eastvanman Reviews

Blood Sucking Freaks (1976)

Ralphus rules! Best evil midget ever (sorry, mini-me!)

[10/10 · 16 March 2005]

Ralphus is what makes this exploitation classic work. Even though he may not be the most imposing henchman or sidekick, he certainly delivers the goods for being the sickest, most evil midget(oh sorry, "little person") I've ever seen in a movie. Yup, even funnier than Mini-me from the Austin Powers franchise. I remember when I first saw Ralphus I burst out laughing at the deranged pleasure he took in his "work". He steals the show, in my opinion.

All of the little things that Louie De Jesus(Ralphus) does are so classic. From the way he slowly headbangs/nods while killing, to his infamous dances whenever he's excited, to his near-eternal sick grin. That boy ain't right & that's why I dig him!

Oh yeah, this IS a repulsive, misogynistic, sadistic low-budget entry into the horror/exploitation genre; an entry that many would find dated & poorly made...but that's part of it's "charm", in my opinion! Look, I know this isn't "art", but you get what you pay for with this title: lots of (bad,unrealistic) blood, definitely some sucking(so gross!) & plenty of freaks...like RALPHUS: King of Evil Midgets!

Really good commentary on the Troma DVD from Eli "Cabin Fever" Roth, too. If you liked the movie you'll probably like his track, I found it to be informative & very tongue-in-cheek at the same time.

Dead Heat (1988)

Best Zombie/Cop movie EVER!

[10/10 · 12 March 2005]

Dead Heat is one of my favourite movies. I remember seeing it opening weekend way back in 1988! I was only 12, but me & my younger brother dragged my dad to the Granville multiplex after seeing an ad on t.v. We were just expecting a good action movie with some yucks(both kinds).

Now, keep in mind, this was 1988. The whole concept of a horror movie also being funny wasn't as commonplace(or as stale) as it is now. I remember everyone in the nearly filled theater having a surprisingly fun time with this movie. We knew it was not on the same playing field as most of the major Hollywood action movies(Lethal Weapon, Die Hard)but Dead Heat managed to win over its audience with its combo of cheesy one-liners, insane(for 1988) action sequences, & truly remarkable f/x work by Steve Johnson.

A lot of people would watch Dead Heat & just shrug it off as a low-budget time waster(hey, that's part of it's charm for me) but I don't think I'm going too far to say that it deserves a 10/10 rating.

So why does it deserve a 10 out of 10 rating? Quite simply it's the only Zombie/Cop movie that I've ever seen & that means it's the best of it's kind...I think. Plus it has a kind of weird cinematic irony going for it because screenwriter Terry Black is the brother of Lethal Weapon scribe Shane Black(who also makes a cameo as a cop). This film is very much a tongue-in-cheek counterpart that huge hit of a film.

I think this was one of Vincent Price's last films too, so that right there gives it a little more allure as well(even if he's only in it for about 15 minutes). I'm really surprised no one's tried to remake this material, because with today's f/x & a committed cast/crew, this is the kind of oddity that could really make a lot of money(ie,Shaun of the Dead or Freddy vs. Jason). But who wants to remake a movie that bombed at the box office first time out? IF that EVER happens I'll be first in line with my popcorn.

If you've never seen it and decide to check it out there's a chance you'll just shake your head in disbelief at how "bad" it is, but that's the whole point. It's the very definition of the term "so bad, it's good", which is a fine line to walk for any film. So don't say you weren't warned...but I mean, come on, when was the last time you saw a GOOD Zombie/Cop movie?