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CandideForVoltaire
Reviews
Man of the Year (2006)
I'm amazed that people find this funny
First off I'd say 95% (or more) of the jokes are recycled from other comedians. The plot is sad and tries to bash your head into the wall with the o' so subtle commentary.
The characters are annoying, one-dimensional, and sometimes their actions make no sense.
Eleanor Green is a schmuck and her actions are...*insert a thousand insults here*. "I'm conflicted about what I should do, but actually I'll just do it without thinking more than 'Wow, it's naughty that the system is messed up.' Let alone the fact that it's retarded that the computer system's bug is alphabetic preference. WHAT IN THE HELL? My company has 1,000 employees and yet none of them can write an algorithm that isn't total crap. Yes...a massive computer company can't write code to do basic addition and checking of numbers. Oh, and no testing before it went online. No, we're too important to do actual testing on our systems in-house. I don't care if it's rushed, we should have done testing other than that one night a few days before the election. Oh, and by the way this film is a sad 'thriller film' that is predictable and boring. By the way, this movie sucks." Yeah, she has a lot to say.
Don't watch it. Just...don't.
When a Stranger Calls (2006)
Oh, Dear God No
Oh, God, why? Why do they keep making crappy movies and trying to make them scary? Seriously, it's a POS. It's not scary or even interesting.
Let's see here. We have a dumb high school girl who is having guy problems and an inability to control her cell phone minutes. Added on top of this is the fact that her "best friend" kissed her boyfriend. Don't worry, it's a crappy subplot that is resolved by the friend's death (ohh...who didn't see that crap coming?) She is babysitting and spend about 10 minutes going "I wish I was rich like this. Look at these clothes, blah blah blah." Ugh, forget it, I'm just going to skip ahead. It's basically over an hour of "Hello?" *Heavy Breathing* "Hello?" *Hangs up* So just skip ahead to the ending. This is a POS. The maid and the best friend are killed off-screen and you really aren't scared or surprised by their death. The foreshadowing is beautiful, too. I don't think it's subtle enough.
Then the kids are hiding, BUT THERE IS NO REASON FOR THEM TO HIDE. THE GIRL JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE KILLER AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THE KIDS COULD HAVE HEARD HER/KNOW THE TRUTH. HELL, THEY PUT PILLOWS IN THEIR BED TO SEEM LIKE THEY ARE ASLEEP AS THEY HID IN A FREAKIN' TRUNK. GOD I HATE THIS MOVIE.
Sorry, I just finished this film and I'm just roaring with anger. The ending was terrible.
"Durrrr...we sedated the killer after we caught him, going to put him in a hospital, and put 4 cops on him." "That won't be enough." I THINK 4 COPS WILL BE ENOUGH FOR A GENERIC KILLER. HE ISN'T JASON OR ANYTHING! Then the ending. Jesus, what a piece of crap. I was so mad I turned on the commentary and I just want to find the director and make him sign a contract to never direct/produce again.
This review is random and full of anger, etc. and I know this. I just don't want anyone else making the mistake of watching this piece of crap. Stay away. Anyone who says this movie is good probably was in this film/has severe brain damage.
Syriana (2005)
It tried to do too much
My main issue with this movie was how sporadic it is. I got 98% of the movie and I enjoyed it. However, there were a lot of subplots that were meaningless and went nowhere and added nothing to the story. I wished they'd cut some of that out and put in more about the other characters.
Example: We have the whole subplot of the alcoholic/bum-like father of the investigator. What's the point in this? I know you can say it shows the blah blah blah blah blah. It's meaningless. Cut it out of the flick.
I enjoyed it, though. It was a bit long, but I thought it had some interesting points. I'd just wished the writer/director didn't have A.D.D.
Pocket Ninjas (1997)
Great!
I have never known beauty until I saw this movie. Now flowers smell sweeter, the sky is bluer, and my cocaine is whiter. When I now think of the top three greatest films of all time I'll think of The Godfather, A Clockwork Orange, and Pocket Ninjas.
The directing in this film (I use the word not in disrespect to the greatness to which is this) is above par. I have to admit I'm a little put off by the fact there aren't enough montages. It is just new film all the time in a coherent manner. I have to admit that this is a new take on filming. Maybe it'll catch on.
As for the acting? When I think of the three greatest actors I now think of Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, and the littlest pocket ninja.
Truly, I think the Academy missed a great film here. They should re-release it into the theatres (it's not like it was a straight to Laser-disc film). I think it'd sweep them all. Even best music.
Well...I'm going back into my cave, then it's back to another day of Pocket Ninja watching. This movie makes my life worth living!