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Reviews
Love in the Villa (2022)
I mean... it's sometimes kinda cute?
Flipping through these reviews might already have given you the hint this movie isn't going to change the world, but it was never meant to. It's inoffensive and sometimes cute, but overall just a big ol' OK, and as someone really not touching romcoms with a 10-foot pole, this OK is probably the best I'll ever say about any romcom. Yes the plot is stupid, but I don't think it was written to be a bulletproof masterpiece people expect all movies to be. Tom Hopper's character carried it for me pretty much, but weirdly the best part of the movie is the first couple minutes the leads spend bantering with each other, then it just gets from romcom to a Hallmark classic in a flash.
Elk*rtuk (2021)
An objectively bad movie - but there's more!
A movie can be carried by three things: a good plot, amazing visuals or interesting characters. This one had none of it, except for historically mostly accurate sets, which really stood out in this absolute waste of data.
The plot itself is mostly based on a conspiracy theory, and the characters are either the most goody-two shoes boyscout characters, while the antagonists are only fueled by the power of pure evil. I'm not even kidding, Voldemort and the Emperor aren't even close. And what for? Well, prepare to die with that question, because even Darren Cross in Ant-Man seems to have fairly valid motivations in comparison.
The cinematography is just... meh? It's got no personality whatsoever, and it just feels like it's shot with a generic template for an action movie (which is really dumb, because this is the most boring pile of crap I've ever seen).
The pacing is also so off... Even living through the whole thing in real time seemed to have better flow than sitting through this movie.
All in all, this kind of good vs. Evil story wouldn't hold up in 2021 even if the villains had reasonable motivations, because there are zero shades thrown around, it's pure black and white. Any spoiler warning is completely useless, because there is literally nothing to spoil in this plot.
And don't get me started on the "marketing" of this movie.
0/10, worse than Daredevil 2004, but at least that was sometimes funny.