LazyCatCutCoins Reviews

The Last Stop in Yuma County (2023)

Where The Poop Meets The Fan - Cummings Shines

[9/10 · 13 May 2024]

Twice in a row I watched this movie and all the while wondered how this could be anybody's feature length directorial debut but Francis Galluppi knocked this one out of the park.

The bad guys were scary, the good guys were flawed, and the dumb guys and greed for money captured the status quo of the human condition to a tee.

The timeline was vague but according to the knife slinger's Toyota Corona and the price of cigarettes, it must take place around 1970. A wonderful time for a terrible circumstance in a gasless, desert h*llhole

What can you say about Jim Cummings? I love him more every time I see him and this performance was no exception. When I see him, I can't help but think of a young Sam Rockwell ala Lawn Dogs or Box Of Moonlight. Very special and very unique. If I had twenty bucks, I'd bet it all that this kid is destined for a violent collision with the tippy top of the industry.

The squeamish probably won't make it through if they even start, but those are the breaks. It's just that kind of movie.

Sprint (don't run), to see The Last Stop In Yuma County. When you're done, go grab a five gallon gas can. It just might save your arse one day.

Immortal (II) (2019)

If you loved Black Mirror but wish it really sucked...

[4/10 · 21 February 2024]

I try to aim my reviews towards movies deserving of praise and/or those in need of defense from arbitrary, armchair self-professed movie critics that lean toward just the opposite. But once in a while comes along a movie so stupid, so sloppy, so idiotic, so inane, so returded, so goofy, so embarrassing, so mindless, so ridiculous, so undeserving, so uninteresting, so not captivating, so witless, so dumb, so vapid, so moronic, so amateur, so insultingly bad, so...

so...

Anyway, Immortal is an anthology style production with the common thread being one or more of the characters from each story having a hard time staying dead after suffering an unnatural death (despite the fact it would be so much better for the viewer if they had).

The lack of cohesion in the stories is palpable, the acting is deplorable, the unbelievability of each scenario is dominant, and unless you eat a handful of gummies beforehand, you're going to have a hard time even laughing at this train-wrecked dupe magnet.

Immortal is what might happen if you give a fourteen year old artistic license and half the budget of a Lifetime Movie Of The Week.

Don't even think about it, but eat a handful of gummies if you must.

You've been warned.

Talk to Me (I) (2022)

Well acted, well made, not great.

[6/10 · 9 August 2023]

Talk To Me did not make "horror movies horrifying again".

Ari Aster did that with Hereditary and Midsommar, as did Roger Eggers with The Witch.

I must say that I found it suspicious when I was told by the ticket girl that we were in for a real treat and that she's had nightmares for weeks after watching this movie. I then asked her how it compared to Hereditary. "Oh, I hated Hereditary". Ummmm-hmm.

As indicated in the title, it was well produced, acted, written and directed, but if you're looking for a groundbreaking horror movie that is going to revive the genre... see it as a teenager.

All in all, it was better than average.

The Passenger (III) (2023)

This is a weird and radical movie.

[8/10 · 5 August 2023]

If you're violence-shy, you should skip this one. If not, I dare you to turn it off after 15 minutes.

It's violent, it's original, it's punk rock, it's unforgiving, it's politically incorrect, and you'll hear the Moistboyz over the end credits.

Kyle Gallner's skills are on display in possibly his best work since Dinner In America. What's that? You haven't seen Dinner In America? Get on that, but watch this one first so DIA can wash the doom out of your pysche.

It's certainly not a horror movie (as is categorized here), but that doesn't mean it's not a little scary.

Grab some of the family, leave the rest at home, and checker out.

One Day as a Lion (2023)

Who said nothing good happens in Oklahoma?

[8/10 · 28 April 2023]

There is usually a logical explanation when a movie this good rates this low. Perhaps it was torn to shreds by opposers of its sociopolitical message. But this movie doesn't have a sociopolitical message, so that can't be it. Maybe some don't think actors should write or direct, and instead just stick to acting. But the thing about those people... is that they're idiots. And maybe hater's just gonna hate. Whatever the case, a too large proportion of critiques are made on the basis of the critic's own crippling moral hubris and self-righteous indignation, and not on the quality of the film at all.

Consider this - All of the reviews up to this point rating 7/10 or higher are found to be overwhelmingly "not helpful" by other "users". Every review rating 4/10 or fewer are found to be "helpful" by a landslide. If this doesn't sound fishy to you, you're probably not trying.

Time will tell. By my theory, this movie's obscenely undeserved current rating of 5.2 stars (4/25/2023) will increase significantly over time as genuine reviews roll in and outnumber those of these silly saboteurs.

Why doesn't a person that describes this movie as "Absolutely terrible" include some movie titles that they DO like, so that we might have a point of reference?

Now for something positive - This movie was awesome, and it was fun. IMDb has it categorized as an Action/Thriller, of which it is certainly both, but I don't think it would be a stretch to throw comedy into that mix. It's funny as hell. I'm not enough of a die-hard Scott Caan fan to let him slide on a half -assed script, and fortunately I didn't have to. The dialog was sharp and virtually devoid of cliches or wasted words. It was clever, but not too clever, and that is a hard thing to pull off. He also wrote himself out of his typical menacing stereotype, which I found to be a brave thing to do.

JK Simmons is JK Simmons, and that can never hurt. Same goes for Frank Grillo, Virginia Madsen, and Marianne Rendón, although Marianne Rendón stands alone as the one of the bunch I'd like to see one day become my second wife (please do not tell my current wife). Despite having watched it two days in a row, I could not find a flaw in the acting or the storyline. Without a doubt, a new personal favorite.

I will not attempt to compare this movie with the works of the Coen brothers, Quentin Tarantino or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I will say that if you like the movies that they make, you'll find this one to be anything but "absolutely terrible"

Let the haters win if you must, but if you do, you're going to miss a great movie.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

TOOT TOOT!!! Elizabeth Banks the 8 ball

[8/10 · 28 February 2023]

What do Cocaine Bear and plain old cocaine have in common? They're both a lot of fun, hard to stop once you start, and I'm doing both again tomorrow! Don't be fooled by the R-rating, gratuitous violence, and glamorization of felonious narcotics, my whole family LOVED this one, and I'd bet yours will too!

Elizabeth Bank's directorial debut was not only pitch perfect, it was Pitch Perfect 2, which was totally rad, but Cocaine Bear makes it look like Magic Mike.

I laughed, I cried, I still can't feel my teeth!

Again, no regrets on bringing the whole family along, but if you DO bring a little coke with you, I'd implore you to keep it WAY away from the kiddos. I don't know about you, but I DO know my kids, and I don't have that kind of money!

When You Finish Saving the World (2022)

Pretentious, Narcissistic People Are Embarrassing To Watch

[7/10 · 1 February 2023]

Like mother, like son, and son and mother don't like each other.

Why does it seem that the newfound subgenre "cringeworthy" seems to be relegated to comedy? This one may have broken the mold. When You Finish Saving The World is most certainly a drama, and one that made me want to crawl out of my skin.

As two generations of misguided self-do-gooding profiteers of ego poke at each other's motives while simultaneously pretending the other does not exist, the damage they do to themselves and their own self image is a big pill to swallow.

This is a well acted, no budget watchable train wreck to which you just might relate.

Check it out. It's pretty funny.

Old (2021)

3 years of my life I'll never get back...

[5/10 · 28 July 2022]

So-bad-it's-good is not a thing that is easily pulled off, and is almost always a wayward result of a genuine effort on the part of the film maker. For example, anything directed by M. Night Shyamalan AFTER The Sixth Sense.

Despite the despicably brazen idiocy of this film, I freely admit that I found it watchable enough to view it in its entirely on two consecutive nights. As far as pace goes, one would be hard pressed to find a movie that could keep up with Old. Unfortunately, the pace acts only as a device to cram as many ridiculous scenes and dialogue into a single movie as it possibly could within the confines of a 108 minute span.

There are so many perfectly nonsensical facets to this drinking-game of a movie, that it actually comes out somewhat even in the end.

Lastly, I should add that it does come through with a small handful of genuinely creepy moments. One in particular comes to mind, and you'll know it when you see it (if you haven't seen it yet). This scene alone gave me what I needed to justify my generous 5 star rating.

Thanks for the laughs, M. Night!!

George Carlin's American Dream (2022)

yes, everything is okay, anyway

[9/10 · 3 July 2022]

There is a phenomenon I have noticed in which a person, when prompted, will claim to be familiar with the works of a great artist, actor, director, author, et cetera, when they are actually are not familiar with their works at all.

For example, a person that has never seen the movie Pulp Fiction (god forbid) is asked to "Remember when Christopher Walken talks about hiding a watch inside his ass for many years?", and despite the fact they have no idea what that means, they say something along the line of, "Yeah, that was hilarious!", before quickly changing the subject to anything else in the world.

I freely admit that I myself have displayed this bizarre psychological behavior at times in my life. I have also come to believe that there are several reasons that a person might do this. Some of which might be that they're trying to end a potentially boring conversation before it even begins, perhaps they feel that if they admit they're not familiar with a particular subject they may be viewed as one "not in-the-know", or maybe they are simply in the habit of lying about little things from day to day, and for no particular reason.

I would now like to apply this phenomenon to the late and great, George Carlin.

If you had asked me ten years ago if I was a fan of George Carlin, I might have answered, "Yes, of course!", knowing that he was a brilliant and influential artist, yet almost nothing else about the man. Then of course I would change the subject as quickly as possible.

If I asked the same question to you right now, what might be your answer? And regardless of what that answer might be, if I followed up with, "What's your favorite Carlin bit?" and you had no answer, then I have a suggestion for you.

I believe that George Carlin's American Dream, if watched in its entirety, will leave very few gaps in all you need to know about this brilliant, kind, angry, lovable, off-the-charts genius, borderline prophetic critic of American culture and the human species as a whole.

I'm not sitting here writing this all day long simply to kill what precious time I have left on earth. I'm writing this because I really hope you take me as sincere, and further take the time and effort to check this documentary out. And that if you do, you find the best possible outcome to this effort; that you will learn so much more about life, people, history, politics, faith, religion, hypocrisy, love, death, DRUGS, and the human potential to express itself clearly and without fear, than you will the solitary story of a great man's life and his body of work.

If you take me up on this challenge, and by the end can honestly claim that you truly have no idea what I'm going on about, I'll refund your money.

No, I do not have a favorite Carlin bit. I have 317. I'll leave you with one I'm finding apropos for the pickle we've found ourselves in today.

"Do you find it mildly ironic that most of the people that are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to f#ck in the first place?"

George Carlin, GOAT.

How to Be a Man (2013)

Douche Be Not Proud

[6/10 · 5 May 2022]

It's always fun to watch a movie filmed on location in a place that you're familiar with. All the more when that place is Brooklyn.

It is safe to say that most of the movies I start these days, I do not finish, and safer yet to say that I was quite surprised to make it to the rolling of the credits for How To Be A Man.

Within the first thirty minutes I could make out a solid (if absurd) plot, a charismatic lead, strong writing, and at least two corners I had puked into in recent months (RIP Trash Bar).

HTBAM is more or less a stand up comedy routine in the disguise of a movie, showcasing the comedic stylings of the film's lead, Gavin McInnes. Gavin is a force, and carries 92% of the weight of a production that could likely have not been made possible without him.

It was good enough that I later did some research on McInnes, and found that he had written a book titled 'How To Piss In Public'. I bought it, read half of it, and that was good enough for me. There is some arguably interesting stuff in there, particularly for those that might hold 80-90s American punk history at all nostalgic. But I'm not here to sell books.

Less than one month after watching HTBAM, I bumped into Gavin himself at the corner of N5th and Bedford Ave., in the heart of Williamsburg. I give him a hearty hello, praised his fine work, and we ended up chatting for nearly thirty minutes. I still have a series of selfies I took of the two of us in that span, including one of him kissing me on my cheek with his greasy yet perfectly manicured handlebar moustache.

And that was that. Until...

Three years later I was living in Arizona, and the story of how I met this no-name star of this forgotten movie came into conversation at a party. When I mentioned Gavin by name, one person in attendance uttered something along the lines of, "holy sh#t", you made out with the founder of the Proud Boys." I had no idea what that meant at the time. But I do now.

If you're fortunate enough to subscribe to the 'death of the author' philosophy, then you might be able to enjoy this genuinely funny film, starring the human personification of a leaky douchebag.

Under the Tree (2017)

Danger - Explosive People - Point Away From Face

[8/10 · 28 April 2022]

Under The Tree will haunt you. But it will only haunt you for the rest of your life.

This is one of my favorite "terrible movies". It is not only a potent parable on the dangers of pettiness, personal entitlement and the place where unchecked grief and anger meet , but it is also a rarely seen (be it morbid) slice of modern Icelandic life.

I simply have not seen a lot of movies come out of Iceland in my lifetime, but most of the ones I have seen, I've enjoyed. Under The Tree is not just good for an Icelandic movie, it's good for a movie.

Pairs well with Antidepressants.

Chad (2021–2024)

Nasim IS a teenage boy. Chad IS funny as f#ck

[8/10 · 28 April 2022]

2.7/10 stars? I am truly befuddled by the plethora of 1 star reviews here, and perhaps a touch suspicious as well. For as many monosyllabic button thumping haters that took the time to chime in, almost none of them offer any usable insight or helpful critiques. Just a lot of declarative nonsense, such as "A 40 year old woman should NOT be portraying a 14 year old boy", and "horrible and cringeworthy. DO NOT BOTHER", "I am Iranian and I did NOT think this was funny". Apparently none of them got the memo explaining just how it is that opinions are like A-holes. Something that these self-righteous naysayers might consider is that a 1 star review is about as worthy of consideration as a 10 star review, and is almost always left by an angry and determined saboteur.

Chad is indeed cringeworthy. But guess what? One might say that cringeworthy and comedy fine bedfellows make and do not inherently cancel the other out. Chad IS awkward. But guess what? 14 year old boys are the living embodiment of awkwardness. These "critiques" are tantamount to complaining about a horror movie being scary. I suppose my having been an awkward teenage boy at one point in my life did not hurt my appreciation for Nasim's uncanny channeling of this character, but seeing as my wife loved it as much as I did, it appears that that alone is not a deal breaker. After all, I adored PEN15 as well, and as far as I recall, I was never a pubescent teenage girl.

There may be those that gave Chad an honest go, stuck with it for a few episodes, found it was not for them, and decided to leave a fair and honest user review. If so, none of those people seem to be anywhere in sight, because all we have here is a bunch of boohooing simpletons, disparaging creative output that is probably just a tweak beyond their sphere of comprehension.

My advice is to at least take a peek at Chad.