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Pokemon za mûbî XY: Ringu no chômajin Fûpa (2015)
Thoroughly Horrible
This is easily the worst Pokemon movie to date. I pity everyone who took part in the creation and viewing of this movie, minus the writers because I am personally offended at how they wasted an hour and twenty minutes of my time that I will never get back.
The movie breaks every canon they had set up in Pokemon prior to this. It's like they decided to write a movie without watching any of the previous movies or playing the games or knowing what Pokemon were aside from general design for animation purposes.
First of all, Hoopa is the most grotesquely annoying character from literally any series I've ever seen. They scream every single line they have except when on the brink of death. The voice eventually felt like someone was putting my ear drums against a cheese grater.
Second of all, they added in every legendary Pokemon they could cram into a scene just for a "clash of the titans" type action scene to try to compensate for the movie not really having a coherent story. Or even a story really. It was just legendary Pokemon fan-service and it flopped horribly.
Third, it takes place in a fictional version of Dubai named after some variation of the word "Sahara" since Hoopa is based on a Djinn. The city was barren. There was no one there aside from like two scenes where you'd see maybe five other people aside from the main characters. Plus, every single character in this movie was white. In fictional Dubai. At the beginning of the movie the supporting characters and background characters were wearing (though stereotypical and outdated) middle eastern attire, but by the end you'd swear you were looking at a hipster poetry night at a coffee shop in Portland with how white everyone was.
I was left with far more questions than answers with this movie. Literally none were remotely close to answered. I get this is a kids movie but kids movies and animation in general has stepped up in the past decade. Pokemon apparently didn't get the memo because this views worse than almost any B movie.
Shrek Forever After (2010)
Not a movie for children
Warning: the following dialogue, taken from this movie, is not suitable for children and contains spoilers. You have been warned.
"S-Shrek-chan
I don't think I'm ready.. I've never been with an ogre before"
"It's okay laddie" Shrek said in an understanding tone. "We're safe in mah swamp. No one has to know"
Jesus thought long and hard about this. His stiff member was reminding him how long it had been since he was with a woman. However, in the back of his mind he knew Shrek was just using him to satisfy his ogre needs. Though, a part of him wanted to be used. A part of him needed to be used.
"Oh Shrek
Can you sing that song I like to set the mood first?" Jesus asked hopefully.
"Of course laddie. After all I did study opera at Julliard."
Shrek began singing with his angelic voice a haunting tune that had been passed down among the swamp folk for generations.
"Hey now
You're an allstar. Get your game on. Go play. Hey now, you're a rock star. Get the show on. Get paid. All that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold"
"Clean up on aisle my panties" Jesus said seductively. He went in for the kiss.
Shrek stopped singing and they shared a passionate kiss but Shrek broke away.
"When are you going to tell your father that we're together?" Shrek asked concerned.
"I..I don't know
Can't we just make love?"
"You need to come out to your father Jesus
Better out than in I always say"
"Shrek-chan please stop
I don't want to think about this right now!"
Just then they heard a knock on the door. Shrek got up to answer it, and was confused. There was no one there, or so he thought
"I'm right here!" Barry Bee shouted. He was so small since he's a bee that Shrek couldn't see him at first.
"What are yeh doin' in mah swamp?!?" Shrek asked forcefully.
"I'm sorry sir! I heard your singing from across the river and wanted to see where such a magnificent voice came from!"
"Shrek-chan, who is at the door?" Jesus asked as he approached the two.
Fighting (2009)
Not a great portrayal of a pornography addiction
I ended up watching this movie with my significant other, because we heard about it from a friend from our Monday Bible Study group. They recommended it because my wife Alex and I have struggled with a similar situation. I've admittedly been around the block when it comes to internet pornography, and at one point my marriage was on the brink because it got out of hand.
SPOILERS AHEAD
The movie starts showing a boxing scene and switches repeatedly throughout between a man struggling to not watch porn, and fighting a bald scary looking man labeled in the credits as "Demon", trying to show the two situations as similar fights that need to be overcome. The main character, Luke kisses his wife goodbye before trying to make a sandwich, but halfway through applying the mayo he looks at his computer with fear in his eyes knowing he can't possibly resist his natural urges. It goes back to the fight scene, which shows him losing pretty badly to Demon, who I assume is meant to represent the demon of pornographic lusts. Just as he types the word "pornography" into a google search bar, he gets a call from his wife who seems to know exactly what he is doing but Luke lies and says he is just doing household chores. This is a familiar scene to me, on account that more than once my wife has tried calling me when she's not home to check in, only to find me out of breath and acting suspicious.
Luke was able to resist his urges for about fifteen minutes as he took out the trash and did some other chores, but eventually gives in and you see a grown 40-50 year old man weeping at his computer screen for being unable to not watch porn. I don't know about most people, but I find it hard to be aroused when crying. At this point in the boxing ring, he is down and almost out and his coach is criticizing him for not going to the gym anymore. This is complimented by a flashback to he and his wife in bed while she asks why he no longer reads his bible or goes to Bible Study. Eventually the movie resolves by him smashing his computer in the driveway as his wife comes home crying and hugging him out of happiness for overcoming his addiction. He wins the fight against Demon and the crowd is congratulatory. There is an outer monologue about how every man has to fight this fight everyday, the good fight for being a better person and resisting your inner nature.
Now, as for my personal thoughts on this movie as someone who has struggled with internet pornography, I found it nice to see some representation for a problem that me and several of my friends have dealt with and are dealing with. In today's day and age it's almost impossible not to see a naked woman on every corner, be it in McDonald's advertisements or on Facebook on your phone. When there is an entire database at your fingertips of all the sinful images and videos your heart could desire, it's almost impossible to resist and stay true to what you know is right.
That being said, I wasn't a fan of how the movie portrayed porn addicts. Not every person struggling is a 40 year old man crying at his computer, and the way he dealt with it wasn't through prayer or seeking community help, but rather through smashing his computer. This is hardly a solution in today's world where a computer is necessary for work or family. If there is one thing I would change about this movie, it would be the ending. The analogy to a boxing match seemed fitting enough, because it does seem like your inner demons are beating you constantly and sometimes it's impossible to get back in the ring and tackle them again and again, but truly deep down you know it is the right thing to do.