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Reviews
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Putrid doesn't begin to describe
I'll start off by getting the good out of the way. McGregor was the only thing redeeming about the show. The man shows up for any role he accepts and you can tell he likes the character. Too bad he was given a dismal script, which apparently was rewritten. If this is the best LucasFilm can do on a rewrite then the writers all need to be fired. The other characters are incredibly boring especially the Third sister character played by Moses Ingram. If you look up bland in the dictionary you'll see a picture of Moses Ingram. Now, part of that might be her trying to be "menacing" as her character is supposed to be a baddie. But she comes off as someone who just came out of a coma, was greased up and shoved into tight leather, cattle prodded onto a set and forced to act with one of the better actors of gen X. Maybe that's why she's a shrieking banshee (leather wedgie) when she's not playing the role of dull dishwater. Just another emotionally binary character where layers of subtlety were required. The most absurd thing about the whole debacle is the relationship between Obi-Wan and Leia. Without going into spoilers, she's constantly making the great jedi master look like a total fool. So apparently you can train for years to gain mystical powers just to either A. Not ever use them even when it'd be useful or B. They're so ineffective it's better to leave things up to a 9 year old. It seems Disney would have it be the latter. The sets look cheap and the excuse was that so many had to be constructed for the series and the tight filming schedule made it hard to look more refined. Well so what? If Disney isn't into quality anymore then why should I waste my time? These are the guys that revolutionized the industry with it's animation. But that was back when quality mattered. In summary, Ewan's good but that's not enough to overcome major glaring flaws and coming from a studio with the backing of Disney I expected more and hold it to a higher standard. 2/10.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mighty Jack (1991)
Painful
Anyone else think this is the most painful movie ever to have the MST3K treatment? I could barely get through it and I mean no insult to the riffing done by Joel and the 'bots. Easily the worst movie I've ever seen, as there's nothing remotely likable about it. It's not so bad it's good, there's no campiness and to top it all off it moves at a snails pace. I'd rather watch 30 minutes of rock climbing (Lost Continent) or 10 minutes of a sand storm (Hercules vs. The Moon Men) than this. I think it was a bad pick for MST3K since it is so unlikable. This movie needs to be made known to the public so they can truly see how black the abyss of bad film making is. Plan 9 From Outer Space is genius compared to this. There's nothing more I can say, just had to vent.
Hide and Seek (2005)
Bad, but not because it's predictable
OK so everyone has agreed that this movie is predictable. But that's not what made this movie so terrible. It was the horrible padding of the film. The slow, staggered dialogue between Emily and anyone else, at first was meant to build suspense and give the inclination that this is really a disturbed individual. It succeeded in this simple task. But after the 15th time someone (usually Dad or Elizabeth) conversed with her, you knew before the conversation started you would have only a tidbit more of information after the conversation than you did before. And yet you had to sit through 5 minutes of terribly boring dialogue (or should I say monologue?) while the father plays 20 questions with her. Once the father would sit down with her he'd barrage her with question after question, never giving her time to respond, thus dragging out (padding) and causing us more pain. This movie just plain hurt to watch. I suppose for those intellectuals out there this is a good movie if you like to spend most of you time in the theaters pondering the ways of the universe as you don't need to pay attention to 40 minutes of it. I go to be entertained, which this movie did not.