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Watcher (2022)
Close but not quite
I can't decide if I adore Maika Monroe because of her slightly off performances or if I just can't look away. She's an interesting actress. I'm not sure if she keeps landing roles with awkward dialogue or if she's just an awkward person (which doesn't necessarily mean a bad actor). Either way, I enjoyed her performance in this and as a woman could really feel the isolation and dread she was experiencing. Her husband was TRASH, I'm so sick of seeing this type of man in movies but hey, I guess it's realistic. I was honestly more horrified by their awful marriage and total lack of communication/connection than the actual horrors at play.
The atmosphere felt both vast/unknown and suffocating at the same time, and the choice to not include subtitles for the vast amount of Romanian dialogue really added to that effect.
In the end, a bit too formulaic. The final scene is predictable and without much to say.
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Besties 4 Life
The aliens are petty and mean and the predators are cool and rock. I would be friends with the predators over the aliens for sure. The queen alien is kind of cool cuz her headpiece reminded me of Aaliyah but overall she was BORING. There are four alien movies prior to this. I saw 3 of em, not that great but I would watch one of em again probably. Highly recommend.
Old (2021)
Steaming pile
Wow. This was literally like a mad TV skit of a suspense movie. Absolutely incoherent half-baked plot, horrible editing, and the script was so bad that it actually made seasoned actors seem one dimensional and inept. How? How was this funded? Shymalan is such an enigma, he came out the gate with two really solid films but has progressively become such an incredible hack. I'm starting to wonder if he's outsourced his concepts to like... One of his 11 year old nephews or something. Surely this didn't come from the mind of an adult. Also he hates coral apparently.
X (2022)
Swing and a miss
I think Ti West likes to select a bunch of flavors he knows are generally liked by horror fans and toss them together without creating an actual recipe. I never feel immersed in the universe he's creating, and while I can enjoy certain aspects of his movies, I find them pretty dull and off the mark.... Case in point, why did he think this was an interesting story? The theme feels half-baked at best.
And once again, like so many movies today, the line between homage and plain stolen is really blurry. I'm not a big Rob Zombie fan but I will say the soundtrack for Devil's Rejects worked so well and felt authentic because he chose mostly b-sides and lesser known hits with a lot of soul. This score felt corny. It's hard to not compare the two at least a little as they're both (obviously) heavily influenced by Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
The humor also kinda fell flat for me. I absorbed the jokes like you absorb scenery looking out the window of the bus. Just didn't work for me.
Moloch (2022)
Worth watching but not without flaws
This was a fun folk horror piece but unfortunately it suffers from, like others have said, too many standard tropes... The worst of which are the orchestral record scratch sound effect at the sight of a jump scare and some pretty weak CGI that felt a little too Goosebumps for me in design.
The acting falters oddly at parts too, but for the most part the storyline is intriguing and I didn't find it slow. I did get a little confused by what/who is actually responsible for what is happening but by the end it's clear enough. It's a worthwhile spooky adventure with a really great atmosphere. Too bad the streaming on Shudder made the whole thing pixelated, why am I paying for that again?
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018)
Don't Bother, Unless You're 13
I am utterly convinced that this show was written by 60 year olds who googled the words "gen z". It's so forced, cheesy (not campy, there's a difference), and poorly acted it makes my head spin. Kiernan is simply awful. The only thing that could make her acting worse is if she was mouthing other people's lines while they said them. I wouldn't put it past her. I honestly don't know if everyone who took part in this show just phoned it in and hammed it up knowing that it was crappy source material or what, but I have to imagine they're capable of better performaces. It feels like a show made for children, but obviously the themes are too adult.
Pig (2021)
Marketing Mistake
I'll start by saying I enjoyed this film. The performances were excellent, and Alex Wolff in particular is someone to watch for in the future. His incredibly nuanced approach to complex emotional responses is fascinating to watch. I know everyone is touting an "Oscar-worthy performance" by Nic but for me, Alex stole the show.
I think what's biting it in the ass is the marketing attempt to make it appear as a thriller. It's even categorized as such on IMDB. And while not official marketing, I heard in several word-of-mouth instances this being described as "Mandy, but with a pig" or "a John Wick-style revenge film about fine dining". It is definitely neither. Not in any way. If you're looking for action, you won't find it here. This is a uniquely vague tale of grief and healing. It's both solely about a pig and not about a pig at all.
I actually found Amir and his father's grief experiences to be more compelling than the main character. There were a few instances where the story lost my interest, one of them being the pointless underground fight club scene. I think everyone was expecting something intense to happen (based on the marketing) but it didn't. Maybe that was the point? It just didn't work for me.
Overall if you are a fan of Nic Cage or off-beat, unique takes on complex human emotions, this is definitely worth watching.
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)
Blah
I don't love The Conjuring franchise, but I do enjoy the films as time pieces of the traditional religious dichotomy. There's something enjoyable about their corny outfits and the cozy 70s set design. This universe doesn't exist without god, it's the war as old as time. But now we introduce a super dated and toxic view of "Satanism" and witchcraft in a way that barely makes sense. The scares are pretty predictable and cheap, it would greatly benefit from practical effects. LESS IS MORE. I don't dig the heavy handed *love is stronger* concept either. We get it, you want us to believe Ed and Lorraine had a strong, otherworldly connection to each other that enabled them to fight evil powers. Okay. Is this an ad for marriage? The acting by the supporting cast was pretty good, though.
Her Smell (2018)
Abysmal
Are we supposed to believe that the person who wrote this actually has a single second of experience with musicians, fame, addiction, touring, etc under their belt? This movie utterly fails at seeming even remotely authentic, the script is one of the worst I've ever heard. I love Elizabeth Moss. I really do. To make such a talented actress look so foolish is hard, but they somehow achieved it. It's almost as if they literally asked her to chew every scene to shreds. None of the dialogue seems real, the characters are cheap dollar store imitations of "rockers", and the plot makes no sense. Is she supposed to be mentally ill? And what the actual cuss is with the corny shaman? Just... what. In order to make us believe this woman was once very talented and charming enough to have all of these people stick around through her vile toxicity, you need to include a scene that actually depicts that.
It's all so unbelievable and audibly GRATING. Literally gave me a migraine. Don't waste your time. If you want to see Moss be expertly unhinged, watch her in Queen of Earth instead.