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The Darjeeling Limited (2007)
More Wes Anderson gargage
Unwatchable garbage, like all of Wes Anderson's movies.
I hated "The Royal Tannenbaums." I hated "Rushmore." I hated "Grand Budapest Hotel." I hate this one.
Why do so many people think Wes Anderson is some kind of a genius? Ridiculous.
The guy's a talentless, long-haired weirdo hack and his movies are horrible.
Za granyu realnosti (2018)
Unwatchable garbage
Antonio Banderas is in it. Oh.
What's with the absurd dubbing?
What's with the ridiculous CGI?
Why are 99.9999% of movies utter, total, unwatchable GARBAGE?
Oh that's right: Hollywood UNIONS.
Unions destroy every industry they infest: cars, schools, police.
Communist unions destroy.
Disconnected (2019)
Garbage. Natalie Valerio: PLEASE STOP "ACTING" YOU'RE HORRIBLE!
Like something you'd see from middle schoolers. Unwatchable.
Natalie Valerio, who plays the lead "Aspin Nix," can't act, is incredibly irritating, and constantly closes her eyes while delivering her inane lines.
Did the director tell her to do that? Or is that just something she thinks looks funny? Or dramatic? Or what? It's so ridiculous.
The whole thing is infuriating to sit through.
Why does anyone waste their time on this kind of garbage?
And if you're going to waste your time on this stuff, why cast people like Natalie Valerio who are such horrible "actors"???
The only thing I can think of is there was no budget and they got whoever would work for donuts or whatever.
Never Go Back (2017)
Bernie Sanders meets Pol Pot
What a bunch of socialist bullshit. Capitalism is evil. Marx and Engels were right. Stalin was a God. Chairman Mao was too far-right for these retards.
OK. Now that I've got their absurd politics out of the way, let's discuss the acting. Rancid.
OK, now for the cinematography: My autistic ADHD retard 5-year-old nephew could do better.
The ending? Came way too late.
Z Nation (2014)
The way zombie was meant to be
This is what zombie is supposed to be. I tried to watch The Walking Dead but it bored me out of my mind. (Do they EVER leave that cheap prison set?? LOL)
Z-Nation is in the tradition of all the old zombie movies that you know and love. It doesn't take itself seriously - the bane of all the Holly wood dreck out there today.
I despise the ultra-grim acting in all the modern Hollywood tripe nowadays and that's why I rarely go to the actual movies. It's mostly garbage created by committees of suits in Hollywood studio offices. Unwatchable trash designed for the lowest-common- denominator.
And The Walking Dead falls into this category. Everyone is oh-so- serious and grim and takes themselves wayyyyyy to serious.
I love that Z-Nation laughs at itself constantly. I loved the humping zombies in one episode from season 1. I think they got into a stash of Viagra or something. Funny as sh*t.
I will never watch another boring, ultra-serious episode of The Walking Dead and I will NEVER miss an episode of the funny, fun, ridiculous, gore-soaked Z-Nation. I hope the a-holes at Syfy don't cancel this.
Bates Motel (2013)
Like one of those horrible Lifetime movies
After less than five minutes of watching an episode - I have no idea what season or what episode or anything - I can tell it's one of these horridly-written shows where it seems like it's just one, long scene with no story arc, no plot development, no character development, just a droning-on with melodramatic music, bad actors standing around looking ultra-serious, and after a few minutes you start feeling a kind of desperation where your breathing becomes shallow and you begin to feel a sort of panic set in, like when you're sitting in the dentist chair and he's poking and scraping and drilling and you have to go to the bathroom and you just want it to FREAKING END - that's what this show is like: it just goes on & on & on, like this sentence (and yes, I wrote in this absurd style on purpose so that by reading this review, you get a small taste of what it's like to watch this garbage.)
Surrender, Dorothy (2005)
Made me so angry I had to write a review
Diane Keaton reminds me of an annoying girlfriend I had long ago. I could not stand the girl (unfortunately, she was physically too pervertedly perfect for me to dump her; eventually she caught onto the fact that I stayed with her only for the sex and she dumped me.)
Unfortunately, Diane Keaton shares my old girlfriend's personality, and none of her physical properties.
When the guy calls her while she's driving, she acts like a giddy farm animal. Incredibly annoying woman.
Then he tells her to pull over, that there's been an accident, so she yells at him to just tell her what happened.
I sat here thinking to myself, "Let me guess. He tells her that her daughter's dead, and she crashes the car."
Incredibly, when he tells her, she dramatically raises her hands from the steering wheel and - yes, Virginia, there are amazingly bad movies made - she crashes the car.
It's like some horrid Lifetime movie. Such bad acting, such predictable plot, so unbelievably unwatchable that you turn it off in a fuming rage, long before it's over.
Or, in this case, only shortly after it even began.
King of the Corner (2004)
Stunning
This is a profoundly difficult film. A very strange thing.
Ninety percent drivel, technical incompetence, and horrid writing and acting ... and 10% genius.
It's weird. I first tried to sit through this thing MORE THAN ELEVEN YEARS AGO.
I hated it. It made me so angry.
The over-acting. The technical glitches (shots out-of-focus, weird lighting) and the illogic throughout - both of the "nobody would ever behave or react that way" variety as well as the "how could she hear what her father's saying when she's so far away and he's speaking in a quiet voice, and we can only hear her reply because she's shouting?" variety.
I hated Riegert. I hated the wife. I hated the daughter. I hated the story. The acting. The editing. Everything about it.
And then, more than eleven years later, I forced myself to finish it. Out of spite, I guess. I don't know. It's on youtube for free, so I watched to the end.
And I discovered plutonium.
At the 45 minute mark, it transmogrifies into a completely different film.
Leo goes crazy and I begin laughing hysterically and I start to care deeply about what happens next to these people and ... and the whole dam thing becomes RIVETING.
For awhile. And then it goes back to being comatose. And sloooooow. And unwatchable. But I forced myself to continue on, like Job.
Then near the end, at the funeral, I cried.
Tears ran down my face. And when Leo notices (as did I) that "the companion" is off by herself, and he includes her, I at that moment ... began to love him.
DAM YOU, RIEGERT. WHY COULDN'T THE WHOLE FILM HAVE BEEN THIS STUNNING? Geez.
Here is my original review, more than eleven years ago (Oct 25, 2006):
It's nice that Riegert went on the road, etc etc - but nice does not a good film make. Isabella as the wife was completely absurd; Eli's over-acting was horrid - screeching like some old crow, desperately mugging for the camera. Hoffman's kid - ridiculously awful.
The father & mother wringing their hands over the daughter's lateness - simply not believably acted at all. There's more (a lot more) - but no point to continue.
What can I say? I *wanted* to love this thing, but it's just plain awful.
Maybe if Riegert makes a better film in the future, he'd have a better chance at distribution.
Gerry (2002)
A meditative journey
If you love this movie, you're probably an "N" (Myers-Briggs personality type.) If you hate it, you're probably an "S." This is a film for the "Lost In Translation" crowd. The rest just don't get it. If you follow these two through the desert as if you are actually there with them, and if you allow your mind to ponder "What would *I* do?" ... then you will get a lot out of this experience.
But if you watch it expecting/waiting for "something to happen" then forget it - you're an "S" and "Ss" wait for things to happen in movies. Nothing "happens" in this movie. And that's part of what makes it so wonderful.
"Ns," on the other hand, just savor the existential moment and lose themselves in quiet, Zen-like contemplation.
One of the best films I've ever seen. Then again, I'm an "N."