altersaege Reviews

Another Life (2019–2021)

Sackhoff sacks...

[1/10 · 30 June 2020]

I don't know if I should hope that Mrs Sackhoff doesn't read this (she looks like an overly emotional person who would take things personally) or that she reads it (so she can improve as an actress), but, I have been trying to understand why I find her so deeply repelling, so much that I decided not to watch this series after the first 2 minutes of the first episode, as soon as she appeared. I tried, but I just can't bare her face, her expressions, her energy of repressed bitter angry woman. Considering that she is the same in all movies I have seen or tried to see, I tend to think it is not her way of acting, but her way of being. Because bad actors (like her, let's admit it) can't put themselves aside.

Fact is, even if what I see is just her character, and she is very different as a person (which I hope for her and everybody around her), she is anyway a bad actress because she has an extremely limited colors palette to depict her roles (and not only limited in quantity but also poor, cheap, unattractive ones), and therefore she is always the same in all what she does (and a bad same, an annoying, repelling one).

In any case she is a very bad actress. Not an horribly bad one. But a bad one. And one which I can't bare. So, whatever she will do, I will not watch. Period.

Wu Assassins (2019)

Deadly boring, bad acted, horribly written.

[4/10 · 28 June 2020]

Probably the only good acting in the whole serie was the girl abducted by the earth guy, and to some extent the earth guy himself (one of my less favorite actors but age seems to be doing him well). All the rest for the trash bin. Specially CG, such a bad actress, and the magic girl former Wu Assassin now trainer of Wu Assassin. Fights choreographies are some of the most embarrassing in the history. The script, the pacing, the development of characters, are the lowest level of the last decades. Always this stupid family drama, always these totally improbable turns of personality, good characters becoming bad, bad characters becoming good, betrayals, "I will never kill" becomes in 2 episodes a not discriminating killing machine..., etc etc. Which only show how low level cheating is becoming the new creativity of modern writers.

When the end arrived, I hoped it would be the end and there would not be a second season. The world does NOT need a Wu Assassin, or at least not this one. I like Iko, but he is not so good as an actor, his performance depends enormously on the material and direction he's given. Like, he was amazing in Mile 22. But here, very poor. The whole thing feels rushed and made in a hurry. I hope for the dignity of these people that there will not be a second season of this torture.

Aerials (2016)

why does this movie exist?

[1/10 · 22 June 2020]

And why does Netflix stream it?

I have read the review of the guy who says worth watching for research purposes about how not to make a movie. Well, good for him that he managed to watch. I didn't. Too painful.

The Wandering Earth (2019)

It is NOT a waste of time, but it is not as amazing as the makers seem to think.

[6/10 · 21 June 2020]

I managed to watch it all and without regrets, which I can't say of 50% of the American movies I watched in the last months. So, I disagree with those western megalomaniacs who arrogantly think they are the center of the world and rate this movie so bad just because they can't overcome the cultural differences. I am western too, but I have an open mind and I try to be fair. This movie has many spectacular things. The only two points where it misses so much that I couldn't give it more than a 6, are the scientific realism (the theories behind this movie are so ridiculous that they make the all movie immediately lose all credibility), and the unbearable Chinese drama (but that is a cultural thing which I do try to overcome). Although Sci-Fi doesn't necessarily have to be scientifically realistic, those things which anybody knows, or anybody can find out with an online search, must be kept realistic, otherwise it becomes a fantasy movie, not a sci-fi. And everybody knows that the sun will NOT become a Red Giant so soon, and that it won't be so fast, and that it won't destroy the whole solar system but only get more or less till the Earth, which means, they do not need to move the Earth to another solar system, they can just move it wo another orbit. But considering that when the Sun will become a red giant other plantes will have more favorable conditions to life (or moons of planets), the most plausible solution would be to go there instead of moving a planet. Besides, those engines feed on earth rocks. The time the Earth will arrive to another solar system (2500 years travel, according to the movie) there will be no earth left! And, what all these futuristic movies miss: how do you feed all these people? Plus, the atmosphere being half destroyed after just 17 years of travel, and you have other 2500, seriously... It is like trying to save a dead relationship. Get over it.

Anyway. Spectacular graphics, finally, considering that most chinese movies have cheap effects (grandiose, cheap effects. Worst possible combination).

The drama, well. I might be just, not chinese enough to appreciate it.

It is ok. It will keep you busy till the next 8 rating arrives.

Lockout (2012)

Please stop saving Maggie Grace. Possibly, stop hiring her.

[5/10 · 18 June 2020]

So, the movie is a fun watch, despite the dark and decadent setting (which somehow I find depressing, here as also in all similar movies), and the excess of loudness and explosions and shooting and shouting, and testosterone...

But please PLEASE stop putting this disgracious actress in such dumb teenage needs saving roles. We saw her doing this in Taken over and over again, way more than we would have liked to. Now you give her the same role here. Look, she just can't act, and it is difficult to cope with her presence on screen, I mean, I probably shouldn't talk for everybody, so, let's say that I can't stand seeing her on screen, it makes me want to slap her face till she wakes up and stops being the annoying teen she is. When then she assume the seductive pose and pretends being a sexy lady, I just feel like vomiting. Her presence just sucks the joy out of this and any other movie. And let's be honest, Guy is not Tom. So, putting a loser female near a wannabe Tom, is like saying "you loser do not have anything better to watch, take this!". Not cool.

iBoy (2017)

boring, poorly acted teenage revenge drama

[3/10 · 17 June 2020]

The holes in the plot are so big as the stars in the sky (sarcasticism, romantic sarcasm). I reckon I watched far worse movies. But this seriously compete for the price. Poorly executed, acted written, directed. Boring as England. The disgust and boredom in the eyes of the girl, is the feeling I had for this movie. Glad it's over.

Extinction (2018)

Worst get worse.

[4/10 · 17 June 2020]

I am so sick of these extinction movies, they are so all the same. They promise something amazing but they only deliver a bunch of hysteric people screaming, it could be any movie. And Michael is NOT made for this kind of movies. He is not credible.

Altered Carbon (2018–2020)

Writers should be fired. One of the biggest disappointments of my life.

[5/10 · 17 June 2020]

But not because it is an horrible series. The opposite. So much potential. An amazing visual impact. Epic characters. A promising beginning, with good ideas. All ruined by incompetent writers. Writers. The weak ring of the chain. Such a deeply stereotypical representation of humanity. I felt cheated. I felt treated like an idiot, I felt how the writers tried to manipulate me with very low level tricks and the same games seen in 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 movies and series, dramatic happenings caused by decisions which that character would never take if (s)he was real, decisions which are written just to create drama, you know, like when the survival of the universe depends on you reaching a specific target and the bad guy tries to stop you and you knock him down instead of killing, causing that he will create more damage and bla bla? Just as example... Writers here play with the personality of characters in such a way that characters COMPLETELY lose ANY credibility, and this made me lose any interest in the show, which I have kept watching only HOPING that the promises of the good beginning would have been kept. Such lack of originality. The same idiot plot turns involving family relations (like Luke I am your father, but worse), and there too, relations completely deformed by writers who lack creativity and have no other way to surprise than making things unrealistic and ridiculous.

I loved the beginning. I ended hating what the series became from the mid of season 1. Forget season 2...

Proximity (II) (2020)

Nothing to watch here, apart for Highdee Kuan.

[3/10 · 17 May 2020]

She's surely got some of the most astonishing eyes. Have you seen the black circle around the green of her eyes? She's the only highlight of this movie.

Ok ok... the nerd is not a terribly bad actor. But for the rest, with all my love for aliens and sci-fi and my quarantine depression and movies addiction, I couldn't get to the end, and had to fast forward most part of the rest. It looks and feels like a graduation film made as part of the exams to graduate from a cheap cinema school.

But the worst part is that it takes itself very seriously. And that makes of it an involuntary comedy. When then Men in Black and White Robots in white rooms start to arrive, I just felt that any second I would spend watching this movie would have been a second too much.

You can safely skip this, but if you have 5 minutes to spend, fast forward till Kuan appears and enjoy her and then close.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

Nicolas Cage MUST be forbidden acting ever again.

[2/10 · 26 April 2020]

I have never seen one single movie of Nicolas Cage where I felt "wow, he is good". At the best I felt an "ok, he's just unbearable but the movie is quite passable" in just two occasions. In ALL his other movies I felt "please somebody stop this torture". He should, no he MUST be forbidden acting again, it has to be considered a matter of international security. He is a disgrace to acting and to being human.

Now, the movie is, even without the regrettable presence of Cage, a very very very bad movie, acted, written directed and filmed like if people involved were just pissed off for being forced to work in this project.

Only good thing was Elba. But was far from enough.

The Courier (2019)

Why was this film done?

[2/10 · 25 January 2020]

What is the purpose of having Gary Oldman here? Old man, what did you do to end here?

Who wrote the script? I've recently reviewed the new Charlies Angels. This film clearly wins for bad script, even over the angels. I can't believe this trash is being made in 2020 (ok technically speaking 2019), and advertised. It's jnot even a series C movie. And what the hell should the end want to say? Who came up with that idea? Is this film written by someone in his first week of studying cinematography?

And the actors, holy wood..., did they find them in a tank station or how is it possible that cinema actors can act so badly? The bad guy should be forbidden to even enter a cinema ever again at all. Sorry for Olga, she was so pretty in Hitman, I don't believe she is a genius but she is ok. She deserved a better script and better direction,

Really one of the worst movies I have seen in centuries.

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)

please stop this pain

[3/10 · 5 July 2019]

Why do they bother making a sequel which is just more of the same thing, predictable, boring, just some interesting action scenes and then one and a half hours of same same same. He has only one face, like Cage. I hoped, so much hoped, that it would end here. There were no premises for a third and they want to make a fourth an I pray they wont. Please stop this now. It is embarrassing.

The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)

If you are wondering if the bad ratings are deserved: they are.

[3/10 · 27 December 2018]

I like Cate, I like Jack,I like fantasy. Let's be honest, this is a very basic, very childish (in the negative way), very boring movie with extremely few to offer The boy is rather annoying, screaming all the time with the unpleasant voice of a mouse being killed (same pitch, but louder). Not entirely his fault, the script and direction are poor. Talking of which, this is a quote from the director: "Failure, in my book, is someone who lives in the safety of their laptop taking shots at those who actually achieved what they have been unable to do.". Totally agree Mr Roth. But it does not apply when what you achieved is a disaster. And from the safety of my laptop, and without taking any merit away from your previous successes, it feels right to say it. This is a disaster.

This Is the End (2013)

Complete waste of time.

[1/10 · 16 May 2016]

I do not write review since a while, I have lost the wish for that, observing how in our times of human desolation anybody can say anything online.

But this film shocked me deeply for its stupidity and the unbearable amount of the most unsympathetic actors of the world, all together. It's like an overdose of negative vibrations and left me disgusted. Specially Jay Baruchel and Jonah Hill, how is it possible that these two things are allowed to appear publicly? How can anybody tolerate the sound of the voice of this Jay, and their faces, holy saints, how can this be happening in Hollywood? So I had to say this: if you feel, like I did, that you are not going to like this movie, don't test your intuition, trust it! It's warning you of a basic truth: this movie is horrible. The promised "many actors together", which would have saved the movie from this desolation, is a fake, a scam. It's only at the beginning and it's hugely disappointing. Then we are left with a branch of annoying brats who think they are actors. Only presence which brings some positivity is Emma. Franco is no more than "just OK", far from his best, just he there, sometimes even annoying in his hyper-realistic Jamesness. But better he than another brat. And Seth is far from my favourite actor, I never liked him. But compared to Baruchel he is God.

Long desolating dialogues, scenes where nothing happens, actors who think that acting natural means being themselves on screen. Mistake. . Only a few moments where you vaguely smile. If this is your aim, you have your movie.

Vidocq (2001)

Worst acting and photography in long time.

[4/10 · 6 March 2016]

I was attracted to this movie because of the Alchemist, which with that mask is indeed an interesting Villain. And I thought, with Depardieu it can't be that bad. I was wrong. All actors give horrible performances, way over the top. And while this was a main disturbing factor which prevented me from enjoying the movie, there was an even major disturbing factor, the way the movie is filmed, with a special (digital?) camera which supposedly grants excellent detail in close- ups at the expenses of the depth of focus, with the advantage of "easy and cheap" post-production special effects, like another reviewer wrote. Well, it seems like, you know when your grandma gets the new Chinese camera from the 1 Euro shop with all those useless crappy special functions to add watermarks or whatever to the pictures? That. The director is just playing (with incredible bad taste) with this special camera, abusing of close-ups of very over the top expressions of this or that actor, with the depth of focus and realistic look of a cheap video game, and with terribly cheap special effects (specially fire and explosions). Only well done thing, the mask of the alchemist. But nobody needs a whole movie for that. And the story itself was so childish, so low level, not well developed at all. This movie, with a real camera, with a real director, with some better actors, could have been excellent. But it is awful.

Kung Fu Jungle (2014)

6.5??? What's the problem with you all?

[8/10 · 28 February 2016]

This film has got by FAR the BEST fight scenes of any other Chinese Martial Art film I have ever seen in many many many many many years. It's new, merciless, crude, intense, the bad guy is really scary (most, the 98% of bad guys in all films, are ridiculous), the quality of the choreography and of the fight scenes is superb, the thrill is sincere, you can really feel the bad guy is powerful and able to harm anybody, so you feel all the time that this or that character is really in danger. I have just watched the second chapter of the Tiger/Dragon saga, wire- fu, which by chance also sees Yen as one of the main characters. And, well, it can't even dream of competing with the level of this movie. I very highly suggest this film to anybody even slightly interested in martial arts, and to anybody liking action/thrillers.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny (2016)

A major disappointment. I hope the saga stops here.

[6/10 · 28 February 2016]

This movie continues in a very close way (too close, almost copy and paste) the path marked by the previous one, without any surprise, any innovation, any escalation in intensity. So many things happened in all these years and this movie feels unoriginal, repetitive and weak. Almost prehistory. It touches many stereotypes and it does it without intensity, without determination. It's more like saying "we would like you to feel this scene as epic" rather than making it really epic. For example the five men small army was characterized way too over- the-top. The moment of its creation was just a stereotypical scene saw many times and it felt very bored and boring. I could not connect to any of the characters and could not care less about what happened to any of them during the movie. The double love story of the first film (old guys and young guys) is once again there, with two new young guys and one "new" old guy. The old lady is once again with her ridiculous sentimental doubts and indecision.

All feels so lame and dull. It's definitely not worth the wait and it a huge step down in quality compared with the first. Really disappointing.

Exposed (III) (2016)

Neo is old.

[3/10 · 27 February 2016]

Let's face the truth. He is just out of shape, out of grace, boring, monotone, repetitive, ungracious. I do not know if he is depressed, has got drug of alcohol problems or what else, but Keanu is just a ghost of what he used to be. It is a painful pity, seeing him doing the s--t he does lately. Always with that obnoxious aseptic unemotional "Neo" look in his eyes, but without the grace and fascination of Matrix. I think it's time for him to take a break and think about how to continue his career in a more meaningful way. Eventually it would be better to be forgotten, than to be remembered for the c--p he did at the end. Exposed of knock knock, I watch him and think "why?".

Moonwalkers (2015)

Definitely underrated.

[7/10 · 22 February 2016]

While 8 would imo be too much, 6 is definitely less than what this movie is worth. Come on people what's wrong with you? When I see some ratings here lately I wonder how can those film get a 8 and this a 6.

The acting here is fabulous, the humour is in a right balance of dementia and intelligence. There are nice gags, a nice kind of surrealism, it even touches some political themes, and it offers more or less all what you may want, fun, action, drama, sexiness. So, don't hesitate.

Anyway I think that IMDb should urgently revisit its politic of "not enough lines" for reviews. People do not necessarily have to write the holy bible to review each single film each single time. (hopefully now I have enough lines).

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

A waste of time.

[8/10 · 21 February 2016]

It took me 3 years to decide I wanted to give this a try. 3 wasted years where I did not watch this beautiful movie. What a waste of time :) But better late than never.

I liked this movie because it is honest but not boring. Many films which are spectacular are not honest, they want to be cool and miss the point. Many films which are honest are a bit boring and a bit pretentious in their "important" message. This film has got a nice balance. It did not shake my LIFE from the grounding, but this may be because I am becoming old and more balanced. What this film did, was coming at the right moment, when I am learning not to zone-out. Yes I am one of those "open eye dreamers". Not as extreme as Walter, but, still there. So, there is a moment in the mountain with Sean talking of here and now. It is a very known concept (and yes, I still have to read Eckhart). Normally I hate when people talk of this, because they mostly do it in a very new age, sentimental way. Maybe it was just the right moment, maybe it was the film, but the message arrived. As said, it did not change my life. I did not book a ticket to India of dated the girl of the next door. I did not wash the dishes, cleaned the mess of my apartment, studied or did any of the things I procrastinate since a while. But I feel it arrived.

The film is nice anyway and even if you do not care about here and now and such bla bla, I doubt you or anybody with a little brain and a little heart may not like it.

Give it a try.

Zoolander 2 (2016)

Boolander

[17 February 2016]

One of the most boring, stupid, bad written, bad acted, bad directed, bad produced films I have ever seen. Of course there are much worse films than this. But the more something aims to the top, the noisier is its flop, and this movie felt so bad because it should have been so cool. An impressive waste, of time for me, of money for them. So many stars, so many cameos, and for what? I can name many films which leave you with nothing and you forget them immediately after the end. But this, you will forget it while you see it. Or you will wish you could. I have lately watched Walter Mitty, and it was amazing and Ben Stiller was wonderful there. And even Tower Heist was a good film with good acting. But this, why, why did they felt the need to make this film?

Terminus (2015)

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring

[5/10 · 23 January 2016]

Apart for the fact that the casting was CLEARLY made to have a double of Christian Bale and a double of Guy Pearce, the film itself is a sort of cheap double of a lot of other movies (with a bit of Shyamalan, a bit of Cocoon, a bit of Signal, a bit of many other things). And it just does not make any sense. The acting is not horrible but it is far from first class, and the script is better than many b-movies but not enough to make of this an engaging film. Anyway, it makes no sense to start speaking of direction and this and that and play to be the little Movie Critic. Fact is, the movie is not a disaster, but it is not a well made movie, it lacks lot of consistency, it is quite flat, poor and boring. And btw, if there will ever be a nuclear war, it better end it all with our idiot human race. I am sure the Universe is full of other wonderful and less destructive, arrogant, egocentric, megalomaniac forms of life. Nobody will miss us. So just stop making films which imply how important is to save us. It is NOT.

Mr. Six (2015)

The movie which Tarantino should learn from.

[8/10 · 15 January 2016]

Epic, of a slow burn kind of epic which does not rely on empty coolness. Unnecessary long, but which I did not regret having seen (while I would like to get back the time lost with the super cool, super empty, super onanistic exercise of style of Hateful Eight). It has does not excel in any aspect, it is no unforgettable masterpiece, but it touches all the right chords, with its imperfection, with its mah moments, but steadily, with no hurry, no noxious Hollywood bullying narcissistic superiority.

Do not let you fool by the synopsis. This is no "Taken" (thanks God!). It is not "if you will not let my son go I will find you and I will kill you". There is no trace of the typical American megalomaniac testosteronic super-cool hyper-heroism. There is just "an ordinary citizen", who totally ordinary is not. Because he can teach a few values, although he is an ex gangster.

And I am not old enough to complain about the society of "today". But I felt it very real, his complaints, the portrait he gives of our empty times...

I am having a hard time finding good movies. Stupid comedies, depressive drama, empty boom boom, hyper-sentimental moralistic bonbons, hyper-sadistic horrors, hyper-intellectual blabla... It seems that our society faces a severe lack of contents, and must put loads of extra sugar, extra salt, extra oil and energy, following the motto of Advertisings, "if you have nothing to say, say it loud".

Whatever I watch, it is boring. This was not.

Point Break (2015)

OK remake which does not try to imitate the original.

[7/10 · 25 December 2015]

Somebody here wrote "non-sensical plot". Why should a plot be non-sensical only because you cannot understand it? The plot is VERY clear, and also quite well realized.

There is a group of more or less young people who live on the edge, always seeking the most intense feeling of "being alive" which they only find in extreme activities, following Achilles' motto of "better a short life as lions than a long life as sheeps". As one of them says, "we all will die. The question is how". They are outsiders. They would never be able to live a "life" of routine, office-home-bills. They do not like this system and they show it with a series of no-killing crimes on the "Robin Hood" style, like stealing money from a Plane and making it fall down so that people can take it (it's on the trailer, no spoiling here). "Giving it back", they say. They do indeed also make profit in order to finance their next extreme activities. But they never steal from poor people. Only from the system. So, they have a moral, THEIR moral, which is neither black nor white. But they are not "evil". That's why the FBI agent, who is sent to infiltrate them, is somehow fascinated by them and for a while cannot understand anymore on which side he is.

Anyway, they are not "good" either. You can feel that there is something dark, in their way of playing with death there on the edge, pursuing the legendary (apparently fictional) Osaki 8 deadly challenges. And when they put the life of innocent people in danger, the FBI agent finally takes part.

The rest of the film is a downward spiral of destruction and self- destruction. They know they have no way out and they just push the accelerator more and more, to die as lions.

You may not agree with their choices, and it is not aim of the film to make you agree or disagree.

The film just tells the story of this group of people, and it tells it quite well. It is not a Masterpiece but it is entertaining and if you ever felt that living is more about being alive than about surviving, this movie can make you care about the characters and their pursuit of feeling ALIVE. No matter if you agree or not with how they realize it.

I think it's pointless to compare it with the previous version, because they are different and both valid. The first had vip actors but less extreme action, here there may not be super big names but the actors are good, and the actions scenes more spectacular. At the end it may be a matter of preferences.

For me a solid 7. No doubts.

Close Range (2015)

Only reason I gave 2, because I have seen worse.

[2/10 · 25 December 2015]

I always feel "there cannot be anything worse than this" when I watch something like this. But then I remember that I have actually seen some worse things. So I want to be generous and I give 2 stars. The guy is actually not thaaaaaaat bad. Looks a bit like Ben Affleck with more muscles. But all the rest is as pathetic as it can be. I really cannot imagine which kind of people can really enjoy and like this film. I am sure that there must be somebody. And I am sure that's not me, and not anybody who is used to at least mid level of quality. Here you will not find any level of quality at all. Quoting Kung Fu Panda "there is now a level 0".