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Reviews
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Better than BATMAN AND ROBIN but worse than BATMAN FOREVER
This movie was Halle Berry presents a Halle Berry production of Halle Berry's X-Men starring Halle Berry with special guest appearance by The X-Men.
First of all, they ruined several major characters. They killed Xavier, Cyclops, and Jean Grey, then turned Magneto, Rogue, and Mystique into powerless humans. Cyclops didn't even get an on-screen death, and it seems like they killed Xavier and Cyclops simply so Halle Berry could become the new leader of the X-Men. Removing the powers of mutants is also a cop-out, since it takes away a good deal of their struggle that defines them as characters. "Life's too hard with your mutant lifestyle? Just change!" With mutants being likened more and more to homosexuals, it's almost admitting that there's something "wrong" with both groups that should be cured if it isn't convenient for them. Another cop-out was suggesting that Magneto might get his powers back and Xavier transferred his consciousness into that comatose guy. Lame. If you've got the cahones to kill of a character, stick to your guns and keep them dead. Of course, Marvel's never been too good about keeping heroes in the grave.
I'll end on a positive note. There was some awesome action in this movie. Wolverine and Beast did not disappoint, and the acting (by most parties) wasn't abysmal. Watch it if you're not an avid fan of the comics and want to see some decent action. Overall, I'm giving it a 3 out of 10.
Mansquito (2005)
"Stop, Mansquito!" No, really. Please stop.
Where to begin with Mansquito? How about "4 hours of crap in a 1 and a half hour bag?" Even if that doesn't make any sense, it's pretty accurate for the movie. My theory is that the Director's Cut of this wonderful film will make so much more sense because the original movie was so long all of the "good scenes" were removed to fit it in its two hour with commercial slot. Questions like "Why does the Mansquito kill?" "Why were scientists making a serum that would turn people into giant mosquitoes?" and "How did the Mansquito's tiny little wings get him air born?" I think the biggest question I had was why they killed the young hot chick and left the "aging beauty" to be the eye candy of the movie, but I digress. In a nutshell, this was a movie about a criminal who gets turned into a giant bug and has the power to make people not run away or even move while he kills them to drink their precious lifeblood. Corin Nemec, of Parker Lewis fame, is the "hero" of the movie, whose girlfriend or wife or mistress or whatever also starts turning into a giant bug. Apparently Parker Lewis CAN lose. Through the course of the movie, Nemec solves the mystery and ends up being completely worthless as his woman ends up saving the day by frying herself and the Mansquito in one fell swoop. See, I thought we'd already established that "giant insects" can't scientifically exist because of the way they breathe through holes in their exoskeleton that, if they were large enough, would make them incredibly structurally unsound. This movie is the reason I don't watch "Sci-Fi originals" ever.
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
AVP - I can't think of a better meaning for the acronym
What can I say about Aliens Vs Predator that hasn't already been said about a well-placed kick in the groin? From the moment the credits rolled, everyone in the audience began to wonder just how many times the movie would rip off THE MATRIX. Sure enough, the credits scrolled down MATRIX-SCRIPT style, even if they did use the Predator's original alphabet. With no real appealing characters and even fewer appealing fight scenes, the movie was a colossal let-down. On an up-note, at least it wasn't written and directed by Uwe Boll. Generally, any movie that makes me frustrated that all carbon-based lifeforms haven't been wiped into extinction yet should get a 0 out of 10 rating from me, or even a negative score if the rating system allows it, but such is not the IMDb way. If I could offer any advice to the world, it would be to avoid ALIEN VS PREDATOR. If I could offer any advice to the makers of ALIEN VS PREDATOR it would be don't breed and don't make any more movies.