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ryanpascall
Reviews
The Blackwell Ghost 8 (2024)
Stupid
So, what can we take from Part 8?
1. Everyone in America has a really bad phone line that sounds like they're speaking from 1982.
2. The police have no idea how to analyse media and rely on genius amateur movie makers to do it for them.
3. Those selfsame amateur movie makers don't have to share any information with the police unless they reeeaaally want to.
4. The Blackwell Ghost has nothing to do with ghosts. It's a typical series focussing on the American paranoia of home invasions and 0 to do with anything supernatural.
5. Tracking Devices are big, have infinite battery life and connect to your local network as "Vehicle Tracker".
6. The director/actor of this series is so narcissistic, and believe themselves so much better than the police and everyone else, that they'll probably turn out to be a Real killer one day.
7. Sometimes, each sentence requires a different camera angle, so prepare to suffer from dizzy spells.
8. This franchise should've stopped 5 films ago.
A Creature Was Stirring (2023)
Very mediocre
Nice practical effects used in moderatin, but a poorly paced film with too much banal conversation and foot dragging to be recommenable. It is seems from this sort of time-wasting writing that the director is inexperienced, but The Cleansing Hour was a much better film so it is surprising to see such a step back in quality and I can only assume the script was much poorer on this one one. Still, given my enjoyment for Cleansing, I think LeVeck is one to watch for the future. Possibly worth a higher score than 3, but dropped 2 points to counteract the 2 10/10 fake votes that were logged to falsely inflate the film score.
Project Eerie (2023)
Weak addition to the Fear Footage name
Ignore the 10/10 review by TheFearFoorage, they made the film lol
Fear Footage, Ricky's other films, were ok. They weren't Blair Witch, Death of a VLogger or He'll House LLC by any means but as far as low budget FF go, they were passable but this one sadly is the opposite. With a boring wraparound anf a handful of stories, none of which carried a sense of suspense or danger, this was pedestrian with a capital Yawn and stands as the first of his films I've really not enjoyed.
I've scored it a 5 as I didn't hate it, and 5 is an average rating in my eyes, and it's certainly not BAD, just very underwhelming.
Maid Droid (2023)
Oh dear...
Not sure what to say about this film tbh. One one hand, you have a tantalising film with a beautiful woman, wearing very little and being 'used', and on the other you have an incredibly dull talking montage set in a single house with about 3 cast members..
Aside from fromwhipping, eating, talking and the final strangulation scene, nothing happens and it's always sad to send 80 minutes watching a film, pretending to be a science fiction drama as it's not brave enough to just admit it's a blue movie.
I can't recommend this for anyone to be honest, it's incredibly dull, the payoff isnt worth the wasted hour and even the cast look pretty bored throughout.
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
So disappointed
I was so excited for this. After the excellent Bumblebee rebooted the horrible mess that Michael Bay had created, I was so pumped for this sequel and the more diverse cast was a welcome one.
Unfortunately, what we were subjected to was a mess. We have the typical 2-dimensional characters whose entire existence is that the White Man keeps them down and they're not respected by a world that hates them.
Add to this a nonsensical story where villains can magically find lost temples without explanation, moving dials built into pavements go undiscovered in major tourist locations for over 500 years, characters seen in Bumblebee with G1 appearance magically turn I to Spanish spectacled nerds in this sequel and the entire point of the film is to allow them to greenlight a different franchise reboot.
I went to a Midnight screening for this (as UK cinemas have cancelled all but 1 daily 3D showing due to weak sales) and left at nearly 3am feeling wholly disheartened buly the absolute lack of joy, fun or magic in this extremely bland 'adventure'.
Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)
Ignore 7&8/10 bot reviews, this is BAD.
I'm speechless. With cheap green screen sets, awkward acting, an awful script and story/actions that go Completely against the established actions and abilities of the Creeper, this is the worst film I've seen in decades.
Oh and my review title? There are several consecutive reviews at the bottom of the list, all with random numerical names who have reviewed 7s and 8s (as 10s aren't used to grade) and this is the only review they've made so are made by family and friends of the film makers (a known action to try and drum up interest). As such, ignore these declarations of it being the best of the series, as that's a downright lie.
The Midwich Cuckoos (2022)
Tepid, soulless children's TV.
The Midwich Children (I refuse to call it Cuckoos as they look just like their parents, thus failing to match the entire idea of the title!!) is a bland, dull and thoroughly family-friendly waste of a fantastic tale. There's no tension, no sense of fear or suspense and the story is wholly butchered making this seem like The Sarah Jane Adventures meets Balamory.
They Live in the Grey (2022)
Very misleading synopsis
I came into this expecting a horror based on the synopsis but all I got was a sad film of a woman dealing with grief while occasionally a glass moves.
Boring, trite and (frankly) depressing this was not what I expected or wanted and, while Michelle Krusiec's acting was great, it couldn't carry this film for me.
Homebound (2021)
Pointless mess.
Started mildly interesting and went downhill from there. I love a slow urn character study horror but this had no real story, no character growth, nothing happened and the. It ends with no resolution or explanation.
I strongly feel someone had a great idea but insufficient writing skill to turn it into a cohesive story' as this was just worthless.
Haunting of the Mary Celeste (2020)
Wow, just wholly worthless
With a pretty good cast, this should have been atleast an middling movie. Instead we have a senseless plot, absolute lack of any sense of creepiness, scares or drama and just a lot of shouting at Nothing and people staring off screen looking confused.bseriously, there is one scene where the fabulous Richard Roundtree stands on the boat, looking to his right (off screen) while frowning and glances to his left and right continually for 2 minutes for absolutely no reason at all and scenes like this abound!
I've not felt so cheated out over an hour of my life before as this film did, wholly and completely worthless as a movie.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
What the heck?
I'm speechless. 2 episodes in and this bares only a cursory resemblance to the books with so many changes as to make this unrecognisable. If the changes made it better, that'd be fine, but this isn't the case and these changes have changes potentially amazing scenes into humdrum tat that we've seen a thousand times on low-budgey TV shows like Shannara. A wonderful opportunity wholly wasted.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
What the heck?
I'm speechless. 2 episodes in and this bares only a cursory resemblance to the books with so many changes as to make this unrecognisable. If the changes made it better, that'd be fine, but this isn't the case and these changes have changes potentially amazing scenes into humdrum tat that we've seen a thousand times on low-budgey TV shows like Shannara. A wonderful opportunity wholly wasted.
Ghost Box (2019)
Ignore 9&10/10 reviews left by cast & crew below
This is abysmal.
Hyper-low budget without any filmmaking or a ting capability to make it a niche amayeur indie film, this is an absolute waste of an hour of your life.
Avoid.
The Garlock Incident (2012)
Just stupid and....
First, I voted this a 3 but reduced it to a 1 in respect of Even for a FF story this was dumb. A bunch of people drive to an abandoned town, their car breaks down so they leave it in the roadside and sleep in am abandoned house (as naturally they have no coverage) and in the morning the vans been stolen and this leads to them harping on about someone stalking or following them!? Seriously, what?
It just went from nowhere, to stupidity and back to nowhere at the end.
Ouija Blood Ritual (2020)
Ouija in name only.
A clear case of a sub-par Found Footage movie adopting an established franchise's name in the hope of selling copies.
As a FF film, there is nothing new here and hits the same, tired cliches you've seen countless times and, while I applaud the creation of a new urban legend, this is so weak as to be laughable.
Save yourself the pain and skip this tired, plodding cash-in.
Ghoul (2012)
A terrible adaptation.
This is a perfect example of how NOT to adapt a book. What we have is a fantastic creature feature reduced to a pathetic Famous 5 film by removing the monster entirely and making it a criminal. Absolutely worthless as a film.
Chupacabra Territory (2016)
Just terrible.
Awful acting, mediocre effects and non-sensical character reactions (one second wanting to leave, the next excited, believing in the creature then not) make for a really really terrible movie.
Don't waste your time.