stupid, the pacing was shocking, I mean, the babysitter aka Michael Myers sidekick and Laurie's granddaughter (who looks mid/late 20s so more mature than a teen) are madly in love after a day.

One thing that really infuriated me was the guy riding around on his motorbike without a helmet and then Laurie's grand daughter doing the same, a nurse doing that with some synthetic pop and glowing lights, maybe homage to Lost boys I'm not sure.

It could have been half decent even with that scrip if they'd left out the romance, less focus on Laurie and just showed the babysitter guy (can't even remember his name) getting darker.

Ita alright for a one off watch if you're bored.

Hellraiser (2022)

Wasn't bad, wasn't great

[6/10 · 8 October 2022]

This was an enjoyable popcorn horror, but not one I'd watch again, I'd recommend watching though, it felt like an early 2000s film (which isn't a bad thing)

Pinhead has had some controverse over the gender swap (even though its more book accurate) I didn't think it had a negative impact, although, it didn't quite have the menacing presence as the original, but I was only a young lad when I saw the original so maybe I wasn't as desensitised to that kind of horror.

The story wasn't bad, I just think it had an element missing atmosphericly. In comparison to modern day horrors, I'd say it was good.

Fall (I) (2022)

Knees weak, palms are sweaty

[7/10 · 18 September 2022]

I'm not a climber, this movie gave me anxiety! Haha.

I didnt have high hopes, I usually find films with young 18-19 generic and unrelatable. But this film was gripping throughout.

I read a spoiler which turned out to not be the bug moment I thought, I'm not saying it's a survival masterpiece but it did make me feel uneasy throughout the film, not many movies have had that affect on me, especially in more recent times.

I'd you want to feel some vertigo, this is a movie for you, I also think it highlights how ridiculous society is for validation, its probably not the message of the film but its a pretty accurate example.

Beast (I) (2022)

Just a mindless enjoyable film

[7/10 · 17 September 2022]

I think the reviews are a little harsh, it was an enjoyable and thrilling, It had its flaws but its one of those films you can just sit back, and not think to much about.

It was also a little cheesy, the ending was predictable from the moment you're introduced to a certain aspect of the film, the daughters was annoying, especially the eldest.

I think people expected to much going by the other reviews, it was never going to be a masterpiece and not every film has to be.

Probably by the same people who rave how 'amazing' prey was, I'd say this is like a mash up of prey and jurrasic world, not great but not bad.

Samaritan (I) (2022)

Better than everything Marvel have put out

[7/10 · 27 August 2022]

Since endgame.....

Enjoyable film, none of the usual virtue signaling that most films and TV have these days, just a straight up action super hero movie with some.cheesy moments.

I see a lot of homage to other superhero films, most notable, "I was born in it, moulded by it" vibes.

Definitely a film you can just sit back and forget about the world. Solid 7/10 for me, not because its amazing but because it is solely made for entertainment and that is a gem in this climate.

The writing is flawed at times but again, you get by that because you don't have to think to hard about it.

I did expect to hear the rocky theme song though haha, Sly is basically a super rocky.

Prey (I) (2022)

Not as Mary sue'ish as I'd assumed it would be

[6/10 · 6 August 2022]

Yes, yes, Arnold's predator won't ever be touched, you can't re create the mystery and unknown aspect of predator, and yes he was replaced by a teen girl, I thought this was gonna be a straight up "girl kicks ass every scene and shes better than all the men" movie but she wasn't, she had challenging moments, a few eye rolls but very tame in comparison to most films today.

Pleasantly surprised, the scenery was excellent!

A solid 5.5/10 worth a watch, not one I'd go back to.

The Gray Man (2022)

Enjoyable action...

[7/10 · 23 July 2022]

To sit back, forget the world for a few hours and enjoy some nostalgic action.

No virtue signalling, no preachy subliminal messaging, just mindless action done in a stylish manner.

Don't really understand the bad reviews, but each to their own.

Chris Evans had Bennett vibes from Comando.

The Black Phone (2021)

Feels like a 2000s horror

[6/10 · 16 July 2022]

It wasn't a bad film, abit generic but Ethan Hawke was genuinely a creepy protagonist, I enjoyed it.

I think it could have done with abit more realism, or mystery at least.

But overall, definitely worth a watch.

Resident Evil (2022)

Awful

[1/10 · 14 July 2022]

As the other reviews have stated, this is just a preachy, box ticking show with zombies and a borrowed title to trick people into watching, It wouldn't be as bad if they implemented everything with an actual decent story but no, they're not capable of doing that. These top "writers" need sacking. Guess this is the way of film these days.

The Terminal List (2022– )

A cocktail of punisher, rambo and shooter.

[9/10 · 7 July 2022]

I thought this was outstanding, I don't usually like this type/theme of show but Chris Pratt was brilliant, I expected him to be abit generic (his usually charismatic self with humour here and there on top of a drama) but no, he was gritty, dark, solid drama, at times you'd not think this was Chris Pratt.

Taylor. Kitch was also very good. Impressed with this show, not sure it needs a season 2 but if it does, than I look forward to it.

Spiderhead (2022)

Worth a watch

[6/10 · 26 June 2022]

Wasn't awful like some of the reviews suggest, Teller was very good, Hemsworth is getting more versatile in the characters he plays

The film wasn't breathtaking by no means but the concept/idea was good, a little weird at times, not quite the island but enjoyable for a few hours.

The Postcard Killings (2020)

Bang average

[5/10 · 13 March 2022]

Wasn't a great film, wasn't awful either.

Abit irritated when the police in different countries spoke their native tongue without subtitles like were supposed to understand Scandinavian or Belgian.

The plot is a little sketchy, I wouldn't have payed attention to this film.if JDM wasn't in it, he does his best to work with wat he's given, Fame Jenson just looked out of place the whole movie.

Overall worth a watch if you're bored.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Had potential

[4/10 · 26 February 2022]

But the writing was terrible, had some decent actors too which makes it a shame. Some of the dialogue is horrendous. Yet some of the scenery is great.

Elements of nostalgia, but the original game was creepy and when they first enter a certain scene I thought "yes, this is going to be good" but it was to fast to stupid, the rookie was also a terrible actor. In fairness most likely due to the poor characters.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Enjoyable up to the last act

[6/10 · 20 February 2022]

I have to say, I was expecting some big virtue signalling fest and it has a few lines but not over bearing like majority of these types of films currently.

Anyhow, it was actually really enjoyable, until it got silly, not a spoiler, but there's a certain point where I was engrossed and then it made me go 'meh' they halloweened the last 20 minutes and it was tedious, daft and made no sense. I gave it a 6 because most horrors average out a 3 or 4 from me and this was a decent slasher film, can't say I've seen many as good as the 90s and earlier so I rated it 2 up.

The Unforgivable (2021)

Not as bad as people are saying

[7/10 · 10 December 2021]

It wasn't groundbreaking but it was a solid drama, I think the last quater was a little daft but overall I thought it was decent

People are complaining about how are they supposed to feel empathy? You don't always have to. You can dislike the main leads character, although as the story goes on, you do realise the incident was more complex. Some of thr reviews feel lole they didn't watch it all. If you like slow burn dramas, I'd definitely give it a watch.

The Power of the Dog (2021)

I like slow burns

[5/10 · 3 December 2021]

But this was lukewarm.

I personally found it boring

The acting was top notch, Cumberbatch was intense. Jesse Plemons was on par with his wife Kristen dunst and Kodi Smit did the best he could.

5/10 for me

Can see why people who like that kind of film rated it higher though.