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The Problem with Apu (2017)
A Misguided Criticism
While I can see the intentions behind this documentary, I feel like the arguments are weak reasoning.
Yes, Apu may be presented as a stereotypical Indian, but that's the point of The Simpsons, being a satirical take on society, making fun of various stereotypes while introducing a diverse and interesting cast.
Also, Apu is more than just a walking stereotype if you look beyond the surface, i.e. watch more than one episode. He has a much deeper personality and is more than just a catchphrase.
Not Cool (2014)
This Is Embarrassing...
I've never seen a movie so pointlessly crude as this one. It's almost as bad as Movie 43.
I likely would've never heard about this movie if it wasn't for one thing...
It co-stars Cherami Leigh, to anyone unaware, is a voice actress for video games and anime as well as doing a few live-action roles on occasion. And honestly, this is easily her worst role by far.
Say what you will about Lucy Heartfillia or Asuna Yuuki, at least those characters felt dignified and had some likable qualities to them.
Tori, the character Cherami plays, is just some nihilistic edgelord who's only there to make sarcastic quips and say vulgar things for meaningless shock value.
I'd talk about the story, but what story is there to tell? It's just a bunch of high schoolers screaming, cursing, talking about sexual references, making homophobic slurs, and basically going out of their way to be as vulgar as possible. There's also some random partying, and is full of gross-out.
I've never heard of Shane Dawson, but this movie really didn't make a fan.
But I am a fan of Cherami Leigh, and I feel bad that she was part of such an awful movie like this.
I have nothing against vulgar humor, in fact, I'm pretty open-minded towards that kind of thing. However, what holds those kind of jokes together is context and structure, which this movie has neither.
Everything feels so jumbled together and scenes drag on for way too long or don't make any sense.
While I might understand the intention behind it, when it's not shoving vulgar jokes down my throat, portraying the awkwardness of teenagers and stuff, that's been a thing ever since the John Hughes era back in the 80's, but the difference there is that they didn't cram in vulgar jokes just to pad the runtime or sound edgy.
This movie doesn't really seem to grasp the concept of comedy and as a result is on par with the likes of Ghostbusters 2016 and the Paul Blart: Mall Cop movies.
Bottom line, it's something I wouldn't recommend at all.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
There was another X-Men movie?
I completely forgot this came out when... This first came out.
I dunno, maybe I just given up on the X-Men timeline after Logan and Deadpool 2 tightly wrapped up everything in a nice big bow.
And now, we have this movie which tries to add the "Phoenix" storyline in the X-Men prequel continuity (because that worked SO well in The Last Stand...) only to come across as contrived and nonsensical.
Apart from a cool looking action scene near the end, there is nothing of substance about this movie. Apparently there were a ton of rewrites behind the scenes, which might explain why the whole movie feels choppy and uneven, particularly in its tone and it's antagonists.
And soon enough, I forgot about this just as quickly as I watched it.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Eh...
Ignoring all the backlash regarding Brie Larson and the hatedom/controversy surrounding this movie, I thought the movie was just...
Okay.
It's not great, but at the same time it's not terrible. It just kind of in the middle.
Honestly, I was kinda expecting it to be as bad as Ghostbusters 2016 or Ocean's 8, given the Twitter nonsense surrounding it. But really, it's just a mediocre superhero movie, which is kinda rare for the MCU.
Even Iron Man 2 and Thor: The Dark World had their moments. This was just kinda "there" to me. Sure, there were a few scenes that were kinda cool but nothing too groundbreaking.
The Lion King (2019)
Just Watch The Original...
There's absolutely no reason to watch this, at all.
It's literally a shot-for-shot retelling of the original only done badly. The photorealism makes the characters nearly emotionless, the musical numbers aren't as catchy, and there's nothing to be invested in.
Bad movies are one thing, ditto for a bad remake, but when it comes to a movie like this, I'm just bored. And that's the worst thing a movie could be, boring.
I was never a fan of these live-action remakes, and this is easily the worst one out of all of them, Dumbo being a close second. As bad as the remake to Beauty and The Beast was, at least it was colorful and vibrant. This was just dull, dreary, and not at all creative or interesting.
Even when viewing it as its own thing, it's dull and uninteresting. At the end of the day, it's just one big waste of time.
Mortal Kombat (2011)
Finally, a live-action Mortal Kombat with some gore.
I've understood the appeal of the 1995 original MK movie, even if I didn't like it.
The 1997 sequel Annihilation was complete garbage, however.
With this, there's finally MK with some actual blood and gore.
Call me superficial, but the PG-13 rating was a major turn off for me.
I'm glad MK: Legacy was here to fulfill my superficial needs.
Son of the Mask (2005)
No, no, no... Dear god, no... Stay as far away from this as you can.
This is a horrific movie spawned from the depths of hell.
I can't see how anyone could enjoy this. I doubt even kids would even like this, as the CGI is nightmare-inducing and the overabundance of wide angle close up shots being creepy.
It's 90-something minutes too long, and it drags on and on.
This is easily the worst movie I've ever seen.
Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
A harmless guilty pleasure.
I have seen a lot of trashy action flicks in the past, and this is another one in the pile.
Yeah, it's stupid and pointless but in terms of action it's delivers on that front.
The story isn't much to write home about, a computer program has gone rogue to take over the world. That's basically the entire plot.
What it compensates for that is action, and there is a ton of it. Start of the movie kicks off with a boat chase, then a fight scene, a couple gunfights and explosions here and there, basic stuff. And I actually really enjoyed it.
The soundtrack is a plus for me too, I'm a sucker for nu-metal and the like.
Universal Soldier: The Return isn't gonna win any awards, and it doesn't need to. As a mindless action movie, it works.
Kangaroo Jack (2003)
A complete waste of time.
I've read several negative reviews regarding this movie and having seen the movie itself I would like to give my two cents on the matter.
Is this the worst movie I've ever seen? Not by a long shot. Hell, it's not even the worst movie centered around a CGI talking animal that I've ever seen. Speaking of which, the movie isn't even about the titular Kangaroo Jack. Instead, it's about a hairdresser named Charlie and his best friend Louis, who saved him from drowning when they were kids. When a job goes awry, Charlie's stepfather, a Mafia don played by Christopher Walken (who's easily the best part of the movie) sends them to Australia with $50,000 in an envelope and the two accidentally hit a kangaroo along the way. They mess around with it until the titular kangaroo comes to life apparently surviving the supposed hit-and-run, and the movie devolves into a wild goose-chase (or in this case, kangaroo chase) they come across clichéd love interest (seriously, she's only there to be Charlie's love interest) and soon enough mob lieutenant Frankie (played by Michael Shannon, who's way too good for a movie like this) chases after them.
You might think I'm skimming a few details, well given its mercifully short runtime (like an hour and 20-something minutes) there isn't much to spoil or go too much into detail. Honestly, it's not really something to get worked up about.
Yes, there are scenes that are really cringeworthy (the titular kangaroo rapping, farting camels, Kangaroo Jack doing a Looney Tunes bit at the very end, yeah that happened) but other than that, it's just a waste of time. Apart from a few chase scenes here and there, there isn't much for me to get invested. The comedy sucks and the titular kangaroo isn't even the star of his own movie.
Bottom line, this movie isn't even worth paying much attention to or remembering. It's not offensively bad, it's not rage-inducingly bad. It's just forgettably bad.