JorritM Reviews

Lost Cos (2023 TV Movie)

atmospheric, but with some flaws

[6/10 · 29 October 2023]

I found lost cos on prime, where the description was "a traumatized dentist's assistant finds a distraction in Lost Cos, a mysterious cosplay club". Intrigued by this ludicrous description, I gave it a go and I don't regret my decision.

It's this movie good? No. The acting is horrendous, the "plot" is an incoherent fever dream that consists of fimsily connected scenes, and the video quality is lacking at times. That said, the outfits are visually stunning, every scene is atmospheric, and it has soul pervading the whole production. I very much enjoyed the whole cosplay vibe, but it's probably not for everyone.

It also has plenty of (chest) nudity, sometimes bordering on softporn, so maybe watch this with your electro-cosplay-curious significant other on date night rather than your extended family on Christmas...

Overall I give it a 6/10 - if you're looking for something stylish, bold, and original, but not overly cerebral, and you can look past some cringey acting, give it a go.

Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon (2021)

funny, quirky, and an ode to normal people

[8/10 · 6 August 2023]

What struck me most about this movie was the fantastic atmosphere: the eye for detail and how deeply human all the people were. Some used each other, others were genuinely kind, but most really just seemed to act as any of us would given their circumstances. Only when watching this movie did I realize how rare that is in movies. Mona Lisa is certainly a trip on its own and is probably not for everyone, but I give it a big thumbs up. It's not trying to come up with a deep message, but it's for sure a refreshing take on a standard plot. And it gave me a renewed sense of love for humankind and made me want to visit New Orleans. Just watch it, accept it, let it wash over you and be happy.

White Noise (I) (2022)

Funny but utterly chaotic

[8/10 · 21 January 2023]

White Noise is certainly not for everyone, as the low ratings here show as well. It is certainly chaotic, unhinged, and there's not really a plot - it's more of a stream of consciousness with the only overarching theme loosely being that it all has something to do with mortality.

You certainly have to be in the mood for a somewhat experimental movie that just takes you for a ride. I found the dialogues very funny, and the visuals were stunning, but if you can't stand watching two hours of undirected chaos, then this is not for you. If you're in for something that's comedic, not too serious, but very weird in an original way, then give it a try. Just be prepared for what it is: a lot of white noise.

The Awakening (1980)

enjoyable, but somewhat forgettable

[7/10 · 7 January 2022]

While it certainly has some flaws, I very much enjoyed watching The Awakening. Nice shots of museum pieces, Egyptian deserts, etc always make me happy, and the acting was not bad either. It was certainly less silly than The Mummy movies, so a 7/10 for The Awakening would be well deserved. Is it a great piece of groundbreaking cinema? No. But it's certainly much better than a lot of more highly rated movies. If you like ancient Egypt, horror, and/or a light Lovecraftian atmosphere, I'm sure you'll enjoy this. If not, you should probably skip this one (but then why are you reading the IMDb reviews of a mummy horror? What did you expect?).

Suspiria (I) (2018)

Very different from the original

[8/10 · 24 December 2021]

This movie seems to divisive, and I understand why: while it clearly uses a lot of elements from the original Suspiria, it is certainly not a very faithful remake. Personally, I think the original is overrated as I never could get over the awkward dubbing. This remake, however, I liked much better: great visuals, some actual gore (I'm unsure why the original is designated "horror" to be honest), and it's very atmospheric. Overall, great acting and decent ballet too. Some elements could have been improved, such as Thom Yorke's jarring soundtrack, or the doctor's high pitched whispering; but in the end I really enjoyed this movie and it was probably the best horror I've seen in the last year. My advice: if you liked the original, better steer clear of this remake. If you didn't, but you did enjoy Black Swan (which to be fair was better than Suspiria), then you might want to give it a try.

In the Earth (2021)

the movie is fine, but the seizure inducing flashes are not

[6/10 · 15 May 2021]

In the earth starts off a bit slow, but it's generally atmospheric and creepy. The first half has some good gore as well. The second half doesn't work as well, but would still be watchable if it weren't for the relentless visual flashes. Worst is, there is no seizure warning either, so I suppose I was just lucky I'm not susceptible to flash induced epilepsy... All in all the movie was a bit disappointing. It had some interesting ideas, but the execution was sadly lacking. I'll recommend it if you like flashes.

Psycho Goreman (2020)

Refreshing comedy gore

[8/10 · 2 April 2021]

While some of the jokes belt a bit forced, this movie was clearly a labor of love. A lot of creativity went into the impressive and funny prosthetics, and I had a great time watching it. Yes, it could have been better, and the acting was a bit awkward at times, but it's been a long time since I've seen a movie that was this genuine and non-derivative. The atmosphere was similar to the movie Manborg, but it was wittier and depends less on just being a parody. That said, Psycho Goreman is clearly for a niche audience (in case the title wasn't a dead giveaway). If you like retro 80s horror and have also stared into the abyss that is other people, I'm sure you'll enjoy this movie as an uncut gem that temporarily pierces the shroud that envelops your miserable existence. It's not particularly high brow or intellectual, but if that's what you're looking for in a movie called Psycho Goreman, you want to give your expectations a reality check.

I'd give it a 7/10, but it gets +1 for being very underrated at the moment.

Space Sweepers (2021)

as entertaining as watching timed Christmas lights blink for two hours

[1/10 · 7 March 2021]

To be fair, I only managed to watch the first half hour of this nightmare, so maybe the ending makes up for everything. I wouldn't know, but I doubt it. To give some reference, I love sci fi like interstellar, contact, annihilation, etc, and I can appreciate most marvel movies as well. Iron Man was great, aquaman was awful. I wasn't expecting something intellectually stimulating from this, but something along the lines of guardians of the galaxy would have been fine. Alas, it was not to be. This must have been one of the most boring movies I've tried to watch the past year. And believe me, with the pandemic raging along for a year now, I've seen many...

Positive points: -pretty cgi

Negative points:

• characters flatter than a French pancake
• ridiculous premise
• story written by an illiterate 5 year old would make more sense than this nonsense
• universe is internally inconsistent
• I'm actually still not sure whether this movie was supposed to be parody or not. It's so bad you can't possibly take it seriously, but it's absolutely not funny at all.

-why? Just why? None of it makes any sense. My fever dreams have a better story. Just don't watch this. Staring at the wall is more entertaining.

The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020)

Fun sequel full of quirky humour

[8/10 · 18 October 2020]

The babysitter: killer queen is fun and funny. It's a worthy sequel to the original, which I also liked. I especially appreciated the detail that went into the scene building; I felt the background had as many jokes as what was happening in the foreground. Is it sophisticated? No. But what did you expect? I'd compare it to tucker & dale vs evil: it might not be particularly high brow, but it plays with loads references, and I was entertained from beginning to end. If you like gory horror that doesn't take it itself too seriously, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I'd give it 7/10, but it gets a +1 because the current rating is so low.

Star Trek: Discovery: Such Sweet Sorrow (2019) Season 2, Episode 13

Like the end of lord of the rings: the return of the king

[1/10 · 15 April 2019]

This episode was an unending waterfall of teary goodbyes as emotionally shallow as the watery film I get on my eyes from cutting onions. There as nothing at all that I liked about this episode, except perhaps the fact that it at some point ended. The "story" of this episode was predictable, the problems to be overcome lazily written, and the character development non-existent. It was all way too "epic" in a way that only a badly written American TV show can be. Please bring back Patrick Stewart.

Fire City: End of Days (2015)

Mixing of genres makes it difficult to sell - but it's surprisingly intelligent and entertaining

[8/10 · 5 July 2016]

Short version: this movie is a very enjoyable film noir, with an interesting mystery story, using demons as plot attributes. It's not a demon horror action movie.

Long version: First off, this movie is weird. Not just in the sense that it's about "weird" stuff like demons, but in that it's a movie trying to mix film noir, mystery, horror, and drama. As I started watching it, I was expecting it to be some crappy demon-horror B-movie, but I've not often been so surprised (and wrong in my initial judgment). I believe the reason for most bad reviews of this movie, is that people were expecting a radically different movie. The best I can describe it is as a film-noir mystery detective demon drama. If that sounds ridiculous to you (and I can't blame you), then you're probably better off watching something different. If instead you're intrigued by this seemingly random combination of genres, you might want to give it a try.

I found the script to be surprisingly intelligent, with pretty few plot holes, and after the first "what the f*ck is this?" moment passed, I really got into the story (which I will not spoil). Most of the movie is very bleak (although it has a somewhat happy ending), including domestic abuse, alcoholism, child rape (although that was thankfully only implied, but never shown), etc., so it's probably not suited for the faint hearted. I found the acting to be much better than I expected: not Oscar nomination material obviously, but it was adequate enough. Also the special effects, being mostly the demons' body prosthetics, were quite nice. At times it was clear they were just rubber masks and floppy prosthetics, but I found the designs very elegant and was impressed with the film's visual style. Overall I would say it's very entertaining to watch and very different from what you would expect from something called "Fire city: end of days". I also found it to be thematically intriguing, and most of all a very original combination of different genres. I would give it a solid 7/10, but it gets an extra +1 because it's really much better than the 5/10 it has now on IMDb.

If you're going to watch the movie, just keep in mind you'll actually have to pay attention to the story - otherwise it's just going to seem like a strange, confusing, meandering movie. But believe me, it actually does make sense in the end. Just think of it as a film noir that happens to feature demons, rather than a demon movie, and you'll know better what to expect.

Painkillers (2015)

Horrible acting, horrible action / don't watch

[3/10 · 23 April 2016]

Having read some of the more positive reviews for this movie, I decided to give it a try. I can usually quite enjoy bad B movies, as long as they're entertaining. Unfortunately, this wasn't entertaining at all. Basically everything about the movie was bad. The problem though, is that it wasn't bad enough to actually be amusing, like The Room. On the other hand, it wasn't nearly entertaining enough to be enjoyable on its own for what it is. It's in the uncanny valley of average horribleness - basically, plain bland and boring. My advice: watch the first 5 minutes of the movie; if you're not entertained, then you won't be with the other ~90 minutes, so you'd probably be better off skipping this one. The only reason I'm not giving it 1/10 is because that imply it would be memorable for its awfulness, but sadly this movie isn't even that.

Triangle (2009)

Overrated and dumb

[3/10 · 13 February 2016]

I watched this movie with a friend of mine, as we both enjoy intelligent plots, mystery films, and occasional horror. Three things that were advertised to be hallmarks of this movie. Examples of movies with relatively intelligent plots and interwoven story lines I enjoyed are Twelve Monkeys, Primer, Memento, Coherence, etc. Movies I didn't enjoy, but were similarly advertised, are for example The Village by Shyamalan, Inception, and I Origins.

Just to be clear: this movie is part of latter list. Don't believe what other reviewers might tell you here: the plot is superficial, the whole movie is entirely predictable, and it's internally inconsistent. I didn't mind the premise, and I am well able to suspend my disbelief, but this movie was a clear, thorough disappointment. If you're looking for a nice mystery thriller of the type similar to the movies I mentioned above, don't watch this. It's horrible. Its stupidity is at times forgivable, at others nerve-wrecking. Most of the choices the main character makes are completely ludicrous and no well thinking human being with an IQ over 80 would ever consider what she does in the movie. The actions by the main character are only put in the script in an attempt to make the movie logically consistent, but unfortunately it fails miserably. The plot of this movie has more holes than swiss cheese. And I like swiss cheese. But I didn't like this movie. I hope this will persuade some people to not watch this movie, but watch something nicer instead.