sarajimi Reviews

Murdoch Mysteries: The Annoying Red Planet (2008) Season 1, Episode 13

an extreme departure from the norm

[4/10 · 16 February 2024]

Many aspects of this episode reminded me of the end of the pilot for the adventures of brisco county jr. But what worked for that show doesn't do much for Murdoch mysteries because the former was a show that never intended to take itself too seriously and so the science-fiction element fit right in. Murdoch mysteries has often pushed the envelope of scientific discoveries by having the inspector invent technology that is now commonplace but this episode suddenly jumps into the realm of steampunk. The moralizing at the end about how far the government's reach should extend was heavy handed at best and saw Murdoch persisting in the claim that two people had been murdered when, even by today's standards, the first would not be considered such.

A Royal Runaway Romance (2022 TV Movie)

okay for one watch

[5/10 · 2 February 2024]

This movie is very typical of hallmark. There was nothing terribly noteworthy, it has the token gay that was in all their movies in 2022 and 2023, at least if there wasn't some other character to fulfill the dei requirements. Grady had some of the best one liners. I found the actress who played amelia to be wooden - maybe it was just the strain of maintaining the accent? Plus, the princess, while a good person and not a spoiled brat, was still fairly unaware of how the real world works. This was most obvious when she was trying to get a shot of some scenery and moving the grady's arm out of her way while he was driving.

Designing Christmas with You (2023)

boring

[3/10 · 7 January 2024]

It is the typical story line you expect from these kinds of movies (as in Hallmark, great american family, other made for tv christmas movies) but so very low energy. Nothing special happened, no christmas tree lighting or drinking hot chocolate or cider. Not even that much was said; there were lots of musical interlude shots. The actors were fine but didn't really have anything to work with so i can't say if they were good or bad. And i do not know what was up with the lead actresses roots. Yes, i understand they happen but the director chose to film so many close-up shots of her with her head down that it was very in your face.

12 Games of Christmas (2023)

quantity over quality

[5/10 · 27 December 2023]

GAF would've done better to produce fewer new movies this year than something of the caliber. It feels more like one of their first movies, not the other higher quality productions of this year; maybe they spent the majority of their budget on the bigger name movies? The story just didn't feel fully fleshed, as if they had planned the main events but forgot to connect them until the last minute.

There were many gaps in the plot. Most of the characters talked about having to get home, were told they could at any time by shaking their snowglobe, yet all waited their turn to do so. My biggest issue was with the gingerbread house challenge. The lesson was supposed to be about community and working together. All the characters got together to help the one who had the most experience make gets and neglected theirs so of course she won. And then, essentially, said peace out losers and ditched her current community who had sacrificed for her without a second thought.

The final complaint I'll share is with the male lead. His lines all seemed to come from a Hallmark card (wrong channel, I know). They were so sappy, I got to cringing every time he spoke.

Mystery Island (2023 TV Movie)

set up for a sequel; do we really want one?

[4/10 · 29 October 2023]

A decent attempt at something different for hallmark but the way it comes off feels patronizing. Would anyone really pay $10,000 a day to go to an island mansion that seemingly has no special ammenities? It might be all-inclusive but doesn't seem to include anything to do other than eat and drink. The characters, minus one or two of the male guests, are completely static; there is no growth or development and they leave the island the same as they arrived. Which i suppose isn't unlike reality but makes for an empty feeling movie. There is a scene where the two friends are sitting on a bed in a darkened room talking while wearing long dresses with empire waistlines that feels like something out of Sense and Sensibility and that kind of says it all about them. Elizabeth's concerned face looks like she's about to cry, otherwise she just looks smug. They try to make her character more empathetic by giving her a two lines about her father's recent death but that is more to check off the hallmark list of requisites (a dead parent or two). Kezia's character is more likeable, if rather silly, but does not carry herself like someone born to nobility. The women all try to sneak around the mansion in high heels on bare floors. In fact, they wear heels ALL the time. If hallmark is so worried about trying to make their actresses appear tall, hire some tall actresses. Either that or acknowledge that they aren't and let the ladies wear flats/sneakers. The common detective orders the police chief to collect evidence, and she does! Not to mention the evidence they use to solve the case, half of which is kept from the audience until the grand reveal, is so highly improbable as to not establish reasonable doubt.

Buddy Games (2019)

Jensen Ackles was the best part

[4/10 · 18 October 2023]

At least I managed to sit through it. Not as bad as I expected but tag did it better. Knowing that it has the r rating and having read the description, I tried to resist watching it but it has Jensen Ackles in it. And it's the only thing other than psych I can find with James roday; I'm trying to get a feel for more of his range. Came in with low expectations. Pleasantly surprised it wasn't as crass as I expected, not was the language quite as foul. I've definitely seen worse. Just saying stuff at this point to meet the minimum character count. Tries a little to have a moral or two but forgets to finish those story lines.

The Love Club (2023–2024)

could not sit through

[1/10 · 2 May 2023]

I have a high tolerance for Hallmark movies but this was horrid. Maybe the plot would work if the characters were middle schoolers but they are adults. You know Nicole is in trouble when one of her first lines is about wanting to find a man to complete her. Fast forward ten years and she still has the same mind set. She ends up engaged to a guy who is a caricature of the typical Hallmark bad boyfriend, which is saying something. So she sets out to find her college pen pal with whom she felt a connection by cyberstalking him then messing with the remodeling of his business. Which he finds okay because he too felt a connection. That's all in the first third of the movie. It just goes downhill from there.

There were some funny lines and I liked Josh but Nicole is so neurotic and insecure I just couldn't finish. She should be a cautionary tale, not the heroine. And this movie falls into the sexist trope that the woman can lie and scheme with impunity but let the man out one for wrong and he has to grovel for forgiveness. No thanks.

Groundswell (2022 TV Movie)

another standard entry into hallmark's PC files

[7/10 · 24 April 2023]

Pretty much what you would expect from Hallmark, with the now-token gay couple. I was kind of disappointed that they went to Hawaii to film a movie essentially about Puerto Ricans but that made sense after he explained the history of Puerto Ricans in the islands, but has Hallmark actually done one about Hawaiian culture? I found the decision to put lacey in a wet suit head scratching: if her body is no longer that of a twenty year old (which it would be nice if Hollywood would finally show us that), then put her in a sarong. Wet suits hide nothing and just drew attention to any "problem areas" because you wondered what they were trying to hide. I did like the deeper emotional content Hallmark at least touched on; that alone have this is seventh star from me. Shows that Hallmark has occasional respect for their audiences.

In a World... (2013)

false advertising

[1/10 · 24 April 2023]

I really wanted to like this film. Saw the trailer years ago and never got it out of my mind. Now it's stuck in my mind for how disappointing it was. I feel like there was a bait and switch. The trailer promised a movie about a voice actress trying to break into a male dominated field. Instead it's a drama about a woman-child and her dysfunctional family and friends, including her narcissistic father. And she happens to be a voice actress.

I couldn't finish it. The movie wasn't bad, just not what was promised and what I did get want enough to keep me interested. Instead of showing us the industry, we see her do one audition and next thing you know she has three more gigs and the filmmakers are coming to her. The only struggles we see her go through professionally come from her a-hole father. Honestly, they show more of her sister's life falling apart than any other storyline. I'm glad others had a better experience but it wasn't for me.

Love in the Maldives (2023 TV Movie)

below average

[5/10 · 24 April 2023]

What's with all these travel journalists who are adverse to new-to-them adventures? Rae usually wires high adventure pieces and just can't handle the concept of relaxing. She's supposed to be an experienced travel journalist used to going on great adventures but doesn't research where she's going this time as evidence by her packing? Since she doesn't want to use the map, preferring the romance of getting lost, she doesn't even take it; that's how people become statistics in real life. Not to mention that she only packs a less than full waterproof backpack (not the greatest capacity), including her electronics and mosquito netting, and still has a different outfit with appropriate shoes for everyday. These are only a few reasons I found the character less believable than usual.

I found the actress believable enough but Jake looked like a broody teenager most of the time, not someone in love with his job.

Overall, Hallmark relied on location alone to carry the movie. Which it managed to do. I mean at least it was actually filmed at the title location, unlike love on glacier.

Fixer to Fabulous: New Tudor Home in Time for a Newborn (2022) Season 3, Episode 6

does Jenny not know what Tudor is?

[2/10 · 4 December 2022]

Usually I don't mind the marrs' renovations over restorations even though I prefer the latter but this was horrid. They took an already cheesy house and made it worse. Although the house was called a Tudor, from the before it was obviously a standard 70s home with only exterior touches to make it Tudor. By the time they're done with it, what little faux Tudor accents are gone. The worst of it is the mid-century modern dormer they added for extra light; it totally jars with the rest of the building. I blame Jenny in the title because she seems mostly in charge of design but more she was bragging in the beginning of the episode about how much she loves the Tudor style but the end result seems to believe that claim.

Love in the Sun (2019 TV Movie)

subpar

[4/10 · 20 October 2022]

I try to base my reviews on what the movie is, not comparing all of them to big screen, big budget Hollywood productions. Usually I like Hallmark movies. This one has the usual Hallmark movie plot but the only the father character felt real. I do not know if the blame rests on the script or the actors, none of whom were from the regular Hallmark pool. The lead actress didn't feel engaged, often staring off into space, past her fellow actors, more than looking at them. The main actor felt wooden, like a stand in running lines more than a professional actor. I really felt that Evan should have been the one to do the dumping since Alana was pretty insulting.

The Renovator: House of Opposites (2022) Season 1, Episode 1

maybe my problem is with the editors

[2/10 · 19 October 2022]

Did not like how they portrayed the couple. So many guy vs girl media things (movies, book, TV, etc.) try to pray the guy as wrong and this is no different. They try to portray the husband as some kind of organizational Nazi since he is super neat and would like the house to be cleaner. Meanwhile, his wife is portrayed as a more relaxed type who wants to let the kids be kids. Apparently this means never folding laundry, or even putting it into the proper bedrooms. Instead there are baskets of clean laundry in the master bedroom and the kids come to get their clothes. I'm a slob but even I put my clean clothes away. The kids also have tubs of things sitting out in their rooms and she says it's because there isn't room in the closet but when Marcus opens the closet, it's empty except for a bunch of unused hangers. While they did some cutesy, couples therapy type activities, I don't feel the show ever addressed the real issue of why the wife thinks giving the kids any responsibility is so bad and I bet, in a year's time, we'll find she is no longer using all the new organizational systems the show put in.

Good Bones: Risky Business: Sanders Is Off the Rails (2022) Season 1, Episode 2

has to be drama just for television

[3/10 · 27 September 2022]

They never explain why Mina's first site supervisor, Thomas, left and then Martin has got to be the most useless supervisor ever; if he's actually like that, there's no way he would still be on any general contractors payroll. And that's completely ignoring the sexist attitude.

Overall, it has me wondering if the general contractor really existed because it's not just the site supervisors that are portrayed as incompetent but the whole company. There's obviously a reason they never mention the company's name.

I'm still curious to see how this industrial chic carriage house is going to vibe with the Victorian bed and breakfast in the front of the property.

Bargain Mansions (2017– )

2 houses was enough for me

[2/10 · 25 September 2022]

Disclaimer: I love history and historic things.

Not vintage, historic. Which is where most of my breed with the show comes in.

Tamara does renovation, not restoration. While she favors working on historic homes, the interiors are thoroughly modernized beyond angry character or charm. She took a charming Tudor great room that you would see in a BBC period piece and turned it into a thoroughly modern kitchen, and never really gave the living space back to the house. And put 4 eating areas in the same house but only one living room that was an old bedroom with no added space - I guess your two choices in that house are eat or sleep.

In another, she put a gabled, second floor bathroom into the existing ridge line of the first floor resulting in an awkward bump out visible from the street, thus reducing curb appeal.

Although I watched this on HGTV on demand, it seems this was actually aired on the diy network, which could explain the lower production value.

As for the hostess herself, Tamara is mostly shown working on the final parts of a project. I don't mind if she's more a designer but then let her be that instead of trying to convince me she's doing actual construction in a flowing tunic top. I also wish she'd accept her age in her makeup choices. In trying to look younger, it actually makes her look older. So what if her kids are grown instead of toddlers like most of the hosts; own it.

Bargain Mansions: Shower Showstopper (2019) Season 2, Episode 8

where will this train wreck end

[2/10 · 25 September 2022]

I love how the description calls the house a behemoth; the name of the show is bargain mansions not bargain studios.

I don't understand why everyone insists on putting televisions above fireplaces. This is the most extreme example where they cut into the nice, solid, original wall for a trench to hide the cables. Not that there isn't plenty of other wall space in the same room.

I don't like the long but narrow master shower; I would totally be banging my elbows on the walls.

In the early walk thru with her dad, Tamara gushed about how much she loved the original wood trim. In the final result, most of the trim is removed and what is left is painted white. And remind me again how a geometric tile pattern for an accent wall is in keeping with the original character?

The new outdoor fireplace's style not only isn't Tudor, it doesn't even match the surrounding stone work.

Bargain Mansions: Tamara's Tudor Tutorial (2019) Season 2, Episode 7

more like Tudor torture

[2/10 · 25 September 2022]

How many eating areas does a house need? Tamara's new design has an island with seating in the kitchen, a breakfast nook (her supposed nod to Tudor style, ignoring that she is completely ruining an awesome and traditional living space in the process), and a dining room. The resulting banquette in the breakfast nook might have butt room for six but only leg room for two so that's totally impractical. And she somehow thinks walking in the front door to a hallway with a bedroom separated by a wall and door is less awkward than walking straight into the formal dining room?!?

Not an expert, but the blow-in insulation seems like, while fun, produces a bunch of waste.

On the exterior, her paint job is anti-Tudor, like she's trying to hide the original nature of the house. And the high tech modern railing on the upstairs deck is so it is place.

Bargain Mansions: Corbels and Chaos (2018) Season 2, Episode 1

bargain "mansion"?

[5/10 · 25 September 2022]

The house is 3,200 square feet! While that is big, I would never qualify it as a mansion. Even the hostess herself refers to it as a cottage, although that's more due to the exterior appearance than interior.

In the end, there is a major disconnect between the outside appearance of the house and the interior design. People who love the exterior charm will be left cold by the interior's modern style while those who like the interior style probably wouldn't step in the door because of the outside's traditional look. Is be interested to see if the new owners didn't understand some renovation of their own.

And I understand the upstairs needed its own bathroom but gabling the roof into the first floor's ridgeline just looks cheap and tacky and is obvious from the street.

Help! I Wrecked My House (2020– )

some of these people...

[4/10 · 23 September 2022]

Some of the people seem to honestly need help but at least half apart to have turn their houses apart so they can appear on the show. Are there really that many people out there who start one project, realize they are in over their heads, and just walk away and start another one? Repeatedly? Leaving holes in multiple walls and bare subfloors seems to be standard behavior for these people, bonus points for leaving exposed electrical and gas. And where do they find so many spouses that just say, "sure honey, leave the holes in our entry way walls and go work on taking out that arch you think might be load bearing instead"? The latter seasons get better with people knowing when to say when, or having reason to think they could tackle some of these projects, but the first season is stupid.

Help! I Wrecked My House: No Right Angles (2022) Season 3, Episode 4

wanted more of the house

[7/10 · 23 September 2022]

The house looked so cool but all we got to see of most of it was the stairs. The dramatic tension was so ridiculously over exaggerated that even I, not a diy person much less a contractor, could spot the stupidity. For example, they sometimes refer to it as six floors but the reality is it's more of a split level with the six levels being more like three floors, possibly three and a half. (since when has IMDb required six hundred characters in reviews.) Most of the stars in my reading are for the house's uniqueness. If the house has been more of a standard layout, probably would've only rated it four.

Wedding Planner Mystery (2014 TV Movie)

there's a reason this didn't become a series

[5/10 · 8 August 2022]

The cast was fine; always love Andrew walker. But the writing was bad. The morning after the murder (which happened at night), and someone is already trying to kill Carnegie for asking questions? The plot comes out decently, if predictable, it's the execution that sucks. Good for one watch, no more.

Wait Till Helen Comes (2016)

good enough for someone not into horror

[7/10 · 21 June 2022]

I watched this because I loved the book. Maybe because it's been so long since I read it so I don't recognize all the errors but I thought it pretty good up until the end: I wanted more of a resolution for Heather. And Helen, I guess. There were a few loose threads but they didn't run the plot.

Characterz (2016)

so excellent for what it is

[10/10 · 20 June 2022]

Is this a low budget film? Yes. But it made me smile more than anything else i've seen recently, especially from the big studios. And it was clean enough that i can show my parents. (not really for kids as they won't get most of it.)

Curious Caterer: Dying for Chocolate (2022 TV Movie)

not for fans of the book series

[7/10 · 19 June 2022]

The movie is fine on its own. Maybe i'm biased because i like andrew walker. Normally, i like nikki deloach as well but not so much here. Not that she was bad, she just didn't feel like she was owning the role. It's a typical hallmark mystery with a few more suspects than usual so not an obvious solution. My main complaint is why'd they bother tying it into the book series? Granted, the series was/is popular but the book of the same name was written in the 80s; surely there are more recent properties you could use to get a ready-made audience? Or were they hoping no one who saw the movie had read the book? The similarities were minimal. Yes, movie and book goldys are both divorced caterers with children but thats as far as the similarities go. Book goldy has an established business at the time of this story, her ex-husband was (and still is) abusive, their divorce is contentious to say the least, her child is a son, and that's just some of the character differences. As far as plot goes, the victim dies in a car accident and the common ground ends there. So my question remains - why bother with the tie-in?

Butlers in Love (2022 TV Movie)

barely above blah

[6/10 · 19 April 2022]

If you've seen one Hallmark movie, you already know how this is going to go so I won't talk about predictability except to say that the end had one surprising, and unsatisfying, bump. Corey Cott brought this up to a six from a probable four as his character was so real and fun to watch. What largely brought the movie down for me was Emma, the character not the actress. Part of it was that I felt sorry for her, past sympathetic almost to pittying but no emotional connection to really make me care. But mostly what annoyed about her was her hair. I know it's minor, but the fact that her shoulder length hair is loose the whole time when there's no way a school whose dress code is stricter than the military's would allow that. This is backed up by the fact that every other female affiliated with butling has her hair pulled back neatly. Not only was it loose, it looked like it hadn't even been brushed since the day before. This, her short stature, and the uniform made her look like a kid playing dress-up most of the time so it was hard to take her seriously.