i_hijump Reviews

Jack Ryan (2018–2023)

Waiting a year for eight measly episodes??

[5/10 · 30 December 2022]

Sorry, but after season three with only eight episodes, I'm afraid I have better things to do. I simply can't stay motivated for so long only to have eight episodes released.

This is becoming the trend for these streaming shows, and it's going to be their downfall. How about giving us more story and less special effects. Maybe that will give you more budget and time to create more than a pitiful eight episodes.

Now that I've said what I came out here to say, I'll add some filler here to hit my mandatory minimum number of characters. Jack Ryan is a good series. It just needs to be reconsidered.

The Griddle House (2018)

If you could've heard it... might've been good

[5/10 · 8 October 2022]

The incessant soundtrack drowns out most of the dialogue. Otherwise, it might have been a better movie. I can't believe someone didn't catch this when mixing. The characters are all cute and believable, but the music just drones on and on and ruins the movie. Maybe someone will remix it so we can hear it.

As for the rest of the review, this is just filler to hit my 500 character minimum. I had a normal life. Born and raised in a small town in Arkansas to two normal parents. Yes, I knew my parents, and I'm not ashamed tot admit it. My normal siblings all knew them too! So you can see, this paragraph is meaningless.

Solis (2018)

I'll never get that hour back.

[1/10 · 2 July 2022]

BTW. I fast forwarded through the last hour. The music was atrocious and overplayed the dialog. The rest was just sad. In fact, i have nothing else to say but just have to get my 150 characters in.

Halo: Transcendence (2022) Season 1, Episode 9

Lazy Writing At Its Best

[3/10 · 24 May 2022]

It seems that, every time the humans need air support, they have nothing. Enemy ships just come and go as they please. Lazy writing is what can destroy a series.

2036 Origin Unknown (2018)

Tax write-off

[2/10 · 12 May 2022]

Three minutes in and I was done. The special effects were thirty years out of date, they called rockets "jets", and I swear I saw the landing scene with the exact same craft in a other movie. It'll come to me.

Halo: Homecoming (2022) Season 1, Episode 4

Is there a real writer left in the world?

[2/10 · 7 May 2022]

How stupid an episode can you write? Kwan's big plan was to wade into a totalitarian stronghold with a bounty on her head, go to her father's memorial and start screaming at everyone, and put her entire clan in danger. Really?

Is this what storytelling has come to?

Star Trek: Picard (2020–2023)

I'm done with Star Trek

[1/10 · 7 May 2022]

Lifelong Star Trek fan here. It came out the year after I was born. I endured V and VI, Nemesis, Then first animated series... all these, because I loved the dream. But the franchise has been compromised... relegated to be a mouthpiece for radical social justice movements. It is dead... no longer what it once was. I'm done.

Star Trek: Picard: Hide and Seek (2022) Season 2, Episode 9

Why?

[2/10 · 6 May 2022]

Why? Stewart can barely speak. He slurs his words horribly. Have to wonder what meds he must be on just to make it. Why is Paramount doing this to him?

If you're a writer of this trash... it's trash! Lazy, crap writing. Pathetic.

Star Trek: Discovery: Anomaly (2021) Season 4, Episode 2

Trope

[3/10 · 6 May 2022]

So, you lose gravity and fall from six feet up. Do you then buckle in? Hell no! You're the damned USS Discovery!

Lazy writing is why television series end!

Star Trek: Picard: Assimilation (2022) Season 2, Episode 3

The gang's all here!

[2/10 · 3 May 2022]

Ancient Picard: check. Ancient Q: check. Borg: check. Much too angry doctor: check. Far-too-used time travel to fix something: check.

Star Trek has become a parody of itself.

Port Protection (2015– )

Pitiful

[4/10 · 2 January 2022]

Repeatedly, these poor over-the-hill and overweight folks fail to find m/catch/kill food, their hunting, fishing, and trapping skills far below the standard. If they truly relied on these skills to survive they would, at the very least, weigh far less than they do.

They show no planning in their actions. It like they wake up and decide they need a moose for the winter, and they hadn't considered it all year... no planning, no preparation.

Then there's the manufactured drama. That part is laughable.

Inhumans (2017)

Probably the worst writing/directing I've ever seen.

[2/10 · 21 December 2021]

When this hit the airwaves I watched one episode and never looked back. Now, on Disney+ I thought I'd try again. I remember now why I didn't watch it in the first place.

As a writer or director, you should at least try to make the flow of events believable. Not here though. I found myself screaming at the screen for the absolute stupidity of the characters, when, in real, it was the writer who I was screaming at.

I'm going to stop here before my BP goes back up!

Artemis Fowl (2020)

If you're going to have a narrator

[3/10 · 3 December 2021]

Please pick someone who's every word isn't in vocal fry. I spent the first fifteen minutes clearing my throat every time the narrator spoke.

Dialogue is contrived. Acting as well.

Invasion (2021–2024)

Ignore all the Positive Reviews!!

[3/10 · 26 October 2021]

This is crap. It's the same crap you can watch on any other streaming service. And people thought the streamers would give us something fresh. Nope. Same-ole same-ole. Think For All Mankind, or Ascension.

Invasion (2021–2024)

Boring Because it's Nothing New

[3/10 · 26 October 2021]

If you've watched a drama on pretty much any streaming network you've already seen this. For those looking for something fresh, you're sure to be disappointed. I didn't make it through the first episode. It's rote... as if there's a computer spitting out scripts.

Moontrap: Target Earth (2017)

No amount of F-bombs could save this movie

[2/10 · 1 September 2021]

I will say that the story was a cool concept... ancient humans rediscovered.

But the rest was pitiful. Sometimes no CGI is better than bad CGI. And robots that don't wiggle when they walk, pathetic camera angles, bad acting... what does it say when an unknown is a better actor than Charles Schughnessy?

Yes, I watched to the end... in for a penny, in for a pound.

The Tomorrow War (2021)

If Starship Toopers had a stepchild

[2/10 · 7 July 2021]

Why didn't Amazon standardize the volume with everything else they have?? I have it at twice the level of everything else I watch on Amazon Prime and I still can't hear it!!

However. Once I could hear it, turns out it was nothing more than a sequel of Starship Troopers... thousands of humans who've been sent to fight a war with disgustingly insufficient weapons, even though they are more than readily available. So they have to stand there and empty thousands or rounds of underpowered ammo into overprotected enemies.

The only thing missing from this movie were the "Service is Citizenship" ads.

White Collar (2009–2014)

What a great show!!

[8/10 · 29 April 2021]

This show has all the elements that make for an awesome series. There's just one problem. After how many episodes should the lead FBI agent learn to cover the back exit when he does a setup??

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things (2021)

I would have rated higher

[7/10 · 14 March 2021]

If they would have removed a half dozen obligatory curse words so I could watch it with my daughter.

Pull the curse words and change to PG and you'll get far more views.

Stargirl (2020–2022)

Lazy Writing Kills This Show

[3/10 · 19 August 2020]

This show suffers from some of the laziest writing. I guess you get what you pay for... but when the main character, in every episode, seems to totally forget the life lesson learned in the previous episode and bullheadedly push forward, It gets old quickly.

I gave it up in episode 8, when Pat felt he had to run save brain girl at the neighbor's door, got caught, and then lied to the mother, telling her he was the girl's father! As if this was NYC and they would never meet again. At that point, I was done.

Again, lazy writing makes for horrible, redundant, and predictable situations, as well chalkboard-scratching torture when trying to watch. For example, episode 8, Pat goes to the basement to have a one-on-one with the staff. So he seats himself with his back to the stairs. Really bright Pat... or rather, writers.

It's incessant and stupid crap like that which turns me off. And I'm done. Thank you, and goodnight.

Stargirl: S.T.R.I.P.E. (2020) Season 1, Episode 2

Promising... however...

[5/10 · 29 July 2020]

Episode 1, the staff comes to find Stargirl. Episode 2, the staff can't function out of her hands? How long does it take to break continuity? One episode.

Ad Astra (2019)

Huge disappointment for the money

[3/10 · 24 July 2020]

This movie was a visual success... it was breathtaking. But that's about it. For all the effort they put into it, they could not rise above a horrible story and, of course, Brad Pitt.

I will say this... Brad found the perfect movie for his talent. His character was basically a Vulcan, so Brad was perfectly in his element because he didn't actually have to act, which he can't do as it is.

Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland and Liv Tyler were absolutely not required in this movie... and it would have freed up more money for the studio to invest in a real story and a real lead actor.

I've read a book entitled Ad Astra. It isn't related to, but is far better than this movie.

Another Life (2019–2021)

Why do writers ruin a series by defying basic human logic

[2/10 · 18 May 2020]

As I grow older I have less and less patience with lazy writers. My wife and daughters get frustrated with me, but I can't stand it when writers make stupid decisions and just expect us to be okay with it.

Ok... So Niko killed the captain. And for some unknown reason, felt no reason to explain the fact that he came at her with a knife! Which meant the crew AND the computer all doubted her actions. And now, only two episodes in, Niko is going insane for that very reason.

Second, the crew are all whiny morons. In no sane universe would these children be selected for a mission to save the entire planet!

I'm not done with episode 2, but I might be done after episode 2.

EDITED: OK, after the "Alien" ending to the 2nd episode... I'm done! Lowering the rating from a 3 to a 2.

A Walk with Grace (2019)

What the what?

[2/10 · 25 March 2020]

We found this on Pure Flix. It was... weird. Drunks and kids all having a blast Together at the local bar. Dancing to a Hymn? That was new. It's like it's a parody of a Christian film! I'm still trying to process this film. But I'll recommend you not bother with it.

Love on the Sidelines (2015 TV Movie)

Know football before you make a football movie

[3/10 · 10 January 2020]

Get an actor who looks like a football player Learn how to use crutches Learn how to act