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Reviews
Silicon Towers (1999)
To paraphrase Homer Simpson...
This was the suckiest 87 minutes of my life. I whole-heartedly agree with the rest of the comments here. I've made better movies than this in college, and so did all my classmates. If you're computer literate, you'll be sure to cringe a lot. Typing DIR in a dos prompt and listing the directory is apparently high level hacking. Steer clear of this mega-crap. This made my all-time bottom five movies. Brian Dennehy must have a serious drug or gambling problem if he needs to take these kinds of jobs. I would say even Daniel Baldwin is too classy for this movie, which says a lot. AWFUL acting from the lead and his wife. The "suspense" is just embarrassing. The "action" sequences are so fumbling it's not even laughable, you just squirm in mental discomfort. Serge Rodnunsky, your talent, if existent, lies elsewhere. Stay away from movies. Take Uwe Boll with you.
The Librarian: Quest for the Spear (2004)
Kids movie rated 15?
Kid's adventure in the style of Young Sherlock Holmes, but without anyone for the kids to identify with. I really wonder what the target demographics were... possibly immature college students, I guess. The effects were pretty horrible, the computer graphics were ugly and stuck out like a sore thumb. I can't believe they're actually proud of them in the "behind the scenes" interview... (Gorges galore!) Predictable storyline without any real depth. Kid's stuff, as said. Also, not too ashamed to admit stealing lots from the Indiana Jones movies. Female lead is a dead ringer for Lara Croft (Sonya Walger).
Only for those who have a crush on Noah Wyle. Kyle MacLachlan and Olympia Dukakis only has a couple of minutes in the movie. Overall, terrible direction and over-acting.
I'm totally dumbfounded by the age rating of 15. One guy gets stabbed by the Spear of Destiny(TM), otherwise it seems very appropriate for 7 year old rating.
BloodRayne (2005)
One of the worst made films ever
I'm coming up on ten thousand seen movies, and I'll usually endure any piece of crap for the sake of film itself, which I love. To study the craftsmanship - sometimes breathtaking, sometimes laughable. To see what hidden levels of narration lies beneath the glossy crust. You know. Bloodrayne is so far one of two movies I could not endure to watch to the end. It was excruciating. I understand fully the critique against Dr Uwe Boll, how that person can even call himself a director is a farce at best. I must shamefully admit that I would have endured the movie if there had been the same protagonists as in the original video game - occult Nazis. (Since Raiders of the lost Ark, they're my favorites as bad guys go.) Now, we're treated to the same level of excellence as your average Buffy TV episode. Or, in the form of continuity, better. If you're considering watching this movie, take a long hard look inside and come to the conclusion it's not worth it. Please? I might even stretch to defending piracy for this one movie. :)
Oh, and the other film I could not endure? Battlefield: Earth with John Travolta.
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law (2000)
Most double overs from laughing per episode ever.
Most comments have already brought up the jest of what it is, so I'll keep it personal. My favourite cartoon shows of all time in no particular order: Family Guy, Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, Ren and Stimpy, Brak Show, Sealab 2021, Space Ghost CTC and of course this. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Although I must admit to having laughed more painfully (shortness of breath, etc) at Ren and Stimpy, Harvey Birdman keeps em coming much faster. It's insane in the best way possible. Ties with Sealab 2021 for most demented characters. I might be slightly biased because Birdman was my favourite HB cartoon, though. If you like any of the shows mentioned above, be sure to find this one.