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Reviews
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
Cheese and Crackers
This movie made me hate babies.
But, somehow I remember it. It's a mystery how.
There may or may not be a plot to this movie. I don't know it's ambiguous. The last 40 minutes are things blowing up and the robots occasionally shouting something offensive. Never thought I'd get bored of explosions.
Marky Mark tries his very hardest. Stanley Tucci is kind of cool at first, then becomes a little too goofy and cheesy. Kelsey Grammar is in this.
The characters are mostly poop. Optimus Prime is not himself. Marky Mark tries to be likable. He sort of succeeds. I hated his daughter. Her boyfriend is even worse. There is a scene near the end where he almost died and I thought to myself: "If he dies, this movie will go from a '3' to a '5'." Sadly, he lived. The villain, Lockdown, was kind of cool, he actually had presence and was imposing.
This movie sucks. I went into it with a turn off your brain, just give me robot-on-robot fighting. Did not even get that.
Lego Bionicle: The Journey to One (2016)
Friggin' Bonkles, Man
You know that movie you always wanted to see? Maybe you were a big fan of some superhero and your whole life you want to see a movie about that character. You think about it a lot and and have clear dreams for what you want it to be like. Then that dream finally comes to pass, your favorite superhero or cartoon is made into a movie and you watch it and it sucks.
This show is like that.
I always dreamed of seeing a cartoon about Bonkles. Which were my favorite toy growing up. It should lend itself well to cool animation and characters, with a surprisingly deep lore and relatable/fun/complex characters for kids to get to know.
This show is not that.
Tahu sucks. Kopaka sucks (which is especially lame because he was my favorite). Gali is okay. Lewa is okay. Onua is in this show. I think. Pohatu is... okay, I guess. The Antagonist sounds like he only knows how to talk through his nose (which is lame because he looks like a badass). The ending is Deus Ex Machina.
I was disappointed. Did like the art-style and animation, though. And there was one funny bit.
But, a little piece of me died when I watched this.