Gladys_Pym Reviews

Petunia (2012)

Woah! What went wrong here?

[4/10 · 7 August 2013]

OK. Good premise, good cast, good money. And then - a kind of slow, almost leisurely, but basically rather sad, car crash. Nobody cares about anybody. The parents are so self-obsessed I felt like putting a brick through the screen. It's a good attempt, well (enough) done, but there's really just no-one to like. At all. In the press (here in the UK) there have been a few pundits saying there will be fewer films but they'll cost more. This wasn't cheap, and has decent production values. It's the script, I suspect. If you're a BIG fan of a cast member, then go for it. Otherwise it's a stretch.

4 out of 10. Not awful, just a damp squib.

Entity (2012)

Really scary - doesn't fall for the "More gore" trap

[8/10 · 3 July 2013]

Interesting, isn't it, how some films divide opinion? I really liked this film. There's a decent back-story - in fact two decent back-stories, to be accurate. Good cast, with one or two established actors and a couple of decent new finds. There are a number of gripes about found footage - well, it's not a found footage film, it's actually a beautifully shot horror film, with a few bits of found footage, which imho fit very well to up the tension. I think one of the main 'difficulties', though not for me, is that that the director/writer Steve Stone hasn't fallen for the post-Saw generation of boy-pleasing gore films. This isn't a gore film. It's a horror film, and a really good one, at that. So if you are prepared to sit back, (if you can do that while spending much of the film on the edge of your seat), and watch a really fine film but with a low tits and gore count, then I recommend this film wholeheartedly.

The 6th Extinction (2012)

Oh, but, SERIOUSLY?

[1/10 · 24 August 2012]

Where on earth do you start with rubbish like this?

There are two reviews as I write this. Both are positive. That males them seriously biased.

The storyline talks about 'Indie horror mainstay' John Vincent. That means he's made three films in 15 years.

He's directed, edited, produced and written them. Oh, and written the music. And presumably done the sound and chosen the 'actors', because all of these tasks are done at around the same level. Really, REALLY badly.

There are long, and I do mean, long, unedited shots of, for example, a priest getting to work unlocking, walking around, taking books out of a cupboard, sitting down, opening the books, making VERY LARGE notes, and so on. Also an inordinately long and boring on foot chase.

All of the suspense, if we could call it that, is spoilt by a sound track which sounds like bad dubbing, but isn't. It just all sounds post production and no-one noticed that it was done in a basement with bad acoustics.

No stand out performances, the best, Michel Bugard, ruined by some really rubbish 'special' effects.

And, now I come to think of it, WHY? Why would vampires, (admittedly vampires dressed in sheets - nice touch), want to kill everyone? Don't they need blood to survive? Why slaughter lunch when you need lunch to stay alive?

To be fair, this may be answered later in the film. I could only manage 30 minutes. And I somewhat resent that.

One Way to Valhalla (2009)

OK. Not perfect, but....

[7/10 · 9 March 2012]

I'm conflicted.

I don't want to dis the plot summary - written by the writer/director - but it doesn't really give a taste of the film.

Bo is a bit of insufferable gear-head and his wife is seriously fed up with him.

He has a bicycle accident, caused - well - no spoilers, but its largely to do with him being an insufferable gear-head.

And then? And then everything changes. Or, rather, Bo does.

And his wife can't bear it. And continues not to. This is more than concussion, this is transcendent brain damage. I liked Bo after his accident. Respected him.

Not a perfect film, but a film about growth, and hope, and change. Albeit after a knock on the head, but, hey. You gotta start somewhere.

I'm left with warm feelings, escapist feelings, a sense of freedom, of hope.

Hey, that's not bad, is it? I had to suspend clinical disbelief, (I'm a psychotherapist), but I still came away optimistic, touched, moved. Which, quite frankly, isn't bad for a film which is real, gritty, and grounded well on the serious side of any sweet, fairytale line.

Karen Goodman writes well, and directs better. I really hope she goes (much) further.

PS check my other reviews. NO connections to the film at all.

The Sleeper (2012)

"If I should die before I wake" - I wouldn't be at all surprised...

[2/10 · 1 February 2012]

OK. Well.

Where do you start?

Let's start (and maybe finish) with - why 1981? I know, I live in the UK, maybe sorority houses are just Oh, so 80s. But my worry is someone saw so many damn plot holes in this that they shoved it into the 80s to try to cover it up.

Its sad, really. There are plenty of struggling writers and potential directors struggling to get films made, and then this happens...

What do I do, now? Go through all the plot holes and farcical inadequacies?

Just for a start - single frontal lobe trauma = death? No

Claw hammer (always clean) = threatening? Not really

Single axe blow? No....

Silly cloudy contact lenses = menacing? Errrr....

Doctors wearing black cowboy shirts and shoelace ties? I mean, what?

And everybody in the film has congenital tunnel vision. They are completely incapable of noticing anyone creeping up on them.

AND the casting director was told to go for faces and ignore bodies.

OK. Anyone would think I didn't like it.

I gave it 2 stars because - OK. I waited 'til the end.

OK, it's a family gig. Lots of Russells. But, I'm sorry. It's adequately acted, even adequately directed, but get someone else to write. Seriously, Justin, (writer, director, producer, editor, cinematographer, sound editor), get a decent script writer on board if you want to find your break-through film.

Café (II) (2011)

Ohhh. A perfect ensemble piece. IGNORE the IMDb storyline.

[10/10 · 8 January 2012]

OK. Tomorrow, after I've slept, maybe I'll feel less than 10, but, tonight? OK, yeah, a big, resounding 10/10.

It's hard to seriously fit you gently into a world. This time it works just beautifully. OK. I just stopped watching it, and I'm a little be-alcoholled. BUT I am one of those who is really nervous about showing films you really like to those you love, and THIS one I surely will.

I'm reminded of Kevin Smith, in terms of the reality of an intimate, special world, without the - weirdness?

OK. Bottom line. I don't know what to compare this to. Yeah, Kevin Smith, but gentler. What have I loved that'll give ANYONE a clue? Little Miss Sunshine - Steelyard Blues - Blues Brothers - Driving Miss Daisy - The Remains of the Day. And so many, many more.

Check my reviews. I don't often give a recommendation.

This is one. Go for it.

(And I have NO IDEA what the IMDb storyline is talking about. I suspect it's another film :/ )

Restitution (I) (2011)

Mmmm. It was OK, in fact, I was surprised. It was better than OK

[7/10 · 13 November 2011]

I was - whatever - absorbed?

PI unearths plot, and pays the price. OK. It wasn't too noir, wasn't over-hip. Mena Suvari (bra on sex scene contract not withstanding) was real, and genuine, and it could almost have been a romcom. (I don't think I've ever had a sex scene with bras on, personally).

And then, it just suddenly revives. A new character, a new phase, act 2.

And then, suddenly, Act 3. People stop being who they were, and use guns. Who knew? Even, when it all calms down, another twist, and we have act 3.1.

My son-in-law is the acid test. If there are plot holes, he disses the film, and I wish I hadn't suggested it.

This got a 'pass' on his radar, (though he agreed with the 'stupid no tits rule'.

Worth a look. I was surprised, a few times. And that no longer happens often.

Texas Killing Fields (2011)

Dang. It wasn't THAT bad!

[7/10 · 13 November 2011]

OK.

Mumbling, yes. about as much as Run Baby Run. Archetypal characters, well, tick, but then this is the US.

Personally, I liked it. I didn't expect to, but it was OK. They did a 'Coen brothers-y' thing, not really explaining the back story.

OK. Maybe the two male leads have similar attitudes to women and to their abusers as I do, so maybe that biases me, but I don't think that's all.

I think this has a body. Brains, guts, and a spine. The minor parts are well cast and directed, and the three leads rock.

I'm a bit surprised how slated this has been on IMDb.

I liked it, OK? So sue me....

Mysteria (2011)

NEARLY brilliant. Certainly thought-provoking

[7/10 · 28 October 2011]

OK. Well, to start with, Mike Rooker, who has p****d me off for DECADES with over-acting, and never quite making it, deserves a supporting Oscar in this. Yes, his script is good, but, at last, HE's good.

BUT

The film is just, I dunno, not quite there. Too clever? Don't get me wrong, I liked it, it left me guessing, but that's just it. The back-story, the narrative in the writer's/director's mind, never quite made it to screen.

I'm left knowing I saw something good, something very good, but somehow, just a little, empty. Unresolved. And I'm not trying to say EVERYTHING should resolve - I mean, hey, I live in the UK - we can't even get the weather right - but.... I liked the film (it's gone from 7 to 8 while I wrote this, and the cinematography, script, acting, are all top notch...)

But then hey. I admired, and was irritated by Mulholland Drive. For similar reasons. Very similar. watch it. Definitely watch it. But don't blame me if you get just a little bit lost when the credits roll.

51 (2011)

Missed most of the possible targets

[5/10 · 29 September 2011]

OK.

An opening scene which is green screen is a SERIOUSLY bad start. It inspired no confidence, and was seriously un-immersive.

The acting wasn't ALL bad, but was certainly patchy.

Direction OK, script a bit rubbish, the aliens not too bad. OK, to be fair, they died a bit easily, but then masks/CGI/whatever, I thought they were OK.

Just could have been far better.

I wish IMDb didn't have the 10 line limit. This one isn't worth any more than I just gave it.

Amsterdam Heavy (2011 Video)

What WERE they thinking?

[2/10 · 27 September 2011]

OK. Cred for producing a film for just half a million. But....

Is this like the banking crisis? Does the production team sit through an early cut and say "Well, we spent all the money, so we HAVE to release it, even though it sucks".

Because if they thought this bit of rubbish was any good, someone wasted their money.

Michael Madsen. You know what? Because it was a solo piece he could have, (maybe did?), shot at home, he does a halfway decent job.

No-one else is worth anything. Dialogue, direction, acting, and - omg - fight direction - all suck. In spades.

And while I'm on it.... 4 positive reviews, all from people who've never reviewed anything before. Is there NO WAY IMDb can do something about this?

No way this even strays into 'so bad its good' territory.

Its just bad. Save your time and money.

Thumbs up for making it for half a million. If they recover even half, it'll be down to the highly mis-representative trailer.

The Tree (I) (2010)

2 female leads - one brilliant, one - not....

[5/10 · 7 August 2011]

Well. I had read reviews of this, and was looking forward to something good. What we got was - well - mediocre, really.

Charlotte Gainsbourg has been playing fragile, tense characters for a while, now. Don't get me wrong, she's good at it, but in this film she seems to have been either left without constraints to overact at will, or, worse still, TOLD to act like a gibbering, self centred wreck. (And, yes, I KNOW bereavement is tough, is excruciating, but she just gives up, then goes out to attach herself to another man).

On the other hand, Morgana Davies is just amazing. The most natural, real child actress I've seen in years, since Catinca Untaru in The Fall (2006). Just stunningly, amazingly well done.

OK, the film is about bereavement, and loss, and as a principle, and as a core and theme, this is certainly carried through, but on the one hand badly, and on the other brilliantly.

As to the other characters? Pretty well all of them two dimensional.

And, hey, if you can move houses like that, why not move the damn house a few metres down the hill and be done with it?

Morgana Davies. One to watch. Definitely.

Tactical Force (2011)

Could have been better, but could SERIOUSLY have been worse....

[8/10 · 2 August 2011]

OK. I'll admit to not really being a Steve Austin fan, but I do like Michael J. Yeah, and Keith Jardine I know, but I didn't recognise any other names, or actors.

It's far fetched. Very. Full of rather silly plot holes. (Like 4 member SWAT teams, etc etc, as other reviewers have said).

BUT. As a (somewhat implausible) action film, it was OK, almost pretty good. The script was good, in places. It's not a spoiler to say, "Wait, I need a line", had me laughing out loud. In fact, several of the lines had me laughing. And either Demitrius (Michael Shanks) was given all the good lines, or he's a SERIOUSLY good comic actor - deadpan, but funny.

So. Far from 100%, and Michael J wasn't given his best moves, but still.

One for the boys, really. And the boys who like action films and aren't too discriminating.

House of the Rising Sun (2011)

Man mountain meets iffy script and no fight choreography...

[5/10 · 18 July 2011]

Well, I tried. I sat right thru 'til the end. For a while, I was OK with the script, and then, for a while, I thought it was the directing that made this pretty mediocre effort work. 'Til I saw him trying to sneak about, which made him look like a gorilla...

OK. Off the fence. It doesn't work. Reviews have said the first bit is slow - well, it is. Slow but pretty tight.

Then there's a long, (a really long), pause, then, well, it finishes.

And, well, it's really all down to casting. I mean, if it's not script (thin, but, well, OK), or direction, (transparent, after about 40 mins in), it's gonna be casting.

Danny Trejo. Lazy casting? Hmmm. You decide....

In the end, I was honestly looking forward to Craig Fairbrass being on screen, 'cos at least he can act... And I'm a Brit, and usually I think he's rubbish, but this time he took all the scenes he was in, which said, well, something...

So. Dave Bautista. Better than some ex WWF debuts, but learn to act, get a better fight coreog, and stop creeping around like a gorilla who filled his pants. Oh, and Amy Smart? (who did a passable job), she's tiny. A third your weight. I mean, what were you THINKING?

A Cold Day in Hell (2011)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, Mr. Madsen

[1/10 · 23 June 2011]

Michael Madsen, eh? He's in barely a single scene with anyone else in it - my guess is he came on set for a couple of hours, did his bit and left. Even so, he was probably the best 'actor' in the film.

It looks like it's filmed in some Western theme park, and if there's a single gunfight where you can actually see the shooter and the victim in the same shot, I didn't notice it. Which would work if the editing wasn't so lamentable.

All in all, one for the bin. Straight to DVD? Why bother.

Even the production company haven't bothered to get their friends to write 10* reviews on IMDb.

It's tempting to believe it's a wry pastiche. But it's not. It's just rubbish.

The Gundown (2011)

Oh, I'm so conflicted

[6/10 · 23 June 2011]

OK. Let me explain. This was such a good attempt. Some money's been spent, (not on the script, admittedly). It's been spent on some decent sets, a few actors, some (occasionally decent) cinematography.

And in these days, a straightforward Good-v-Evil western is refreshing, or, rather, SHOULD BE refreshing. And this tries hard. And (sadly) fails.

The storyline is OK, derivative, but modernised, and - well - OK, what can I say, it's just alright.

The acting's OK, pretty good, in parts. The hero, well, he's a hero. We are in NO DOUBT that he's a good guy.

The women are - well, women, really. The strong mother is OK, ('til the end bit, where she mainly screams and doesn't shoot anything), but mainly the women are pretty 2 dimensional, apart from the one who has so much plastic in her lips she looks like she has her mouth on upside down, and she disappears from the story in a really unconvincing way.

Oh, I don't know. I wanted to like this. I watched it to the end, (Parenthood meets Mum's Apple Pie), and I'm not left with an AWFUL taste in my mouth, just a bitter disappointment. It should have been better.

OK. To be honest? If the producer had hired a decent director, it would have been better.

And he also should have spent a few dollars on someone to direct his fight scenes. That last one is pretty bad.

But, OK, I gave it a 6 out of 10. Because it wasn't THAT bad. Just it should have, could have, been far better.

Elephant White (2011)

Oh. Well. Mixed reviews, then. But....

[5/10 · 13 May 2011]

I was SO ready to give this about an 8 - the script let it down - badly, but, all in all, you know...

But then, in the final frames, it suddenly lost it, for me. So. 5 out of 10. Neutral.

Kevin Bacon speaking estuary English. He's actually not THAT bad, (although, for the first 10 minutes or so, I thought he was being dubbed). OK, he could have been voice coached by Danny Dire (that was deliberate), but, actually, he does a passable job. But WHY BOTHER? The script's pretty crap, they could have EITHER got an English actor, or changed his nickname into - I dunno, Skinny Headcase, or something.

Djimon Hounsou - I tell you what, he was pretty damn good, and this character being the lead worked, for me. It's rare to see a non American black guy lead a film, that is, have more than about 20 lines before he dies - even here in the UK.

So.....

Direction, OK, really. 2 leads, OK, even if one of them was pointless. Having an African black man in the lead, priceless. The script, though. Ahh, well. Better luck next time? Surely it was worth paying for someone decent? Presumably not.

OK. Bottom line?

Disappointing. And when you try to tie up all the pseudo-spiritual claptrap in the last few seconds with a supremely un-Buddhist twist? Well I, for one, am left with a sad taste in my mouth.

Six Bend Trap (2007)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

[2/10 · 13 May 2011]

This is my second attempt at reviewing this film. The first time, it was deleted due to an abuse report, by another user. Not sure why. So, here we go, the toned down version.....

It gets 2. Because 1 would seem unnecessarily cruel.

What's all this about every rubbish UK gangster film (dwarf with a sword stick, oooh, yes, ALL gangsters have one of them...) now has to be compared with Guy Ritchie. I mean, he was doing Tarantino rip-offs, badly. This is a pretty risible attempt at something cool.

Wooden:

script acting direction casting

And what on EARTH was the badly choreographed dancing to the seriously bad song, about half way through? My guess is the one in the middle, dressed in black, was someone's girlfriend, 'cos she SERIOUSLY couldn't dance. Come to think of it, I'm guessing they were ALL friends and partners of the cast and crew, but they looked sad and zombified.

Oh, fer Goodness sake, where on EARTH do you start?

One and a half million quid? Who on EARTH thought that was an even half way good idea?

Not bad enough to be the worst film, far far too bland for that.

Oh, I give up. I've said far more than it deserves, already.

Megan Is Missing (2011)

Oh. Dear.

[3/10 · 11 May 2011]

Where on EARTH do you start.

First, I'm not an apologist for abuse - I'm a therapist who works, every day, with abuse and trauma. So I really GET an attempt to explore this issue - and warn - from the victim's point of view.

And, to be fair, filming this in 8 days? Remarkable.

But...

I'm left with all kinds of icky feelings. True, Megan is pretty unbearable. She's become a bit slutty, offering what she CAN offer to boys because she can - because it doesn't matter that much (enough) to her, and that first harrowing trivial hour makes it clear what made her life, her body, less important to her than it should have been.

And Amy? Well, she's annoying, and a bit too squeaky clean, but this is annoyingly tangled up with her own self image, when in fact it's Megan's self image that is really more impaired.

The artifice of the whole film being webcam, 'phone and video is clever. Clever as in cheap, and amateurish, which works.

But that last 22 minutes. Well. Sadly, it's better shot than the previous hour, it's boring in places, (digging is NOT good cinema), and, all in all, it left me, (leaves me), feeling hollow, and empty.

There is a claim, at the start of the film, that this is based on a true story, but I've looked, hard, and can't find any proof.

There's a terribly upsetting "Every day 2000 parents say..." about abduction. Gleaned from the Klass site. But on the very next line on the Klass site, this number is diminished, and also made less clear (ie. NOT juvenile).

I don't know. I don't want to damn this film, and I don't want to pretend abuse isn't a terrible thing. It's just that my sense is, somewhere, the director got lost, and the producers didn't say so.

I admire that this is being done - ie an attempt to raise the issue. AND that the film was clearly made on a shoestring, in 8 days. But 22 year old actresses just don't (can't) look 13, and simply because abused girls don't LOOK like they have any depth doesn't mean they don't HAVE any depth.

This isn't a complete damning of this film. 'Enjoy' would be wrong, but I watched it, at least. It's just - I don't know... It could have been so much better, and it could STILL have been filmed in 8 days.

Transparency (I) (2010)

Lou Diamond Phillips LOOKS good, but...

[3/10 · 27 March 2011]

But the film just doesn't really work.

Trafficking? Well, maybe they don't have that in the US, which would explain why everyone's amazed that it happens, but here in the UK you wouldn't really get the amazement from everyone that this film offers.

I'm left, a couple of days after seeing this film, with just a vague sense of disappointment. It somehow just doesn't quite get there. I mean, it sort of works, and Lou's try at a comeback works - for him. It's just the whole premise, and the MASSIVE corporation that he somehow upsets, that seem just too far fetched. Bits of the film were gritty, and immediate, and I think the plot should have stayed with these, instead of turning the story into a David v Goliath conspiracy fest.

3 out of 10. I'm glad I didn't watch this with anyone else. I'd certainly have had to defend the decision to go and spend money on it.

Twisted Path (2010)

Well. Shows promise, but....

[5/10 · 24 February 2011]

First, I am WELL peeved I wasn't the first review of this film. I virtually watched it in order to be the first reviewer, and then someone beats me by a day.

As a result? Well, it's far from a 'give me back my wasted 90 minutes' film. On the other hand, it's very far from being great.

The filming really IS excellent. From interior shots to handling snowscapes brilliantly. Not getting caught up in the scenery, and making expansive space feel claustrophobic, all very well done. One or two rather iffy camera angles, but these presumably decided on by the director. The script wasn't predictable, just a bit - well - lame? The acting rather likewise, with the exception of Trae Ireland, who was pretty sound.

And yes, Italy isn't the Ukraine, or Rumania, where slashy films often end up, but all in all it ended up looking a bit like it was.

So. Promise, especially Oden Roberts (cine) who hasn't done a lot of longer films but is one to watch. But somewhere close to disappointing, otherwise.

I didn't see the twist coming, at the end, but once it had, I realised it was inevitable. So, 5 stars.

Everyday Black Man (2010)

Well, it was OK, but....

[7/10 · 14 February 2011]

But a bit run of the mill, really.

I'm writing this straight after seeing the film.

Well enough cast and acted, script not too bad, but somehow it still comes across as a bit of a work in progress. A bit like a book published before the writer's quite ready, but the next one will be better.

The gradual suspense ramping up works well, I think it's the action at the end that's been toned down, and lets the film down in the long run. Moses' back story almost seems tagged on to allow the final scenes. Oh, I don't know. Am I being too harsh? It could just have been a bit tighter, is all, and the last minutes didn't quite work, in the light of all the good stuff that had gone before.

As I've been writing this, my vote has gone up from 5 to 7, so maybe it's sinking in. I still think the showdown needed better direction, but all in all, as I say, Carmen Madden will grow before the next one.

Pimp (2010)

Tight, and "gritty" and Danny Dyre is (again) outclassed

[8/10 · 2 June 2010]

OK. I was prepared to but fairly unimpressed. The only other 2 reviews included one neutral one and one from the production company.

But all in all, I WAS impressed. The story line throws you a few unexpected left of field surprises, the bad brothers are suitably bonkers, the violence was - well, OK - realistic, I suppose.

But the best thing, for me, was Robert Cavanah. He plays a complex lead, in a tough situation - in a number of ways - and he plays it very very well.

Danny D continues not to live up to what he seems to think his potential is. On the other hand, I guess he's making money.

And the votes for this film? 2.6/10 at the moment? Nearly half the votes are at 1, but none of them have left a review? Someone CLEARLY doesn't like this film, and doesn't want it to be a success on IMDb.