SnowBoardersSuck Reviews

Bird Box (2018)

"The Mist" meets "A Quiet Place." *Spoilers*

[3/10 · 23 December 2018]

Am I the only one who didn't feel a similarity here to Stephen King's The Mist? You will have shut this movie off way before the ending if it weren't for Bullock and Malkovich. Most of the lines and scenes with them were painful to watch and listen to. For example, as if two five year olds wouldn't have given themselves real names after Bullock's Malorie only called the stupid terms, "boy" and"girl" throughout their short lives. So many things not to like about this movie, but mine was how they never explained what exactly the evil entity was. You'll feel cheated, too.

Baby Driver (2017)

Refreshing plot

[8/10 · 15 October 2017]

Worst part of the movie for me to endure: Jamie Foxxxx, who is now Django (The D is silent) in every movie he's since been in. No variety in his speech delivery. Just wise-ass macho and mad, Django. Now Jon Hamm really kicked it, on the other hand. If not for that smooth voice, he was barely recognizable. Best parts: I love it when Shane Bernthal pops up in movies. The whole movie was edited very nicely and I liked the cinematography, too. I would have been very sad if S&G's Baby Driver song did not get played somewhere in this. This is not a clichéd movie, as many are posting. Those are just jaded and sad people. And finally, now we can see Ansel Elgort in something decent over that gawd awful Fault In Our Stars.

*This movie has no disclosed production ties to The Weinstein Company. So, I guess Lily and Elza entered it unscathed. lol

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Tough Crowd/*Spoilers

[10/10 · 5 September 2017]

Sly and Rooker together again for space Cliffhanger. Okay. No.

Wow, you guys are mostly brutal on this movie. The Vol. I intro to this series was more meh to me than Vol. 2. Isn't it supposed to be schlocky? Why is everyone down on the corny jokes? The only part of this movie that grated on me a bit was Ego's dumb god planet/creator blather that we've seen many times before along with the kill the brain "climax." Gee, this god's personality was completely separate and unaware of outside attempts to kill it. Um sure. But that was easily ignored with all the other stuff going on.

3 Backyards (2010)

Hysterically Nostalgic

[7/10 · 24 May 2015]

If you're old enough to remember the many 70s TV shows like Marcus Welby, etc. then you may enjoy this sheerly for the soundtrack. The opening credits will have you shuffling for the movie info to verify if this was really made in the 21st century. All that pensive, slow flute and clarinet melody smacks of any series from 1970 and on and it's pretty funny and effective. Hats off to Eric Mendelssohn. What killed some of this movie for me is that, many years ago, Robert Duvall and Robert DeNiro spent the night together, and 9 months later they named their bundle of joy, Elias Koteras. Bobby and Bobby's love child is in this film and he is as lousy as usual. I didn't like him when he had hair, back when he ruined a good movie for me called The Prophecy. And I still don't like baldy as an actor. What is with other reviewers citing that he has range. The freaking guy gives the same performance in every movie. Could we care less about his little prance around town after eavesdropping on the black chick in the diner? Anyway, none of the backyards give you much to care about what happens. There's more substance in the final one minute of the movie where Mendelssohn rushes to give us closure, than in the rest of this tedious fail. But be careful. Edie Falco is crying. And she doesn't know why. Come for the music, leave for the indifference.

10 Items or Less (2006)

Morgan Freeman's version of "Shopgirl"

[4/10 · 17 May 2007]

Not really spoilers in my opinion, but I wanted to cover myself, nevertheless. As the executive producer, Morgan Freeman wants the audience to ignore the numerous absurdities of his character in 10 Items Or Less, a movie with an intentional indie-feel, and just be absorbed in the mentor/be-all-that-you-can-be theme. He plays an alternate universe, semi-washed up version of the real Morgan Freeman, who is chauffeured in an old Econovan by a kid all the way into Carson, CA from Brentwood to research his next movie role. Why Carson, is a mystery to So. Cal residents. He could have saved the trip and gone anywhere in the San Fernando Valley and found the same elements. Paz Vega is easy to watch, a cross between Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, playing a disgruntled grocery checker at a large but slow local market that apparently is the ultimate source for Moragn Freeman's research. His character is only known as "Him" to allude to how actors are regarded when encountered in real life by average people-"Psst, that's 'him,' etc. Unfortunately, I was too distracted that Him had all kinds of worldly wisdom and advice but had no reliable return back to his home in Brentwood, carried no cash or debit card, or had the wisdom to keep a cell phone with him. If one has such a high opinion of themself that they believe they possess an answer to everything like Him does, then I gotta see cash and a Blackberry in Him's pocket to equal the intelligence and good survival instincts and preserve that big ego which Him definitely has. Nothing really happens in this movie. I don't believe that either of the main characters were substantially changed by their encounter with each other. It flirts with the idea of adultery, but then that thought fizzles. This to me was similar to Steve Martin's Shopgirl, without the sexual affair. It was self-indulgent for Freeman and unconvincing to the audience.

Beerfest (2006)

Are you kidding me????

[10/10 · 16 December 2006]

This movie was great. Did all you haters miss the nods to other movies like Arnold in Predator, when the German team member yells at the Americans: "KILL ME. C'MON DO IT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"

Or Das Boot?

and many more?

The Drunk Guy Who Thinks He's Cool But Doesn't Know He's Blathering scene is classic.

As was said, you don't watch this expecting great cinema. And you really should see all the Broken Lizard movies. Especially Super Troopers. I hope they really do a Smokefest movie with Willie!

A Sound of Thunder (2005)

Decent movie

[18 April 2006]

For all those who posted negative comments about this movie, I have just one word for you, De-caf. Just because this movie takes itself seriously doesn't mean we have to! I do feel bad for you if you did think this was good enough to pay a movie theater ticket price for, though. I rented it and watched the movie where it belonged in the first place, on the television.

Maybe you all read Bradbury's short story on which this movie is based, and you were all expecting some kind of Spielberg/Peter Jackosn epic. C'mon, director Peter Hyams does not have that kind of talent, although his resume is not completely awful. I think by comparison, The Butterfly Effect was a much better movie and executed the same plot much better, too. I thought the movie was entertaining-Ben Kingley's hokey acting proves that(most) actors won't turn any role down for a quick paycheck. His presence in the film, white hair and matching thin soul patch, are all nauseating. Yeah, the blue screen stuff was terrible in a very funny sort of way, like the phony walking-down-the-street scenes with Edward Burns-hilarious stuff! I must have blinked during the nudity scenes which was listed in the rating details because I never saw anyone sans clothing that required a nudity warning. I hate when that happens.

This Girl's Life (2003)

A very good DVD rental

[7/10 · 1 February 2006]

How can you go wrong with the supporting cast? James Woods' portrayal as leading character's-Moon-father afflicted with Parkinson's, Michael Rappaport, Tomas Arana, etc.? C'mon. The film was about a woman's journey through her brief career of porn, but the real story was the great interaction between her and her father, whom she really has a love and compassion for. the plot summary says it's a "Slice of life take on life of international porn celebrity, Moon, and her musings on modern life, love and loss", but I didn't feel her "huge" or "international" success while watching. Yeah, the plot wandered, but you could follow it and enjoy it, too. The dialogue and the feel of the movie is believable. The only thing I did not like was Kip Pardue's character. Real name- Kevin Ian Pardue. Get it? It's an acronym, and clever as Christopher Grace calling himself by half his name-Topher Grace. Anyway, Pardue has not matured yet and I only recall him in Remember the Titans as a high-schooler and he still looks like one. Supposedly he'll be 30 years old in September '06??? But Pardue is a boy and he may never achieve believable adult roles with that baby face goofiness. Trying to cast him as a credible "man" in any film, especially this one, does not work. And giving his blind date character an upscale dwelling and some feel good lines made me anxious for the scenes to end. Yeah, let's give the pizza delivery boy a pimp crib and inject him with empathy and compassion, yeah that'll work. And I love it when actors portray characters who are given their same name in the movie, like he was-how embarrassing! News Flash to Hollywood-Kip Pardue is the 21st century's Anthony Michael Hall, who went from Russ Griswold, to bully in Edward Scissorhands, to Dead Zone retreads. Okay, Hall was also a cog in The Breakfast Club and Weird Science wheel of fortune. But cute actor boys have a short expiration date, and pretty much never go one to be leading men. Other than that inescapable distraction, this movie was entertaining. Another reviewer from Argentina commented this was the director, Ashley Baron Cohen's "best movie to date." I'm sorry, who? Umm, as if this guy is Coppolla or Scorcese or something? Oh, and the DVD extras like the interviews with Juliette Marquis were long and boring. She came across disturbing and twitchy. I liked her acting better than her real self. But I must say that Marquis resembles Angelina Jolie, except MUCH more beautiful and sensually innocent. Those eyes are so, so, je ne sais quois. The other interview was with Rosario Dawson and she comes across like a dork and had nothing of interest to say. Too bad she agreed to be droopy and naked in the tent scene with Colin Farrell in Alexander, but stayed clothed in this movie. Shrewd career decision, Rosario. The extra interviews should have included James Woods, who probably said no. Or why not some of the other girls who were real stripper/porn actresses playing the porn actresses in the movie? Instead we only get Marquis, Dawson, and a promo ad for Parkinson's Disease?

November (I) (2004)

I pity the fool that bought a ticket to see this movie!

[1/10 · 8 January 2006]

Let's face it, Courtney Cox does NOT have the acting weight to deliver this movie for what it was going for. The last movie we saw her in was the remake of The Longest Yard, where her boobs were EXPLODING out of her wardrobe in the bang-up intro to that movie!

In "November" she's trying just too hard as the bookish Sophie, and her serious attitude wears you out. Except for Anne-"how do you like my new face-lift?"-Archer, this film has a bunch of no names that you could care less about, and Ms. Archer is pretty much fluff as Courtney's character's mother.

As I read the other reviews, I think anyone who actually did like "November" mustn't watch many movies. I completely agree with the other member's review who said this should have just been a Twilight Zone episode.

The plot twists, if that's what the director thinks they were, were annoying and not gripping or interesting because we've all-well, most of us-seen this plot way too many times.

The most recent movie of this type of plot was The Sixth Sense, by the Way over-rated Midnight Shamalama-DingDong.

"Ooooooo, I'm Sophie, my boyfriend was shot dead. Wait, no, he's alive. Wait, I cheated on him. Now he's dead again. No, wait, I mean I'M DEAD. OMG, IT'S ME THAT'S REALLY DEAD!" Puh-lease. I fast-forwarded to the ending, and saved myself the agony of hating an investment into a very worn plot in a boring movie!

Hide and Seek (2005)

Awful

[1/10 · 19 July 2005]

Deniro needs to stay away from thrillers and stick to playing bad guys or cops. In Hide and Seek, he portrays probably the worst psychiatrist/single father I've ever seen. Okay, I won't really spoil the ending but after "the revelation" of this Who's Doin It, it did NOT work for me. The writer of this movie Ari Schlossberg must have logged a lot of how-to-be-a-Hollywood screenwriter hours in class. Deniro's last thriller, Godsend, was also terrible, and he played a goofy doctor in that one, too! Typical stupid sheriff in this one who doesn't call for back-up and thinks his flashlight is a better weapon than his handgun. The daughter's role could have been played by anyone, but Dakota Fanning is the latest young darling hob-nobbing from movie to movie with big names. Her best-and only-good role as 'The Daughter' was in I Am Sam, where I thought she was fantastic. Famke Janssen was average and fluff as was Elisabeth Shue. The one and only good part of this movie is the one that didn't make it; be sure to see the alternate ending of Emily where she is institutionalized. A much smarter choice than the original ending. But then, making this movie at all was not a smart choice anyway.