tomok97 Reviews

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

As Good As The First One

[7/10 · 11 July 2008]

Hellboy II: The Golden Army opens (as most comic book movies do) with a back-story. In ancient times there was a war between humans and a magical, invisible realm. This fantastical kingdom led by King Balor creates an army of golden soldiers. (Think Lord Of The Rings meets Transformers.) However, this army is too powerful and, since they aren't human, they ruthlessly slaughter every enemy on the battlefield yielding no quarter. King Balor, realizing the error of his ways, forms a truce with mankind. Man can have the cities and his kingdom will live in the forest and shadows. Flash forward several centuries and King Balor's son, Prince Nuada, wishes to break this truce and wage war on humans. But first he must usurp his father's throne and then reassemble the mystical crown that will allow him to regain control of the Golden Army.

If you're eyes haven't glazed over after reading all that, then you'll love this movie.

Guillermo del Toro returns as director for Hellboy II and it's safe to say that this movie would quickly disintegrate without him. As strong as Ron Perlman's performance as Hellboy is, it would be a wasted effort without the love and care that del Toro obviously has for this world. Del Toro allegedly passed on directing a number of very high profile films (I Am Legend, Halo, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) in order to return to Hellboy. He clearly has a great deal of love for this universe. As evidenced in the first Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth, del Toro loves creating and filming unusual creatures. This being a sequel, the budget is higher and every penny of it appears to be on the screen.

Ron Perlman has a blast in the roll of Hellboy - the candy-eatin', cigar chompin', cat-lovin' spawn of Satan. Much of the humor in the Hellboy franchise comes from the incongruity between the way these characters look and the way they act. They may look like they're from the bowels of Hell, but the love cartoons and kitty-cats, classic literature and Barry Manilow. As tough or creepy or scaly as they might be, they have quirks and foibles just like everyone else. To quote the bard: "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?" Of course, let's not give the film too much credit by dragging Shakespeare into all this. At the end of the day, this is just a movie about big monsters punching bigger monsters. But, thanks to del Toro, it's fascinating to look at and it's briskly paced.

Doug Jones returns as Abe Sapien, a fish like humanoid that has to wear a sort of reverse scuba gear when leaving water. In the first film, Jones played the physical part but, at the studios request, the voice was dubbed in by David Hyde Peirce. The studio figured that DHP was a bigger star and would be able to help better promote the film. However, DHP was so impressed at what Jones brought to the character without words that he declined a credit for the film and refused to do any press for the movie. He so wanted to honor Doug Jones performance that he even tried to emulate his manner of speaking when he recorded his dialogue. This time Abe is all Doug Jones. While Jones does a fine job, sometimes his performance (with his slight frame, overly polite manner and British accent) is a little overly reminiscent of C3PO.

Abe falls in love with Princes Nuala, Prince Nuada's twin sister. They have a sort of Corsican Brothers relationship where if one is caused pain the other will feel it too. The twins also seem to have a, shall we say, "close" relationship. This is never overtly addressed (so don't let it stop you from bringing the kids), but it is certainly an underlying element of their relationship. And, really, if there is one thing that America has been clamoring for when it comes to our summer blockbusters, it's more incestuous subtext.

The action pieces are fast and furious in this film but nothing ground breaking. Hellboy fights a big monster, Hellboy fights a really big monster and, just to keep it fresh, Hellboy fights a lot of little monsters.

For all of Hellboy's inventiveness, whether it be as a comic book or on the big screen, it's never really resonated with me personally. But it has a legion of fans (no pun intended) and they certainly won't be disappointed by this outing.

On a 2008 summer super-hero scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Iron Man and 1 being Hancock, Hellboy II: The Golden Army gets a 7.

Meet Dave (2008)

One of Eddie Murphy's worst movies

[3/10 · 11 July 2008]

Let's start with what was good…um, well…I got a really good parking space. Seriously. A really good parking space. And this was at The Esquire. If you've been there then you know what an accomplishment that was.

Now, on to the rest of the movie.

Not since Police Academy 7: Mission To Moscow has a movie so short felt so long.

In Meet Dave a crew of tiny aliens (space not illegal) pilot a spaceship that has the form of a human. Eddie Murphy plays both Dave (the ship) and the captain of the ship. They are sent to Earth to steal our water essentially destroying our planet to save their own.

The only enjoyment that I got from this film was listing in my head all the other movies it was ripping off.

• A person not totally in control of his body – Liar, Liar (and for those of us over 30 All Of Me) • Main character with a tin ear toward American society – Coming To America • Incredibly tiny characters lost in our world of "giants" – Honey, I Shrunk The Kids • Eddie Murphy in space – Pluto Nash • Eddie Murphy piloting a device that he can't completely control – Best Defense • Character attempting to prove that they saw an "other worldly" creature – Splash • A cast of wacky characters piloting a human body – Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex

I'd recommend turning it into a drinking game but I fear for your safety. They even trotted out the cast lip-synching to the oldies over the closing credits.

As Dave makes his way through New York City, the aliens that operate him see how wonderful humans can be and learn to give up their alien ways and become more like us. Unfortunately, "more like us" means that the "repressed black guy" became a "sassy black guy" and the "repressed gay guy" became a "sassy gay guy". Apparently there is something about our culture that brings out the stereotypes in people.

There's nothing about this movie that isn't derivative of another film. It's almost as if they took the scripts from the previously mentioned films, threw them in the air and then randomly picked up pages off the floor and incorporated them into this movie.

And, as if the movie wasn't already crass enough, early in the film there is a three minute product placement for Old Navy that has all the subtlety of a Ron Popiel infomercial.

In the ultimate irony, the movie is co-written by Bill Corbett writer and voice of Crow T. Robot on Mystery Science Theater 3000. If that show was still on the air, he could make a good living churning out dreck like this and then making fun of it on MST3K...like a snake eating its own tail.

There are other people in this film (many of them talented) but they will remain unnamed here for much the same reason that most major newspapers won't reveal the identity of rape victims.

On a "Family Friendly Eddie Murphy " scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Nutty Professor and 1 being The Adventures Of Pluto Nash, Meet Dave gets a 3.

Hancock (2008)

A lackluster blockbuster

[4/10 · 2 July 2008]

Hancock is like communism: a great idea on paper but it in the end, it's just doesn't work.

Hancock (played by Will Smith) is a ne'er-do-well superhero. Sure, he'll save the day but he'll most likely do millions of dollars worth of damage in the process. He's drunk, sloppy and surly (my three favorite dwarfs). When Hancock happens to rescue P.R. man Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman) from an oncoming train, Embrey decides to repay him by focusing his marketing skills on Hancock.

In a running gag, Hancock has an aversion to being called a certain insulting term (Hint: it ends with "hole"). Every time he hears it, he feels compelled to react to the person using the word. What's that you say? As a matter of fact, it is just like Marty McFly in Back To The Future II & III. It was a silly plot device then and it's a silly plot device now.

This movie feels like three different films cobbled together. There's the "funny" Hancock, there's the "grim and gritty" Hancock and there's the "action/adventure" Hancock. Any of them could have worked…none of them did.

Movies of this sort often create their own rules when it comes to the physical laws of nature. But if a film is going to do that, those rules need to remain consistent. At one point Hancock begins to lose his powers. But while this makes him no longer invulnerable he still posses his super strength. At another point, Hancock throws a child what must have been at least a mile in the air (and this is the "funny" Hancock, by the way) and catches him while standing still. In the real world, even if Hancock would have caught him he would have, at best, broken the kid's back. In a movie with a lighter tone, perhaps a Spiderman movie, this wouldn't be too much of a problem. But Hancock wants to be somewhat grounded in reality. Hancock is facing multiple lawsuits, he's wanted by the police but they have no real way to apprehend him because of his superpowers, when he lands at full speed he destroys the pavement. So when they completely break with reality for a cheap joke, it rings hollow.

What little positive there is in this film comes from Will Smith and Jason Bateman. Smith and Bateman have real chemistry and it's a shame they weren't given something better to work with. While Bateman isn't really a big enough star to haggle over the screenplay quality of a summer tent pole picture, Will Smith most certainly is.

For a screenplay that's supposedly been floating around Hollywood for over a decade, this movie seems hastily made. If you've ever wanted to see a superhero film without a super-villain, here's your chance. (And you might want to hurry because judging by the quality of this movie, I'm guessing it's your last chance.) I'm not really sure who this movie is for. It's too dark for younger kids and too juvenile for adults.

The special effects are overly cartoonish. On more than one occasion, the director tries to hide substandard effects by having the camera move in a shaky, jerky fashion.

Hancock is a mess.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Men In Black and 1 being Wild, Wild West, Hancock gets a 4.

Wanted (2008)

A hyper-violent thrill ride (in a good way)

[7/10 · 2 July 2008]

Wesley Gibson (played by James McAvoy) has been beat down by life at the ripe old age of 26. He hates his job, he hates his boss and when he catches his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend, he doesn't even have the nerve to stand up for himself. So imagine his surprise when it turns out that his long lost father is a super-powered member of a secret guild for assassins and Wesley has inherited his powers. Wesley is so adept with weapons that not only can he (literally) shoot the wings off of flies; he can do it on his first attempt.

It's at this point that Wesley meets up with Fox (played by Angelina Jolie). She introduces him to a world where the rules no longer apply to him. He's above the law as long as he's a member of this assassin's guild called "The Fraternity." Wanted is based on a controversial comic of the same name written by Mark Millar. It will be hard to believe for those that see the movie without having read the comic book, but the film is actually toned down. "The Fraternity" has their own code of ethics. They are doing what they feel is right and are unconcerned with and unapologetic for any collateral damage.

They train Wesley in the ways of their world: special baths that accelerate healing, the power to slow down their perception of time (thereby increasing their own reaction time) and the ability to bend the trajectory of bullets. And let's be honest, it looks pretty damn cool. Tooling around Chicago in Dodge Viper, killing bad guys and using Angelina Jolie to make your ex-girlfriend jealous makes for a fun Friday night in my book.

"The Fraternity" teaches Wesley an odd mixture of slavish devotion to the group, fate and sense of elitism masquerading as individuality. Think of it as Fight Club meets The Matrix by way of Ayn Rand. Eventually, "The Fraternity's" true nature is exposed and Wesley is forced to choose between those three things. He chooses individuality and takes on "The Fraternity" single-handedly in a final showdown. I apologize if you consider that a spoiler, but that's pretty much the standard story arc of movies like this, so I don't feel it's to terribly revealing. Wanted, at its core, is an adolescent revenge fantasy. But it's a slickly made one.

James McAvoy is an inspired choice as Wesley, a much harder role than it would appear. Wesley needs to be convincing as both a put-upon office drone AND as tough-guy super-assassin. McAvoy deftly handles both ends of that spectrum, and also manages the transition between the two.

It would be easy to say that Angelina Jolie is wasted as she has very little dialogue. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Apparently she personally cut many of her own lines in an effort to make the character of Fox more mysterious. Mission accomplished. She conveys so much through her silent reactions that when she does choose to speak (and trust me, when Fox speaks it's because she chooses to) it carries a much a greater weight.

Morgan Freeman (in a role clearly intended for Samuel L. Jackson) plays Sloan, leader of "The Fraternity". What can you say about Morgan Freeman? He couldn't turn in a bad performance if he wanted to. He was suitably "Morgan Freeman-y". (Yeah, that's a word now.) The actions scenes ooze cool but the movie needs a very large suspension of disbelief. If you go into this movie wanting to say things like, "That could never happen," you will have no shortage of opportunities. If you can't allow yourself to get caught up in the movie's universe, it will all just seem silly and vapid.

Wanted is a hyper-violent, nihilistic thrill ride that is bound to offend as many as it exhilarates. But it worked for me.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with The Matrix being 10 and Johnny Mnemonic being a 1, Wanted gets a 7.

The Love Guru (2008)

Yuck

[5/10 · 2 July 2008]

Well, um….it's not as bad as it looks. But let's face it, it looks awful.

Myers portrays Guru Pitka, an American-born/Indian-raised new-age spiritualist. He strives to be the next Deepak Chopra. Chopra is his childhood friend and both Chopra and Pitka study under the same guru. In an early scene, Myers plays Pitka as a 12-year old in what has to be the creepiest usage of CGI since John Wayne was posthumously forced to shill for Coors. (But it could have been worse…it could have been Coors Light.) Pitka is hired by the Toronto Maple Leafs' owner Jane Bullard (played by Jessica Alba) to help their lovelorn star player Darren Roanoke (played by Romany Malco) get his game face back so they can win the Stanley Cup. The rest of the movie exists primarily for Myers to riff on New Age platitudes and make dirty jokes.

Myers take on the Eastern-based philosophy is an interesting conundrum. He seems to simultaneously be making fun of it AND have a fondness/belief in it. The movie is a tad schizophrenic in this regard. It can be hard to tell whether Myers thinks this is all rubbish or if he has a deep abiding belief in material of this sort. Seeing as how the real Deepak Chopra makes a cameo in the film, I tend to think it's the latter. But if that's the case, the jokes undermining the philosophy seem out of place. And some of the jokes are actually quite biting. For instance, there is a running gag where Pitka has "profound" statements that spell out acronyms, all of which are quickly followed by a "TM" trademark. Surely Jesus, Allah and/or Buddah never trademarked their beliefs to ensure they profited from the spread of their message. So the implication in the joke is that Pitka (and his ilk) is/are hucksters. But that is certainly not the overriding message of the film. While his character is seeking the fame of an Oprah appearance, with the exception of a brief lapse of judgment in the third act, he seems to have a very real concern for the outcome of the people he helps. And even that "lapse of judgment" consists of him taking a shortcut when helping someone, not him being malicious or underhanded.

I imagine that this must be what it's like for people to watch "Night At The Roxbury" or "The Ladies Man" if they had never seen an episode of "Saturday Night Live". Mike Myers clearly spent a lot of time and effort developing this character. So much so that the jokes often feel like they are referencing things that we're already supposed to be fond of. And while it isn't the fiasco that the trailers make it look like, the best it can seem to muster is to be mildly amusing. The jokes can get so juvenile that when you do laugh, it's almost in spite of yourself. If it's a guilty pleasure, it's more "guilty" than "pleasure".

As for the supporting cast, Jessica Alba has virtually nothing to do in this movie except gaze lovingly at Myers. But, unless she's never seen any of his other films, this couldn't have been a shock. And to add insult to injury, Myers character has taken a vow of chastity so she can barely even achieve the level of "love interest" status. Romany Malco does a fine job but is essentially the straight man. He's there to set-up Myers and, of course, gaze lovingly at him…in a "manly" way of course. Verne Troyer, of Mini-Me fame, plays the Maple Leafs' coach. And, while I'm sure he's happy to have the work, he seems to exist solely for Myers/Pitka to make "midget" jokes. Of course, that's got to be better than another a season of the "Surreal Life"…but not by much. On the upside, at no point in the film does Troyer have to gaze lovingly at Myers.

If there's anything movies like "Superbad" and "Knocked Up" have taught us, it's that a movie can be raunchy and still be smart. This movie has much of the desperate "love me/laugh at me" feel of later era Jerry Lewis films.

It's never a good sign when the biggest laugh in the film comes during the outtakes that roll during the credits. It's even worse when that outtake doesn't even have your star in the shot. This movie is not bad enough to be horrible but it's not good enough to be great (or even good for that matter).

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being "Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery" and 1 being "Cat In The Hat", "The Love Guru" gets a 5.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Way better than Ang Lee's version

[7/10 · 2 July 2008]

Let's start with answering the most pressing question…No, the Hulk doesn't fight roided out poodles in this one.

If you liked Ang Lee's take on the Hulk back in 2003 (ahhhh…you're the one) then you won't be happy with The Incredible Hulk. For the rest of us, you're in for a treat. A reboot of a franchise this new is unprecedented but it was worth the risk. Think of it as a $100 million first draft.

It's rough for Hulk, coming on the heels of Iron Man. Iron Man was the best comic book movie since Spiderman 2 and quite possibly since the first Superman movie. While this movie isn't the roller coaster ride that Iron Man was, it was a solid cringe-free adaptation.

After a breezy retelling of the origin story, the movie opens with Bruce Banner on the run in Brazil. He's being hunted by the government - as governments are wont to do. Banner is in hiding as a day worker at a soda factory.

Ed Norton brings a brooding intensity to Banner but it's far from the star turn that Tony Stark was for Robert Downey, Jr. However, that is more indicative of the character than it is of Norton. Tony Stark is a drunk (on alcohol and power), loopy mess that has fun with his abilities and status both as Stark and Iron Man. Conversely, for all of the Hulk's power, Banner has virtually none. He's hunted, broke and tired. Tony Stark looks for cool robot technology to build cool robot suits. Bruce Banner looks for stretchy pants. It can be hard to compete.

Downey as Tony Stark is like Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow or Harrison Ford as Han Solo – a performance so instantly iconic that you can't imagine any other actor in the role. Norton does a good job but it never quite reaches that level. While some of that falls at the feet of the screenplay, he co-wrote it we so can blame him either way. (In his defense, he is unhappy with the final version of the movie and is refusing to do press in support of the film. There is allegedly a pending DVD release with a whopping 70 minutes of additional footage, so time will tell.) The movie is much more serious than recent comic book outings with the exception of The Batman franchise. Unlike most superheroes, Banner/Hulk is a threat to the public NOT it's savior. This has always been a hurdle for the comic book and it's the main reason the show ended up as a green-tinted version of The Fugitive.

This movie definitely has more of the tone of '70s show but with less cheese and better effects. We get the footage of Banner ripping through his clothes and his eyes turning green as his inner-beast finally wins out. The score, while different, has the same sense of melancholy. And we get the same lingering shots of a lonely Banner walking dejectedly into the distance down an empty road.

The movie is a little slow paced in the first half. I took my 8-year old son and he got a tad restless around the 45 minute mark and he is a very good movie watcher (not to brag or anything). But the second half brings the noise, as it were, and we all get to see what we paid for: The Hulk smashing stuff. The final fight sequence clocks in at close to half-an-hour as The Hulk battles Tim Roth as Abomination for, um, well…I don't really remember what for. Does it matter? It was Hulk vs. Bigger Hulk and there was much smashing and crunching and car throwing and it was good.

Overall, The Incredible Hulk was definitely worth the price of admission. Marvel Studios was smart to reboot the franchise. Judging by the hints they've been dropping and cameos that have been popping up in this movie and Iron Man, they appear to be laying the groundwork for the biggest comic book movie in the history of comic book movies: The Avengers…and I for one, can't wait.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Superman and 1 being Condorman, The Incredible Hulk gets a 7.

WALL·E (2008)

Amazing

[10/10 · 2 July 2008]

I can't imagine how demoralizing it must be to work for Dreamworks animation division. They've made some very popular cartoons but they always seem to missing a little something. No matter how good they might get, they somehow always pale in comparison to Disney/Pixar.

And then they make Kung Fu Panda. As good a movie as they've ever made. It's charming, heartwarming, beautifully animated with a great story and exciting action. They seem to have finally out "Pixar-ed" Pixar.

And then comes WALL-E.

WALL-E opens in the year 2700. Earth has been abandoned due to an out of control consumer culture. Earth can no longer sustain life due to the enormous amounts of refuse that mankind has created. WALL-E units are used to collect, compact and stack the trash. (WALL-E is an acronym for "Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth Class".) However, Earth has been abandoned for so long that all other WALL-E units have broken down…except for our main character.

WALL-E continues collecting, compacting and stacking. Trash stacks are everywhere and reach as high as skyscrapers. It's a futile task that rivals that of Sisyphus. WALL-E's only friend is a cockroach and a VHS copy of Hello Dolly, which he watches repeatedly.

Eventually EVE, a robot probe from the Earthlings in exodus, arrives. WALL-E falls in love with his new robot companion. EVE is also an acronym, but I won't reveal what it stands for as it would be a bit of a spoiler. Upon completing her mission, EVE is retrieved and returned to AXIOM, a floating city-sized (or perhaps even larger) ship where humans have been living for the last 700 years awaiting Earth to regain its life-sustaining ability.

AXIOM is completely run by robots that cater to the humans' every whim. Because of rampant obesity and the deterioration of their bones (due to reduced gravity in space), humans no longer walk, they are transported on a device that looks like a hovercraft and a Rascal Scooter had a baby. All humans exist in their own virtual worlds, enraptured with their personal holographic computer screens that are an ever-present fixture in front of them.

But we aren't meant to have disdain for these people. What could have come off as mean-spirited is actually treated with compassion. They've lived for generations in an environment like this. It's all they know. They would want something different if only they knew that there was something different.

What's amazing about WALL-E is how much could have gone wrong. Here's a short list:

• It takes place on an Earth that's a post-apocalyptic wasteland. • Mankind is lazy, obese and happy that way. • WALL-E's best friend is a cockroach. • WALL-E plays songs from Hello, Dolly throughout the film.

Oh, and this is essentially a silent movie.

Yeah, you read that right. There is maybe 15 (non-consecutive) minutes of dialogue in the whole movie.

But the beauty of it is nothing went wrong. Not. One. Thing. Everything about this movie works. WALL-E is, quite simply, a masterpiece of storytelling.

It is so richly layered and works on so many levels that, even after only one viewing, I feel confident that we will be discovering things in this film for years to come. I can't imagine another studio making this movie. They would have second-guessed it right out of existence.

If it wasn't for the fact that Stanley Kubrick has been dead for close to a decade, I would have thought he had created this film under a pseudonym. There are so many Kubrickian flourishes: from the use of classical music to the meditation on mankind's relation to computer technology and artificial intelligence to the role corporations will play in the advancement of said technology. There are some pretty heady themes explored in this film. But it does all this without ceasing to be a film for children. It's a movie that children won't outgrow but grow into.

This film has depth, but it never forgets to entertain. It's cute, charming and heartwarming. It's briskly paced AND remarkably detailed. And let's not forget, it is genuinely funny. This is not an "eat your vegetables" cinematic experience. This movie works on every conceivable level. Even its closing credits are good.

And, as an added bonus, Pixar continues its tradition of including a cartoon short that precedes the film. Titled Presto, the plot involves an adorable, hungry rabbit and his magician owner doing battle over a carrot in front of an oblivious sold-out crowd. Presto is a crowd pleaser. It manages more laughs in five minutes than most feature length cartoons can muster in ninety.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Aladdin and 1 being Aladdin 2: Return Of Jafar, WALL-E gets a 10.