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steveajfa88
Reviews
Tekken (2010)
Want to forget this movie ever existed
I'm only giving 3 stars for some few minutes of decent fighting scenes: otherwise, the rating would be lower. Any fan of the Tekken games should stay FAR, FAR AWAY. My reasons for saying so are also spoilers, which I'll list by character (they've completely ignored chronology, so I'll leave that alone), and try to relate without violent profanity:
Absence of half the cast (no King, Armor King, Ganryu, Lee, Michelle, Paul Phoenix, Wang, Ling Xiaoyu, Baek, Bruce, Lei, Hwoarang, Julia, Marduk, Asuka, Feng Wei, Lili, Bob, Lars, Leo, or Zafina).
Heihachi looks good in the part, though obviously he's not huge like the Heihachi in the game; he actually plays the part of the proud ruthless shogun very well.
Jin also isn't too bad; he's just kinda stupid at times.
Kazuya looks alright (or at least as 'alright' as a white actor can look in a Japanese part), but he plays the mutinous son who wants to take over the kingdom, not the head of a rival corporation.
Jun is 'killed' by Tekken Force, not by Ogre, spurring Jin to enter the tournament. She was also not Kazuya's lover, but was raped by him.
JACKs are soldiers, not robots, and look nothing like the JACKs in-game.
Yoshimitsu has no character at all: just a scary-looking guy who is apparently a puppet of Kazuya's.
Bryan Fury is simply a cyborg fighter, bad guy, and current champion.
Raven's only purpose seems to be to look like Blade, and be a good guy. He fights well, but there are no ninja moves (i.e. teleporting).
Marshall Law, Dragunov, and Eddy Gordo are made to look and fight like the characters, with no story at all. Eddy's fight with Raven is actually the best part of the movie.
Miguel Rojo just looks like a UFC fighter-- also has no story, and looks nothing like a bullfighter.
Christie is one of the good guys, just a fighter with no story at all who likes Jin and being nice. She is also completely white (NOT Brazilian), and completely incapable of fighting (the actress, not the character: some of the actors in this movie are fighters as well, but not Ms. Overton, and it shows).
Steve Fox is Jin's manager, and is too old: he talks about fighting against Jun about 20 years ago. There is also no relation with Nina.
Nina and Anna Williams are Kazuya's sex slaves who happen to know a (very) little about fighting and seem to get along with each other just fine. (WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN) Anna looks spot-on, but Nina just looks like a plastic-faced stripper in a cosplay outfit.
Summary? this movie left me pretty angry until I realized I could just forget it ever existed-- hopefully I can finish this unfinished business with a scathing review, and my soul can now rest.
Natasha (2007)
Loved it! (Okay, pretty good, honestly)
My rating (9/10) is completely subjective-- probably because I'm a single guy, and I fell in love with Jenna Harrison-- and only not a full 10 due to the soundtrack.
Objectively? Honestly, how good could a film about a Russian stripper on the run mixing with an English family drama be? The movie begins like a typical action/thriller B-movie, complete with plenty of nudity and boring, amateurish gore effects. Then the film suddenly seems to switch roles to something less like "Pray for Power" and more like "Keeping Mum," as it moves to the English countryside and a surprisingly realistic and interesting community complete with realistic and interesting problems. The Loomis family and their neighbors are much more interesting than the Russian mob and police, which quickly (and fortunately) seems to turn into a subplot, with the family drama taking center stage.
There are a few plot holes that don't really bother me, considering the caliber of movie this is, but one of the worst things that would be the easiest to fix is the terribly abrupt, porny, too-loud soundtrack; thankfully it doesn't cue in all that often.
I'll admit I was probably in a much too forgiving mood after the sheer delight of watching Jenna Harrison and Algina Lipskis. If you're a serious viewer looking for a deep, touching drama.. don't watch it-- it's not quite that good. If you're just hoping to see some cute naked girls and a flimsy plot, you'll be pleasantly surprised. To me the summary goes something like this: "Softcore-porn marketing and opening decadence trick casual viewers into watching actually good movie."