alanclarke-78565 Reviews

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Pretentious Plot Holed Violence Praised by Pseudo Intellectual Critics

[1/10 · 6 January 2020]

This movie is indeed the most significant movie of all time. It certainly exposes the limited intellect of critics who fail to see the endless plot nonsense because um let's see: 1. Because the film is a Western as he wears a cowboy hat, or not a Western, how mysterious is this film leaving critics in wonderment. 2. The film has Tommy Lee Cooper saying things have got worse but at the end his uncle saying America's always been violent. Wow, how much deeper can you get? Has any film ever probed the darkness in society as deeply as this? 3. I daren't risk damaging my brain further to investigate any more into why this film has been praised to the mountain tops by those elite geniuses who alone properly understand film, and who are so sorely needed to educate the hoi polloi finally having a chance on this site to express their views.

As for plot holes, after pinching a fortune from murderous drug dealers, Moss goes back hours after the theft to give a then dying man some water (a gallon of it, presumably he thought the chap would have got more thirsty) in the middle of the night. wtf? Couldn't he have phoned an ambulance, anonymously on his way back home after his theft? And that's after his callous behaviour with the wounded Mexican.

Then Moss goes on an endless Motel tour to apparently launder the money in air conditioning ducts. When he finally discovers the tracking device after not having thought of using another case for the money, and then still parading the case throughout the movie in public, he sits right behind the bedroom door awaiting the killer to rush in to immediately see him, rather than take a more discreet position with his rifle aimed at the door....actually there's so much nonsense in this film I can't go on any more highlighting it...I should be in bed by now rather that trying to take revenge on the people who stole 2 hours of my life, totally wasted, with the endless nonsense now imprinted on my brain...perhaps I'm dreaming this film in a dream and it was never made...hope so!

Viking Quest (2015 TV Movie)

A Romance!!

[10/10 · 23 April 2019]

The accents may not sound terrible Viking but it's a good romance story - an inspiration for all those spurned by their childhood sweetheart :)

Deadpool (2016)

Not One Funny Joke - Just Endless Swearing and Gay Obscenity

[1/10 · 15 April 2019]

Toilet humour at an all time low posing as comic creativity.

For those who like to hear the f word and mf word in every sentence, sometimes references to anuses as a change, and like their bowel movement on toast for breakfast, then this film should be enjoyable. Surely film makers should know that gay humour just doesn't work on screen, well, apart from those who like to hear the f.......

Zero Tolerance (I) (2015)

Makes You Think!

[4/10 · 26 March 2018]

I was looking for a couple of hours of switching off my brain but found myself trying to work out why Angel's coffee machine was rigged as a bomb, why they were tied to chairs and one of them shot, how they knew the mad killer would be going to a train station, why an early lead they had didn't tell them that the death was an accident, and then after the end trying to work out why Angel was bound and thrown into the river to make it look like a murder.

Not only that I'm still trying to work out why one reviewer here asked "Why would this movie be in English?" - that comment does make some critics who get paid seem quite intelligent and objective.

All in all, quite thought provoking...

Arctic Blast (2010)

Ignore Critics

[8/10 · 21 January 2018]

I watched it because of all the jokes and "worst ever bad movie" claims.

However I found this one quite decent and gripping and the cold fog more menacing than what other disaster movies come up with. I normally find disaster movies tedious, but this worked for me.

As for those who feel 'suspension of disbelief' (required for virtually every movie ever made!) is beneath them, they end up writing reviews that are almost troll like.

And as for the scientists writing here, um, you're not supposed to think that Darth Vader and Jedis or Wonder Woman or Superman actually exist....or might be capable of existing...

My only criticism is the gratutitous moralising "Man did this!" when it was supposed to be solar flares (yes, pick holes, that's fun, but don't make out you're such an amazing sensible person compared to the film makers).

The Kane Files: Life of Trial (2010)

Action OK but too much plot nonsense

[1/10 · 28 November 2017]

Action is OK but unless you don't mind the FBI 'hero' brutally assaulting a victim of the underworld, for some daft effort to put some crook away, and a good deal of plot nonsense, then I'd give it a miss. We have a policeman trying kill his sister because of what her hijacker told her and much other nonsense.