bachemar Reviews

Flight 7500 (2014)

Unlikable characters, no real scares and a boring, cliched script lead to an uninteresting time

[2/10 · 7 September 2020]

There is only one death that isn't off screen. That death is the first one and wasn't even interesting; it just looked like he had a couple seizures and bit his tongue. It was also a bold idea to make almost every character completely unlikable. A good comeuppance death in a horror movie can be fun, but all the characters here are weak, bland versions of stereotypes, so not even their deaths spark any satisfaction. An airplane pilot who is sleeping with a stewardess? How titillating! A hot goth girl who is into death AND she's sitting next to a rude, self absorbed "karen" whose husband seems interested in her? How novel! To be honest there wasn't a single scene where I felt tension or anything that made me jump. The ending is stupid and parts of it don't make sense. Two stars because some of the actors really try and the special effects/sets are pretty decent. TLDR: This movie sucks

Blood Falls (2018)

Low to no budget movie with no redeeming qualities

[1/10 · 18 September 2019]

Honestly baffled to see the rating on this movie. Figuring it might be people from the cast or something. Low budget movie with bad acting, terrible script and very questionable cinematography...if one can call it that. Awkward and strange close ups of actors that don't make any sense, shaky camera, etc. I only started watching it because of the rating and it's availability on Amazon Prime. I stayed to watch the train wreck.

Somnium (I) (2018)

An insanely terrible movie

[1/10 · 23 January 2019]

Considering the writer and director has the same last name as the two lead actresses, I'm assuming they are probably his daughters and that this is some sort of vanity project. Since the writer/director is some sort of celebrity chef, though I've never heard of him, I wouldn't be surprised if it was self funded and maybe even filmed in his own house. The acting is subpar on every level from every person in this movie, the script is laughable and sounds like it was written by an alien, and to cap it off, it isn't even creepy or scary in any way. I watched it "free" on Amazon Prime and I felt ripped off.

Th'dread Rattlin' (2018)

A movie with a few good ideas that gets bogged down by the director's ego

[1/10 · 22 January 2019]

I saw the movie on Amazon Prime and thought "Sure, why not." After wading through the whole mess I can say, I should have stayed with the "not". The plot itself doesn't sound earth shattering, but does sound like it could provide an interesting little story with the right direction. When I saw that it was a director's "proof of concept" I started getting worried. When I saw that the director was also a main actor /and/ the writer I got more worried. Unsurprisingly he writes himself as a priest who used to be a "soldier and a mercenary" who managed to single handedly kill nine men who tried to rape his wife. We find this out in a completely unnecessary scene where he is praying to God for forgiveness for all the killing he's done. I'm not kidding. That combined with a bunch of confusing scenes that I assume he thought were "artsy" and a plot that seems to be everywhere, makes for an unsatisfying viewing. If the director/actor/writer had actually kept to the synopsis of the film and kept himself and more of his vanity out of it, it probably could have made for an ok indie movie.

Bird Box (2018)

A quite good horror movie

[7/10 · 27 December 2018]

Netflix movies tend to range from terri-bad to ok with a few diamonds in the rough. In my opinion this movie ends up in the latter category. A great cast with very credible acting, a pretty good script with some real tense and heartfelt scenes. Some might wish for a more doom and gloom ending, but I, for one, am happy with it. Definitely worth a look.

Killer Elite (2011)

Ok action movie hampered by unlikeable characters

[5/10 · 26 December 2018]

While the acting is decent, the car chases are plentiful and the blood is acceptable, this movie is hampered by having no heroes. Of course, action movies I suppose don't require any, but when you basically have no motivation to really root for anyone it makes the movie rather lackluster. Perhaps others found someone to root for, but I was waiting and hoping for them all to go down. There are better action movies out there.

Errementari (2017)

Utterly baffled why this movie is only rated a 6.4

[8/10 · 3 December 2018]

I don't know if the dubbed version just sucks or what. While not any kind of "purist" I watched this movie subbed. I'm sure some of the folklore bits sailed over my American head, but this movie is absolutely amazing. The acting, superb. For what isn't a blockbuster movie, the special effects are quite good. The whole feel of the world has a fantastic dark fairytale reality. If you're looking for a slasher movie, this isn't it. But it's a charming fascinating and beautiful retelling of an old folktale sprinkled with some comedic bits. Seeing it on Netflix I actually thought it was going to be a piece of schlocky European horror. Boy was I wrong.

They're Watching (2016)

A quite good horror movie that falls in the last 15 minutes

[7/10 · 3 December 2018]

What a shame. I shrugged when I saw the rating on here and figured I'd be in for a pretty terrible movie. However, up until the last 15 minutes or so I thought this was a really fun and entertaining movie. The acting is good, the script is decent and I was enjoying the movie quite a bit. Unfortunately at the end the filmmakers decide to pull out all the stops and throw in quite a lot of cgi/special effects that, due to the budget, are quite terrible. It turns a quite enjoyable movie into a bunch of schlock. . The actual ending itself isn't necessarily bad either, it's just the effects that will make you cringe. 7 rating for the whole film. 2 rating for the cgi.

Babes with Blades (2018)

A dull no budget action movie

[2/10 · 19 November 2018]

The title "Babes with Blades" is obviously movie "clickbait", but I hoped for at least some fun, but cheesy action scenes and some strong, beautiful women wielding swords. There were women, though I'd only count one of them as beautiful (The striking Yennis Cheung). And only one or two more as attractive. The lead actress, Cecily Fay, had a few good moves, but nothing particularly interesting. The fact that she is apparently a fight coordinator and stunt actor is pretty surprising considering how uninspired and dull the fight scenes are. The script was worse than I expected, but again not surprising once I realized that the Fay wrote it as well as directed. All in all it seems like a vanity project that she somehow managed to rope other people into with promises of beer money I assume. Only giving it a "2" because the absolutely outrageous overacting of the character "Sef" had me rolling. Even watching it "free" on Amazon Prime I felt robbed. Do yourself a favor and stay far away.

Death Race 4: Beyond Anarchy (2018 Video)

An absolutely terrible movie and a lot of fun

[7/10 · 20 October 2018]

Plot holes? Sure! Pointless nudity? Heck yeah! Ridiculous explosions? You betcha! Acting that ranges from decent to terri-bad? Yep! I mean, going into it you have to expect, well...all these things. But it actually ends up being a pretty fun ride. And a bonus surprise credit song from one of my favorite bands, Highly Suspect, thrown in.

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

A decent enough scifi movie weighed down by trying to link it to the Cloverfield mythos

[6/10 · 19 October 2018]

I found this film to be pretty enjoyable unlike a lot of reviewers. However, like many viewers the attempts to link it to the original Cloverfield felt very tacked on and out of place. I feel it would have been a better movie if they had not tried to link the stories. And the way in which they connected them cheapened both the original and this movie. Besides that it had good acting and a decent script. Some gross out scenes and pretty good cgi. So if you go into it and just try to ignore the Cloverfield bits it holds up pretty well.

Interior (2014)

An ok amateur effort, but nothing special

[4/10 · 12 August 2018]

For a low budget new director feature, this movie has some decent spooky moments. The acting is ok, but the script certainly has some "horror movie stupidity" on the part of the characters. The most perplexing part of the film Is the main character being relatively flippant at the fact that he's locked in a house with real paranormal activity until about twenty minutes before the end of the movie. And after the real scares start there is a part where Sam snaps from being terrified to acting like a disappointed teacher and simply stands in the room scolding the ghosts in an annoyed tone of voice. It really pulls you out of the terror the movie is trying to create and is a glaring error on the part of the director. All in all, it's an ok choice if you get it off Amazon Prime or find it on Netflix and have a boring rainy afternoon, but other than that I wouldn't bother. Though I'd like to see what this director can grow into five or ten years from now.

Unhinged (II) (2017)

A disappointing effort

[3/10 · 11 August 2018]

Having not seen the original to this remake, I can't remark on it's merits in that direction. However on it's own, it falls quite flat. The protagonists are "classically" horror movie stupid to a quite appalling and intensely frustrating degree and the dialogue wasn't much better. I mean, what bride waits until several days before the wedding to decide on and tell the girl who she wants to be her maid of honor? And at one point, after the you know what hits the fan, one character literally is in the clear and has the chance to call the police, but instead decides to listen to a voicemail. The conceit that they are stranded with no contact to the outside world is certainly not helped by that scene.The acting itself is decent and though the actresses do try valiantly, none of them are able to keep up a reliable American (USA) accent. The gore, the little there is, is decent. Perhaps with a better script (that didn't rely so heavily on the characters being profoundly stupid) this movie could have been a pretty good low budget horror movie, but as is I suggest taking a pass.

The Doll (V) (2017)

When the credits prominently show off that the director has a PhD you know it's going to be a terrible movie

[2/10 · 10 August 2018]

A "horror" movie with almost no scares and actors that can barely even make their enjoyment at making out with attractive women believable. Watched it for "free" with a relative's Amazon Prime and still felt ripped off. At least most low budget horror movies try to make up for it by throwing a couple buckets of blood around, but there is not a ton gore in this movie. And what there is is not terribly well done. The titular "doll" spends most of the movie creepily staring, creepily rocking in a rocking chair or creepily and gently bonking her head against walls, windows, etc. Not exactly what nightmares are made of. At least the various actors/characters are so annoying and unlikeable that you are glad when they're killed off. The plot, of course, is thinner than tissue paper and with no redeeming factors to elevate it in any way. 2 rating for the audacity of the director to actually get people to cough up money to make this turkey. Please don't waste your time.

(And yeah....the director doesn't even go the distance to make the pentagrams correctly)

The Collection (II) (2012)

Routine gore/torture movie with nothing special to recommend it

[3/10 · 28 January 2018]

When in the first 15 minutes of a horror movie you are expected to suspend your disbelief to a herculean degree, it doesn't bode well for the rest of it. Sure there is good gore but there's been better and the rest of the ridiculousness and tired boring clichés made me roll my eyes. If you have a lazy Sunday afternoon and you've watched all the good horror movies out there and already have a Netflix subscription, then go for it. Otherwise, there are better things (and better movies) to use your time on.

The Mist (2017)

Disappointing "retelling" of a King tale

[5/10 · 27 January 2018]

The outraged people in these reviews complaining about SJW propaganda are pretty hilarious. All that ridiculousness aside, this tv show is rather lacking. It's a very loose adaptation of the source material and very quickly into the series you'll be rooting for the mist and it's denizens rather than the inhabitants of the quaint town. There is /some/ decent acting, but there is only so much you can do with an uninspired, dull script filled with clichés.

Stitches (I) (2012)

A surprisingly good, gory romp

[6/10 · 19 August 2017]

I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. Plenty of dark humor, groan worthy one liners and over the top gore made this a fun little film. Ross Noble, the actor playing the clown, makes a deliciously good villain. The young actors are surprisingly good and it is easy to find yourself rooting for them. Well, some of them. Some of them you can't wait to see what interesting way Stitches will dispatch them.

The Loft (2014)

Maddening and disappointing

[4/10 · 16 August 2017]

The worst part of this movie is the conceit that we should feel any empathy for despicable human beings that have no redeeming qualities. The fact that several of the characters actually end up getting happy endings and reconciliations made me want to tear my hair out. I didn't feel one iota of sympathy for any of them. While there were a few interesting twists and turns, it didn't make up for a clunky script that felt as fake as the attempts to make ANY of the main characters into some kind of heroes.

The Houses October Built (2014)

An OK effort, but falls flat

[4/10 · 18 July 2017]

While this movie has some little scares here and there, it ultimately falls flat. The premise is a bit fresh for the found footage genre: Four friends on a road trip to find the best "extreme" haunt, but inadvertently bring the haunt to themselves. The acting is decent, the movie looks pretty good but sadly those are the only pluses. The scenes at the various haunted houses were the most interesting part of this movie to me, as the absolute idiocy of the characters stretched my suspension of disbelief. **SPOILERS** For example, after being accosted by various haunted house workers MULTIPLE TIMES while parking their RV in the middle nowhere over the course of the movie, the characters CONTINUE to park their RV in the middle of nowhere in woods or a field rather than finding a campsite, a WalMart or anywhere else that would be safer. Especially makes no sense since at least the first few stops on their haunted house tour are planned, so why wouldn't they also plan to stop the RV somewhere convenient? They also seem to think being stalked doesn't need a call to the police or, I don't know...STOPPING THEIR TRIP?! The female character even almost gets raped by some haunted house workers, and two seconds later is chomping on snacks in the RV, happily going onto the "extreme haunt" without a care. This makes their screams and panicking with each "scary" encounter ultimately meaningless, because it doesn't ever seem to be enough for even one of them to suggest that keeping going might be dangerous. By the middle of the movie I found myself murmuring to myself "They are so stupid they deserve to get killed." Ultimately even the end of the movie was kind of 'eh' as there was absolutely no gore or anything gross to make the hour and twenty minutes you already watched really worth it. If you are really bored on a rainy Sunday and want to yell at idiot twenty somethings this movie is for you, otherwise skip it.

The Third Man (1949)

Darkly Funny

[10/10 · 24 July 2006]

I just finished watching this movie on TCM and what can I say...I loved it! Very funny, though dark and Harry Lime deserved everything he got! Very well acted and amazing cinematography led to a very enjoyable experience. The plot, in my opinion, was simple but well written. The twists and turns were easy to follow, but not at all dull. Although it did help to know German when the "native Austrians" were talking, but English speakers don't stay away. The only thing I didn't like was how the female lead turned out, I couldn't believe her reactions in the end. Still, it is worth a look! Both my dad (64) and I (22) both got a lot of laughs out of this one.

Numb3rs (2005–2010)

Fun show...and a rebuttal to those who claim it isn't at all credible

[8/10 · 10 June 2006]

I really recommend this show to everyone. It has a good pace, the characters are likable and have a good chemistry together. I'd have to say I'm not a huge fan of Diane Farr, but she doesn't ruin the viewing experience for me. I will also admit that Charlie's hair is a great motivator for watching this TV series, I can't help it, I'm besotted with David Krumholtz these days. Not to say that that is the only reason I watch the show! Give me the cutest guys and if the show stinks, I won't watch it. I do recommend watching one or two episodes to make up your own mind about it. It is definitely worth a look. And to those who think the show isn't at all credible with the math, click on the link at the end of this review. Especially those who thought the pilot episode math was silly, it is the same equation used in an ACTUAL case that the writers for the show pretty much mirrored. In that case the criminal had moved too. The sprinkler idea isn't actually "stupid"; it works. So please, look around and find out the truth before you assume something is wrong. Truth can sometimes be stranger than fiction! http://www.maa.org/devlin/devlin_02_05.html

The Pink Panther (2006)

Pleasantly surprised

[7/10 · 14 February 2006]

While obviously nothing can hold a candle to Peter Sellers and the original Pink Panther, I was pleasantly surprised with this new installment. I went in being very skeptical, but I laughed through most of the movie, and left satisfied by the experience. Beyonce really should stick to singing, so it was good that her speaking role wasn't very big; honestly a different person for her role would have made the movie better. At the movie theater or renting it later, it is definitely worth a look. Plenty of slap-stick, and Martin's accent is more over the top than Sellers, which made some of the situations very funny. And yes, his pronunciation of "hamburger" features quite prominently in it.