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Reviews
Blades of Glory (2007)
Flash Ahhhh Ahhh!
With out a doubt the most ridiculously funny cinematic spectacle I have seen in a theater. Heder and Ferrell excel at devoting wholly to the most moronic roles they can sink their meaty overbearing teeth into, specifically Heder on that one. From the costumes, to the skating, they handled the figure skating portions as if they were big fans. Great use of camera work, wire play and visual effects made the skating sequences breathtaking and gloriously over the top as well. As for the humor and dialog it is razor sharp and as silly as you can get. Here's an example:
(Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy walk into the Coach's home, he asks them to remove their shoes, so as not to damage the Berber carpeting.)
Chazz: Who's gonna be stepping in baby food?
Jimmy: It's Berber you idiot, it's carpeting.
Chazz: What are you some kind of carpet expert?
Jimmy: Yeah, maybe I am.
Chazz: Yeah, well Im the carpet master!
You will laugh, you will pee, you will be thrilled and you will roll down the aisles begging, pleading, dying for more.
It's an awesome display of cinematic comedy and if you don't think so I'll get inside your face and kick your ice!
So Notorious (2006)
So delicious!!!!
This is the greatest scripted, live action comedy to hit TV in years. The timing, the stories, the delivery and yes the TORI are all spot on and perfect. Special mention should go to the genuine report Anthony Quinto (Sassan) and Tori have together... it's so realistic it's scary. This show should be viewed and praised by the masses. Loni Anderson has never been involved with a better project. This show is relentlessly hysterical. Tori Spelling is a goddess and a brilliant actress and this is all stuff I never thought would escape my lips. Swithc it to VH1 every Sunday and get your long hot doses of Ms.Spelling and the gang poking fun at everyone and everything to go through Hollywood. -Tori turn down your nipples so I can hear you!- Love SO NOTORIOUS!!!!!
Breakfast on Pluto (2005)
The First Truly Great Film I Have Seen In ages....
A masterpiece. I have not seen many of Jordan's other works, but I intend to give his career a thorough examining after seeing Breakfast on Pluto. I also now have an immense respect for Cillian Murphy. To go from 28 Days Later and Red Eye to the layered, mesmerizing performance of Pluto is astounding. The story of using fantasy to escape the harshness of reality is so appealing, one would think this movie could be accepted by the masses. Dreamy visuals, multi layered and realistic characters mixed with stark visceral violence and political mechanisms create an emotionally jarring experience unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I intend to go to the film again and perhaps again. And I urge everyone to go and see this film and support it. Instantly in my top ten all time favorite movies. Bravo Mr. Jordan and Bravo Mr. Murphy.
Wolfen (1981)
There is no defense...
"They can hear a cloud pass overhead, the rhythm of your blood. They can track you by yesterday's shadow. And they can tear the scream from your throat. There is no defense." I love it when you can tell a movie is gonna be great just from it's tagline. Wolfen is one of the most thoroughly underrated films of the 80's if not film history. From moment one with it's dreamy, monochromatic, animalistic tracking shots Wolfen sets itself up as a different kind of werewolf film. With Wolfen you get three movies in one a Dirty Harry-esquire cop investigation movie with Albert Finney and Gregory Harrison turning in fine performances as the ones investigating. A graphically intense horror film, with a menacingly sadistic, creepily cool performance from Edward James Olmos and of course the barely there "Wolfen" creatures. Lastly you get a statement on environmental issues and the hierarchy of society. Tom Noonan in his pre-Manhunter existence gives the movie a touch of class as an animal lover who wants to study the "Wolfen." If you're expecting a comedic werewolf movie such as "The Howling" or "An American Werewolf in London" this film isn't for you. But if you want a great suspense mystery, with dazzling visuals and one of the greatest endings in history check Wolfen out.
Tenebre (1982)
Argento's best conventional film...
Dario Argento is not known for making movies that make sense. His most famous film Suspiria is a prime example of this. However Tenebre utilizes his famous visual skills to the max, while providing a twisty, suspenseful, scary plot. I won't reveal too much about the plot, except that it's Argento's most solid plot, steering clear from the supernatural. The death scenes in this film are of course the stars of the show, the five towards the end are among the most gruesome in cinematic history. What makes the death scenes all the more horrific is that they are sprung on you unlike any other film, you don't see them coming at all. And they are executed in the most stylish manner, making them seem surreal and nightmarish. If you want the crap scared out of you watch this movie, sound all the way up, lights out, all by yourself.
Dressed to Kill (1980)
How's about some sexual assistance?
I have seen many a hot movie in my day, the better known ones Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, Body Heat etc... And of course the casual viewing of the soft core flicks that air on Cinemax, but Dressed to Kill is the absolute hottest film of all time. Let's start with the opening sequence, which also sets us up for the next 35 minutes of the movie. Angie Dickinsen, who at the time was 51!, is very into the shower she's taking. She looks at her husband through the steamy glass, screaming "Take me now!" with her eyes. The jerk however is too interested in shaving to notice the wantings of his very sexy wife. Angie then slips into a fantasy, a muscle man appears through the fog behind her, places his hand over her mouth and lifts her off the ground. He then proceeds to make love to her from behind, in one of the most explicit sex scenes ever to grace a "real" movie. It then cuts to a rather humorous scene where Angie receives a "wham bang special" from her husband, which she fakes her way through with an ease of years of practice. (Listen to the radio during that scene, the traffic report playing is very funny.) We are then introduced to two of the other key characters in the film, Angie's genius son played exquisitely by Keith Gordon and Angie's psychiatrist played to perfection by Michael Caine. Angie is seeing Mike because she's having troubles in her marriage, but we know that. Angie then goes to an art museum to meet someone for lunch, instead, she meets a man, whom she wants to bed, but isn't sure of herself. This museum scene is famous, it utilizes tracking shots and expressions and music to explain everything to you. There is no dialogue in this scene, it is brilliant. Anyways Angie ends up pursuing her man to no prevail, she leaves the museum and there he is waiting for her in a cab. (Look closely and you can see the killer outside the museum.) Angie and the man do it in the cab, then go to his apartment, where they apparently make love all day. Now the movie gets interesting, Angie gets dressed and ready to leave in her all white get up (wink, wink.) After she writes a note to her afternoon love telling him how much she loved it she finds out he has an STD, but thats the least of her problems. Angie goes into the elevator and starts down, realizing she left her wedding ring however, she heads back up. Once the door opens, the terror begins, Angie is hacked up by a big blonde woman while the elevator descends to an unsuspecting Nancy Allen (in her best role ever as a charismatic hooker). The elevator opens, Nancy sees Angie dying, then catches a glimpse of the killer in a mirror. The rest of the film is a stylish stalker, investigation story centering on Nancy and Keith trying to find out who the killer is and not get killed in the process. I wont say who the killer is, because that would be rude. I will however say this is Brian De Palma at his best, the film is over the top visually, scary, funny and sexy. Watch it again, again and again.
Just Before Dawn (1981)
These hills have more than eyes...
Just Before Dawn is a gem of a slasher flick, unfortunately not too many of you guys can see it because it was released in the wake of Friday the 13th and considered one of it's rip-offs. The only version I've seen of JBD is on Paragon VHS, supposedly it is available on a compilation DVD, but I've never seen it. Anyways I digress... More like the Hills Have Eyes than Friday the 13th, this film stands on its own due to it's atmospheric look and style and it's commitment to building it's characters. The film is effectively creepy throughout, never wholly revealing the killer to you, instead masking the killer or killers, through shadows and camera work. The film score is quite haunting and unlike other slasher films it doesn't spike up every time someone moves, it just builds along with the suspense and flows with the story. The film was recently re-made, loosely, as Wrong Turn. If you can find Just Before Dawn I highly recommend watching it, with the lights out.