miss_toucan Reviews

Crone Wood (2016)

Pretty good

[6/10 · 14 November 2023]

I'm a big fan of found footage films, but a lot of it is absolute crap. I saw that this was streaming on Prime, and the review on the cover that compared it to a cross between The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man interested me.

I quite liked this movie.

Two people who hardly know each other go off on a camping trip together. Weird things start happening and there are strange people in the woods. I can't really say much else, but I'd encourage you to give it a go if you are a fan of horror, especially found footage and folk horror.

Although I did think parts were a bit predictable, I was watching it and towards the end I had absolutely no idea how it was going to end.

It really kept my interest the entire time.

Kitchen Commando (2023– )

Surprisingly great!

[8/10 · 19 March 2023]

I LOVE Kitchen Nightmares. It's a guilty pleasure of mine and I've seen every episode a zillion times. When I saw this on Tubi, I thought it was just a Kitchen Nightmares rip off and would be some ex military guy who yells at everyone like a drill sergeant. The first episode had an introduction from Gordon Ramsay himself, so that was a positive start.

I had never heard of Chef Andre Rush, but he was not at all like I imagined. He comes across as a really caring and down to earth guy. Like Gordon did, he works on not just the restaurant and food, but changing people as well.

I'm only a few episodes in but am enjoying this. He is certainly different from Gordon Ramsay, but I am kind of enjoying this almost as much.

I really wasn't expecting to like this as much as I do. I hope the ratings are good and Tubi make a lot more episodes.

Infinite Storm (2022)

Slow and pointless- spoilers

[2/10 · 5 December 2022]

This movie didn't really go anywhere. I can't say nothing happened, but not enough happened to make it interesting. I didn't know it was based on a true story, and I kept expecting something to happen or some plot or twist to be revealed. I was thinking something like John was some sort of criminal being chased by others and they would have to fight to survive not just the mountain and the weather, but people that were after them. Then it would have actually had a story and been a thriller worth watching.

Unfortunately it wasn't anything like that. A difficult rescue, but little else.

Pam goes out into terrible weather and rescues a hiker in peril.

Why was she out there in the first place? Did I miss the part where she was actually going to look for someone that had been reported lost??? An experienced search and rescue person or experienced hiker/mountain climber would surely not venture out into weather like that for no reason.

I also thought it was strange how she was asking him if he was on drugs. Disorientation and confusion are symptoms of hypothermia, and she definitely should have been aware of that.

Naomi Watts is a great actress, but her character was written very poorly, as was the dialogue.

This movie was a huge disappointment.

I couldn't recommend it.

1899 (2022)

A total mess

[2/10 · 19 November 2022]

I really appreciate any movie or TV show that is original. Everything these days seems to be a reboot, sequel, or copy of something else. It's not often that something 'new' is made, especially in the horror genre which is my personal favourite.

This started off promising, then got weird which is not necessarily a bad thing, but then...well it didn't really go anywhere. It was just a convoluted mess.

I think the writers tried to be clever but it just didn't work for me. I kept thinking that more would be revealed and everything would make sense and I would think that it was a brilliant story, but it didn't happen. It was dragged out to 8 episodes, but not that much really happened. I know plenty of people will disagree and say that a lot happened, but I don't consider much of what was going on to have any significance to the overall story. Many elements that seemed important were never actually explained so happened for absolutely no reason, other than to lengthen the series and give the illusion of a coherent storyline.

It was just long and building up to disappointment

I take my hat off to them for trying to be different and original, but the final product just didn't work well.

The Lair (2022)

I can't overlook the ridiculous accents

[1/10 · 1 November 2022]

Even if this movie had a brilliant storyline and script, I would still rate it as a below average film. It may seem petty, but the British actors putting on southern American accents was just atrocious! They sound absolutely terrible. I was frankly embarrassed for them while watching it.

The characters are all very stereotypical as well, and very one dimensional. I realize this is not a story that requires character development, but it does help in horror movies to at least slightly care about some of the characters.

I don't want to include any spoilers so don't really want to say what it's about, but I don't think this movie is worth your time. It's just not that good.

Ash and Bone (2022)

Fake reviews have boosted the rating

[2/10 · 20 October 2022]

This really deserves maybe a 3/10 at the absolute max, but obvious fake reviews and ratings will deceive people into thinking it's worth watching. It's not.

I have nothing against low budget indie films. Unfortunately this one is simply not good. The acting is bad, the characters and the script are bad, the story is so predictable and really not that interesting. This feels like something that's been done many times before.

The final scene was just weird and out of place.

I really don't have anything positive to say about this movie. Don't waste your time with it, and definitely don't believe the 9 and 10 star ratings and reviews.

Wrong Turn (2021)

Badly named but not a bad movie

[5/10 · 9 October 2022]

I've seen a lot of reviews where people have hated this movie. The issue imo is not the movie itself, but that it is called 'Wrong Turn' and part of the 'Wrong Turn' franchise.

The other 6 movies are all about crazed inbred cannibal mountain men. That is what people expected.

This movie comes along and it's totally different. It does not fit in with the franchise at all.

People had certain expectations of a movie titled 'Wrong Turn', and this movie did not meet their expectations.

Had this been called something like 'The Foundation', I think it wouldn't have gotten so much hate from horror movie fans.

It really isn't a bad movie though.

Just watch it and don't expect it to be like the other films in the franchise.

The Midnight Club (2022)

Extremely slow and boring

[2/10 · 9 October 2022]

I have enjoyed Flanagan's other projects, so I was really looking forward to this. Unfortunately I found it to be very boring and slow.

There is a lot of dialogue, but very little happening. It is stretched out across too many episodes and could easily be condensed to maybe 3 or a single movie.

Some parts of The Haunting of Hill House, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and Midnight Mass were slow too, but they were still interesting enough to keep my attention. They always picked up though and the last couple of episodes were great, but not this one.

Although I knew that the cast were mostly teenagers, I did not realize that this was targeted at young teenagers rather than adults as I was not familiar with the novel. This to me feels like a modern adaptation of a kids after school tv show with the occasional F word thrown in. It is very different to Flanagan's other series and just not to my liking.

I still think he's talented and can't wait for The Fall of the House of Usher, but the Midnight Club isn't for me at all.

Monster (2022–2024)

Evan Peters is brilliant!

[8/10 · 21 September 2022]

I had high expectations of this. After seeing Evan Peters in AHS, I just knew he would be great in this role. He did not disappoint.

I haven't seen many docos on Dahmer so don't really know that much about his personality or demeanor, but the character that Peters portrays is complex, creepy, and just plain twisted and evil.

One of the most disturbing details of Dahmer's crimes that this series highlights is how the police ignored and dismissed witness reports, and their lack of action allowed Dahmer to stay free and kill more men.

This series is excellent. I suggest you start watching it early in the afternoon as you will want to binge watch the whole series.

Gateway (2021)

Extremely slow and boring.

[2/10 · 8 August 2022]

Spoiler alert!!

This film is about a group of small time criminals who go to an abandoned house to grow marijuana crops there. It takes about 35 minutes of nothing before anything happens.

They go into the house, and each of them starts seeing things and they all go crazy and kill themselves and/or each other.

The end.

I just saved you an 1hr and 20 minutes.

You're welcome!

I can't help but think any 10 star rating and reviews are probably from people who are friends or family members of the cast or crew.

They/Them (2022)

I really didn't think it was that bad

[5/10 · 6 August 2022]

This came out yesterday and currently has a 3/10 rating, and most of those ratings are a 1.

Unfortunately there are a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the world who are giving this movie a terrible rating or review because they don't like the title and the fact that the majority of the characters are gay or trans.

If you're one of those people, don't bother. You've already made your mind up that it's terrible so don't waste your time.

I really don't think it deserves that much hate. Ok so it wasn't the best slasher movie, and yes it was kind of predictable, but it was a good psychological thriller in my opinion.

I don't want to include spoilers, but just give it a go.

Just don't expect this to be a camp slasher movie. It is set at a camp, and there is a killer, but this is not a Friday the 13th or Sleepaway Camp style film where sexy teens get killed by a psycho. If you go into it expecting that, you'll be very disappointed.

The Bob's Burgers Movie (2022)

It's a musical :(

[2/10 · 4 August 2022]

I wouldn't have bothered watching this if I knew it was a musical. It was full of crappy songs and very long. I didn't mind Bob's Burgers, but as a feature length film, I hated it. It just really dragged on and didn't have that much happening. It seemed like this storyline could have just been an episode rather than a movie.

It was a struggle to watch for me.

Some tv shows just don't need to be made into a movie.

The Storyteller (1987–1989)

Absolutely brilliant!

[9/10 · 31 July 2022]

I remember renting these on VHS when I was a kid. I loved them then, and I love them now. I probably appreciate them more as an adult than I did when I was young.

Why more episodes weren't made is beyond me. They are such entertaining stories that everyone can enjoy.

The Snowman (2017)

Pointless details and characters.

[3/10 · 31 July 2022]

Spoiler alert- I don't understand why the characters played by Val Kilmer and J K Simmons were even in this movie.

I thought the killer would have some motivation tied into the bid for the winter games, but they didn't. The character played by J K Simmons really serves no purpose whatsoever.

Val Kilmer's character was equally pointless. He didn't really do anything at all.

The lead female played by Rebecca Ferguson had her own personal quest, which didn't tie in with the murders or plot. There seemed to be more to her story than what was in the movie.

This to me felt like a movie made from a novel that had so much of the story left out that the final product didn't really make sense or work.

I wanted to like it. I think Michael Fassbender is extremely talented. I just didn't like it.

The Highwayman (II) (2022)

Dull and painful to watch

[3/10 · 26 July 2022]

I'm not sure what age group this was made for, but I think maybe it's more for 14 year old girls rather than adults.

The story is kind of pointless. The actions of the characters (especially Elizabeth) are just annoying, and the acting is pretty poor.

You have an obnoxious female character, a pretty useless highwayman, and a villain who is kind of over the top evil. It was predictable and nothing new. The whole thing didn't work for me.

I watched it as it was rated over 7, but IMDB is just so full of fake reviews and ratings these days that the rating doesn't really mean much anymore.

This is definitely not a 9 or 10 star movie, unless you are buddies with he director or one of the main actors.

I wouldn't bother with this one.

Death Spa (1988)

Ok but so corny!

[3/10 · 16 July 2022]

This might have been ok if the death scenes weren't so ridiculous. The acting is really bad, and the death and injury scenes are so corny that they are quite funny...but it's not a comedy.

It's a bit of a fun watch but not a great film.

The Frankenstein Theory (2013)

Not too bad

[5/10 · 27 June 2022]

I found this to be a bit more interesting than some of the other documentary style found footage films I've seen. The story is basically about a descendant of the real Dr Frankenstein trying to prove that there really is a monster, and that the novel was not really a work of fiction as everyone believes it to be. He has made it his life's work and is obsessed with proving his theory. No one really believes him and think he's nuts (including his wife), but a documentary crew led by a personal friend of his follow him to Canada where he is convinced he will find the monster.

I've seen some really negative reviews about this film, but I don't think it's too bad.

South Park: South Park: The Streaming Wars (2022) Season 25, Episode 7

I love South Park but...

[4/10 · 4 June 2022]

I just didn't love this. I'm not sure why it needed to be a special instead of just an episode.

Frankly, I'm sick of Tegridy Farms. I'm actually kind of sick of Randy being such a prominent character. I miss Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny being the main characters. That's what the whole show was. And I like Randy, but there's nothing new being presented to the viewer. Just more of the same old stuff.

This just didn't have many laughs at all.

I was so excited to see it, but was disappointed.

The Child (1977)

Incredibly boring low budget horror

[1/10 · 14 May 2022]

This was a really boring and stupid movie. It really didn't have anything going for it at all.

The acting was bad. The story was bad.

I would not recommend this movie. I was falling asleep watching it.

Freddy's Nightmares: It's a Miserable Life (1988) Season 1, Episode 2

Just awful

[1/10 · 10 May 2022]

The first episode wasn't too bad but this was absolute garbage.

It was also very long and dragged out. It could have easily been condensed into half the running time which may have made it more bearable.

Beneath Still Waters (2005)

Absolutely shocking acting

[2/10 · 6 May 2022]

The storyline was ok I guess but the acting is just awful.

There is zero talent in this film, and the script is terrible.

It could have been much better.

Scarecrows (1988)

I love this movie

[7/10 · 1 May 2022]

This is low budget but the atmosphere the film makers created is just so creepy and perfect for this type of horror film. The music and the dark fields make it very eerie and suspenseful.

No one in this film is going to win an academy award, but I think the acting is pretty good considering it's low budget and an 80s horror film.

I saw this when I was young and have loved it ever since.

The Grudge (2019)

All over the place

[2/10 · 30 April 2022]

For me, there were too many individual character's stories going on with different timelines, so while I could follow it, it just didn't flow well and I didn't really enjoy watching it.

Some films work well when the events are not shown in chronological order, but this just isn't one of them.

I just couldn't get into it at all.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Crackpot (1957) Season 2, Episode 15

Probably the weakest episodes of season 2

[3/10 · 23 April 2022]

This was a real let down.

The plot and twist at the end were really quite silly.

Spoiler alert- I can't recall which episode it was, but I'm sure I recently watched an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents with a very similar plot twist- the antagonist was actually a police officer who was undercover to get a criminal to confess.

It's pretty far fetched and not very clever.

This is definitely one of the worst episodes of season 2.

Hoodman (2021)

One of the worst examples of fake reviews I've ever seen on IMDB

[1/10 · 23 April 2022]

Check out the other films the people who have it a 10 star review have also reviewed. They are the same 6 movies lol! And the reviewers have just cut and paste their reviews. They are just fake. There are unfortunately a lot of them, but trust me- this is crap and the positive reviews are lies! You know a movie must be bad when they need fake reviews to make it look good.

Seriously...any of you fake reviewers out there reading this should be ashamed.

IMDb is an awesome resource and you are destroying it and making it unreliable >:(

I watched this as it had a fairly good rating, but it was terrible.

The acting was bad, the story was boring. The 'hoodman' urban myth just wasn't interesting.

It was a serious struggle to even get through it.

It did not even really make sense.

Spoilers-

A woman and her baby have a car accident. She wakes up in hospital to find out that the baby is dead. She doesn't believe this, and believes that her son was taken by an urban legend called 'The Hoodman'. Other people's children have gone missing over the years too...but the police officer showed her photos of her dead son. He wasn't missing. He died!

Perhaps if the baby had gone missing and the police suspected that she had done something with him, it would have made more sense for her to pursue this 'hoodman' who actually abducted him. But that wasn't the case, so the whole storyline about a woman looking for her missing son is kind of ridiculous. There's a huge difference between a missing child and a dead one whose body has been recovered.

I thought at the end this might be explained, and it turned out she was just crazy all along or maybe she did kill the baby and made up the 'hoodman' as a way of dealing with what she had done, but that didn't happen.

Also, every movie I've seen that features an urban myth at least makes an attempt to explain the origins of that myth or more about it. This didn't even really try.

Don't bother with this one.