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Crime Scene: The Times Square Killer (2021)
Well Made, but Misses the Bigger Picture
This was an entertaining enough true crime miniseries, and arguably stretched out (typical of Netflix). However, I quite enjoyed the peephole into sleazy 1970s New York; which is now an expensive strip mall reminiscent of every city in America.
What bothers me about this installment, is that it heavily blames the mere existence of pornography, sex work, and sexual freedom in general as the sole reason that these crimes happened to people. Aside from one interviewee, everyone conveniently ignores the brazenly horrifying way in which sex workers and all those associated with that area were treated by both society and the law. Could the increased likelihood of them being victims have less to do with sex, and more to do with the utter lack of protection they received due to plain legal indifference and prejudice?
Any true crime follower knows these types of people are targets because the police generally do NOT care about them--especially in this time period. Then they pat themselves on the back for sweeping the area outside of Times Square in lieu of soulless corporate gentrification, as though all those sex workers and dangerous predators just vanished and didn't simply move elsewhere. Sort of like "cleaning" a room by throwing everything into the closet. The only people who lose in this situation are small business owners and sex workers.
I'd still recommend the documentary, because it was well made (albeit overlong), but I find the general opinions within ignorant of much larger issues that are still highly prevalent in this country.
Worst Roommate Ever (2022)
Dragged Out, in Typical Netflix Fashion
Netflix has this way of taking something that could easily be a 90-minute special, and turning it into several hours of content for the sake of giving people something to "binge."
The last two-part episode could have really been the entire special. While the first episode is fascinating, the ones between itself and the last are kind of short of content by comparison. Not to diminish the horrible crimes involved, of course, but that what occurred had to be really rolled out to fill an hour-long runtime.
Still entertaining and worth a watch for true crime fans, however.
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
A Stark Contrast
I've been binge-watching this show for the first time. Up until this particular episode, I've been blown away by how excellent it's been. Season 7 and 8 (up until this point) have certainly stepped down in quality from what I came to expect from Game of Thrones. Maintaining that level of excellence for 8 seasons is a feat for any series, and one expects pieces here and there to disappoint along the way. However, there is a line in acceptability.
GoT always excels at top notch performances, sets, costuming, make-up, etc. Pretty much in all areas concerning acting, audio and visual. Which is why the massive drop in writing quality in the last couple season, and especially this episode in particular, seems so jarring. Seeing these deeply fleshed out characters that we've come to really know in the past several years worth of television suddenly betray their established personalities and motives is tragic.
***SPOILERS AHEAD***
The first major issue I had with this episode is Jon IMMEDIATELY betraying the confidence of his would-be lover/queen in Daenerys. Jon: a man who literally died for refusing to break a oath, can suddenly not wait to tell the first people who talks to afterwards. After her willingly sacrificing half of her forces at his request, they neither wish to reciprocate her wishes and brazenly treat her as an outsider. Jon mentions that they would all be dead without her to his sisters, both of whom distrust Daenerys, but they're basically like, "Yeah, and we're grateful. She's still an outsider." She was crucial in this war for life, but the Northerners are still unyeildingly racist towards anyone who's not a Northerner. A fact they boast proudly. Daenerys has every right to be upset, in my opinion, and her fears about Jon revealing his birth parents (which had never been important to him up until now) are completly justified. The Northerners already gather around Jon as the sole hero of this war, meanwhile ignoring the large amount of "outsiders" that kept their entire bloodline and culture from utter extinction.
Then there's the ultra awkward celebration scenes that drag on with no benefit to the real story. We see the dignified Brienne get crossed by Jamie after allowing herself to be vulnerable with him. Something that seemed trite and entirely unnecessary. Their relationship didn't need a tired romance scene, because it was supposed to be deeper than that. Jamie's character in general has been endlessly frustrating throughout the series. One season it seems like he's evolving; then he's once again a "bad guy." It just makes you sick of seeing him on screen.
If that wasn't enough, the naval ambush on Daenerys was utterly ridiculous. We have watched this woman conquer entire empires in a day, only to have the other half of her forces and another dragon diposed of--WITH EASE. It felt like poorly written and desperate shock drivel (her dragons couldn't see A FLEET from the sky?). We don't even get to see the full battle, because we spent so much time listening to people drink and talk nonsense for the first half of the episode. Combined with the abrupt treasonous talk of Daenerys' advisors (who HAVE given her terrible advice that's resulted in major game-changing losses), it's all starting to raise the question, "What was the point of all of this?" Who could blame Daenerys' fury? Maybe she should have just stayed in Meereen with Daario Naharis after all, and let the dead consume Westeros.
There's more I could complain about, but that's overkill at this point. It's common knowledge that in order to wrap up the series, they had to improvise the end of things from a source material that has yet to be completed--and it shows. What was once a dialogue heavy character drama has seemingly been reduced to a shallow fantasy action blockbuster, straight out of Hollywood's summer turd collection. Is it visually entertaining? Sure, but that's where it ends, and this saga deserved so much better.
Madman (1981)
Inferior Slasher on Every Level
Often referred to as "forgotten" or "cult," Madman is one of countless ripoffs that attempted to cash in on the Friday the 13th craze. What sets it apart from those, however, is that it does just about everything worse. There is a stylish shot of the killer's axe-wielding silhouette (they even drew from it for the cover), but the rest of the cinematography is ineffective and artless.
Acting is far worse than other films of its time/genre. Combine that with unspeakable dialogue, and you're left with shockingly awkward scenes and off-putting characters that have zero depth or personality. Nudity is brief; although you actually see more male nudity (if that's your thing). Unfortunately, you'll be too busy laughing during the brutally unsexy scene in question.
The kills and gore are badly done, uncreative, and maybe make up a solid 2-minutes of the entire movie. You'll see a lot of cutaways that end in dummies with severed heads. The rest of the film is literally various members of the cast calling out each others names into the woods as they slowly pretend to look for them.
The synth score is a bit endearing, albeit abrasive. There's also a cheesy butt rock version with vocals that hits with the credits.
As others have mentioned: this movie was forgotten for a reason. I'd only recommend it to vintage slasher completionist geeks, simply to check it off their list. I'm actually a huge fan of "bad" movies that are entertaining, but Madman doesn't even fall into that category. I give it an extra star for some charming 80s moments and a surprise ending, but everything here has been done better by almost every other entry into the genre.
Perfect Strangers (1984)
A Pretty, but Soulless and Boring Neo-Noir
Larry Cohen IS a skilled director, having brought cult classics like The Stuff and God Told Me To. I have no idea what happened to that passion in 1984's Perfect Strangers, but the entire movie feels like it's on the verge of a flatline.
Despite having a good cast and great cinematography, all players seem to sleepwalk their way through deadpan deliveries and tedious dialogue. Anne Carlisle, who sizzled in Liquid Sky, seems utterly detached here as the lead. Many exchanges feel like early rehearsals, with several actors blandly speaking through their lines.
Then there's the plot, which is just too silly to suspend disbelief. Our lead's 3-year-old boy is seen witnessing a murder by a hitman. At the concern of his bosses, he's forced to befriend his mother and told to kill him. I'm pretty sure no court would really entertain a toddler's accusations.
The details of how these people come to know and interact with each other is even more absurd. The hit man brazenly follows this woman around for days. Even though she's noticed this, she's flattered by it and immediately tries to get a date. Shortly afterwards, he's handling her kid and sleeping at her house. Pretty bold for a single mom in New York City.
Very few scenes actually progress the plot in a meaningful way, or even build character relationships. The aforementioned dispassion only makes it worse. What should be climatic situations feel underwhelming, poorly acted, and just plain cheesy. Add in the dated (even for its time) made-for-TV style soundtrack, and it's just a real challenge to get through.
That's not to say there isn't anything redeeming about Perfect Strangers. Larry Cohen is good visual director, and seeing classic, gritty NYC is a real treat. We also get an almost documentary-like glimpse into feminist fringe groups of the day, which is not something I've seen a lot of in 80s movies. Despite all the potential this film could have had with the talent involved, it really just feels like everybody on set was just ready for it to be done; and I was too.
Creepshow (2019)
Riding On Coattails
I adore anthology horror and can overlook the typical shortcomings of shows with this format (e.g. Low budget, short runtime, etc.). However, the Creepshow reboot is more consistently BAD than even mediocre. Despite featuring a slew of great cult actors, my partner and I constantly kept thinking, "(so-and-so) is better than this."
Some episodes stand out, but they are few and far inbetween. Most of them fall into the realm of "horror comedy." Unfortunately, most of them fail to be scary OR funny. The content is often plain juvenile and devoid of wit or substance (the worst being the painfully self-aware style humor). There are some interesting concepts throughout, but the execution is usually severely lacking. You're left with vapid caricatures whose fates you don't care about--even when a single story gets a full episode of runtime.
I WANT to love this show, but it mostly feels superficially nostalgic, rushed, and gives you nothing to think about afterwards (beyond the lacking quality). They're mostly watchable if you're just wanting something to stare at (except the abysmal Christmas Special), but literally any other horror anthology show I've seen is better than this. Check out Tales From the Dark Side, Monsters, Twilight Zone, Chiller, Hammer House of Horror, The Outer Limits, etc.
Dexter (2006)
An Unbelievably Overrated Show
For years I heard nothing but how "amazing" Dexter was, and didn't get around to checking it out more recently. After finishing the series finale, I find myself baffled at the extreme levels of praise all these years. The show starts out good enough, as the first two seasons stood out from a lot of original series around at the time. However, like a lot of shows, it begins to buckle under its own success with each subsequent season.
After season 2, this show loses one of its most dynamic characters. Which is a shame, because practically all secondary characters in Dexter have the depth of a cardboard cutout and are generally annoying. Between these unlikable people and Dexter's angst ridden voiceovers that spoon feed you every single part of the plot, I found myself getting incredibly bored by the end of season 3.
Season 4 seemed to give promise in huge part to John Lithgow. Unfortunately every season after it drops significantly in quality, and begins to feel like 4 seasons of filler. Hearing Dexter's "edgy" pseudo-intellectual narration becomes more irritating as you witness him constantly making the same dumb decisions over and over again.
As reward for your dedication, you're treated to the worst series finale I've seen (even worse than True Blood). I think Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter do a good job portraying their characters (even if Carpenter's is intolerable until the last few seasons), but I will never understand how this show became so popular. The idea of Dexter is unique and I get its initial appeal at the time, but the writing and consistency in quality is deeply lacking.
Leprechaun 3 (1995)
Leprechaun in Vegas - Third Time's a Charm...ish
It goes without saying that no Leprechaun movie is "good," and the series never attempts to claim otherwise. Leprechaun 3 is arguably the most entertaining installment in the series, despite that not being an achievement. As its been stated many times: this entire series is insanely dumb, and the third is no exception. So what sets this one apart?
The first thing I noticed about this movie is the distinct Dennis Michael Tenney score. You may recall his work on Night of the Demons and Witchboard (both directed by his brother Kevin Tenney). Being a huge Night of the Demons fan, this probably buttered me up. It gets better though. There is a blatant Night of the Demons 2 cameo with Merle Kennedy, Zoe Trilling, and Rod McCary as Mouse, Shirley Finnerty, and Father Bob respectively. It's short and sweet, but still cool. There is also a fun role by Caroline Williams, who you may recall from several b-movies, though most notably Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.
Leprechaun 3 has a superior cast when compared to the original (not sorry, Jennifer Aniston). The storyline is still "who has my missing coin?," but they've added some entertainment value with various characters making wishes with said coin. Of course, they get more than they bargain for. Not to mention a...were-Leprechaun...type thing happening. It's all absurd, but they know it. The gore and practical effects are significantly better than the previous two as well.
If you're checking out reviews for the third, then I'd have to assume you've endured the previous entries. It's more of the same, but just expect it done slightly better. Best enjoyed with friends and alcoholic beverages.
3.5/10
The Great Interior Design Challenge (2014)
Entertaining with Inconsistent and Frustrating Hosts
First off, I really do enjoy this show. There are a lot of talented and creative designers, and of course some...uh...questionable ones too. Seeing the processes in which they create these spaces from start to finish is intriguing, and inspirational at times.
My issue, however, is with the hosts Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood. One minute they're praising a designer for bullying their client and having a wacky brief, then they're lecturing about the importance of pleasing said clients and working with their concerns. The best looking spaces end up being criticized as being "too safe," when the clients specifically stated they wanted something traditional. Numerous times, they'll give a designer conflicting feedback that they're obviously annoyed by. It just feels like they have no real guidelines in how they judge things, other than personal opinion. Also, they come across as being hilariously pretentious. As another reviewer stated: they'd be perfect templates for Portlandia characters.
If you like interior design shows this is still very entertaining, if you can get past the hosts.
The Lodgers (2017)
Beautiful and Empty
On the surface, The Lodgers is a gorgeous gothic tale reminiscent of Edgar Allen Poe or classic Hammer Horror Production. Between the haunting estate or its eerily enchanting woods, you'll want to love the macabre romance of it all. The first half of the film will reel you along, making you wonder: "What potentially Lovecraftian terror dwells under the house? Who haunts this family? What the hell is going on?"
Unfortunately, as The Lodgers very tediously reveals BITS of information, you feel the spell lifting. Through the pseudo-intellectual rambling of its lead character ("Love! Love can be worse than hate!") and frustratingly vague expositions, you'll realize that the world above is so much more interesting than the mysterious lake and basement below.
In its final minutes, The Lodgers gives its viewers a passionless conclusion to a very underdeveloped mystery. This movie had SO much potential, and it's really tragic this genre of horror has had so little traffic in the past few decades. That said, it's still a beautiful looking tale worth the watch for fans of gothic horror and the Victorian aesthetic. Don't expect much in terms of storytelling, however.
Ruin Me (2017)
Intriguing Premise, Messy Execution
Ruin Me is a slasher from first-time director Preston DeFrancis. The plot follows a strangely small group attending a Slasher Sleepout camping trip, where they will be competing to survive the weekend in the "ultimate horror movie experience." Roped into this outing is Alexandra: the reluctant girlfriend of an Old Navy mannequin (Nathan).
Despite the interesting synopsis, Ruin Me suffers many flaws. Most prevalent being its remarkably odious characters. Every single person in this movie is petulant, hostile, and/or just plain stupid. Dialogue is one-dimensional and cringe worthy at times, often trying too hard to be edgy. Normally I'd overlook that in a b-movie, but character development was a significant focus here. All this is harder to swallow when nobody is sympathetic.
Initially I couldn't stand this movie, as the first twenty minutes had me wanting everyone gutted ASAP. I became more engaged halfway through, but the plot quickly becomes predictable. Which is why I think they decided to jump the shark in the last act. You can overlook some inconsistencies with low-budget horror, but sometimes a director just does way too much in an effort to shock. Unfortunately, Ruin Me becomes mediocre and incredibly convoluted.
Sinister (2012)
Interesting ideas diluted in a mess of cheesy horror cliches.
I'm always wary of advertising campaigns riding the coattails of big summer movies. It cheapens everything when a movie boasts the PRODUCERS of other horror movies, as though they're directors. I always expect a rehash of the aforementioned films into a familiar formula that will sell tickets. Sinister is most of those things.
The beginning of this movie looks promising, creating huge atmosphere; often at the cost of realism (nobody turns on a light in this movie!). Our true crime author protagonist (Ethan Hawke) intentionally moves into a murder house, hoping for inspiration for his new book. He hits the jackpot when he finds a bunch of snuff films in the attic (including the murder of the previous owners). They are genuinely creepy, and easily the redeeming quality of this movie. Then, of course, strange things start happening.
Shortly after this film dips into the paranormal, we spend the rest of the film drowning in a highly predictable mess of horror cliches. From ridiculous jump scares of faces popping out of the corner of the screen (think "TOASY" from the old Mortal Kombat games), to our antagonist wearing a Slipknot mask. The worst offender, however, are the ghost children and their awful makeup. It was cheap haunted house quality, and killed the atmosphere every time. Even the "plot twist" was easy to notice in the first half hour of the film.
Sinister is worth it to see the snuff films, but everything else may have you rolling your eyes.
Black Christmas (2006)
A Christmas Turd
Christmas horror movies are a very niche genre, with the original "Black Christmas" and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" being the most well known. While Black Christmas (2006) shares its name with the 1974 original, it bares little resemblance to its predecessor. One might remember the 00s as being an abysmal era for horror, with a slew of Saw rip-offs and torture porn gradually replacing the horror elements that made the genre scary. Black Christmas (2006) is the epitome of this, favoring cheap gross out tactics over plot, cohesion, and terror.
Similar to Rob Zombie's Halloween, Black Christmas spends a great deal of its time adding an overblown and absurd backstory to its killer. Just like Zombie's Halloween: this actually makes our boogeyman LESS scary. The rest of the film chronicles our unlikable victims in their sorority on Christmas Eve, as they deal with a snow storm and some obscene phone calls. This set-up is about the only thing retained from original. Except, unlike the original, there is virtually no character development and everyone is basically just there to be killed.
There are some attempts to pepper the dialogue with bits of girl power jargon, which is confusing since our characters spent all the time prior hating each other. Of course, we also have an expositional character who happens to know the entire history of the house and its killer, etc. One might think their sole focus on humorously desperate shock and gore would at least generate some cool death scenes, but that's not really the case. Most kills in this movie are fairly basic and unremarkable, unlike the original (who can forget the unicorn statue and the children's choir caroling in the background?).
So, with all the original elements and storyline gone, what do we get? The killer's sister was added into the mix, looking like White Chicks on meth. There's also a second ending (or something) so ludicrous and pointless, that I felt a strong sense of cringe having to watch it with my significant other in the room. This, like the addition of the killer's sister, added nothing to the story. Seeing Andrea Martin return was the only decent thing about this movie.
It takes a special film to garner a 1-star from me, but this movie embodies everything bad about 00s horror movies. If you want better gore, horror, or anything: look elsewhere. Do yourself a favor and watch the original instead.