mitchel1986 Reviews

Argylle (2024)

Oh my this is a bad one

[2/10 · 27 March 2024]

I went in with no expectations. Just hoping for a nice popcorn flick. Well, this was something else.

The standards are quite low in Hollywood these days, and looking at recent Netflix cashgrabs no actor seems too sad about filling his or her pockets. The line-up is pretty decent, but don't get your hopes up. The story is really weird. As in really weird. There a lots of twists and turns, but they all feel forced. Action scenes are loaded with CGI, but it doesn't seem to matter how that actually looks these days. As long as you can drive over rooftops with a jeep...you're fine.

In Kingsman, Vaughn created a perfect balance between action and comedy. In Argylle, the attempts at comedy are just pathetic. Not a single laugh was given by me in 2 hours.

So, if you don't believe me. If you think I'm too cynical, too negative. See for yourself and wait untill the ice-skating begins. Just wait for that, and all doubt towards my review will be forgotten.

Family Switch (2023)

Funny at times, but very predictable and American

[6/10 · 1 December 2023]

I love Ed Helms, and he certainly has his moments in this movie. The family dynamics is okay, the girl from Wednesday is great and the baby/dog situation is hilarious.

That having said, the formula is very predictable. So basically the only way to understand your kids/parents is to become them, according to Hollywood. And miss Gardner knows best, since this is her second time.

What also bothers me, and not for the first time, is the lack of realism. And I know, it's a movie. But still.

Living in an amazingly large house, with a huge Christmas tree and at least 2 cars is probably average in the USA. Having a baby with 0 impact on your life (as a dad of 2 babies, I find it very hard to believe that a baby conveniently stays with a neighbor, like all the time, so you can sleep an entire night, go to work, go out etc. I would love to see the recipe of that life) seems very unlikely to me.

And of course, EVERYTHING turns out to be okay at the end of this movie (hello Hollywood). Because we don't want to give the impression that's it's okay to not get selected, or get a promotion.

After a week of clear blue skies and sunny LA days, it suddenly snows (wait, what?) because hey, it's convenient for the mood of the movie.

And, as always, the perfect family ends with similar pyjama's.

So yeah, too full of cliches and conveniences for my part. But also funny at times. See for yourself

Too short? Oh my it has to be longer. So please go see Oppenheimer.

Murder Mystery 2 (2023)

Hollywood mediocrity at its finest

[4/10 · 3 April 2023]

Murder Mystery was not a good film. Mediocre in every sense. Murder Mystery 2 is the same.

Adam Sandler is just himself. A little bit gross with a shabby beard. Always an oversized t-shirt to cover the chubbiness, and loud. So loud.

Jen is herself as well. By direct instructions from Hollywood, a botox infused face where every emotion is surgically replaced for plastic. Never funny, never interesting.

A quick cash grab for Adam, Jen and Netflix. Perfectly reflecting todays volatile and shallow society.

To make the word count, please allow me to recommend Im Westen Nichts Neues if you want to recover your braincells after watching this.

The Sandman (2022– )

It's good, but sometimes feels like a weekend in Amsterdam

[7/10 · 6 September 2022]

This is a good, fun and interesting series. I had no idea what to expect, but it keeps you entertained. Not all episodes are that good...but overal a very interesting and unique story. The lead actor is great, although he did take some acting lessons from Batman (that voice).

But....

It. Emphasizes. Woke.

Good heaven. So I'm Dutch, and we are considered to be open minded. We have the Pride, a LBtHQRTFD (I lost track) festival where everything is allowed. But this series takes it too far. There is not a single heterosexual relationship. Let me be clear, I think you need to be who you want to be. But per usual, when society has a moral debate (minorities, racism, wole). Hollywood fantasyland fails miserably by exaggarating by miles. Missed the mark completely. And it distracts.

American Underdog (2021)

Solid 7 (add 3 points if you are a US citizin)

[7/10 · 6 September 2022]

Yes, its cliche. But its an honest, heartwarming story...and not a Michael Bay-style US flag waving kinda way. I personally don't really care about American Football, so for me it was very interesting to learn about this story. Also, its fun to see how big this sport is in the US and how people 'live' for it. Even though it's not your sport, give this a try! Zach is a nice, decent actor. Anna is a little annoying (whats up with that hair?). Overall a nice Sunday afternoon watch.

I do find it very cute that you can become 'World Champion' in a national (!!) championship. Oh America, you never disappoint :)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Great fun, just watch

[8/10 · 22 February 2022]

Poor storyline? Yes! Flat, unlikable characters? Sure! With the emphasis on unlikable. Predictable? Also

But, you knew that right? That all these ingredients would be there. Still, go watch this movie. I assure you the bus-scene and the ending will make it worth you while.

Something About Love (2021)

Ashamed to be Dutch

[1/10 · 31 January 2022]

This is a bad, pathetic movie. Cheesy storyline, fair enough. But the acting...oh my god. Even for Dutch standard (which are quite low to be fair), this is beyond terrible. Avoid this at all costs.

This is not even a high school play.

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

Most American movie ever made

[2/10 · 29 November 2021]

Forget everything you know about Michael Bay and Rocky, the Kranks is THE most American movie ever made.

The message of this movie is that you should NEVER make your own choices or pursue individual dreams. Instead you MUST obey to the rules of the community. The oh so holy American community.

Never have I seen a mother react so over the top as Ms Curtis towards her daughter leaving for a few months. She, and the entire community, await here arrival as if she is Jesus himself.

I pity Luther for just wanting a break from marketing-driven over-sentimental US Christmas.

Oh right, and spending 6000 on (one??) Christmas day is obviously very normal.

Night Teeth (2021)

Dracula lives in Beverly Hills

[3/10 · 24 October 2021]

What a mess. What a weak mess. Plot was written by a 9-year old. 2 bad ass vampire girls and a naïve schoolboy go off on an adventure. The dynamics between the 3 really suck. After 10 minutes the point is clear: vampires are awesome, hot and can fight like John Wick. Men is weak and naïve. Especially the blonde vampire b*tch is pathetically bad. I have absolutely no idea why she acted with so much arrogance? Lots of dark scenes to cover up low production value. And poor Alfie, after GoT Hollywood wil never cast him as good guy. I liked him here, although he had little screen time.

One of the last scenes summarizes the arrogance of the writers/producers perfectly. A story told somewhere in L. A. suburbia, where we are to believe that the epic battle between vampires and men takes place. Has been taking place for centuries. So, yeah, you are definitely allowed to state that "the whole world has changed". Damn, I know that in the US of A people are thought not to think outside US borders, but this is a new level or arrogance.

Avoid.

Beckett (2021)

Ignore all negative (probably US) reviews!!

[9/10 · 15 August 2021]

The first thing my girlfriend and I said to each other after watching is this was "why all the negative reviews"?? I'm guessing they either did not see this actual movie, don't care about storylines not taking place in the US or any country the US is or was in war with, or just can't stand Denzel Junior.

That having said, this is just a good movie! Exciting, entertaining, some twists here and there. Kept me entertained all the way! Just ignore the nay sayers and see for yourself!

Escape Room (II) (2017)

This does not count as a movie

[1/10 · 27 November 2018]

So there actually is a group of people, producers/actors/writers, who consider this movie to be ok? Why in God's name would anyone attach his or her name to this production?

• What actually counts as an accomplishment is that the start of this movie, the dialogue, is so incredibly boring...as if the production teams does not want you to view further
• Random LA B-actor casting agency did it's job by selecting pretty, stupid, empty 'actors'
• Nothing is fun in this movie; the puzzles are stupid, you never feel involved as a viewer; no scares, no gore...just an empty shell
• There is no clue WHY things happen as they happen, no explanation, no satisfaction, terrible ending

This list can go on and on

I keep wondering why these movies are allowed to be made. Who gives money for this? How come people involved in this production set the bar so, so low. Shame on you!

This movie is an insult to viewers and MUST be avoided at all costs

Slender Man (I) (2018)

This not a movie, it's a disgrace

[1/10 · 16 October 2018]

Slender Man is not a movie, it's a highschool project gone wrong. Very wrong...

Think about this. Somewhere in the final production process of this movie, there was a moment where people (director, producers, actors) decided: yes, this is it! This is ok! This is something we can show people. They actually looked at the final cut and were satisfied. I don't know whether this is a Hollywood thing, an American thing, a 21st century thing...but how on earth can we justify this as an 'ok movie'? This movie is so cring-worthy, so bad, so so bad...avoid this as the plague!

Acting: bad Scenes: dark, so so dark Screaming and crying: a lot Scary: not in the slightest Story: oh my god... Is a rondom youtube clip better? yes!

Geostorm (2017)

Gives you exactly what it promises...nothing more and nothing less

[7/10 · 22 October 2017]

Geostorm is a disaster movie made in Hollywood. So yes, ALL the ingredients which can be expected, are there:

• The US leading and international space program (yes, with China)

• There is a bad guy in the US government

• The good guy is a loner who lives somewhere off the grid

• Cheesy lines everywhere ("that's my fiancé" and " I am the president of the US" making the top 5)

• Lot's of explosions, water, collapsing buildings and casualties nobody really cares about

• An Asian guy with glasses...who dies

• The good guy making a brave decision to save the world which will definitely get him killed

• The good guy not getting killed (oh Hollywood, you surprise me again)

• A cheesy love story

• A crying kidd

• Misplaced humor (it will make you cringe now and then)

• Improbable scenes (a stadium blowing up by lightening? A space-shuttle being able to attach a satellite which came in VERY handy at the end)

• And, of course, people in a control room being sad that the hero died...and then being happy that he survived...completely ignoring the (probably) millions of casualties all over the world

But who gives a F? You know what to expect, just enjoy it. Don't complain about all of the above, you knew it was going to be in there didn't you?

Complaining about this movie is just like complaining that an oatmeal cookie is the result of ingredients for an oatmeal cookie.

With these ingredients put in the Hollywood oven...this is the result. Just enjoy it for what it is, don't complain about what it's not...it was never going to get more than this!

Home Again (2017)

The very essence of a bad movie

[1/10 · 16 October 2017]

It's beyond comprehension how bad this movie is. Yes, that's an exaggeration...but this is a review so I'm allowed to exaggerate a little bit right?

I saw this at a sneak preview. During the break, when 80% of the people had already left the theater, people started clapping their hands out of misery...wondering why they were there.

Story: three young movie makers to be crash at Reese Witherspoons (guest)house, while they play with the big boys of Hollywood to turn their short movie into a big one. In the meantime, they fill the void in Reese's life in terms of sex, cooking, nannying and ICTing.

And THIS is why this movie should me avoided at all costs:

• Flat, one-dimensional characters

• A brainfart of a story

• A typical unrealistic Hollywood fantasy without any comedy

• What's up with all the sitting around the table and laughing scenes?

• A fat Martin Sheen in a stupid role (this one doesn't really count but it bothered me)

• How in EARTHS name does Reese pay for things? It's daddy's house, OK. But how does she pay for all her sh*t? Going out to dinner with friends, having a macbook, raising two kids and driving a bl**dy Volvo XC90 T6? Without a (steady) job?? Only in Hollywood fantasyland!

I wonder what the target group for this movie is. Here, in Holland, we are way too 'down to earth' for these kind of movies (yes, that's a flaw too).

And for all of you calling this 'lighthearted' and 'sweet', shame on you! By allowing yourself to believe that THIS is an OK movie, we as audience set the bar sub-zero for Hollywood bag boy's.

It's forgettable, utter rubbish and it hurts the eyes (to end with exaggeration again).

Girls Trip (2017)

Cringworthy The Movie

[1/10 · 5 October 2017]

One of the worst movies I've ever seen. Period.

Nothing but flat, unimaginative, repetitive, cringe-worthy scenes glued together.

The story is absolutely terrible. Four women: the Queen (who's is kinda done), Mrs Smith (who is really too old for this movie), the Party girl (who over-acts in every scene) and Ryan (who's emotional scenes are worse than a school play and who's voice cuts through steel). Going on an trip, to have a good time, to fight, to get back together and to happily live ever after.

There is NOTHING new to this story. Nothing interesting. Nothing funny. Really...nothing...funny. Just stereotyping. A lot of stereotyping. And what is the added value of all the 'blackwashing' in this movie? I don't get that at all.

In conclusion: every, bloody, second of this movie is so cringe worthy, so annoying on so many different levels...as if the makers and actors really tried to make a s*cky, boring movie.

Shame on you! Avoid as the plague

The Man with the Iron Heart (2017)

Entertaining, informative and original

[8/10 · 2 October 2017]

Watched this movie at a sneak preview last night, and I enjoyed it!

The assassination of Obergruppenfuhrer of the SS Reinhard Heydrich is a story worth telling. Several movies did (in some way); Operation Daybreak (1975), Lidice (2011) and the more recently released Anthropoid (2016). HHhH chose a slightly different angle, in twofold. The first part of the movie centers around Heydrich and his rise to power. The second part focuses on his assassination, told from the viewpoint of the Czech resistance, Jozef Gabcik and Jan Kubis in particular. The first part is slow, prioritizing character development. The second part is faster, making it a completely different (and original!) movie.

I read some negative reviews complaining about the two movies in one structure. I understand, it feels a little unsatisfied and rushed at times. Rosamund Pikes character as Heydrichs wife is not used to its full potential in my opinion, and some details are left out of the story (Kubis did not actually commit suicide but was fatally wounded and died in the hospital, not only Gabcik but they both shot at Heydrich in the car…etc). Nevertheless, I found in highly entertaining, informative and original. And the casting of Stephen Graham as Himmler is beyond scary.

Well worth a watch! Makes you at least want to know more about this very interesting story when you leave the theater.

One more thing, we should stop comparing present day Nazi characters in movies with the representation of Ralph Fiennes' Amon Goeth in Schindler's List. It just unfair :)

47 Meters Down (2017)

Solid, entertaining movie keeps you entertained until the very end, and IGNORE the dive experts please

[8/10 · 4 June 2017]

OK, so this movie was quite nice! I saw it at a sneak preview, had no expectations and was surprised in a positive way. Its no Oscar-winner, the constant moaning of the girls kinda irritated me a few times but overall...scary, but not in an 'average shark movie' way, some nice twist and just fun!

So why this kinda dull review? Well, I read a lot of reviews on IMDb, never feel the urge to write one. But there is something with IMDb reviews which bothers the hell out of me. Allow me:

There is this guy here (he must be so much fun at parties), who wrote a review presenting 14 reasons or so, why the diving in this movie was impossible/not logical/not realistic or whatever. Therefore, the movie received one star. This bothers me. Why? Allow me again:

So, I do not dive, but I teach at University. Not really movie material, but let's say a movie is made about the life of a University teacher (why would you do that you ask? good question). Let's say in this movie, ALL details about the very complex and technical nature of ' University teacher' are impossible/not logical/not realistic. But, the movie is fun and entertaining. Why, oh why in Gods name, would I feel the urge to write a review to correct all these 'mistakes' related to something I happen to be an expert in?

In other words, why do so many reviewers here feel this urge to correct the impossible/not logical/not realistic with regard to something they happen to know a lot of? Just enjoy the movie (or not, if its s*cky), but over-analyzing it from your 'expert view'? To be honest, most of us don't really care about that and just want to enjoy the movie...

Need for Speed (2014)

Don't expect this one to go to the Oscar's, just enjoy the ride

[8/10 · 19 July 2014]

Yes, the storyline is kind of crappy at times. Yes, Micheal Keaton's character was maybe a bit annoying. No, they did use actual super cars (obviously) so car-loving nitpickers will probably find 1001 technical and visual errors in this movie. Yes, there were some plot holes (obviously).

WHO CARES?? This is a movie about fast cars, action, some cheap one-liners, a hot girl, revenge and beautiful scenery. AND I LOVED IT FOR BEING JUST THAT.

If you go to a movie called NEED FOR SPEED (regardless of being familiar with the video games) you should know you are in for all the above, nothing less and nothing more.

Aaron Paul is cool (no he is not only Jesse from BB and no he will not be able to carry the lead in a Scorsese epic, but he is perfect for this one), Imogen Poots is beautiful and funny (at times) without being bitchy or arrogant (as e.g. Megan Fox) which is refreshing. Action is fast and smooth. Story is predictable yet satisfying.

So, stop b*tching about its flaws...its obvious they're out there. It's exactly what you could expect and still a lot of fun.

Just enjoy the ride!

The Strain (2014–2017)

Don't jump the gun, see and judge for yourself and conclude it is crap

[4/10 · 18 July 2014]

First, I don't understand how people could give 10 or 1 star after watching one episode, just give it time. That having said...kind of disappointed by the first episode. This review is based on only 1 episode.

GOOD Some scary moment which play out well. Storyline looks OK, enough questions to be answered. Good ambiance, good visuals. Modern vampires might work out refreshing.

BAD Writing is really, really bad. Many clichés (cheating man works too hard, old man knows stuff but gets ignored, CDC worker turns out to be the 'bad' guy just in time etc.). Acting is just mediocre at best.

But the very worst thing about this first episode is that the writers were too lazy (or stupid) to do some basic research into CDC procedures:

• Entering plane = wear protective suits. Everybody is dead? Just handle all cargo and bodies without suits. Right...

• A COFFIN FULL OF DIRT IS DISCOVERED AND THEY DO NOT PUT THAT ORGANIC SH*T INTO QUARANTINE??? GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE! AN EIGHT YEAR OLD WRITES BETTER STORIES

• An autopsy of bodies (which are not in a cooler, why would they be?) by one man (sure...) without a suit (why need that?)is not allow to tell anything (how does ONE man of the CDC gets to decide that?)

• And then there were zombies...of course there were zombies. Man, I've seen better zombies in a school play.

Nope, I won't be watching. So many quality TV series to watch, this is not one of them.

BTW. One of the reviewers here mentioned this series to be 'breathtaking'. Really? Breathtaking? As in, you watch this first episodes and you literally can not breath because it is so, so good? Oh man, I don't even...just...really??