beeltink Reviews

Cliffhanger (1993)

Too predictable, illogic decisions

[1/10 · 5 July 2009]

I don't know who wrote the script for this movie, but from the first moment on, I was irritated. Of all possible decisions they could make up in the mountains, why do they make the decision, which is the most dangerous of all? Why do the criminals act dumb, although they managed to get a huge amount of money out of a bank and get away with it? Why doesn't the main criminal land the helicopter, shoot Stallone, grab the money and fly away with the chick as a hostage? And there are more cases of illogical behavior. I'd give this movie 5 points for nice action and great landscape scenery, but due to the illogical behavior of the characters, I just can give this movie 1 point...

Pathfinder (2007)

Good action, REAL Nordic language, bad research

[5/10 · 10 April 2007]

What I really liked about the movie was that the vikings actually spoke old Nordic, which is an old-fashioned version of Icelandic, which was spoken in the western parts of Skandinavia in the past. This makes the movie interesting for people who actually study Scandinavian languages. A big mistake were the clothes the vikings were wearing: in the movie they had horns on their helmets, however, vikings did NOT wear horns on their helmets in reality! This is a common mistake made in movies. VIKINGS DID NOT WEAR HORNS ON THEIR HELMETS! THEY NEVER DID! Some archaeologists made that up when they found an old Viking-helmet with a drinking horn next to it. As for the story: it's packed with nice action, however I can't understand that the Vikings were so violent and dumb. They were explorers, fishers and traders, not the violent warriors like in the movie.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Lots of action, no story and extremely bad sound mixing

[2/10 · 17 March 2007]

The movie starts kind of interesting, where somehow zombies break out in a city and the umbrella corporation decides to close the city, leaving everyone as a victim for the zombies. Then it's just one big sequence of killing, killing and killing. Then there's a new character, the Nemesis, who is killing all umbrella security men with a huge machine gun and a rocket launcher. Apart from these facts, there is no storyline. What really irritated me are the sound effects. They are about 10 times louder than anything else in the movie, making me grab the remote all the time to put the volume lower when there were explosions and then higher again so I was able actually to hear any voices. The person who mixed the sound effect must've been an amateur, a pro would've used a compressor/limiter to make the volume of the sound effects equal to the rest of the volume in the movie.

Severance (2006)

Very disturbing, dry/witty and scary

[8/10 · 27 October 2006]

The movie takes place in Eastern Europe, where a team of people will spend time together in a cabin in the middle of a forest to do some team-building-training, like paint-ball-training and stuff. There are the basic characters: the sexy blonde, the nerdy brunette, the crazy druggie, the neurotic safety-expert, the black relaxed man, the smart handsome guy and the chaotic manager who can't handle situations. The movie starts where the team is in the bus on their way to this cabin in the middle of a forest somewhere in Hungary, Bulgary, Former Yugaslavia or Romania. They don't actually seem to know where they are going and don't really seem to care either. On their way to the cabin, the road is blocked by a tree and the bus driver refuses to take the narrow path through the forest, throws everyone out and drives back to where he came from. From there the movie starts slowly and gets more disturbing the further the movie continues. Basically, take a regular "look behind you!" - "CHOP"-movie, but with intelligent semi-dry witty quotes and combine it with movies like Pulp Fiction and Trainspotting, then you have an idea what this movie is like. The movie continuously changes from a funny movie to a thriller to a horror-movie, with some nice absurd situations. It contains a lot of gore. The most disturbing part about this movie is that it could actually be real. I wouldn't recommend this movie to everyone, mostly because of all the sadistic gore and violence in it.

Spoilers:

The worst part is where one of the team steps into a bear trap and has his leg cut off. Another very disturbing part is where one of the team is captured, tied to a tree and gets petrol poured all over the body and finally gets burned to a crisp with a blowtorch.

Crank (2006)

This is Pulp Fiction II

[9/10 · 22 September 2006]

I just heard about this movie and just came back from the cinema after I saw it. The movie is rated 18+ in Germany due to chopped off limbs and extreme violence, but this is what should be Pulp Fiction II IMHO. Although the dialogs in Pulp Fiction are much better, this movie just continues in the same way, while being chronologically. Basic story: the movie is about a man who wakes up and finds out that someone poisoned him with a strange drug which will kill him. The only way to slow down the poison is to have an adrenaline-rush, so the whole movie is a big violence-, sex- and action-trip. If you like Pulp Fiction, Sin City, Natural Born Killers and the like, this movie is just the thing for you! For me, this is the movie of the year!

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)

Great movie, very good attempt to describe the book without being violent.

[8/10 · 20 September 2006]

I don't understand people who say this movie is dull, boring or bad. I guess these people are only into mindless action-movies with simple dialog where people get slaughtered in a brutal and visually gory way. If you have a mind and you are able to think, this movie maybe something for you. The characters in the movie are strong, you sympathize with them easily. It is upsetting why the main character is killing the girls, as it is actually unnecessary. The sceneries and costumes look great. I felt like I was there. The movie shows moderate violence, which is all just suggestive, you don't see any blood. I give this movie 8 points. It is a good movie, which I'd recommend to my friends.