minicinema Reviews

The Golden Moment: An Olympic Love Story (1980 TV Movie)

The best laid plans,...

[7/10 · 26 August 2008]

I haven't seen this since the original airing and the recently concluded 2008 olympics reminded me of it. I recall it being a cut above the typical made-for-TV fare. David Keith was a football player who's injured just before beginning his pro career so he decides to become an Olympic decathalete instead. The decathalon was big back then because of Bruce Jenner.

Ironically enough, the film is set during the 1980 Moscow games which the US wound up boycotting. So instead of being a tie-in to the games, it would up being broadcast as a "tribute" to the athletes who couldn't compete.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)

Ends Series on a Low Note

[2/10 · 30 July 2008]

"Battle for the Planet of the Apes" has a very well deserved reputation as the worst (by far) of the four sequels. It's so, so sad to see this great series reduced to a few people in ape masks running around a tree house.

The plot is boring in its own right and adds nothing to the overall series arc. Even the portentous title is an insult - "Rock Fight for the Village of the Apes" would have been more honest.

This movie could only have been released in the completely cynical hope that some children would be willing to see ANYTHING that seemed to offer a continuation of the series.

Joey (1986)

Filmed at Jericho High School

[5/10 · 17 July 2007]

It may not say so in the film credits or be listed under "filming locations" but the school scenes in "Joey" were filmed at my high school - Jericho High School on Long Island, during the winter of 1983. I was Class of '84 and some of my classmates have minor roles, including Stu Lowitt as "Richard." Our gym teacher, Mrs. Schwartz, has a silent but memorable role.

I remember this being filmed during my junior year, and never really knew what became of it. Apparently it wasn't released for nearly 3 years, and even then, it must have had an extremely limited theatrical run, followed by late-night cable purgatory. It's virtually impossible to find now - don't hold your breath for the DVD release - but I recently tracked down an out-of-print VHS copy on Ebay.

It's far from a great film. Cheaply made, badly acted, poorly written - I still don't know why Joey is supposed to be such a rebel, other than he wears shirts with the sleeves cut off. I do have to admit it has its moments. The soundtrack isn't bad, especially the song "Tonight All Night." The dinner-table fight between Janie and her mother is one of the more realistic that I've seen on film. This film is also notable for the wimpiest-looking street gang in cinema history, the Lunatics.

Provoked (1989)

Pretty, pretty bad

[1/10 · 10 July 2007]

Wow - this is truly one of the worst films ever made. I'm not sure this even rises to the level of "grindhouse fare" or "exploitation trash."

I've seen better looking stuff on Youtube filmed with someone's cellphone. Really. I may be ripping off Chris Rock, but if someone told me this cost $100 to produce, I'd respond that someone must be walking around with $90 in his pocket.

That said, I have to admit that I laughed out loud when **SPOILER ALERT** (should there be ANYONE out there who could possibly care) the gunman went on live television threatening to kill a hostage if his demands aren't met, and then, at the end of his countdown... shoots the cameraman. Hilarious!