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mrsatyre
Reviews
Fallout (2024)
Hard to believe...
...a Nolan was responsible for this disjointed mess.
The characters are unbelievable, unlikable, and uninteresting almost entirely due to the storytelling jumping around so much and leaving out enormous chunks of their lives. Why, with eight hours or so of time, afe so many characters so underdeveloped? Why is so much of the so-called Wasteland in relatively good upkeep after so many years exposed to the elements and no one to maintain any of it?
Many sequences are painfully long, and do nothing to enhance the story. Many sequences are introduced and over so quickly one wonders why they even bothered.
It's painful to watch.
Road House (2024)
Unbelievable
Did anyone actually ask that this be made?
Jake Gyllenhaal was perfect in Donnie Darko because he looks stoned out of his mind and his character was badly sleep-deprived. Again: perfect in Donnie Darko. But he looks stoned all the time! That's not an attractive look. Patrick Swayze, on the other hand, always looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The dialog is astoundingly bad. Characters jump tracks for no discernable reason, ex. Going from irrational anger to cutesy and coy. Dalton is no longer reserved and clever, he's been de-evolved into someone who talks way too much, like the villain in every bad movie who feels obliged to give speeches instead of just getting the job done.
I could go on, but I've reached the minimum number of words, and since the minimum effort was put into this mess, that's all it deserves.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022)
What's wrong with this picture?
It's amazing that in this day and age of compelling pilot episodes and first seasons, a prequel (which is the epitome of laziness on the part of the studio and producers) can be so poorly conceived and executed.
It seems anyone can generate gorgeous sets and CG effects, but little thought has gone into basics (screens in all parts of the ship that are angled down and away from the users ??? Bridge main view screen that wraps around but not up or down, thereby tremendously restricting tactical views??? To say nothing of the complete lack of padding anywhere in corridors or the bridge or...well, anywhere...in a ship that everyone must know is going to be tossing its crew around like ping-pong balls???).
Nurse Chapel's character doesn't make any sense right out of the gate. She's not an MD, but she's monkeying around with people's genomes. And how does she know the code for an alien belligerent loose on a Starfleet ship?
L-al (or however it's spelled) is infinitely more annoying than entertaining. "Look how bad ass I can be because I had a terrible childhood! I need to punish myself and everyone around me with my crappy attitude and sullen bravado. Yay, me!" She's a loose cannon. A real commanding officer would immediately tell her to shape up or transfer her off his ship. But instead, slap-happy Pike, an otherwise likeable fella who would make a fine warehouse or logistics CO, but makes a dangerously casual ship's captain, just nods and smiles away any of her abuse.
Where's the discipline? It's rampant, lacking at all quarters. Backtalk to senior crewmembers is the rule. Everyone has feelings everyone else feels obliged to 'splain away instead of being told to shut up and do their job or else. "It's the future, they're more evolved" trope simply holds no water. TNG, centuries later, even at its worst, had the sense to know what was acceptable military behavior and what wasn't. Strange New Worlds throws discipline out the airlock and substitutes cuddles and commiserations.
Lt. Uhura's character makes no sense either. She a genuis cadet who ends up spending her entire career opening hailing frequencies?
And where's the genuine astonishment, respect and endless questions when alien species are encountered for the first time? Is everyone in Starfleet so jaded that new species are a snorefest? So far, no one has once said "Holy cow! Where did you come from? What's your story? And how the heck did you manage to do that? Let's grab lunch and get to know each other." Is the premise really "to seek out new life and new civilizations and then yawn and part company as quickly as possible as if we're at a company party no one wanted to attend in the first place"?
This show can only get better because it has nowhere else to go but up.
Fired on Mars (2023)
Must avoid
Someone at HBO must have been blackmailed by someone else to greenlight this show. It's excruciatingly bland, with nothing at all about the characters to make you care one way or the other. Even the antagonists are as boring and clichéd as the protagonist...and the protagonist barely rates that title. Half way through the first episode, I was distracted and stopped watching. It was so forgettable, I only remembered I hadn't finished watching a week later when I saw the icon for the series when I reopened the HBO app. It was then an epic battle royale to keep my eyes open during the rest of episode 1, and episodes 2 and 3 were of such enormous emptiness, I had to delete it from my continue-watching list. Jokes fall flat, art is flat, Mars is flat.
Kill Chain (2019)
Kill me now
Excruciatingly horrible. Couldn't get past the first half hour of mind-numbing boredom. Who greenlit this and why? Guaranteed failure as a tax write-off? Owed someone a favor? Seriously, why? Excruciatingly horrible. Couldn't get past the first half hour of mind-numbing boredom. Who greenlit this and why? Guaranteed failure as a tax write-off? Owed someone a favor? Seriously, why? Excruciatingly horrible. Couldn't get past the first half hour of mind-numbing boredom. Who greenlit this and why? Guaranteed failure as a tax write-off? Owed someone a favor? Seriously, why? Excruciatingly horrible. Couldn't get past the first half hour of mind-numbing boredom. Who greenlit this and why? Guaranteed failure as a tax write-off? Owed someone a favor? Seriously, why?
The Orville (2017)
Season 3 goes down the drain
All the humor is gone, replaced by sanctimonious woke virtue-signalling. It now celebrates mental illness and promotes child transgenderism through thinly disguised alien cultural plot lines. This is socialist grooming at its worst. And I do mean socialist as the show creators have openly written in anti-free market dialog, and sneered at societies that value children instead of aborting them.
To add insult to injury, the show has lost all sense of reality with even the most basic military strategies and protocols. It's lost what little credibility it ever had. A dramedy that tried---and failed miserably---to become a drama.
The Brokenwood Mysteries (2014)
Ho hum
There's a Brit detective series called Misommer Murders (or as I like to call it Misommer Slumbers due to it's incredibly bland writing and total lack of suspense). Brokenwood seems suspiciously influenced by Midsommer as it not only shares some common plots, but is also equally...lifeless. The characters are dull, cardboard cutouts with no dimensionality or hooks to inspire you to care about any of them. More baffling and annoying is the overriding country-western music soundtrack. It seems to serve no purpose except as a sloppy attempt to add at least one aspect to the main character that could be---but isn't---interesting. And it isn't interesting because it's not only completely out of place, but isn't served up with any additional background to connect it to the main character other than that he likes it and no one else does. Is that supposed to be funny? It wasn't when it was introduced at the beginning of the pilot episode and continues to fall flat ever after.
And the main character talking to the deceased: is that also supposed to be funny or a deeper look into his soul? Again, falls flat because it isn't used to tell us anything about the victims or assist in solving the crime.
Killer Elite (2011)
Guaranteed to put you in a coma
Unbelievably drawn out and horrifyingly boring. Like they literally forgot to edit out all the unnecessary scenes that added nothing to the story. Cast and crew must have all been asking themselves and each other "Tell me again why we're shooting this scene?"
Endeavour (2012)
Final Season Review
I'm very sorry to say that this final season was a terrible let down. Only three episodes, and each one incredibly weak in writing and execution. The last one in particular wasn't itself a particularly bad episode (although still very weak compared to any from prior seasons), but it ended in such a casual manner it was as if every season leading up to this one were all shrugged off as though they were of no consequence. Each of the characters were treated in a very cavalier fashion.
The Sandman (2022)
Another misstep for Netflix
Sandman is a VERY tricky subject to bring to the screen. And this series really exposes some very flawed writing and directing. When you need to have endless narration/exposition to explain characters and plots to the audience, that should be a clear and loud sign that if you believe you need to spoonfeed viewers, it's probably a good idea to leave it alone.
Capitani (2019)
Initial reaction
Only one episode in, but already seems to be very disconnected. The very beginning of the first episode finds Capitani overlooking from a distance a construction site where a body has been found, but instead of investigating, he turns around and goes for a drive. No sooner does he reach his destination, when he's requested by his boss to go to a scene where a body has been found. He agrees and goes for another drive, this time to a completely different crime scene. No further mention of the first body at the construction site is made.
Capitani immediate jumps to conclusions that the dead girl at the second scene has committed suicide simply because pills he doesn't even bother to try to identify are found on her. He brusquely dismisses suggestions from a local cop who actually knew the dead girl that it's unlikely she committed suicide. No careful examination of the area where the dead girl was found seems to be made.
Perhaps this is a European thing, but Capitani makes absolutely zero effort to broach his questions regarding the dead girl with the parents; just bulls right in. No sensitivity whatsoever. Not even a "sorry for your loss", or "I know how difficult this must be for you, but..."
Lastly, at episode 1 close, we see a dead guy hanging from a rafter. While we can guess, it's really impossible to tell who it is. So why show him? It would be much more dramatic if we would respond "Oh, it's HIM!"
Resident Evil (2022)
Substandard
In spite of excellent production values, it's bogged down in too much backstory, too much music, too much woke virtue-signalling, too many smug, self-righteous heroes...one cliche after another.
Night Sky (2022)
Mildly interesting
But that's it. Seriously, are the main characters simple? As in: stupid? Who, under those conditions (pick one), would behave like that? No one. Just another example of Hollyweird writers being completely disconnected from reality.
Spriggan (2022)
The epitome of meh
Just like the movie which preceded it, this series leaves one wondering why anyone bothered. It's full of anime stereotypes and plots that came and went 20+ years ago (and they haven't improved with age). The Akira-heavy influence is still strong, but lacks a distinct gravitas of its own to pull it off. Cheesy dialog and silly action sequences are the nails in the coffin of mediocrity.
Travel Man: 48 Hours in... (2015)
Utterly pointless
I think he's a very funny guy, but none of these episodes really say or do anything that couldn't be said or done anywhere. There's zero connection to the places he goes or the people he meets, and his guests that tag along don't contribute anything to the humor or the travel experiences. He might as well have just stayed home.
Khartoum (1966)
Very lacking
This movie attempts to capitalize on the Lawrence of Arabia phenomenon, but fails spectacularly in several regards. Firstly, Gordon lived much earlier than Lawrence, and was much less in the memory of theater goers in the mid 1960s. The the film does not adequately provide background on his accomplishments in China prior to, or his connection subsequently to Khartoum, to say nothing regarding Gordon as a military or spiritual man. Or any of the other major characters for that matter. Everyone is a cardboard cutout.
Next, there are many scenes that use studio sets and green screens instead of locations and natural lighting. These look glaringly obvious and out of place.
Lastly, the music is pretentious as it is inappropriately saccharine, entirely out of keeping with the mood of many of the scenes. There's also too much music when silence would have served far greater emotional impact.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Yikes!
Who asked for this? Who thought a sad, gloomy, self-pitying, timid Obi-wan was something people were clamoring to watch? Oh, I know the world is overflowing with fans who will watch, read, eat, sleep-in, wear and drink anything Star Wars-related, but this just shameless pandering.
And the actress who plays mini Leia? I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at. She seems unreasonably short for the voice that's coming out of her. Was she overdubbed by an adult? It's so overly modulated and deep it's creepy.
The rest of the cast, excepting maybe whoever it is that plays good ol' Uncle Owen, are just as two-dimensional cardboard cutouts as everyone was in the prequels, and the dialog is banal to the extreme.
At least the production values are exceptional.
Great show to watch with the volume turned all the way down.
The Marksman (2021)
Same old, same ol'.
How lazy can they be in Hollywood? Same tropes regurgitated over and over and over and over.
And, for a guy who's so eager to see us all stripped of our Constitutional rights to keep and bear arms to defend ourselves, he sure loves making movies where he uses guns to defend himself!
The Batman (2022)
Much, much better than anticipated
Really enjoyed all of the character interpretations, especially not turning the villains into parodies in spandex. The plot was decent, and contained enough hooks and twists to keep me involved throughout the three hour runtime. There was none of the usual dependency of past Batman franchises on flashy gadget gimmickry to distract from weak writing, either. Pattinson is now my favorite Batman and Bruce Wayne, and I'm by no means a Pattinson fanboi.
Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness (2021)
Why?
Did they intentionally write this storyline with completely nonsensical scenarios such as incredibly noisy nuclear attack subs, Chinese nationals as US Army service members, and satanic rats spawning inside people *after* they die from a biological weapons attack?
And guys, the low self-esteem inspired trope about an evil America responsible for biological weapons attacks is a nice piece of CCP agitprop clearly designed to shift attention away from Covid 19.
Avenue 5 (2020)
Beyond terrible
Every 60 seconds was more painful than the excruciating minute before that one, and that one was even worse than the 60th of an hour prior to that one.
All I wanted was for it to stop.
A phenomenal waste of talented actors, set and costume designers, gaffers, cinematographers, and Foley artists. But exactly what was expected from phenomenally talentless writers and equally clueless producers who greenlighted this mess.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
Motion sick
What is wrong with people??? This may have been a perfectly good SF movie, but it was unwatchable from the word Go, thanks entirely to shaky cam work. Decades of steady cam benefits have been casually thrown out for something that literally makes me schedule a visit to a neurologist because someone thought it would be avante garde to make me think I suddenly had tremors. Tip to director: people's eyes and brains don't wobble around like that in real life. Not unless you're in an earthquake.
Don't believe me? Watch the trailer.
No thanks.
Professor T. (2015)
Unwatchable
Got motion sick trying to watch this show while the camera was constantly bobbing and weaving like a drunk boxer.
Choice of background music was frequently weirdly inappropriate.
Also, shortest class ever at the beginning of S1 Ep.1???
Professor T is a Flemmish version of Monk, only not as endearing.
Titans (2018)
Painful
Let's start with the obvious: could they have tried any harder to go Matilda (Natalie Portman) with the little girl at the beginning? Could Dick Grayson have been anymore of a cardboard cutout of a detective? The entire opening scene is about five minutes too long. It's all so typical DC as seen through the distorted lens of WB it's no fun at all. Just endlessly irritating, like a rock in your shoe, or a papercut.
The Walking Dead (2010)
Impressive.
How do they make The Walking (Brain) Dead worse with every passing episode? How? Whether it's one moronic "leadership" decision after another (do Maggie, Daryl, etc. never learn ANYTHING? and do their followers have a death wish?), or more endless expositions so the characters can share their feelings, or terrible acting from new cast members, or spectacularly poor directing, you'd think they can't possibly up the stupid, but they do. They always do.
And that's impressive.