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Berlín (2023)
La casa de papel for kids
Much worse than original, which to be clear was itself far from top quality cinematography but it was easy watch with interesting Twists and turns so plot holes and downsides could be overlooked. This is like oversimplified version of that, with everything explained like for 5 year olds and every problem being solved in 5 seconds and many many holes (like when police just let wife of prime suspect to enter and wonder freely throughout apartment while forensics are still searching for clues all over the place). And don't even get me started on that lame fast and furious scene with racing but with girls fixed on car roofs and our heroine having nervous break down and forcing guy to stop literally 100 meters from finish line because she saw her phone ringing and it was her ex boyfriend so she got sad and couldn't wait 3 seconds for race to be finished. It is really like made by 18 year old for target audience of 12 year olds.
Shame, Berlin was one of the most intriguing characters in original show and this could've been such a good sequel with just a little bit more effort.
Yellowjackets (2021)
Ridiculous
So many plot holes and people doing stuff no one would ever do and not doing stuff literally everyone would do. For example How in earth no one thought of fishing ? They are starving and living next to the lake in cosy little cabin that somehow turns in to 5 bedroom house where everyone has their privacy when director needs it for some stupid scene or other. Cabin is of course fully stacked with bullets and tools but they never thought of fishing. Also speaking all the time that forest is empty of animals is ridiculous. That thick forest in deep nature with lake and everything and without human settlement near would be full of life and with their unlimited suply of bullets they would be eating like queens and be making dry meat for winter. Also first stupid thing from beginning - they crashed in forest and never thought of making big fire with a lot of green leaves to make smoke and be visible from miles and miles away and from any aircraft flying in even near proximity. Any sane person would even when chilling in cabin spend any free time making and maintaining as big fire as possible because they were many kids in plane and literally all country would be searching for them day and night. Also with big fire and smoke if there is any human in area they would see it and come to examine it so girls wouldn't have to take a risk and try to find help like they did. Also 2 and half man lady is still sitcom level actor. I am sorry to say that and i love to see her and i am happy she is getting some work but i just can't buy any emotion or serious face from her. They tried in Last of us, they tried here but just can't do it. Rest of the cast is also B list but they are watchable usually. They just have little to work with, except overly exaggerated closeups of gore and flesh trying to shock us in cheap way even when cute girls are eating well baked meat they made it look bloody and disgusting. On the other hand after month in the wild with little or no food all girls are always perfectly dressed with clean clothes and hairs and everything. Just so much unbelievable stuff with lame mysteries and plots that go nowhere. Lame show by any means
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House of the Dragon (2022)
8.5? Really?
Come on guys, how can this, in best case mediocre show have 8.5 stars? Worst episode of GoT is 10 times better than best episode of HoD, it's soooo boring and without any plot that i have to fast forward every now and i still fall asleep 5 times at each episode. And what is that childbirth scenes with literally 5 minutes of nothing but woman screaming for every child that is born in the show. I read somewhere that this show is more expensive than GoT and i really can't imagine where that money is spent. There is not a single star actor here, not even from B list, there is one couple minutes long battle in first 6 episodes that i watched so far, costumes and especially their wigs look cheap, 90% of every episode is filmed inside, with very little light....so how did they spend all that money? Forced diversity and LGBT parts is something that i don't mind so much, if it means something for people from those groups it's ok for me, although it is funny to see second most powerful family with "pure Valirian blood" being black, with gay son of course. But as I said, if it means something to them i am fine with it but give us some story god damnit. In original GoT you had dozens of main characters and each of them was so interesting that it could easily have tv show on its own, here we have like 4 or 5 main ones and all of them together have nothing to show except some lame court intrigues. Not to mention that episode 6 switch of all main actors. Like we barely even got invested in them they reset everything and forced us to start from begining. Public don't just get attached to characters guys, but to actors playing them, so when you change them its like reset of our emotions for them, how show writers don't know that its beyond me. I will continue to watch it since now all season is out and I hope i will come back here to update my review but from what I see now there is little chance. Show as it is maybe 3-4 stars but I gave 1 for balance.
The Last of Us (2023)
Elly is all wrong
I watched two episodes for now. Show as it is deserves 7 or 8, but as a huge fan of video game i can't stand how Elly is wrongly casted here. Real Elly even with 13 years old graphic on PS3 is so much cute and likeable that you easily forget her smartassness and problems that she makes to Joel and her. Here in the show Elly is really unlikeable and I won't say ugly for a kid but really really not cute at all, and her facial expressions are all the time angry and mean. It's shame because that girl is really good actor but she is just not right for this role. Rest of the show is so far so good, maybe little slow and suffers from that "Walking dead" boringness from time to time but it is still ok and it is nice to recognize situations and places from video game. Almost forgot to add, Pedro Pascal as Joell is great cast.
After finishing the season i had to update this. WHERE ARE THE INFECTED? Clickers, runners, bloaters...? They just skipped them all in this show. It's like walking dead without walking deads. Why would they do that, when they followed the game so much why exclude the main part, their fights with infected? It's like boring drama instead of exciting action/survival/apocalypse/horror/Drama.
So disappointed.
Passengers (2016)
Disturbing messages from this sci Fi flick
You can't just mascarade Stockholm sindrom as romance. If movie was to be horror thriller it could be very good but they made it rom com based on creapy stalking rape behavior of the main character. We are just expected to forget that he basically took her life and dreams and everything just because he was bored and she was hot. Again if movie ended with her fighting him as he went completely insane that could work. But she easily forgave him and spent her life with him like happy little camper. Why? She felt in love with him? But he is the only other man in the world who stalked her and spent year learning everything about her before he took her life and doomed her to live with just him traped in space ship for the rest of her life. It's just lame to end movie with that kind of story with happy ending and her saying stupid cliche sentences like "we find accidental happiness". No girl, he woke you up it wasn't an accident.
Also the rest of the plot is full of holes, from science to basic economy it is just so unrealistic that demands huge suspension of disbelief. Just to mention few like how the company arranging all this journey is supposed to make huge profit from taking 20% of colonist's salaries when simple message between earth and colony takes over a century to arrive. Imagine being an investor and pouring millions in business that will bring some money like century after your death. And anyways how could company even force colonists to pay that 20% when they need 120 years long trip to arrive to the planet? When even text message needs 120 years to get there and 120 back? Like imagine company official sending angry email to colonist "dear sir, you are late with your tax that your grandfather promised to my grandfather, i hope this message finds your grandchildren well and they will pay your taxes so my grand grandchildren won't be forced to send another warning to your grand grand grandchildren..."
Stupid movie with dangerous message relaying solely on charm and star power of it's few characters. But not even Jennifer Lorence can save this train wreck.
Chelsea Handler: Evolution (2020)
Not a single laugh
Not even a single chuckle. This lady is just not funny. Or this particular comedy show was not funny i certainly hope some of her other work is funny because she has like net worth of 35 million dollars so she must be doing something good. But not this one. Jokes were overused "i sleep with lot of guys and do a lot of drugs" crap. Literally no one in the crowd laughed, and then she started telling that tragic family story of early deceased brother and although some critics call that "honest and touching" i see it like sleazy try of emotional manipulation trying to move her crowd since they didn't react on her lame jokes. It's your freaking comedy night no one came here to cry and be depressed hearing about family tragedy. Get you sh... together lady.
Interstellar (2014)
Overrated
All movie is like example of bad time management. They spent almost 3 hours of our time and 2h of it on some irrelevant stuff but zero on something we all wanted to see. I'll mention just some of the hundred missed opportunities for beautiful film.
-Earth is dying yet all that they showed us is perfectly healthy looking corng fields and some dust.
-Protagonists no one of which ever went in deep space flew through a black hole and literally not ones looked through the window to see and enjoy the view
-Main character literally never asked about his son, is he still alive or anything, just about his daughter, and when he finally sees her he doesn't ask her anything about her life, he is surrounded by her children so his great children and he doesn't even look at them or give them a hand shake or anything. After 3 hours of movie time crying about his love for his daughter (not the son though) he spends like 30 seconds with her and goes to find a woman he never liked but is now somehow love of his life
-Humans have high tech spaceships and knowledge to colonies the space yet they never went to rescue Ann Hathaway character although they know exactly where she is and that she is alone on inhabitable planet, but our main character steals one of the spaceships that of course he know how to operate and goes to find Ann, who again didn't aged at all for 60 years
-Earth is dying but everyone drives huge trucks in future, not a single electric car or something
-There is no military, people are starving and yet huge perfectly healthy corn fields are standing there without any security or even a fence around it and no one is stealing it to feed himself
-There is officially no NASA for decades, government is collapsed and not even basic medical equipment like CT scaners is available but gps is working and they have gass for all their old trucks and harvesting machinery
-After surviving unsurvivable travel through the black hole and miraculously landing behind his daughters library our hero can control gravity yet instead of just writing literal words to communicate with his younger self and his daughter he writes in morz code
-Watch left on the bookshelf for 24 years somehow still working
-Robot having the most unlikely and unpractical design ever.
And cetera and cetera... It could be one of the best movies ever, it had good premise but in my opinion it was executed soo poorly but of course it had huge score because today's moviegoers operate like "i can't understand anything in this movie so it must be super smart and I'll pretend it's perfect so i won't feel stupid for not understanding it"
Those Who Wish Me Dead (2021)
Unbelievable trash from start to finish
Come on already. Angelina as super strong woman was last time believable at Thumb raider. We all know that actors often need to train hard and gain or lose dozens of kilograms for their action movie, and it's not because they like it it's just so we can at least a little bit believe that they are somewhat capable of doing the stuff they do in the movies. All actors and actresses except Angelina of course. Somehow movie after movie we are expected to watch her with like 45 kilograms beating huge professional killers and CIA agents etc etc. Just in this movie she was being brutally beaten for like 5 minutes, kicked in face with the boots multiple times, punched in the face hundred times and she just got up and beat the guy easily after all that. There is also 6 months pregnant woman who is stronger than 2 professional killers and after she breaks free from them instead of calling the police she is like riding a horse with a rifle tracking the killers like Rambo? And two highly professional killers with what must be unlimited ammo becoming stupid amateurs when it suits the story, so instead of going to check if there is anyone hiding in the tower they send local sheriff they just kidnapped to check it. And when fighting a woman who is hiding behind a tree with ax guy with the assault rifle is standing 10 inches from the tree so she can hit him instead of just going few steps backwards and shoot at her from safe distance. And let's be honest Angelina Jolie looking as she looks (like retired super model on crack cocaine) is not at all believable even as regular firefighter, let alone smoke jumper super strong and crazy ass kicking firefighter. She is not bad actress it's just that for some reason she and everyone around her believe that she is great action hero, which she is not. She could be, but at least gain some weight and some muscles girl, or just adjust your action scenes with your physical abilities and kill your enemies with a gun or something not your anorexic bare hands.
Anyway this movie is bad, full of cliches and plot holes that it wouldn't be better with different cast. On the contrary there is great dill of stars and good actors in it but story is bland and executed in worst way so nothing feels real and we don't really care for any of the protagonists. And don't get me even started with watch tower in the middle of forest and as we know huge forest equals decent amount of rain and tower doesn't have any kind of lightning rod, so she or who ever works there at the moment needs to jump out of the huge tall tower whenever there is a thunderstorm?! Then of course she falls like 20 meters on her back and don't get hurt at all but that side of the movie i already mentioned. Also and maybe worst of all we never get to know what was all the killing and running about really. They literally never mentioned what is that big secret written on piece of paper and given to the little kid and brought to the other side of the country instead od being sent
to all the news and police departments via email. They never say who was that secret about and who sent the killers, and what where the consequences of failed cover up attempt.
2/10 would be realistic score just because some great supporting actors but I'll give it 1 because 6 that it now has is incredibly high.
The Many Saints of Newark (2021)
Can work only as a long pilot for series
Can be acceptable only as a overly long pilot for some upcoming series. As standalone movie is ridiculous. We literally learned nothing about Toni Soprano except that he had some uncle that he liked. Gandolfini junior didn't have any screen time, they started many different plots which led nowhere, like the one with black gangster. We didn't get to see Toni and his gang how they started or climbed up in hierarchy. As far as movie goes Toni decided to go to college and to have nothing to do with his family business. It was nice to see some of the characters from Sopranos but again we learned nothing new about them. They just showed up in few scenes doing some gangster stuff and that's it. So i will repeat, if this is pilot for some new series or mini series or at least movie trilogy that it is ok, still mediocre but ok. But if they don't continue this story and this movie is all we got then it deserves 0 out of 10.
The Mist (2007)
This movie is sooo bad it made me review it in 2022
Let's be honest, if this wasn't based on King's novel this movie would have 2 stars max. It may be considered so bad that is actually good by someone but to take it seriously and give it 8,9 or even 10 stars it's ridiculous. CGI looked like it's from '70s, acting was B horror movie from '90s, story was as cliched as one can imagine, with everyone behaving like morons, literally zero character development, zero chemistry, zero sense. And that ending, oh god don't go there, so so stupid, after surviving everything little group of survivalists commiting suicide because they run out of gas, not even trying to get some from gass station or just take some of dozens of abandoned vehicles they drove past.
Very very stupid movie. I didn't read the novel it's based on but it can't be good if this movie is anything similar to original material. Sorry Mr King, you do have some excellent stories but let's be honest, you make like one every year for decades and 95% of it is just cliche after cliche, usually still entertaining to some level but not this one. This one is bad.
You (2018)
Just too stupid
Could be nice but it's just too stupid, everyone is like idiots and behaving like retarded. He is stalking the girl night after night by standing in the bar in the open literally 2 meters from her and her friends and no one can see him, while he can hear every word they say. And he does that everywhere, he causally walks around the everyones house unnoticed, he keeps prisoner and then dead body for month in his bookstore and no one ever goes to take or put some other book at that place...he openly hates her girl friend and then attacks her and she never suspect it could be him, he wears a 80k$ watch of his girlfriend's ex boyfriend and she never recognize it....and i could go on forever and i am just 3 episode in.
The Good Place (2016)
Episode 13 still zero laughs
So so overated, cartoonish characters, jokes for 11 year old audience, plot twists like in disney movies.... Iam still watching it and waiting to become any better.
Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009)
Not funny at all
It's just not funny. Literally not a single laugh or even giggle through the all damn movie. No chemistry between two main characters at all, they look tired and disconnected. Sarah playing her Carrie Bradshaw character and Hugh playing his all time character - clumsy British charmer but he is at the time of this movie already too old for that sh.t really. Overall boring and dull movie, romantic comedy that is not funny nor romantic.
4x4 (2019)
Too implausible
Could be good movie but it's just too implausible, there is just no way no one couldn't hear his banging on windows and doors no matter how sound proof car is
Braven (2018)
Bad bad bad
Very bad movie. Just cliche after cliche and stupid unrealistic action. You know that movies when characters all doing things that no sane person would ever do in that situation. Literally everything they do in this movie is something no one would ever do. Like main character going to chase bad guy and instead of picking up some weapon from dozen dead guys laying around he takes huge bag and fill it with huge rope, bear trap and some other crazy stuff that he could barely move how heavy his bag got, but which of course all happened to be life saving useful in their last fight. Also last scene where police backup arrives and they run through forrest to find bad guys, they don't know how many nad guys is still out there, they have their guns drawn and are all on high alert but believe it or not main character's child daughter and wife are walking with cops and leading the chase instead of staying somewhere safe because dozen murderers were trying to kill them.
That is just few examples of dozens in this movie. I can't even count them all. Just bad movie plain and simple
Mayans M.C. (2018)
Bad, just bad
Just bad. Has all the faults of SOA and nothing good the SOA had. Televisa presenta quality of fights, shootings, chases, acting... Real score should be around 4 stars, but I gave one just for the balance because 7+ stars which it has now is ridiculously high.
Tyrel (2018)
What a heck was this?
What nightmare, what movie, what Tyler's problems? Guys had drunken weekend, everyone was super friendly with everyone, black dude got too drunk and a bit agresive-ish and all the other guys were still super friendly and he took a walk and came back and sober up and they went home and end of the movie. So yeah, what a heck?
Superfly (2018)
how kids imagine gangsters
Dear lord how but H O W anyone ever looked at that main actor with that hair and face and acting like some Randu from Indian TV soap and thought "good, he will play drug lord from the hood in our movie. Not to mention Snow patrol guys? Seriously? Snow patrol? Are you sure you didn't mean Patrol Paws.
Ok I understand there are a lot ov kids loving irrelevant YouTube stars and they may want to see movie full od tough man looking like girls but you should at least put some warning on label "not for adults" or something like that
Mad Dogs: Episode #4.2 (2013)
worst way to end great show
So so so disappointed with ending, almost like in the Lost. Literally looks like someone cut their budget came on set in middle of work and said "ok guys you have 10 minutes to finish it, I don't care how"
Even then there were billion better ways to end this show. After four seasons of drama, comedy, chasing around few beautiful countries, SUPERB acting, you end the show with stupid car accident. Also showing the guy removing Tony Blair mask and looking like twin brother of one of main characters? What was that? Why Dominic let them go without a word? You can see that all show has almost 8 stars but last episode is 5 stars. I gave it 1 star and all show I marked as 8, if I've had done it before watching this last episode I would give it easy 9 or 10 even. That's how much I loved the show and that's how much you ruined it with stupid ending. But there is still hope you will continue it, there is a way they survived the accident and please make new 4 episodes with some proper epilogue.
Salt (2010)
Stop milking a dead cows and cashing in ignorance and paranoia please
Because cows milked in this movie are not only dead, but buried and decomposed and fossilized and used as an oil to power semi trucks your audience used to go watch this sh.t. For god sake i know its 8 years old movie, and i watched it just now because everyone told me that it is bad but still i am shocked how actually bad is, Its offending to audience really. Like some illiterate redneck came out of his bunker first time after cold war and made a movie about his thoughts and fantasies. It would take too long to list even half of whats wrong with this film. That amount of prejudice and black and white portraying of nations i think wasnt seen since worst cold war days. On other side, Angelina is freaking anorexic and looks seriously ill here, whose idea was to choose her to play superwoman female Rambo? She looks that skinny that i swear she is not even sexy at any point during the movie, while she throws 100kg agents around she looks like last stadium HIV patient. You should have offered her help at the time not pay her to jump around like everything is ok, while millions of teenage girl are looking at her thinking this is how sexy looks.
There are more holes in this movies plot then in Swiss cheese. Even special effects look terrible. Just remember that weightless jumping down the elevator like trough space with no gravity. Her being handcuffed behind her back with freaking 2m chain that she can do that jumping rope exercise with.... the most secured place in the world like US president bunker has walls that can be dug trough in 5 seconds with door opening switch inside.... and etc and etc.
This movie deserves easy 0 in all fields and guys who made it should be embarrassed of themselves, and dear fellow Americans you should all feel embarrassed that your own movie industry see you as dumb paranoid idiots that can swallow just about anything they throw in front of you, even the 50 year old fears as fresh ones. I am embarrassed too that i spent my time watching this crap but sometimes you just cant stop it, you need to watch more and see how far they can go, and they went very far this time. Disgusting movie.
The Girlfriend Experience (2016)
Boring, flat, frigid in any sense...
They announced this as: sexy, intriguing, dark experience.. and made something totally opposite of that. I am not sure was it intentional or the actors did bad job but god there is no single emotion this series can extract from you beside total boredom and sleepiness. Girl should portrait independent strong woman that loves sex and money, she just look like introvert frigid girl with that empty look and same face when brushing her teeth or having orgasms, no difference. Even her reasons for doing it are not clear trough the all episodes, she just barely mentioned that her school was expensive. I cant not to think that target group for this was just horny teens or middle aged creeps because of so much bad sex scenes with older people, but even then it would be miss because i can not imagine level of horny-ness that someone will find those scenes sexy or attractive in any way. Why is she looking all the time like molested sex trafficking victim? Isn't she supposed to love sex? How can we believe that all that millionaires are crazy about her and wiling to pay thousands and ruin their families to spend some more time with her? The producer should at least pay themselves some real escort girl for night and see why they earn so much, how entertaining and sexy they must be to be in the business. Girl in movie looks cute and sexy but on photos, in communication with people around her she looks like creep. So again, maybe i missed the all point of movie, maybe they wanted to show us something that i can not understand at the moment, but for me this show is just boring.
The Blacklist (2013)
Just another police-solving-predictable-boring-cases-every-week show, with horrible main actress
It is really beyond me how some movies or TV shows have this high rating, and i am afraid that world is really getting dumper so film makers just make what people are buying and that would be predictable boring shows like this one. And beside holes in scenario and all flaws in movie itself dude the main actress can not act at all. She isn't capable of showing any emotion whatsoever, like none of them really, no sadness no fear no happiness, literally anything except that half- smile resting b.tch (but high-school b.tch) face. I think its not a spoiler for police action show so i'll add little example- when psycho torturer and murder catches her and her face is like its her mom catching her stealing candies. When she acts to be in big big pain suffering torture her face is like she again her mom catch her eating cake late night. Even producers noticed it i think so they would zoom out camera when she screams or something because its really looks so unconvincing that is ridiculous. She is cute face, but come on, give her to play some high-school girl in some romantic comedy or something, because she really destroyed already shaky story. No character development, nothing, i cared more when some random murder gets killed than if she died during the show. I don't know should i believed in that stories that i see on net about companies paying IMDb and similar review sites to push movie or show when is needed or its overall population just so shallow that any piece of cr.p can be sold on screens but Blacklist having a single point over 5 maybe is unreal really. I will not recommend to not watch it, it is watchable if you really have nothing else to do or see, but just like some of CSI shows, week by week of simple, predictable, shallow cases that are solved without any effort or tension or viewers attachment to any of character (except male lead role, he did a very good job but its simply not enough to save this sh.t.- That is Blacklist for me.
The Last Man on Earth (2015)
Borrriiiinnnggg
All this show is so good idea but so badly used. So slow, like one argument per episode, to not mention that you have idea of freaking last few people on earth an you base all story about some teenage relations between them, like who is jealous of who and who kissed who. All interesting things from this almost 2 seasons could be fit in one single episode of some average sitcom. So big disappointment really, because it started so good and after few episodes became shitty 5 friends show. It really doesn't deserve this 10 obligated lines to be written about this failure but yet i want to share my opinion and at least prevent somebody else to be disappointed as much as i do, so i think my 10 lines are done now and i cant stop writing about this stupid boring as hell show