twelve-house-books Reviews

Ink (I) (2009)

1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4

[10/10 · 15 May 2024]

I have seen this film only twice, but one aspect of it, from my first viewing, has stuck with me and changed my life's perception... no, my life's trajectory. Can art do that? Can a mere movie do that? For me, it has--and the impetus (NOT incubus!) is found in the character known as the Pathfinder. SOMETHING'S GOT TO STOP THE FLOW. 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4. Life is a grand musical piece, an odyssey, or maybe an odd essay written by the One whose day is as a thousand years and whose thousand years is as a day. This film has demons and saints and regular hardworking Believers who are becoming saints--and Jesus is depicted as a woman. BUT, don't let my discovered connections put you off. You won't hear the words Jesus, Bible, Prayer, or any of the other commonalities--yet they are all here. And, I dare you not to fall in love with the Pathfinder! Humility is the only way we can find ourselves.

Contact (1997)

Palm Trees?

[7/10 · 17 April 2024]

The only real problem I had with this film were the palm trees on Pensacola Beach, which don't exist. I grew up on Pensacola Beach, and there might be a palm tree or two growing in somebody's yard, but to show them growing wild along the coast as if Pensacola is somewhere in the South Pacific is ludicrous. I think the thing that warmed me the most about this film was Ellie's father's voice, which spoke in the old Pensacola accent now long gone and replaced with a twanging redneck tongue more like how people from Milton just north of Pensacola have always talked. All that said, an interesting movie better seen on the big screen for full effect.

Eli (I) (2019)

More 70s Style Satanic Schlock

[1/10 · 7 April 2024]

Okay, really? The Devil ruled Horror films in the 1970s with flicks like Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, The Sentinel, The Devil's Rain, The Exorcist, and so on. Satan always won out in one way or another. Then the tide turned and Horror films began to champion Christians and trounce the Evil One, and viewers were the better for it. So what gives? Why are we returning to plots where the dedicated Christians are no match for Satan and his helpers? I will admit that this film began as a promising story, and actually kept me guessing until the final fifteen or so minutes until I realized that, yet again, a bunch of creeps got together to write and film an anti-human plot which only serves to declare that, after all, Satan (the metaphor for all evil) is more powerful than God. Anybody remotely involved in this film's production should be ashamed--and the parents who allowed their children to act in it should be publicly humiliated.

The Blacklist (2013–2023)

James Spader

[10/10 · 15 January 2024]

James Spader is the consummate actor comparable to... no other actor in the history of Hollywood! I thought for sure that he wouldn't be able to outdo his Alan Shore character. Hell, he was even beyond brilliant in Less Than Zero, and that was nearly 40 years ago! But Raymond Reddington takes the cake and eats it too. His wry, sinister sense of humor coupled with his dead-on delivery of a conflicted sociopath who will stop at nothing to get the bad guys (unless they in some way benefit him, which they often do) makes this series, which ultimately thumbs its nose at governmental hypocrisy, better, if just slightly, than The X-Files.

1923 (2022–2023)

Today 100 Years Ago

[9/10 · 27 October 2023]

The mark of great storytelling is the ability to address current issues in an entertaining manner. There may be viewers who are watching this series for the mind-numbing effects it most certainly can provide, being essentially a Western found near the end of the Wild West era of the good ol' U. S. of A. But my money is on the possibility that a large majority of viewers are enjoying this story because it deals with issues that humanity at large has yet to fully deal with or appreciate, depending on the value placed upon the ideal--greed, hatred, power, the thrill of torture, ethnic prejudice, true romance, living life on the edge, sadism, survival, hope, belief (faith), and love. Despite what the American system was developed to accomplish--namely to create a state of living good for Caucasians of British descent and uncomfortable for any people falling outside of that narrow scope--there have always been good, moral people living in the States (and territories) who have cared for others as well as themselves, and who carry no prejudices against any others. The Duttons are just such a family--a clan anyone would be proud to belong to. There are extremely shocking scenes throughout the series--rape, torture, brutality, sadism, murder, postmortem mutilation, and of course gunfights. Here's hoping the writers/actors strike ends soon so the writers and directors can continue with this brilliant saga as good as or just a touch better than the 1883 series which tells of the earlier Dutton clan.

Evil (2019–2024)

LIVE

[10/10 · 13 October 2023]

Funny, serious, frightening, and cerebral almost all at the same time, EVIL is the best Speculative Fiction series since The X Files. Many viewers have a problem with the four children jumping around and chattering like excited squirrels, but if you think life would be worthless without the little ones, then you'll have no problem with this story. Be warned, though. A few of the characters are unbelievably annoying with their evil selfish antics, but the overt righteousness of Sister Andrea and Fr. David Acosta balance things out in a more than admirable way. Now, if you're looking for a show that pokes fun at Christians, look elsewhere because this won't be your cup of coffee. No overarching sacrilege here, just honest questions being honestly answered.

The Exorcist (2016–2018)

More Subdued

[7/10 · 1 October 2023]

A reference to the original film is made, but other than that this series has little or nothing to do with the story of possessed Regan. Overall, every scene is subdued in comparison to the original, and it seems this was a choice in order to make this story seem much more realistic--because after all, what child can do a 360 with her head and survive? The fearlessness of the main exorcist, Fr. Marcus Keane, is admirable. In contrast, the seduction of the demon, personified in a 60-something male body, when it comes to his sexual attraction to Casey, a girl of about 20, is revolting (and I'm not making a judgment on Spring/Winter relationships, but on this character's particular disgusting lechery). I think the subdued storyline makes this an interesting watch and a nice reprieve away from the over-the-top head-twirling Crucifix-jamming fare we were all first offered a half century ago.

American Satan (2017)

Hidden In Plain Sight

[9/10 · 25 September 2023]

There is a scene early on where the Devil shows the band members a dollar bill and asks them if they know the various symbols and what they mean. This is a metaphor for the entire film about a group of nobodies who become the hottest rock band in the world because of a pact they make with the Devil for that fame-but the Devil wants nothing in return except the destruction of the band members. Anybody seeing this film is looking directly at the 'how' of becoming a world-renowned rock musician without the necessary talent. Just a movie? Hardly. For every naturally super talented rocker like Jim Morrison, for example, there are at least a thousand who sold their souls to the Devil for their fame and fortune. At the end of this film we even see a long quote from Carlos Santana describing his deal with a spirit which made him one of the biggest bands of his era. The list goes on. Vince Neil is mentioned, the singer of that ridiculous group Motley Crue, who killed a member from another band while driving drunk, gave two other people permanent brain damage, walked away unscathed, and only spent two weeks in jail. If Christians didn't make this film, they should have, because the inner workings of demons are revealed--and if I was a demon, I'd be royally pissed that my playbook was published. Various reviewers don't like the softcore porn (lots of it) or the drug and alcohol use or the singer being overdubbed or the malnourished bass player (who happens to be the Devil in disguise), but the point of the movie is to be warned away from the world of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll because, after all, who in the fame game has enough natural talent to draw thousands to see them every time they play? Think about it, and you can count them on one hand--and most of them have been dead a long time. Demons hate you. That's the message of this film.

Supernatural (2005–2020)

Review For Seasons 1 Through 3 Only

[7/10 · 16 September 2023]

In season 4, everyone involved in this production puts their eternal souls in jeopardy by adding to and subtracting from the Revelation of Jesus Christ, being the last book of the New Testament. My wife and I stopped watching, not wanting to be part of such egregious behavior. Seasons 1 through 3, however, are as fun as hell (so to speak), filled with ghosts, vampires, tricksters, witches, demons, and other nefarious creatures which are all being hunted by Sam and Dean Winchester, monster-hunters trained by their father, also a hunter. There are dead serious episodes as well as hilarious ones--similar to how The X-Files was set up. But again, if you don't want to be a part of something potentially deadly to your soul, watch only seasons 1 through 3.

Don't Breathe (2016)

Lesser Of Two Evils

[5/10 · 12 September 2023]

A trio of housebreakers enter the dilapidated Detroit dwelling of a blind Desert Storm soldier, hoping to find the supposed 300 Grand he keeps there in cash. The goal is to get the money and then leave for California. Simple, right? Sure, if the old man happened to be weak and unable to defend himself. But that happens to not be the case. To further complicate matters, two of the three thieves (one has been shot in the head with his own Baretta) discover that the former soldier has a girl tied up in his basement and is using her to breed himself a new child since she ran over his little girl and got off scot-free because her parents were wealthy and paid for her freedom. This is, in short, a nail-biting film pretty much from its beginning to its final act, where we find only one of the three hoodlums still alive and on her way to the Southland where she has promised a surfer's lifestyle to her young niece in tow. Lots of blood, violence, and, yes, semen.

There's Something Wrong with the Children (2023)

No

[1/10 · 19 August 2023]

A reviewer who gave this tripe from hell seven (7) stars writes: "The only reason I can think that this film is getting bad reviews is that it is from people who like to be spoon fed their horror films. They want the same old rubbish, the same old remakes, the same old jump scares, and the 10th film in a series." Wow, friend. Your powers of logic are extremely puerile if the only reason you can think of that other people hate this film is because they don't understand the Horror genre like you do. No, the truth is that the adult actors are run-of-the-mill and, worse than that, the plot and dialogue both make Ed Wood's films masterpieces. The children are good considering their ages of about eight and eleven, but like the four grownups, they have very little to work with other than a slow, alcohol-washed buildup to the disappointing letdown that the evil which first possesses the children and later possesses one of the adults is nothing more than outer space creatures that look like giant roaches/preying mantises and have superhuman strength. And yes, if you must watch, there is a Final Girl to root for.

Raven's Hollow (2022)

wow

[1/10 · 19 July 2023]

Tell you what. Let's just not try to cash in on Edgar Allan Poe's genius anymore, will we? Because every time we try, we fail. This particular ditty is a half-hearted attempt to provide us with some backstory to Poe's most famous piece of writing, "The Raven," by suggesting that said Raven is an evil spirit even older than the American Indians who, we are told, no longer live in the area where this travesty is set--presumably in the boondocks somewhere just outside of West Point, New York where the earlier colonials who built our fictional town of Raven's Hollow followed their own horror-inspired architectural style more akin to that of "The Nightmare Before Christmas" than anything which would have actually been constructed by early settlers of the Empire State. Don't waste your time with this one.

She Will (2021)

Witchcraft

[1/10 · 19 July 2023]

I am not quite sure how it has happened that witchcraft has become conflated with liberated womanhood, but nothing on Earth could be further from the truth. And to make matters worse with this film, the historical alleged "witch" who was burned alive was not a witch at all, but an elderly woman with dementia who had a disabled daughter who was also going to be burned but somehow got away. That said, the power of any woman is not and never has been dependent upon elemental magic and everything that goes with pagan belief systems including fairyfolk, enchantments, and protections, etc. Rather, a woman finds her power not in revenge or hatred but in love, forgiveness, and high-mindedness. This film, though, falls in line with a common view in our own day that a witch is none other than a liberated, powerful woman, therefore I award the project a sound one-star rating and I offer the warning that there is a higher way--a much higher way--than dabbling in the dark arts in order to empower oneself. Pity, too. I like Alice Krige as an actor--pure brilliance in 'Gretel and Hansel.'

You Are Not My Mother (2021)

Witch This Film!

[8/10 · 18 July 2023]

I love a film that is able to keep me interested by first convincing me of who the good characters are and who are the bad. And once you see this story once, you'll want to go back and see it again with the understanding you gained from the first viewing. *Spoilers Begin Now* A left-of-center teenage girl lives with her grandmother, her mother, and her uncle. The story begins with an infant sitting in a stroller in the middle of a street. Two women are looking at the baby, then one rushes to it and strolls it to a wooded area where she then sits it in the middle of a circle of twigs and other combustibles and sets everything on fire. I was thinking, "Okay, yeah, the woman's a witch doing some kind of spell over the child." But to my surprise, I wasn't right. Ireland and the UK both produce some pretty amazing Horror stories, and this one is one of the best of the lot along with "The Daisy Chain" (2008), "Wake Wood", and "The Lodgers".

Unwelcome (2022)

Far Darrig et al

[1/10 · 13 July 2023]

First, let's get the Irish legend stuff out of the way. The idea of making a movie about the Far Darrig or Fir Dearg (Fear Dearg), meaning the Red Men and often conflated with a form of the "little people" who wear red caps--caps dyed in human blood--was a great idea. But that's where everything came to a screeching halt. This movie, if we can even call this travesty that, is one of the worst I have ever seen, and I've seen loads of really bad movies. I'll say it this way: this garbage makes any one of Ed Wood's films a masterpiece, including 'Plan 9 From Outer Space.' And I have a question: Did Colm Meany just need the money? This ridiculous attempt at telling a story is wrong on so many levels that I really don't know where to begin, so I'll just randomly jump in and warn you against the spineless husband who picks a fight with three London toughs and then can't defend his wife from them as they break-and-enter and then repeatedly kick her and her unborn baby while beating him nearly senseless. So they pick up and move to the Irish countryside where the Meany character and his three grown children bully them as bad or worse than the Chavs from the Big Smoke. The movie just gets worse from there. Don't bother.

The Nightingale (I) (2018)

Horrific

[1/10 · 10 July 2023]

This film gets such a low rating from me not for the acting or cinematography, but for the horrific rape and murder scenes reminiscent of another ultra-violent film set in Australia, 'The Proposition.' And, I have seen at least two others also set Down Under that involve rape and brutal murder, their names escaping me right now. This film misses the mark overall, and I don't recommend viewing it unless you have a strong stomach and a good grasp of the cruel transgressive nature of humanity. Two women are raped in tandem by two men, two crying children are violently murdered (an infant is thrown against a wall and a seven-year-old is shot point blank), and in one of the several revenge scenes, a man has his face caved in with the butt of a rifle.

The Last Duel (2021)

#MeToo

[5/10 · 9 July 2023]

At first I wasn't sure at all that I wanted to watch a movie starring Matt Damon and Adam Driver as 14th century French squires. The idea just seemed beyond silly. Would Damon speak in a Boston Southie accent? Would Driver give those bewildered looks he always does in other films? The story begins with accents of battle, but ends with--and I kid you not--THE most brutal jousting scenario I have ever seen in any film, and I've seen 75% of all Medieval stories ever made. And to make this film worth its 5 stars I'm giving it, this is a #MeToo masterpiece which uses the misogynistic Medieval world to condemn its own self. **Not for the faint of heart or for those who cannot abide ultra-violence on screen including the horrific deaths of horses.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Accidentally Pro-Christian Film

[9/10 · 28 April 2023]

It has always been hilarious to me that the director set out to slam Christianity with this story and instead fully supports a life guided by God through Jesus the Christ. The crowning achievement of any true Christian is to be humiliated and even killed if necessary for his or her belief in Jesus--just like he was on the Cross. Every Believer should see this film, and should pay special attention to the police detective being burned alive in the wicker man because he is known to be a Christian by the (fictional) pagans of the island he visits. I have watched this film time and again through the decades, and I am always encouraged to continue to fight the good fight against not flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and rulers of the darkness of this world--all of which will one day meet their end and judgment.

Nanny (2022)

Where's the Story?

[1/10 · 9 April 2023]

A Senegalese beauty moves to the Big Apple and lands a job as a nanny (remember Family Affair and Mr. French, nanny to Buffy and Jody?) for an affluent family who lives in one of the prestigious apartment complexes in what looks like Midtown Manhattan. The child is about five, but instead of going to public school she is nannied every day for her basically absentee parents. The nanny's main objective is to make enough money to bring her six year old boy to live in America with her. Good beginning, right? But wait. We need to add trickster spiders, deadly mermaids, the nanny's highly educated boyfriend and his mother who is some kind of 'wise woman,' and the six year old African boy who also can appear to his nanny mother in NYC. The acting is good; the cinematography good. What is not good is the story itself, which builds up and builds up and then delivers absolutely nothing. NOTHING. Skip this one.

Women Talking (2022)

Stay, Fight, Or Leave

[10/10 · 10 March 2023]

I never give ten stars--unless the film is beyond excellent. This one is nothing short of brilliant. The plot is simple, but I want to say first that this is not a movie about religion, but about truth--it's not a movie about following blindly, but leading with belief that God (Love) will make a way. A group of today's Mennonite or Amish or Bruderhoff (it matters not) women have always been systematically drugged and raped by the men of their community (children of all ages run around everywhere), after which the women--who have never been allowed to read and write--are told that they have been assaulted by either demons or ghosts. Some of the children from these unholy unions are lost before or in childbirth, some are born and grow up. A few of the women are angry, some support the men and their traditions, some want to leave, some want to fight the men using violence, and some have no idea what to do, if anything. Several women stand apart, having been influenced by a former woman who was excommunicated years before, and verbally separate Jesus from sinful men (as is correct), and yet other women in the group hate all men. They all spend two days remembering Scriptures that support love and forgiveness, and discussing whether to stay, fight, or leave. Staying will show that they agree with the abuse, fighting will destroy their belief in Christian pacifism and the way of Jesus (who himself declares that if he did not have the work of salvation to accomplish on the Cross, he could easily call destroying angels to wipe out those who hated him), and leaving will keep them from sinning either by murdering the men or allowing other women to be raped.

Catherine Called Birdy (2022)

What Other Hole!

[9/10 · 6 March 2023]

This film is just delightful from beginning to end. Essentially, a young medieval teenage girl is deemed ready for marriage by her parents, but she is in no way ready to grow up that much just yet. So she confides in her nanny, and learns some surprising and even horrifying facts about life, love, and monthly cycles. Bella Ramsey, who plays Birdy, steals the show with her innocent questions, her mischievous antics, and her overall playfulness and exuberance. She refuses to leave her childhood behind, no matter how happy--or even prosperous--it would make her parents who are failing financially and need their daughter as a trump card to keep their heads--and castle and grounds--above water. Don't miss this one!

The Head of Joaquín Murrieta (2023– )

Surreal

[7/10 · 19 February 2023]

An appreciation of surrealism is necessary for some of these more recent Westerns, maybe for the last decade or so--for example, the miniseries titled The English. This story is a bit less surreal in scope, but still carries strong surrealistic elements which I believe are intended to show a vision of the Pre-Civil War Wild West as having been one of extreme uncertainty for anyone either originally living in that vast area for millennia or interloping for a variety of reasons from establishing United States law-and-order to looking for places to live religiously without interference to mining for gold and all of the other reasons that we are all too familiar with as we continue to study the extremely checkered history of North America. Where the series The English is just plain weird, this series seems more realistic, and is certainly more brutal in its depictions of scalping, beheadings, hangings, rapes, gunshot wounds, and gutter language which, as a historian myself, I doubt was used with such flagrancy--as if our own inner city street gangs had suddenly become cowboys. Worth a watch, though, if you liked A Woman Walks Alone and the aforementioned The English. With my Westerns, though, I prefer gritty hyperrealism such as in the brilliant film The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford starring Brad Pitt.

First Cow (2019)

Strange Little Tale

[7/10 · 11 February 2023]

This is a strange little story about two dishonest men in a sea of dishonest men who discover that if they steal milk from a cow owned by a man who might be considered the reiver or somesuch other land authority--in any case he has Indians as servants and hosts government officials and other such authorities--they can make and sell cakes and sweet breads and other such delicacies not found in Oregon during the mid-19th century. But, alas, they are found out, and go on the run, but are never caught. The trained baker of the duo falls and gets a concussion and can hardly go on while the entrepreneur Chinaman is trying to think their way out of their dilemma. The baker lies down to sleep, so his Chinese friend lies next to him--and now we know why at the beginning of the story the 21st century girl finds two full skeletons barely covered by a layer of dirt and natural debris. Were they discovered sleeping and shot by those who pursued them, or did the baker die of his head wound and the Chinaman just die of natural causes? We don't know anything except that they die, their half-baked plans dying with them. The film is cut in a box shape as if it was supposed to fit in old-timey TV screens, and the film used is grainy though it is color. Odd little realistic trip all the way around, with one or two familiar actors to boot. Seven stars for acting, pacing, dress, and dialogue. There were one or two Indian women in the story and loads of mountain men, trappers, gold prospectors, and other sorts of male pioneers.

The Chosen (2017– )

If You Love Jesus

[1/10 · 6 February 2023]

If you love Jesus, avoid this series like the bubonic plague. That it was written by the son of the man who wrote the Left Behind series of books (and movies) should tell you something, but if the lie of Darbyism goes way over your head for whatever reason, have a look at a few of these episodes--and then maybe move on the Season 2, Episode One where the great and beautiful, powerful, and many times blessed John the Baptizer, first cousin of Jesus and our Savior's harbinger, is being made fun of by Peter who calls him "Weird John" and then further blasphemes Jesus himself by changing John's announcement of the revelation of Messiah into a stupid joke--just watch it if you don't believe me. There is a terribly dark place being prepared for all who have had a part in the making of this shockingly irreverent series of movies allegedly designed to make the Good News of salvation relevant to today's audience. What actually happens is the creation of more insipid, saltless, lightless garbage. Hasn't organized religion done enough of that already?

Terrifier 2 (2022)

Terrifier 1 & 2

[9/10 · 1 February 2023]

I never have been much for Slashers, though I have seen my share including the originals of The Last House On The Left and The Hills Have Eyes as well as The Devil's Rejects, House Of A Thousand Corpses, Halloween, Audition, and more. And outside of the underrated Clown (which began as a farcical film on YouTube and was later reproduced into a feature film), scary clown movies are not a favorite of mine simply because I love clowns and always have, from Barnum & Bailey clown cars to Red Skelton's hobo clown to Bozo the Clown and on and on. All that said, the bleach and salt scene from part 2 attracted me to this series of films for its artistic value. Not only is this clown scary, whose name is Art (okay, I get it--art has become clownish), he is an amazing mime--and, like so many human beings-turned-monsters in films from the 80s forward, he can't be killed no matter what is done to him in retribution for his egregious crimes against innocents who just happen to get in his way. And, his modus operandi isn't just to kill, it's to overkill. There are no heroes here either--just hapless victims of a demonic power. And I really should add that the filmography in every aspect is superb. As I watched, equally horrified and mesmerized, all I could think was "This is like watching a Horror comic book come alive!" If you watch these films, don't look into the story too deeply because we know little to nothing about Art the Clown and his motives for torture leading to murder. If there is a message after all, it's probably that Art is a metaphor of today's society where anything goes built upon the matrix of utter nihilism where nothing matters except self-satisfaction in a world where life is cheap and no longer valued. Allegedly Terrifier 3 & 4 are on their way. Yippee.