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Reviews
Halloween (2007)
Terrible
Oh my God, it's another horror remake! As if The Omen, The Fog, Black Christmas, etc, weren't enough (I would also mention The Hitcher here, but The Hitcher had Sophia Bush, so it's automatically worth seeing). Much like the new pseudo-Bond movie Casino Royale, the idea here was a "re-imagining" of an established mythology that completely contradicts the previous chapters of the series. And again like Casino Royale, some people are praising it as "the best of the series" when in fact they mean it is simply "better than the previous film" (Die Another Day, Halloween: Resurrection). If you want suspense, atmosphere and interesting characters, watch Halloween 1, 2, 4 or 7. If you want increased but not over-the-top violence and insights into Michael Myers' past, watch Halloween 5 or 6. If you want tiresome melodrama, mindless gore, unlikable characters and a pro-wrestler-like Michael slowly knocking them off, have a ball with this movie. What a sad waste of Danielle Harris!
All Babes Want to Kill Me (2005)
Great title + concept that sadly fell into the wrong hands
Oh my God, who makes this crap? And who writes positive reviews about it? (apart from those who worked on it or their friends, of course). Clearly one of IMDb's biggest failures in attempting to stop vote rigging and fake reviews (most of the positive comments were written YEARS before it was even released!), "All Babes Want To Kill Me" actually has a grabber of a concept that sadly fell into the hand of amateurs. Right from the start, with the GROSSLY UNFUNNY caricature of the blind Asian martial arts master, you know what to expect; and surely enough, the gay caricature, the multiple hits to the groin and the vomiting gags follow. But the most REVOLTING aspect of the movie is how it makes up two beautiful female cast members to look bruised and bleeding for nearly all their screen time, making the film unpleasant to even LOOK AT, in addition to its being dismally unfunny. There is one almost-good scene of the hero getting his butt kicked all over the place by a pool lady in a bikini. For that scene alone I give the film a 2 out of 10. If the people who made it had invested as much time in doing a good job as they did in building up a totally fake and undeserved reputation for it on IMDb, it might have turned out better.
GoldenEye (1995)
THIS is how you reboot a franchise!
After the (justified) flop of Timothy Dalton's License To Kill, the Bond franchise seemed to be nearing its end. Bond had become "just another action hero", but people looking for generic action and personal revenge plots were sticking to the Arnold, Bronson, Seagal, etc. films. So the producers wisely decided to make Bond a sophisticated spy again, and the result was a brilliant film that stands near the top of the series. The best thing about this "reboot" is that it looks into the future but, unlike the recent Casino Royale, also respects the past. Therefore, the film can be enjoyed equally by longtime Bond fans AND by newcomers. Pierce Brosnan makes a remarkable debut as Bond, the women - both good and bad - are very sexy, and the villains are terrific. The film is funny, exciting, romantic, glamorous, fast-paced, over-the-top and down-to-earth at the same time. In short, it's everything a Bond film needs to be.
Casino Royale (2006)
A Bond movie for those who don't like Bond movies
I have watched all 21 Bond movies made so far. Casino Royale is not the worst-made of the series, just the most offensive one. The only other time the Bond franchise attempted a complete departure from the established Bond formula the result was the complete flop of License To Kill, which led to a change of direction and the fantastic Goldeneye. But unfortunately this time the experiment was a success, so I'm afraid of what will follow. Both License To Kill and Casino Royale have been praised as "a return to the Fleming spirit", when in truth they are nothing more than shameless attempts to cash in on popular fads of their time: the Bronson / Arnold / Stallone action films of the 80s in the case of License, the Bourne / Transporter films in the case of Casino. Daniel Craig is not a bad actor, but he is no doubt the worst Bond impersonator so far, his lack of class and charisma is almost astonishing. Of course his "do I look like a give a damn" line and his fighting prowess will wow 15-year-olds, but those who remember Connery, Moore, Dalton (in The Living Daylights), Brosnan, even that weirdo Lazenby, may feel like crying at what has become of their beloved icon. Of course you could ask the producers why this supposedly first mission of 007 is set in 2006 and if that means they have dared to completely write off 44 years and 20 films that allowed them to make this one, but their response will probably be "Do we look like we give a damn?".
If Casino Royale didn't pretend to be a part of the Bond series, I would give it 6 out of 10, but it does, so it's a 2.